*

When I search a faceless crowd
A swirling mass of gray and black and white
They don't look real to me
In fact, they look so strange
Raise your glass  

*

I am different.

I know things I shouldn't know, things nobody should know. Death was a mystery to most, but not for me. One touch is all I need to know how and when somebody was going to die. I don't know why or even how I do it. It just appears in my mind and never leaves it. I no longer saw people, I saw their deaths. The only one I don't know is my own, and that scared me more than anything.

Therefor I spend most of my time drowning my thoughts in a bottle of whiskey. I don't really have friends. Just Mary, who was at the moment inside throwing herself at some singer and I needed to keep an eye on her.

I exhaled. That was about right and my cigarette was nearly finished as well. I returned back in and went straight to the counter and ordered a new drink, only to run into someone I had forgotten over everything.

"Here you are, Mick said, Brian made you run away, but your friend meant you wouldn't leave without saying anything, seems like she was right. Let's go back to the others. I promise I keep Brian away. You know you're like the first girl to run away from him. Normally he's quite popular." He laughed. "Oh and sorry about the drink, I'll pay the next round."

I sighed, seems like there was no way I was getting away now.

"'s fine."

He took my arm to guide us through the bar or to make sure I was really following him and again a vision invaded my mind. Like with Mary I wondered how he was going to live that long. Not that I wished his death, but he didn't seem like someone to turn something down and still his life had a long way ahead, not like this Brian. I felt bad, but there probably was nothing I could do about it.

Of course I had tried to save someone before, but normally it didn't turn out so very well. Just once I had changed something, but the other times it hadn't really worked out. The first person I really tried to save was my mother. I was still a child back then, but already knew what my visions meant. I knew she was going to die in a car crash and did everything I could to keep her inside that day, away from any cars, but the vision didn't change. It was nearly 5 o'clock and we were in the garden, me and my brother playing ball. I thought that soon it would be dark and she would be save, but I was never so wrong in my life... I paid more attention to my mum than to my little brother and kicked the ball with too much force. It rolled on the street and my brother run after it and my mother after him. I just stood there and saw my little brother die. I had saved my mother, but killed my brother. Her fate changed, but not for the best. She hung herself two years later and it was all my fault. I was all alone with my guilt and had to move in with my grandparents. From then on I promised myself to stay mostly clear out of people's way.

The second time it was just somebody I randomly touched in the streets on his actual death day. It was dumb luck, but I was 15 and believed maybe I could make a difference and lessen my guilt. I tried talking to him, but all it did was that he called me crazy, went home and died any way. Thinking back on it, he probably was right it sounded totally barmy, but I just felt like I needed to say anything.

After that I definitely tried to stay away from people. It was a lot easier. Well at least until Mary was concerned. She had trouble fitting in, because she was from a well off family and tried to fit in with the well lesser off, causing the people judging her on both sides. Her family couldn't stand her behaviour and the others felt like she didn't belong there either. I didn't really care, because well I stayed out of most people's business anyway and Mary saw in me a chance to have a buddy to go out. At first it annoyed me a great deal, I just wanted to be left on my own, but Mary didn't give up and I started to ask myself why I shouldn't be friends with her. She had a long life ahead of her, so I probably didn't have to worry about her dying on me and even if death was my constant companion didn't mean that I didn't feel lonely. We became friends and the only death I successfully changed became her brother's.

But well I didn't really see how I could change the death of this Brian, therefor I knew to less about it and it wasn't really my business. I'll probably never see him again after today and I probably couldn't do anything about it anyway. I'll just have a few more drinks, watch over Mary, after that I'll head home and by tomorrow I have forgotten all about it. Yes that sounded like a plan.

"Look who's back! I thought Brian chased you off for good!" exclaimed Mick and Mary just giggled.

I shrugged. "I just felt dizzy and needed some fresh air."

Mary raised an eyebrow. "You didn't seem that bad and normally you drink a lot more."

"Might have been just a spur of a moment thing. I don't know."

"Anyway I still believe Brian scared you" He chuckled. "But let's sit down and finally have this drink!" Keith touched me again, but I was getting used to it and it didn't seem so bad anymore.

I smiled. "No not really, I've seen worse, but a drink doesn't sound too bad." I sat down in between him and Brian. I tried not to look at him, but I could feel his curious eyes on me. He probably thought me odd for running off without saying anything.

"You're not telling something..." he whispered so low that I nearly didn't catch it. The others didn't.

"You've seen worse?" Keith asked.

Mary laughed. "Oh yes she works as at funeral parlour. I don't want to think about the things she has seen. It gives me the creeps. I don't understand how she does it."

