It was the first time I had put my hand to a boy's chest. His heart rate had gone faster than it already was. I could feel his short breaths on my upper lip. I'm guessing they had become rapid from the instant push I gave him when he kissed me.

"What are you doing?" I mumbled. My voice was whispered, my words barely making it past my lips.

Luke stayed silent. How was he supposed to answer a question like that? He was kissing me, obviously. But what were his intentions? I'm sure neither of us knew.

He took his hand off my cheek and lightly tugged at his hair, "Andy, I don't really know."

I shook my head, it was the only response I could give him. I stayed quiet since I was afraid of this turning into an argument. I don't know why I felt so upset about this, it was almost the feeling of betrayal. I really did like Luke, but I was at a point where I felt like all he was really interested in was how many hookups he could get out of me.

"Are you mad?" He asked, turning his head to me. I slumped in my seat, figuring out the right answer.

I looked away from him, "No."

"Alright," he said. Luke's voice was calm and easy, which made this just a little easier.

"I'm not mad at all, I just don't want this to turn into a game of 'how many times can I hook up with Andy'." I sighed, letting my thoughts come out of my mouth. It took a few seconds for me too realize that he put his hand over mine.

"Hey," he paused, trying to get me to look at him. I glanced over at him, looking into his eyes then at the moon that was peaking through the trees. He rested his hand on my cheek again to get my attention again.

"Andy, that isn't what this is about." He told me. It was a little tough to believe, since that's all that it's seemed to be. We jumped into things way too fast and I let it go too far. "I'm not saying that we should just jump into a relationship so I can prove that I don't just want the physical aspects of us, of you." He assured me once again.

"It's just that I think it'd be nice to actually hang out for once just as friends. Nothing more than that. No more-" I put my fingers up for air quotes here. "-study dates. I understand that I've been consenting to all of this, and I don't necessarily regret it at all because, yeah, it's fun. But after a certain amount of time it doesn't make me feel too important. You know?"

I just stared at him, watching his eyes widen just a little. He looked away quickly, fidgeting with his hands on the wheel. "I know," he said.

I slowly looked over the white outline on his profile that was created by the moon shining down through the windshield. I sighed, " I don't want you to be mad at me, that's the last thing I want."

He stared straight ahead, looking at nothing but the water in front of us. "Ands, I'm not mad. I completely understand. Just tell me when you're uncomfortable," he quietly said.

I nodded, saying no more. Luke was giving me a bit of whiplash, one day he was blowing smoke in my face and grabbing at my hips on a small couch and the next he was sentimental and caring and wanted to do everything perfectly. I loathed yet adored it at the same time. Usually when I was with someone I wanted it to be laid back and casual and open, but not with this one, not with Luke.

"Do you actually want to go get coffee now?" His low voice broke the silence, getting my attention focused back on the situation.

I thought for a moment, giving him a sympathetic smile, "I think it'd be best if we just went back to your house. I have an English test to study for tonight." I lied.

I didn't want to lie to him, but I didn't want to say that I felt like being by myself. The whole scenario weighed me down a little and it was just from the slight tension. But I knew that the second I got home all I'd want to do is talk to Luke.

-

from: luke skywalker

received: 9:28pm

Did you get home safe?

-

to: luke skywalker

sent: 9:31pm

i did

-

from: luke skywalker

received: 9:32pm

Ok, go study for that test and text me when you get to school tomorrow

-

to: luke skywalker

sent: 9:33pm

got it, see you then

-

It was 10 in the morning and I hadn't spoken to Luke yet. I was still in a weird mood that I really couldn't get out of. And sitting in the back of math really wasn't helping me.

Honestly, I had no idea what was going on in this class. I didn't really care either, I usually had to teach the lesson to myself anyways because of horrible my teacher was. Pretty much everyday I sat and scribbled on my notes just to make it look like I was doing something.

In the middle of drawing some sort of geometric shapes I could faintly here my phone buzzing in my backpack. I tried not to turn my attention to it because I know my teacher would take it up. The buzzing began again and I realized someone was calling me. I figured it could be my dad, but he knew what time I was in school and didn't ever call me then.

I then thought about Luke and wondered why he would call me. He knows I can't pick up and texting exists so I'm not sure what he's trying to accomplish.

I glanced over at my teacher's desk, making sure she was busy with grading papers and not scanning over our heads and waiting to catch us off task as she's done before.

I unzipped the front pouch of my backpack, flipping my phone over and checking my two missed calls which were from Luke. I had a voicemail which was strange considering rarely anyone leaves voicemails anymore.

I could hear papers shuffling and and textbooks closing, which meant that class was ending in about a minute. I pulled my phone out and stuck it in my back pocket as I started collecting my things and shoving them into my backpack with out care. School was over next month and summer was just around the corner.

The bell rang shortly and I was the first one out the door. I turned to my left, heading straight for the double doors at the end of the hallway. My other class was in the other direction, but it was still close by.

I clicked on Luke's contact and called him back, curious as to what he needed. It rang only once before he picked up.

"Hey, Andy." Luke spoke, his voice seeming distant.

