The girl who once pushed me around
It's down to me
The difference in the clothes she wears
Down to me, the change has come,
She's under my thumb
Ain't it the truth babe?
*

"Seriously? Can't you just wait until you're home or something...? I get it you missed each other, but Watts didn't invite you to elope on his terrace." Keith exclaimed.

"At least they're still wearing clothes..." Mick added.

"For now, I don't want to know what would have been if we had come around 10 minutes later..."

They were exaggerating, of course. Brian and me, were just hugging, nothing more and still I probably blushed a horribly shade of red, when Keith and Mick interrupted us. I was about to move away from Brian, when he pulled me back towards him and hid my face on his shoulder for which I was rather thankful. "Very funny. What do you even want?" Brian said.

"Well sorry for interrupting your moment, but we wanted to have a smoke and you know Shirley rules about that... Want one as well?" Keith asked and I felt Brian nodding. "I don't expect Charlie wants one too..."

I took a deep breath and I think I was calm enough to face them, but definitely not enough to stay here. "No thanks. I think I go back in. I need a drink..." I practically run back in and the last thing I heard was Keith laughing and asking Brian what he had done to me. I just shook my head and again took a deep breath to calm myself down, even if it was no help. The suspicious I had that maybe Brian did indeed mean more to me than he should stayed and it scared me, because I had no idea what to do. I couldn't ignore this forever, someday this would catch up and it would only get messier. Something neither he nor I could afford, but I couldn't act on it neither. Brian would never want me for real, he might sleep with me, but that would be all he would ever offer me, no matter what the others thought and even if Brian wanted more of me, who knew how that would influence this partnership? The best solution for me was to ignore my feelings as good as I could and to move on. Perhaps I wasn't even really attracted to him, but just confused, because he was the first man to ever come so close to me... I wondered if it could be that easy. Nothing had been until this point, so why should this be?

I shook my head to get rid of these thoughts. I needed a drink very badly. I got back to the dining room, but nobody was there any longer and I supposed they had moved to the living room. Before I went there I emptied my glass and the wine bottle left on the table. I hated wine, but at this point I didn't care. I just needed something to forget.

"Oh Charlotte, is everything alright?" Charlie asked as I entered the living room. I had no idea how I looked but I felt very awkward. I shook my head. I just needed to calm down and everything would get better. There were only Bill, Charlie and Stu, I wondered where the others had disappeared to, but a different matter seemed more important in that moment.

"Sure, could I have a drink please?"

"What would you like? A tea? Coffee?" Charlie asked.

That wasn't really want I had in mind, but I felt bad for asking for something more. "Really? She asks for a drink and you offer her tea? Just give her the same you would have given Keith or anybody who's after an alcohol poising and just fill it up like it is water or something." Bill said. Charlie looked a bit bewildered for a moment, but did indeed purr me a glass, except that he didn't make it full like Bill had proposed for which I was rather thankful.

I rolled my eyes, but was actually quite grateful for Bill's remark. "You know that destroys the taste." He shrugged. "Thanks." I said towards Charlie and took a sip or rather I gulped it down. I really needed to get these thoughts out of my head and it was nice to drink again after Mary practically had hidden every liquor she still had.

"Do you want another one?" Charlie asked, a bit skeptical.

"If it's no bother..." They all looked at me like I was some extra-terrestrial except for Bill who had a smile on his face that practically said I told you so. Charlie filled my glass up again and this time around I really only sipped on it.

"So they weren't joking with that too?" Stu inquired. "I thought they might be exaggerating, because you drunk a lot for a girl, but I guess not."

I just shrugged. I surely didn't want to discuss this again, especially when I couldn't see why everyone of them seemed to find this amusing. "Eh... where are the others?"

"Mick and Keith went outside, but you probably know that and the girls went to look after Serafina" Bill explained.

"Serafina?"

"She's mine and Shirley's daughter." Charlie said.

"Oh I didn't know you had a child..."

"As long as you know about Brian's, you're safe or well... better look out for yourself or you'll be the next." Stu said making me very embarrassed, even though I had surely no reason to be. I wouldn't be the next as he put it, but I could see why he thought so, still this was surely nothing I wanted to discuss with them. At least he had just said it towards me and not Brian, even if I wasn't amused by his remark, this would not evolve into anything further.

"Do we really have to talk about this? I know already too much about Brian's sex life as it is without her input." Bill complained.

