*
Take me to the station
And put me on a train
I've got no expectations
To pass through here again
*

I had drunk way more than I actually planned on. One drink became two and so on. Mary was way over and I was on the best way there. I brought her home and really wished for her sake that she would be fine in the morning. I had to work as well, but I had more experience working with a hungover than she did and I wasn't so bad, at least compared to her. She hadn't even been able to finish her last two drinks and I had to drink them, because it would have been a pity to let them go to waste.

It was already late, when I finally had gotten her in bed and I still needed to get back to Brian's. My couch looked so tempting, but I couldn't do that. I knew this would be unfair towards him. No matter how late Brian went out, he usually came back home and I couldn't just stay away after I had promised him I wouldn't leave him again. That surely wouldn't sit well with him, especially not if he knew why I had. I still couldn't see why he had such a problem with me drinking, when he was not in the slightest better, but that was Brian. A breathing contradiction or maybe he wasn't and I was just too dumb to understand him.

The ride home was mostly a blur. I was dead tired and just wanted to sleep. I probably should have taken a cab, but that would have just been money thrown out the window, even if I had saved up some, didn't mean I needed to spend it on unnecessary things. I wasn't that drunk, I was just lazy and that wasn't a valuable reason to take a cab, but it would have been at least faster. It was after midnight, when I finally arrived at Brian's, but there still was light on and he was usually not one to go to bed early.

"Where were you?" I hadn't even closed the door when I heard his voice. I sighed. I really wasn't in the mood for a discussion. I only wanted to go to bed, but I doubted Brian would care about that.

"Out with Mary..." I just mumbled.

"You weren't at work today." I raised my eyebrows. How did he know that? "I wanted to pick you up and your boss told me you had called in sick yesterday. So where were you?"

"Out... Needed to clear my head." I replied. This really wasn't going in the right direction, I thought.

"Where?" He got hold of my arm. Old. Sick. Death. I furrowed my brows, this somehow had screamed like one of his bad moods, but who was I to complain, when he was in a good mood even if it surprised me a tad or maybe I was more drunk than I thought I was and already imaging things.

I sighed relieved. "Shopping, presents... You know its's Christmas soon... I just needed some peace and quiet." I tried to explain, but somehow I doubted he would listen.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

I frowned. What was wrong with him? He shouldn't have been so understanding, but instead he should have told me to- I had no idea, but not this... Why couldn't he be the same person for two days straight? I didn't understand him a bit. His death, his behaviour, his well everything...

"Because I didn't want you to go with me! You make everything more complicated!" I cursed I didn't mean to say that... "Brian, I didn't mean... I don't know... I am just so damn confused. Fuck..."

He sighed. "How drunk are you?"

"Maybe that explains it..." I mumbled more to myself than him.

"Let's get you to bed then... But you know, you could have told me so I wouldn't have minded if you needed some space..." He approached me as if he wanted to help me, but I waved him off. I didn't need his help.

"Really? Since when?" I asked, but at least he was right with the go to bed bit. I took my shoes and my coat off. Sadly my balance wasn't really helping and I fell down.

Brian sighed, but helped me up. Old. Sick. Death. "We should discuss this another time, you're drunk..."

"Yes maybe, but I am not wasted. So why the sudden change of heart?" this was too interesting to just drop it now.

He sighed. "Keith might have called and told me that if I continued like this I would scare you off for good... You weren't one for too many affection and well I guess he's right. Eh... He actually wanted to talk to you, you probably should call him back some time." I laughed. Mary told me just to go with it and Keith told him to cool it down. Brian frowned. "What?"

"Mary told me that I was overthinking everything and I should maybe just embrace things like they were and now you want to give me some space. It just seemed funny. Brian can I ask something?" He nodded. "Everyone tells me you have feelings for me but do you really?"

He tensed up and let go off me. "Does it matter?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

He laughed. "Hurt me? You probably heard all the stories about me by now, if one of us is going to be hurt, it's you, not me... I probably should really scare you off..."

"I don't think you would... You're not so bad and even if you did, Keith threatened to bring me back." I smiled. "Blame it on the alcohol and everything that happened, but I really do like you... and I believe that if one of us is going to end up hurt, it's rather you than me and I wouldn't want that..."

