You ask me to give up the hand of the girl I love
You tell me, I'm not the man she's worthy of
But who are you to tell her who to love?
That's up to her, yes, and the Lord above
* 

Edgar's special place to have tea was a room somewhere in the back of the funeral parlour, but I should have expected it to be honest. Edgar wasn't exactly the going out type, but neither was I. I had been in the room only on a few occasions, but I had never remarked how cosy it actually looked like. I could understand why Edgar liked to be in here. It wasn't much, but it felt peaceful. It was quiet and the window outside offered a nice view of the garden, to which I hadn't paid much attention to until now. Whoever looked after it seemed to be really passionate about his job. I suspected Edgar was behind it, but I didn't dare to ask. I still felt awkward with him and scared after earlier in the bathroom. Scared of seeing something in him that he wasn't. Edgar wasn't Brian and he would never be, no matter how much Mary thought they looked alike.

"How was your vacation?" Edgar asked. He had made himself and me a cup of tea and we had sat down on some chairs facing the window for which I was glad. I didn't want to look at him, even if I didn't think that they looked that alike. I had Mary's word inside my head and they wouldn't leave me.

"I don't know... I suppose it was fine," I mumbled unsure. The vacation had been fine, beside the end perhaps, but that wasn't exactly something I wanted to talk about. Mentioning Brian to Edgar felt wrong, even if I had no idea why exactly.

"You don't sound very happy..."

I took a deep breath and looked down to the cup in my hands, just wishing to move on from this conversation. Edgar meant well, surely, but I didn't wish to talk about it. "It's fine. I just tend to worry over nothing and I don't want to complain to you."

"I understand, but you're not bothering me..." He said sounding a bit unsure as well for whatever reason. "I'm glad to speak to somebody else than just Oliver. I like him, but it's always the same. I mean your life must be exciting."

I sucked in a deep breath, suddenly realising why Edgar seemed so unsure around me. He was after a story about Brian or the Rolling Stones and probably didn't know how to address the topic without making it very obvious, that's probably why he had been so nice to me as well. I nearly felt like laughing at my own stupidity, of course Edgar was after the Stones and not me. Why should he want to talk to me? I was boring, stiff and I had no idea what more. In the past by choice, I didn't want people to bother me, but now I just felt annoyed at it. I didn't want to be overlooked or just have people speak to me, because of Brian. I was more than his girlfriend, if I even was. Brian had said he wanted to be with me, blimey he had wanted to ask me to marry him, but still we had never put a label on to our relationship and sometimes I did wonder how serious he really was about it. Especially when he was annoyed at me and didn't talk to me. I loved him and knew I probably should trust him, but it was sometimes hard.

"I mean you went through so much..." Edgar added tearing me out of my thoughts after I hadn't replied to him. "I was still very small when my father died and can't remember much, but I know how sad my mother was and it must have been so much harder for you..."

"You're interested in me?" I asked astonished, finally looking up from my cup into his face. Edgar was blushing anew and his eyes were widened and I realised what I had actually said and how easily it could be misinterpreted. " Sorry, I didn't mean it like that... you just surprised me that you wanted to talk about me," I added embarrassed and I was seriously hoping I wasn't blushing as well.

Edgar seemed to relax at my words and I nearly let out a sigh of relief. Whatever this was it was awkward enough and I just wanted to get away from him, at least for as long as I had Mary's words haunting me. "And not about your boyfriend?"

I simply nodded.

"I don't like their music much to be honest," he said smiling a tad and my stomach turned. "But can I ask you one thing about him?"

I just nodded again. I was too scared to use my voice anyway.

"He isn't as bad as the newspaper make him out to be, is he? I mean he doesn't abuse you?"

Edgar seemed honestly concerned and I wasn't sure what unsettled me more the fact that he was worried about me or that people thought so lowly of Brian. It was true that he sometimes was a bit forceful, but he had never hurt me on purpose, even at the beginning when he had pulled me away from everyone he had only done it to keep my visions at bay or maybe to make sure that I didn't run off. It seemed so long ago, even though it only had been a few months, when I had wished for nothing more than the 3rd of July to come and now I wanted nothing more for it to never happen...

