The grass is cool between my toes; the air is still. Not even the smell of lilacs drifts to my nose. I can see them though; they are in full bloom. Why can't I smell them? This isn't real. The swing on my play set moves on its own accord, swaying in the nonexistent breeze. The sound of laughter rippling through the air, warped, without a beginning or an end. I know that laughter. I turn, searching for its beginning, praying the voice has a beginning. The girl in the red dress runs through the fence, barefoot and carefree. A weight in my chest lifts, she's here.

She runs a circle around me, arms wide like an airplane. I follow her small form with my eyes. Craning my neck just to keep her in sight. Darting to the swing, her swing, she calls "Come on Emerson! I thought we were going to play!"

"I'm coming!" But I couldn't move. I'm not meant to be here.

My feet won't take the step. I want to take the step. I want to run with child-like bliss. To fly through the air, without a care in the world. I want her swinging beside me. Always pushing me higher and higher; higher than I want to go but never high enough for her. To see her hair blowing in the wind, flinging itself around her head with every pass. I want to watch the world from above. Then, to feel the drop in my stomach every time gravity wins, pulling me back to Earth. I want to feel what I so desperately miss.

I want to feel again.

"Are you coming or not? Come swing with me!" I hear her call. The once empty swing is now soaring through the sky, to high. The girl's blond hair escaping its braids with each pass. Higher, higher she rises. Out of my reach, she rises away from me only to come crashing back to Earth and away from me again. Again, and again. Up and down.

I look down again, my feet still aren't moving. Why are my feet not moving? I look up, the girl is gone. The swing, empty. Not moving. The girl gone as fast as she came. No laughter reaches my ears, nor screeches of joy. I panic.

"Aideen?" I call. Then again, more frantically, "Aideen! Don't you dare leave me! You can't leave me!" I turn, I can move again, I turn again but she isn't there. She isn't anywhere. She's just gone.

"Wake up," a new voice whispers from above, "You aren't meant to be back here. They will find you here." I feel the voice pulling me away. But I want to stay, I have to find her.

"I can't leave her, she needs me!" I yell back to the void. Wake up.

"GO! Now! They are coming for you!"

* * *

Sitting up with a start, I shake the dream from my conscious.  I can hear my heart beating; bu bum bu bum. Too fast. I grip at my chest, trying to pull the hallow feeling from heart. The dreams were becoming a frequent occurrence, and frankly I was getting exhausted. My feet hit the cold floor, I was already wide awake, it was no use trying to roll over. The sound of the Brooklyn street filters in through the open window. It's springtime here, yet no smell of lilacs can be found.

I reach the bathroom and turn on the water. Feeling the cold-water flow over my fingers. I splash my face. Behind me I hear the pitter-patter of feet.

"Another nightmare?" Jenna asks, leaning against the bathroom door frame.

I grab the towel from the wall, drying my face off without looking in the mirror; I didn't need to confirm I looked as exhausted as I felt.

"Yeah." Before I could say anything more, I feel her arms circle my body from behind. Her hands clasping in front; two perfect hands, grounding me to her. Her head rests between my shoulder blades. I let her hold me, for just a moment.

"I am sorry I woke you, let's go back to bed." I turn in her arms, her eyes meeting mine saying everything I needed to hear.

I take her by the hand and lead her back to the bedroom. She scoots into the covers first and I slide in beside her. She shivers just a little and tucks in closer to my side. I lay there for a long time, watching the lights dance across the ceiling, watching her breathing slow, watching the world I want so desperately to live in, pass me by.