Author's Note: hey guys! Here on time with another chapter. Hope you guys love it. It is not certain yet but I believe this is going to be a two part series. I'll update you guys about it as we go.

Hope you enjoy this chapter, forgive the grammatical errors. Thanks for reading.

Chapter Four

He wasn't letting this go. I could see that and I just wanted to forget it, to move on about this problem. I didn't want another confrontation, another argument. I was too tired and that made me feel like I wouldn't be able to control myself. Most of our fights went out of control mostly when I couldn't control myself.

When P'Arthit was angry he had a tendency to react in two ways: one, ignore me and give me the silent treatment, two, yell at me and on occasion be a little violent. Not hit me, no, but he threw things and slammed things about.

I didn't want the silent treatment, I couldn't deal with that and if he started yelling I think I would yell back too so I said, "Can we not?"

He frowned. "Maybe pause and do it some other time."

"I don't even understand why you did this, it's not like you. Why are being like this?"
I held back the desire to lash out. Why did he think I was like this? The pressure was becoming too much for me and even I can get tired too. When was P'Arthit going to see finally how much toll this was taking on us and especially on me? I was going against myself and what I believed in for him.

"Why don't you take a moment to think about that with your own brain," I dragged my arm from his hand and got off the bed. I wasn't doing this but I felt from the deep breath behind me that it had already started whether I wanted it or not.

"Kongpob," he used that tone on me again. I closed my eyes and fought for control.

"Think about it, P'Arthit, what could I have told my parents that wasn't a lie?"

He said nothing and I turned to meet his eyes. He was angry but I hoped that he understood. "I couldn't very well tell them the truth, because that would be bad right, you don't want them to know what we are so I couldn't tell them anything. I hated that after hearing their trusting laughter I had to make up some lie to explain why I had to come be with you."

"Then you shouldn't have come," he said it so simply I couldn't take it. I rounded on him, "why? Are you regretting it now? What we did last night, am I the only one who wanted it Arthit?!"

He lowered his eyes guiltily. "You are right, it was my fault. I shouldn't have called you."
"Is that all you hear when I talk about this, that I want you to find more ways to keep this secret?"

"Kong, please—"
"no way, look, I'm tired. I can't do this anymore!"

The silence that fell around us was almost stiffening. I grabbed P'Arthit's arms and pulled him to me. "Let's tell everyone, P'Arthit, let's come out. I promise you that the world won't explode from it, there are many people coming out in Thai, it's not a big deal anymore"

His eyes had shut down on me though and he ripped his hands away from me and glared, "I'm not doing that, and if you are tired you can just go!"

He turned and was going to leave me which sent terror through me. I reacted by grabbing onto him and forcefully wrapped my arms around his waist to make sure he wouldn't leave me. I couldn't bear the thought of breaking up with P'Arthit and when I think about the last time when he tried to leave me, when we fought each other like we were enemies, my vision turned black and I couldn't take it.

"No P'Arthit! " I pressed my face to his neck. He was struggling to free himself but I wouldn't let him go. Damn it why was it so easy for him to walk away from me, from this?

"Let go, "he snapped at me, pulled his face away and was glaring at somewhere above my head.

"I'm sorry, "I said, "I'm sorry okay. I was just being an idiot. I'm sorry; don't leave me again, please." I would not let him go, no matter what. Internally I took back what I said. I was not tired, I can keep this secret, I can live with this secret. I can lie as much as he wants. I will do anything to keep this person closed to me.

He stopped struggling and stayed in my arms. I felt him take a deep breath and I looked at him to see that he was covering his face. Was he crying?

"I'm sorry," I said with deep sincerity. I didn't realize that in truth P'Arthit also didn't want to keep this secret, that it was hard for him too.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to his neck and kissed him there. He was sweating a little and I could taste the salt from his skin and it just spurred me on. I needed to feel connected to him, I needed to touch him. The ache had to be satisfied or I would lose it. I needed to know that he was mine and always will be no matter what.

I continued to kiss him, my open mouth closing over his skin. I felt him trembling under my ministrations and his hands that were fighting to tear my arms away had now started keeping them there, pressed to his stomach

I felt him relax into me with one aching breath and turned his head towards me, seeking me. I reached forward and claimed his lips. He kissed back and we stood there like that for a good while, his hands in my hair holding me to him.