"Luke," I said. "What's up?" I asked him, casually looking around at the students passing by me on their way to class.

"You didn't message me this morning." I could just hear the pouty lips he had on. It's his favorite facial expression.

"Is that why you called?"

"No," he simply told me.

"Oh." There was a pause on the line. I decided to speak up again, "What did you need?" I questioned.

It was then I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning me around to face the familiar blue eyes I was way to used to.

"I needed you." He smiled, hanging up and putting his phone in his pocket. He pulled out a lighter and waved it in front of my face, "Let's go do better things than this."

I swatted at his hand, "Not funny, we could both be thrown out of school for that." I groaned. He grabbed at my hand with the lighter still in his palm, hiding the blue plastic coating between our now intertwined hands.

He raised an eyebrow, "By who?" We both looked around, the only people left outside were the underclassmen running to their classes before the bell rang.

"I've got to go to class." I told him, changing the conversation. I tried to let go of his hand, but he gripped it even tighter.

"No you don't." He smiled.

There could be a million things Luke had planned in his head. It was probably just going to get a slushie and heading back to his house, but I never know.

I looked over my shoulder at and through the glass doors that lead to the now empty hallway. "Where are we going then?" I asked, my hair falling off my shoulder as I looked back over to him.

He smiled down at me, "I want to take you out somewhere."

This was Luke. The spontaneous, cheesy, carefree Luke. Not the dark and mysterious grungey Luke that didn't even really exist.

At this point I was going to do whatever Luke wanted to do with him, but I was just trying to be a bit more rational.

"Now? During school? You couldn't have waited until after when we had real time and wouldn't get in trouble for this?" I asked, trying to fit in a laugh between my words without it sounding forced.

"This is real time, Andy Emerson." Luke chuckled. He elbowed me a little, "Besides, you have that English test and you probably don't want to take it today."

My eyes darted away from him and to the side, trying to ignore the lingering fact that I lied to him last night.

"Or maybe it just so happens that you don't have and English test and you lied about it last night." Luke added.

I shot my head right towards him, looking straight into his deep stare.

"We take the same English class. Neither of us have a test for another good week," he smugly said. His smile grew bigger as did mine. "You could've just said you wanted to go home." He sighed, pulling me away from the school and towards the lot he parked in.

I shrugged and kicked a pebble as it met my toes, "Yeah, but that would've been rude."

"It would've been honest, not rude. Not telling the truth is rude."

I sighed, not wanting to tell him he was right. I figured he'd love to hold that kind of stuff over my head. "Oh, whatever."

He just laughed. It was a short one that really got him to smile, though. He continued talking and I continued admiring how his lips curved when he spoke or how he went in depth with every single story then lost track constantly. He was fun and I couldn't quit grasp what he really wanted out of me. Maybe a friend, maybe something more, maybe something less. I didn't understand yet.

-

My fingertips were numb from the ice cream bowl in my hand. Luke's date idea was just stopping for a cup of the stuff. We were in his car once again and I could tell what road we were going down, it was the one to the local park just a few miles from my neighborhood.

"Me and Michael come down here all the time to play disc golf." He chuckled.

"Play what?" I asked, just as he made a left into the entrance of the park.

"Disc golf, it's like golfing but with a frisbee." He explained.

I just nodded my head, pretending that that was the most interesting thing I've heard all day. Luke had a ton of really cool things about him and cool stories, but sometimes he would say things that made him sound like the biggest dork ever.

I started laughing as I took a bite of my ice cream. I could see him glancing over at me, yet trying to keep his eyes on the road at the same time.

"What's so funny, Emerson?" He questioned.

I shook my head, "You're a big dork." I told him as he neared the parking lot. He found a spot quickly and swiftly pulled into the space.

"I beg to differ." He said, looking over at me. He extended his arm and his thumb came in contact with my chin as he wiped off vanilla ice cream from under my lip. "I believe you're the dork here."

I could feel my cheeks turning red, it was a weird feeling, almost as weird as the feeling I got from when he held my hand while we were on the swings just shortly after. No matter what the kid said or did, I had this certain mindset about him set in. I didn't care about the tape around his knuckles or the sweat dripping down the side of his head. I didn't care about the smell of cigarettes in his car or the fact that we'd gone just a little too far than I expected.

But I did care about him.

-

HIIIII IM BACK ONCE AGAIN!

so, my AP exams are over, my finals are over, and so is high school thank u @jesus

my season is finally over so practices arent killing me and yay!!!! free time!!!

this will be a lot easier to balance with just a job and my boyfriend around so yeet i think i'm off hiatus

im so sorry about being gone for so long, but i really needed to get my life together whoops

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH THANKS FOR CONTINUING TO READ

***HELP ME GET TO EUROPE! i'm about halfway there and i need a little extra push, so i have an etsy store open and i'm selling handmade highwasited shorts! they're only $15 and it'll help me a lot, so if you can, buy a pair and i'll bee that much closer to my trip to Europe WOOOO!

here's the link!: https://www.etsy.com/shop/pocketbean?ref=hdr_shop_menu***