Stu laughed. "That sounds so wrong."

Bill shook his head. "You know how I meant it. So can we please change the topic?"

They started to talk about this and that, but I didn't really engage in it anymore... Just nodded here and then and answered if somebody asked me something directly, but besides that I was silent. Sometime into their conservation the girls had come back and I think I said even less. They knew each other for far longer than I and I had the feeling that I wouldn't have the time to get closer to them anyway. I would be gone in 8 months and I probably won't ever see one of them again. It sounded sad, but I should have realised this from the start, this was a temporary arrangement and nothing more nor would this ever be anything more.

"Is something wrong? Charlie?" Marianne asked, ripping me out of my thoughts.

I looked up a bit confused. "Pardon?"

"Is everything alright? You look a bit distressed. I don't mean to pry, but what happened?" Marianne asked.

I sighed. I really didn't want to talk about it in the first place and in my opinion she had already meddled too much in my business. She probably meant it in a good way, but her intentions were directed at the wrong person. "Everything's fine and that was really nothing..."

She frowned. "Are you sure? You don't need to defend him, we know how he is... I mean you can be honest with me. I won't think any different of you."

I shook my head. "It was nothing more than a simple misunderstanding."

"That didn't look like a misunderstanding... I know I told you that you're not supposed to tell somebody that you won't be together anymore in a few months, but if it's that bad, maybe you should talk about it with somebody. You don't need to put yourself down for him."

I frowned. Did I really give everyone the impression that Brian was mistreating me in some way or did they just assume he did? He surely was no fairy-tale prince, but he wasn't that bad either. "Marianne just leave her be, as far as I can see she can leave him without your help. They've been together for what a month and she has left him twice, if she always goes back to him that's her business and not yours." Bill interjected. I frowned, because hadn't Bill offered to help me get away from Brian too? So why this sudden change of mind, I wondered, but I doubted that it mattered much.

"I just wanted to tell, Charlie that if she ever has a problem, she can come to me and I surely don't mean to break them up."

"Ehh... thank you?" I mumbled. "But there's no need. I'm sure Brian and me can solve our problems on our own. That before really was nothing."

Stu laughed. "I think you're the first person I heard saying Brian can solve something on his own."

"Maybe, but does it really matter?" I sighed. "I thought you didn't want to talk about mine and Brian's relationship? Or do you now want my input?"

"Please spare us," Bill pleaded with a disgusted face.

Marianne laughed. "Keith was right, you spend too much time with Brian to get much irritated."

"I'm often right, nobody just ever listens to me..." Keith exclaimed upon entering with Brian and Mick behind him. "Hey Watts, purr me a drink, please and one for Charlie as well and of course the others." He said and sat down next to me and Brian on his other side. Mick took a seat in between Marianne and Bill.

"Even a broken clock is right twice a day..." Charlie murmured as he went to fetch some more glasses. I chuckled and emptied my glass, just as he came back and filled it up again. "Don't go drinking everything again like last time." He said towards Keith, but was looking at me as well suspiciously. Charlie had never seen me drink before and the way I was going at the moment and Bill's talk probably had made him wary of me too.

"Aww only because you never have enough and no worry I still have Charlie's present, if the need arises." Keith said.

That's when I remembered that I actually had something for Brian as well. It was in my purse, which I had left here, but I couldn't find it now. "Oh... has somebody seen my purse. I think I left it here."

"Oh I put your remaining things into the dining room..." Marianne explained. "I didn't want to leave them here, if you maybe needed them."

"Thank you! I'll just fetch it quick." I got up and was just about to go, when I felt an arm on my back. Old. Death. Keith.

"I'll go with you." I shook my head. "It's easier if you just say yes and we go." I rolled my eyes and he laughed. "I'll take that as a yes, let's go." He took my arm and we went to the dining room. I somehow wondered if there was something more behind this. Keith always was a bit pushy with me, but this seemed rather like something Brian would do than him.

"Keith is something wrong?" I asked as we entered the dining room.

He shook his head. "No I just wanted to get you alone for a minute, before Brian locks you up again." I frowned. "Don't get me wrong, I think you do him some good, but he... The way he treats you there's something more between you than a simple relationship, like before at the dinner. You both share a secret, don't you?" I wanted to say something but he left me no time. "I would be lying if I would say that I'm not curious, but I doubt you would tell me anything. Even if I don't get why you are so fond of him anyway and the only time you hug me or want me to stay in bed with you is while being high, but-"

"So that's why you were in bed with me? I asked you to?" I interrupted him.