I just shrugged. The death didn't give me visions like the living did and it was a quiet job.

They looked at me like I had grown another head until Keith broke the silence with his laugh.

"How is it?"

"It's like any other job. Only my clients don't complain any longer."

Keith laughed. "And still doesn't it bother you to be around death people the whole day?"

"Most of the time they are less trouble than the living and I guess you get used to it. Or are you still bothered by all your fans and the press?"

He shrugged. "Sometimes, but yeah you're probably right. You can get used to everything. Does she," he pointed to Mary, "Work with you?"

I shook my head. "We met in a bar, this one actually. We're always here. It's one of the best places."

"Really? I've never been here before."

"I know."

"Oh yes, I remember you're the really big fan." He chuckled. "No let me guess you like the Beatles."

I shrugged. "I didn't really listen to them until the Sgt Pepper album came out."

"Hmm... ok then how about the Who? No you don't seem like you'll listen to them... "

I laughed. "A Quick One is pretty good. It's actually one of my favourite records. "

"Really? We are thinking about doing a show with them and some others next month. If you want to come I maybe could arrange something."

I raised my eyebrows out of surprise. I thought he just wanted to have some fun, not that he wanted to keep me around for some time, but I always was bad at socialising.

"Thanks, but Mary and me have seen them a few times and they hang around her too. However I think she'll kill me if she finds out that I turned your offer down."

"And we don't want that, do we?" he laughed and I offered him another cigarette, which he gratefully took. "You do smoke a lot."

"And you don't?"

"Touché, but I'd rather have a new drink. Your glass is empty as well. Want me to fetch you another one?"

I just nodded. A free drink was a free drink, even if I probably shouldn't drink much more. I started to feel its effects and I wasn't sure how long this evening was going to be. Mary normally was faster drunk than me and we called it a day, before I was too drunk, but now I had Keith on my case who gave me the impression he could hold his liquor really well. Maybe it was his goal to get me drunk, but he didn't give me the impression like he was after me for sex. We had talked, but that was it. He wasn't really flirting with me, or was he? Well it was easy to talk to him and that I didn't need to worry about his death, probably helped a lot too and well the alcohol, but it was just some small talk. Nothing more.

I decided to have another cigarette to pass some time and tried to lid it. I had a go at it a few times until Brian helped me out with his lighter.

"Thanks."

Honestly I had nearly forgotten about him or at least I had tried to put him out of my mind. Sometime into my conversation with Keith he had wandered off and I hadn't even seen him return and I had hoped that he maybe went home or something. I didn't want to be alone with him, but as long as Mary remained I would as well, so another drink was probably not the worst, especially when I didn't had to pay for it, if Keith didn't get lost again.

"So why did you run away then?" Brian asked.

I snorted. "I already told you and the others why."

"That wasn't the truth was it?"

I raised an eyebrow. "How would you know?"

"You've got something about you. Something dark and cold, but lonely too."

"My aura tells you that I'm lying?"

He shrugged and lit himself a cigarette as well. "It's the things you don't see that tell you the most."

"Or the things you don't want to see."

He didn't reply, but I could see that his mind had wandered off. It might have been the alcohol, but I felt like there was something about him, something peculiar and maybe just maybe he could get a second chance. I shook my head. I shouldn't mess with fate or whatever it was called.

"Can you tell me my future?"

I looked at him. Where did that come from?

"What do you mean?"

He didn't reply again. I observed him closer. He seemed off, but not like he had drunk too much. I strongly suspected that he was high, but I could be wrong I didn't know him and alcohol had a different effect on everybody.

"Death is standing behind you."

I nearly chocked on my cigarette, which caught the attention of Mick and Mary.

Mick laughed. "Brian, are you trying to scare her off again? Keith won't be happy about it. I think he likes her."

Brian ignored him. "He's not after you. He's your friend. So what does he tell you?"

Brian was indeed scaring me, but contrary to what Mick thought, no matter why he could see these things it scared me how accurate they sounded. Even if I wouldn't call death my friend.

"What is he talking about?" asked Mary.

"I have no bloody idea, but that's Brian for you. I think that's the clue to head home. Want to come with us?" I rolled my eyes and Mary eagerly nodded. "Well let's fetch Keith and go."

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Preview Chapter 3:

"It told you something." Brian whispered in my ear. He was still holding me, but I had turned my back towards him. So I couldn't see his face and neither could he see mine, which was a  good thing. If I only looked half as spooked out as I felt, I must have looked pretty afraid. I cleared my throat. He was just high, he couldn't know anything and he'll surely would have forgotten all about it in the morning.

"You don't know anything." I mumbled.