"Charlotte?"

"Sorry I-I am not here today with my thoughts at all..." I mumbled and cleared my throat. "But no Brian has a mind of his own and he's sometimes a bit forceful, but he would never hurt me on purpose."

Edgar seemed relieved and my stomach felt even worse, even the tea started to taste funnily. "Oh good or I would have had to ask you to run away with me." He was joking obviously, but still it made my nerves flutter. Running off with him was an option that wouldn't solve my problems, but one that maybe let me ignore them. I clutched my cup forcefully, even though it was still hot, but I needed something to hold onto. "You really don't look good, maybe you should go home," he said concerned and reached out to pet me on the shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled out and jumped up from my chair to get away from him. Knocking my cup down in the process and spilling the tea all over the floor. Edgar remained in his gesture and just looked at me even more worried. I bit my lip guiltily. "I'm sorry I don't know what is wrong with me today...I'll clean this mess up..."

"It's fine I'll do it. You really don't seem at ease..."

I sighed. "Maybe you're right and I should go home, but I don't want to leave you alone."

Edgar smiled. "It's okay. Your health is more important, just go. I'll tell my mother I send you out to do some errands, so don't worry about her. Just get better."

"I-I- You're too nice. I don't know how I ever can pay you back..."

"My cousin is getting married next month, would you please accompany me?" He asked and I sucked in another deep breath, but Edgar seemed to sense my discomfort. "Of course only as a friend. I don't want to appear there only with my mother," he added, but I still didn't know what to say. Edgar's least problem would be going alone to a wedding... His mother was about to die and there was nothing I could say or do about it, making me do the only thing I at least could. I accepted his offer.

Edgar smiled at me and I run out of the parlour as fast as I could. I hoped it would help me relax, but it didn't. Somehow I even felt more edgy. I shouldn't have accepted to drink tea with him and I surely shouldn't have accepted to go to a wedding with him. It was wrong on so many levels, that I didn't even know where to start, but I could hardly go back in and turn him down... He was about to face enough heartache and didn't need me acting like a bitch to him as well.

And maybe he wouldn't go to the wedding. I had no idea when exactly it was, but if his mother died before it, he probably won't be in a mood to go and I didn't have to as well. That thought at least calmed me down a bit, even though the chances were low of that happening. I only had two other options to get out of it as far as I could see. The first was to tell Brian, who probably would confront Edgar and tell him to fuck off, which wasn't exactly what I wanted. Edgar didn't earn to be yelled at only because he didn't want to be alone with his mother. The other option I had was to wait and turn Edgar down the last minute telling him I was sick or something similar, which would be an awful thing of me to do...

I couldn't get out of this and neither could I tell Brian about it. I seriously doubted he would let me go out with another man, even if it was only as friends. Brian could be overly jealous at times, even if I suspected he was in reality only scared to lose me. It was annoying at times, but it held something reassuring as well. Brian had to really care about me or else he wouldn't care with whom I was, wouldn't he?

However that didn't help my current situation at all, nor help me decide what I was to do. So I did the only thing I could think off that might help me. I run home, hoping Mary was there and could tell me for the millionth time what I was supposed to do.

"You want me to lie to Brian and say you're with me?" was all she said after I finished my tale. We had sat down in the living room to talk things over and luckily Brian wasn't home, even if I wondered where he was, I currently was glad that he wasn't around. I certainly didn't want him to overhear this.

"If he knows I'm going somewhere with Edgar he'll throw a fit..."

Mary laughed. "Especially when he finds out what Edgar looks like."

I tensed up at her words. "They don't look that similar..."

"Colour his hair blond and they could be brothers," she answered rolling her eyes. "Seriously Charlie, you have to see it as well, but maybe you're only denying it so that you don't feel attracted to him. I still believe he has to be the perfect guy for you."

"I-I love Brian," I mumbled.

"Even if you don't talk to me in days?"