We pulled apart at the same time and stared at each other, breathing the same air, forgiving each other and promising each other the same things we did three years ago. We knew subconsciously that we would threaten these promises again, but in that moment our hearts were all in.

"Kong, "he started and I shook my head because let's just forget it. It was no use talking about it. I don't care anymore.

"But, "he said and I kissed him again to silence the words. He resigned against me and we kissed hungrily and he turned around to fit his body to mine. He had the same body as mine but somehow P'Arthit's body created an incurable craving inside of me, I couldn't get enough and I didn't think I ever will.

I walked backwards towards the bed as I took off his shirt and kissed his mouth to my fill.

P'Arthit and I tried to avoid the subject as much as was possible. After hanging out around his apartment watching the movie P'Arthit had bought during which I berated him for picking up a stupid romcom and he called me out for being a romantic and that it was why he picked it, and we had our own share of good ribbing and ended up in bed kissing a few too many times, we went out in the evening to get dinner.

We decided to just eat out instead of cook after all and picked a simple food place. I liked how we never bothered with fancy places and remembered then that I needed to find a fancy place soon and I must have grimaced because P'Arthit caught the expression and looked at the food we had ordered.

"What's wrong?" he asked, "does the food smell bad?"

I shook my head with a smile, "no, it's okay. I like the food here." It was something of a usual joint for P'Arthit and me.

"Then don't make that kind of face will you, it really makes a person lose their appetite."

"Okay P'Arthit krab," I exaggerated the politeness and grinned when he smiled at me.

We started to eat quietly and I took a new look at the old place. It had a room inside with lights and cream walls but P'Arthit and I usually preferred eating outside. I liked the music playing from the inside and the cool breeze that rolled over my skin. It all made the food very enjoyable.

"Oh right," P'Arthit broke the peaceful silence, " what about that girl?" with a non-peaceful question.

I sat straight having been leaning on the table, a bad manner anyway, and looked from P'Arthit to our food. "What girl?" I pretended to be oblivious while I tried to think about what to say that wouldn't alarm P'Arthit.

"The girl, "he said between chewing, his eyes still on his food, "the one you told me about yesterday."
"My father's best friend's daughter?" I asked and watched him pause and glance at me.

"Yeah, that one. "He thrust his fork of food into his mouth and remained looking at me.

I didn't tense or avoid his eyes. "She is okay. She's a doctor, army doctor and she just returned from service."
"Whoa, sounds interesting."

"Yea, I guess."

There was a silence as we pretended to be focused on our food. "And what did you think of her."
I laughed, "How do you mean? Are you asking if I like her or my opinion of her?"

P'Arthit shrugged and popped food into his mouth looking disinterested, "both."

I smiled, "she is a nice person, her name is Anya, same age as me and she seems lively and outgoing. I like her, yes."

I watched P'Arthit with a secret smile threatening to expose me.

"hm, I guess I never thought about your type before," he said after a short silence.

"My type?"

"Yes, the type of girls you like."

"I don't have a type," I laughed.

"You like the perky ones Kongpob," I could tell he was teasing so I played along.

"No, I like the shy ones, those type who are really strict and have a strong sense of responsibility but are very feisty in bed."

"Kongpob!" he kicked at me under the table and I laughed at his failed attempt.

"What about you P'Arthit?"

"What about me what, "he gave me a wearied cautious look and I chuckled. "What's your type?"

"I don't think about those kind of things, "he waved me off which was so unfair.

"I already told you mine, you have to tell me yours. That's how it works."

"Says who?"

"I'm going to tickle it out of you, "I raised my fingers and wiggled them.

He glared at me but I could tell he wanted to laugh, "don't even try it, I'm not going to play nice."
"My fingers are itching," I threatened, leaning over the table. We looked like two friends being playful and I have no idea why someone started taking pictures.

I ignored the first two flickers in favor of reaching for P'Arthit and laughing as he slapped my hands and lean backwards till he was almost falling off the chair, but the sound came closer and I had to take note.

When I turned left she stood in front of me dressed in shorts and a big t-shirt unbuttoned showing off a black strapless top underneath. Her long, black hair moved with the wind and she had her iphone facing us.

P'Arthit saw her after I did and sat straight causing me to seat back and we both stared at her.