He laughed. "Sadly no, apart from you mumbling over and over again 'I am so sorry', when I was trying to get you to bed, you clung to me and said something like 'don't leave me, Brian, please don't leave me' and well I felt bad for leaving you alone then, even if I wasn't the target of your affection. "I blushed. I couldn't believe that I had really said something like that. "I just want you to know that Brian is... well he can be real bastard and I'm not sure if you're up to this challenge, but I'm always there for you."

I smiled. "Thank you, but why did you force me and Brian to kiss then, if you don't think that we..., you know?"

"Belong together?" I nodded and Keith laughed. "Because I thought you both needed that and judging by the way you kissed each other, I was definitely right, but you two make it very obvious."

I furrowed my brows. "What?"

"That you two want each other, if I didn't know Brian, I would have bet that you haven't had sex yet. Not that I'm thinking about Brian and you, certainly not," he shuddered. "You definitely find too much out about somebody if you live with them... I think I'll never be able to erase certain things..."

"Eh... so you wanted us to kiss, because you think we want each other, even if you think it's a bad idea? That doesn't make sense..."

Keith shrugged. "If you two keep on walking around each other all the time, you'll never resolve anything and the faster you do, the faster you can move on."

"I'm not leaving him."

"Maybe... Well let's get your things or Brian will get suspicious. I'm still somehow amazed he let you go with me and didn't comment on me touching you. He seriously has a possession issue, when it comes to you." I just shrugged, got my purse and followed Keith back to the living room.

"Finally! Brian was about to send out a search party for you two or maybe just her. I don't think he cares much about you, Keith." Mick said as we entered. I rolled my eyes and Keith just shrugged.

"I just wondered what took them so long..." Brian mumbled. I sat down on the space I had occupied before, but Keith signaled me to move over. I frowned. There was still enough space to sit, there was no need for me to move. He laughed and then squeezed himself in between my space and the edge of the couch. Old. Death. He landed more on my lap than anywhere else. I sighed gave up and moved next to Brian, who immediately put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. Water. Suffocating. Death. Probably to get me as far away from Keith he could. The others smiled and chuckled, but thankfully without a comment.

Keith poured me another drink and again they started up a conservation up with little to none input of me. I just had nothing in common with them, beside Brian who didn't seem to fit as well. He was strangely quiet and I wondered if the others would even mind if we were gone. I could understand why I didn't belong, but he? He was a part of them and still he just sat here with me like he wasn't.

I cleared my throat. "Ehh... I have a present for you."

Brian raised his eyebrows. "For real? I thought you wouldn't care about such stuff." He leaned in. "Can I open it here or is it something I should probably open at home?" Brian whispered in my ear and I immediately pushed him away. "I'll take that as a no." He chuckled a bit. "Even if that wouldn't be so bad..."

I shook my head, but I couldn't deny that I was blushing a bit nor that his words had no effect on me. I probably had drunk enough to think no longer straight and there still was my small suspicion that maybe I was indeed attracted to him. "I told you to stop that... Well it's nothing much, but here you go." I said and gave him his present.

He raised his eyebrows, when he opened it. "You didn't get me something to drink?"

I rolled my eyes. "Contrary to popular beliefs, I do have different interests than alcohol."

He laughed. "Thank you and well I have something for you too... I just left it at home... I didn't really expect you to be here." He shrugged. "I guess I really have to thank Keith."

I shook my head. "You did nothing wrong... Well you overreacted maybe, but I just walked all over you, so if somebody needs to thank him it's me..."

"It's alright" Brian said and pulled me into a hug.

"Watts if I were you I would tell them off before they have a go at it on your couch. They were already getting pretty cosy on your terrace." Keith said.

"Only because you forced them too..." Marianne chipped in. "Let them have their moment. It's cute and it's Christmas. You were the one who pointed out that we need some love, so be quiet now." We pulled apart, but Brian still had his arm around my waist.

"You wouldn't say that, if you had seen them before or what did you think they were doing out there for so long?"

Marianne shook her head. "So what? If you're feeling left out, you maybe should have brought a date for yourself and not for Brian. As far as I can see, it's your own fault." Keith pouted at which I had to laugh.

This Christmas was definitely something else.

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Preview:

"I love you..."