I didn't need a mirror to know I paled at least three skin tones at the sound of his voice. Mary had assured me he wasn't home, but obviously she had been wrong. Brian was standing in the doorway of the living room and I just hoped he hadn't heard anything more than me saying that I loved him.

"From my view you were ignoring her, but don't mind me too much and I probably should leave soon. I know in what this is going to end up again and I don't want to come in between," Mary answered in my place and for once I was happy she always had to pick a fight with him. I certainly didn't want to explain to him what Mary and I just had been talking about. This might distract him long enough for me to come up with some explication, before things between us got even worse than they currently were.

"I wasn't ignoring her, I was only thinking," Brian retorted.

Mary snorted. "Brooding more likely."

"Whatever. I'm more interested, who is supposedly the perfect guy for her?"

"The guy she works with," Mary replied curtly.

"Mary!" I exclaimed shocked at her bluntness.

"I'm helping you, if he maybe gets his head out of his ass he'll see what a nice girlfriend he has and would maybe stop ignoring her, so that maybe she would make love to him more often, so that he could stop looking frustrated."

"I'm not frustrated," Brian stated weakly, but I doubted Mary believed that and I think I started to see what she had meant earlier as well.

"So it doesn't bother you at all that there's a different man in her life who cares about her, who might threat her better and with whom she maybe could have a normal life and a future? Who knows what you come up with next?"

"Mary!" I tried again, but it was too late. Brian had already run off.

"What? I am right. You want somebody relatable and that's definitely not him. He needs to realise that if he wants you to stay with him that he needs to offer you more than whatever you're two are currently having."

"You have no idea what I want, so don't go just assuming things and stop getting involved in my relationship with him! It's our business! Look after your own mess with Ben!"

"Charlie-" she started off, but I was no longer in the mood to listen to her. She had gone too far and I needed to clear things with Brian.

He was outside on the terrace smoking and looking at the gardens. I've never been really outside before, simply because it had been to cold and there had been no need for me to be. And to be completely honest seeing the pool in the back of his garden scared me. It reminded me off things I desperately wanted to ignore and I stayed as far away from it as I could. I didn't know if it was the pool from my vision, but it seemed highly likely.

"I'm sorry for her," I said to him.

He just shook his head and had something nearly remorsefully about him. "Why? She's right, I can't offer you what you want."

"All I want is to be with you... "

I had hoped he would relax at my words, but he didn't. Brian still looked tense and didn't look at me. He stared off to somewhere ahead on the horizon and I wondered what he was thinking about. I wanted to reach out to him, feel him, hold him, but I was scared. Scared of the vision, scared that he would push me away and scared what I would do when he was no longer around...

"Then do me a favour," he suddenly said.

"Of course. Everything."

"Leave your job...I know it means a lot to you, but if we really only have 3 months left, I want you by my side. There's so much I want to do and I need you to tell me to go along with it or I fear I might just ignore my problems until it is too late..."

I took a deep breath, unsure what exactly to reply to him, but I had thought about leaving as well, hadn't ? Maybe it really was for the best, but what about Edgar? Then again even if I stayed what was I supposed to do? There was nothing I could do to prevent his mother from dying and telling Edgar his mother was about to die to prepare him for the future wouldn't help anybody. On the other hand, Edgar had been nothing but nice to me. He was perhaps a bit shy and didn't dare to say anything to his mother or Oliver, but whenever I needed somebody he was there... It was a nice feeling, but a dangerous one as well. I loved Brian, there was no doubt about it, but Edgar could offer me something Brian couldn't. Something I craved more than anything... A normal future.

"Give me two weeks..."

"Promise?" he asked, finally bothering to look at me. He was surprised, but happy and my heart ached for whatever reason at the sight.

I just nodded.

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Preview:

The letter was gone.

Brian was the only one who could have looked through my things without appearing suspicious. Mary wouldn't have gone that far. She might have been curious, but she rather would have pushed me around until I read it to her than stealing it. It had to be Brian, even if I had no idea why he had taken it. However I knew one thing I needed to get it back, even if that meant I'd have to look through his things.