"Sorry, Kongpob," she walked over smiling sheepishly, "I thought that was you and as I saw you I thought it was so cute I don't know when I started taking pictures. That was so rude of me," she pretended to hit herself then her eyes turned to P'Arthit, much to my apprehension, and she wai to him. He returned it looking from me to her.

I wish I didn't have to do this but I was the only one who could introduce them. I cleared my throat, "Anya, this is P'Arthit, he is my senior from school and P'Arthit, this is Anya."

I didn't give her a moment to start speaking and grabbed her arm, "Anya, let's talk for a bit." I dragged her away before any of them could utter a word.

I walked a bit further from P'Arthit and let her hand go. She stared innocently up at me and I did feel a little awful about treating her that way. "Why are you here?"

"Huh?" she blinked a few times and smiled, "oh yea I was going out for dinner. I just moved in the other day and I have been doing so much unpacking and stuff." Her excited expression was lost on me.

"You just moved to the area?" I was appalled. This was the same neighborhood P'Arthit and I lived in. Since we couldn't move in together without raising any eyebrow, and P'Arthit was paranoid enough to not let that happen, we lived only a few blocks from each other. Why did she have to move here too?

"Huh uh, "she nodded. "Do you live in this area too Kongpob?"

I pretended not to hear her, "I thought you told my parents you were living with your parents."

"For the time being. I just got back from service and I am still recuperating and everything, plus I wanted to reassure my mom that I was fine but then I wasn't going to keep staying with them. I'm a grown up." Who is unmarried? I didn't want to point this out to her besides what good would it do.

"Why did you pick this area to move in? " I asked with a subtle smile while taking in her smiling expression that seemed innocent, but it felt like too much of a coincidence. Just yesterday we met and now she was in front of me again.

"I heard it's a good area, quiet and honestly I need that. "She looked around as though she could see what she was describing. "You haven't answered me Kongpob, do you live here too?"
He sighed and nodded. There was no point hiding it, she was sure to find out soon enough.

"Wow, that's great, what a huge coincidence. I love these kinds of things, feels like destiny. I want to tweet about it now."

I felt a headache coming on from how rapidly she was speaking. "About that, I still don't understand why you took pictures of us," I said and glanced behind me. P'Arthit remained where he was but he was looking at us expressionlessly.

"Oh?" she flushed deeply, "no reason."

"That was really strange though," I said frowning, hoping she understood that I wanted a reason.

"Ah, oh well, "she laughed and covered her mouth looking very happy and shy. "Promise you won't laugh?"

I sighed and nodded. "I'm a BL fan," she covered her mouth again and I thought she would become a bubble of happiness and float away.

"bl fan?" I asked. I knew what the term meant but I couldn't fathom how she thought that related to us.

She quickly explained, "You and P'Arthit look really good together, you make a lovely bl couple."
I sighed at how close to the truth that actually was. I didn't think about what our behavior in public would look like to other people. If she thought so now how long before she figured out that it was actually the case.

"Thank you but can you delete that?"

Her expression sagged so exaggeratedly I blinked. Was it that important to her? "Why?" she asked.

"Well, "I glanced at P'Arthit, "he doesn't like having his picture taken secretly." I lied, my mind pulling up the many times I had taken my lover's pictures when he was unaware. I had a few of them locked away in my system.

She looked at P'Arthit, "can't I just keep one."

I shook my head like I was sorry she couldn't do that.

"What if I ask him?"

"He might get angry. I really don't want him to vent his anger out on you."

She smiled up at me with such trust; I didn't feel a little guilty about lying to her. It wasn't her business to know. I watched her delete the pictures and then nod at me.

"Okay, I'm done, can I join you guys?"

I was so horrified I didn't hide my expression very well. "Is it not okay? "She asked in a frantic worry.

"No its fine, but we are meeting again tomorrow right?" I smiled, "I would rather wait till tomorrow when we are alone. Besides you look tired, I don't want to keep you out too late. So just go home and we will talk later."

"Okay, "she nodded, her cheeks flushed. "Alright, say bye to P'Arthit for me."

I nodded and she waved to P'Arthit, turned and walked away while hopping like a kid.

She wasn't a bad person, I thought, I didn't want to have to hurt her, but if she hung around my life for too long I would whether I wanted to or not.

I schooled my expression first before I turned to face my boyfriend.