05

  Hermione followed the instructions from the letter she had received that morning. At nine o'clock that night, she would sneak down to the grounds to met Cedric near the lake. She would wear her robes and her prefects' pin, so if anyone asked, she was going on patrol. She had to be silent, if anyone saw her leave the castle, her punishment could be expulsion, and that was the last thing Hermione wanted. It was a risk, leaving the castle so late, but she hadn't been alone with Cedric in such a long time— school had started months ago, and she had barely seen him, much less talked to him. She just wanted to feel like everything was okay— or, at least, some sense of normalcy.

  Hermione wanted Cedric to become his regular old self again— not Cormac, who was an arse, not this charade that he was playing. She wanted Cedric: good-hearted, kind, brave, incredibly handsome, exceptionally athletic, mischievous, witty, beautiful Cedric. She wanted the boy she fell in love with back.

  When Hermione had finally arrived, Cedric looked nervous. He pulled her close to him and gave her a hug, but nothing more. No kiss, no smile, not even a hello. He was shaking.

  "Cedric, what's wrong?" Hermione asked, a tremble in her voice. "Has something happened, has someone discovered your secret?" All of her anger washed away as she looked into his eyes. They were filled with pain.

  Cedric shook his head. "N-no, no they haven't. God, I feel so stupid."

  "What's happened?"

  "I should have known I couldn't keep it from you, I know you've been having dreams about it."

  Hermione's eyes perked up. He knew something that she didn't. "Dreams? Cedric, what about my dreams? What do you know? "

  "Shh... Hermione, sit down. I know you don't remember what happened at the ministry, I know—"

  "Don't shush me! Cedric, please. If you know something about my dreams, tell me! I don't— I don't know what's happening to me, and I'm scared. I'm so scared. I— I don't know if I can go on like this. I get them every night. The girls in my dorm hate me because I wake them up with my screaming. I try to get those Dreamless Sleep Potions from Madame Pomfrey, but she doesn't believe anything wrong. It's— it's torture, Cedric." Hermione's breath was shaky, she could feel her eyes becoming glassy as she held back tears. It felt like she had no control over her own life anymore.

  "Okay," Cedric said. "I'll tell you everything I know..." he paused. How was he supposed to tell his girlfriend that she had died and come back to life?

  "It started when I got to the ministry. I found you in a room, you were soaked in blood— oh my god there was so much— so much blood. I brought you to that one room, the one with all the time devices." Cedric was crying now. He wiped tears off of his cheeks as he gasped for breath. He grabbed ahold of Hermione's hands and continued.

  "I put you into the machine that makes time go back and forth, I thought that I could reverse your injury. It didn't work, you turned into a baby, so I had to wait until you grew back to your regular self so I could bring you back out. I searched around the room, looking for something— anything that would help you. I found a time turner. When I checked on you, you weren't breathing. Hermione, you were dead, I had no other option." Cedric took a deep breath.

  "You went back in time and brought me back? Are you insane?!"

  "Wh-What?"

  "You knew there would be consequences! You knew there would be pain, and suffering on my part! You knew! You went through the same thing!"

  "You did the same thing to me!"

  "Yet I didn't know what I was doing! I didn't know what the consequences would be! Nobody had done it before— I didn't even know if it would work! You did! You knew it would work— you are living proof of everything that went wrong the first time, and nothing has changed with the side-effects this time round!" Hermione sobbed. "You ruined my life, Cedric!"

  "Hermione, please..."

  "Who else knows?"

  "What?"

  "Who else knows about this— about what happened to me?"

  "Uh— Harry, Ron, Dumbledore... and Ginny."

  "Oh my god— oh my god. Wow. Okay, good to know that nobody respects me anymore."

   "Hermione... please... I know what you're going through."

  "No! You have no clue what I am going through, because unlike you, I can't just turn into an animal every time I have a bad dream! I can't just get rid of the dreams, I can't control them, I don't even understand them!" Hermione paused and gulped for breath. She felt as though she were drowning. "At least you knew what happened to you. I... I didn't know what was happening to me."

  "Hermione..."

  "I— I need some space."

  "Please, Hermione, Ive lost so much over the past year! I can't lose you too."

There was a silence. A calm before the storm... before Hermione exploded from anger.

  "You think that I haven't?! Look at me! I've faced a bloody blood prejudiced ministry official for the entire year, was told hurtful words, I was tortured as a form of punishment! I was separated from the boy I love! I was illegally given veritaserum, and endangered everyone that I care about! I faced death eaters! And now I find out that that I DIED and then CAME BACK TO LIFE in the past year! I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS. I CANT BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD LIE TO ME! Just... give me my space and I'll let you know if I still want to be with you at Slughorn's Christmas party."

As Hermione marched away, her face red and soaked with tears and sweat, Cedric called out after her. "It wasn't my fault! Dumbledore made me keep quiet!"

"Dumbledore doesn't make decisions for you, Cedric! If it were me, I would tell you, and deep down, you know that."

"Hermione—"

"NO. I WOULD RATHER DIE, CEDRIC. I WOULD RATHER BE DEAD." She screamed. She stopped for a moment, trying to catch her breath. "I would rather be dead than go through this."

She was through. Through with Cedric, through with nightmares, through with bloody Voldemort, and death eaters, and anything or anyone that threatened her and her friends. She was over it, and she was ready to fight for her life back.

When Hermione returned to the gryffindor common room, Ron and Harry were waiting for her.

"Hermione, what's wrong?" Ron Asked. His face was full of concern, he knew that Hermione was stressed, he knew that they were arguing a lot lately, but he didn't like watching as she suffered.

"Nothing. Leave me alone." Hermione wiped her tears and marching towards the girls' dorm.

"If it's about me, I'm sorry!"

Hermione turned around as she reached the staircase. "Not everything is about you, Ronald. Just because some girls take fancy to you now, doesn't mean I do. You are not at the centre of the universe." She stormed off towards her dormitory and left the boys alone in the common room, shocked at their best friend's latest words.

**THIS FIC HAS BEEN ABANDONED**
the following chapters includes the unwritten/unfinished chapters  initial outline/notes of this fic