He shook his head. "You should sleep it off..."

"You're probably right..." I said, but didn't move an inch and then again I surprised myself by doing something I wouldn't usually have done. I didn't know what it was about Brian, but something always attracted me to him and I hugged him without a further thought. Old. Sick. Death. He wasn't saying anything nor did he return my hug and it made me feel really awkward. I thought he wanted that and now he didn't even react... I let go off him and looked into his eyes. Confusion, worry and again something I couldn't really place, but it made me reach out again for him. Before I could touch him however, he stopped my hand mid-air with his own. Old. Sick. Death. And for the fourth time our lips found each other, even if this time Brian was the innocent one for once. I had kissed him, even it lasted only for a moment, before I realised what I was actually doing and made a run for the bathroom.

I leaned against the closed door and touched my lips. What the hell had I done and why? I shook my head I hadn't done anything. It was the alcohol and everyone else making me think I had feelings for him, nothing more... it just couldn't be. I liked him, but not like this. We had a deal and that was it. I would leave his life again in July and return to mine. Brian wouldn't even miss me for a day, he probably would even be happy to be rid of me. Nobody he needed to fight over everything anymore nor somebody that bothered him with their own stupid problems... He would be better off without me...

I sighed. This was pointless, I should perhaps stop pondering this and just shower and head to bed. Tomorrow was a new day, but probably not less awkward. I wanted to hit myself for being so stupid, especially after I had finished showering and I remarked that I had no clothes to change into, which meant I had to leave the bathroom only in a towel. I just hoped I wouldn't run into Brian again and make it even more embarrassing than it already was. Luckily I made it back to my room without seeing him and I could finally change into something to sleep in and put an end to this day.

The morning came faster than I thought. My head hurt and I felt like I hadn't slept at all, but considering how short my night was and how much I had drunk, this wasn't very surprising. However I needed to get up, I missed out on yesterday's work and I couldn't do it again, even though I felt like I should have taken off today instead of yesterday. There was no use in complaining now. This was my own goddamn fault. I sighed and got up and that's when I remarked a small detail that had slipped my mind earlier upon waking up. Brian wasn't there and that could only mean two things, either he went out last night and hasn't returned yet or I had really fucked up and he was avoiding me now... I shook my head. I had to go to work and I really shouldn't think about these things anyway, especially not when I had a hangover.

Still Brian's disappearance worried me and I just had to look into his room. Maybe he had just slept there and I was worrying over nothing... I opened the door silently, trying not to wake him, if he indeed was sleeping, but it had been a waste of energy. His room was empty.

"Are you looking for me?" I heard him say and I jumped. Immediately I turned around and he was leaning on the wall with a cup in his hand, smiling. If I hadn't been so glad to finally see him, I probably would have been angry at him for scaring me. "Sorry I didn't mean to startle you..." He excused.

"Still you did a fine job at it..." I mumbled.

He laughed. "Seems like it...Damn you look bad."

I rolled my eyes. "Thank you... I need to get ready, so if you excuse me."

"Really you're going to work?" He raised his eyebrows.

"I told you, I've done this before. I just need some make up and I look presentable."

He nodded. "Alright, but let me drive you this time. It would save you time..."

I shrugged. Why not? He was right and not traveling by tube did sound really tempting. "Alright you can drive me, but let me get ready first" He nodded and I went into the bathroom. I actually didn't look that bad, considering I had only slept a few hours... Wait if I had only slept a few hours, how long had he slept? And since when was he awake before me? I shook my head. It doesn't matter, I needed to go to work and not ponder what Brian was doing in his life. Well I should, because I was supposed to help him, but not like this. There was nothing wrong with him waking up before me for once or maybe twice. The only thing I was going to achieve this way was driving myself crazy and nothing else.

After getting myself presentable and into a state of mind where I probably could survive the whole day without overthinking everything again, I entered the kitchen. Like yesterday Brian was sitting there, smoking and having some tea and I wondered if this was going to become a habit of his.

"Do you want some tea?" I shook my head. I needed something stronger than that if I really wanted to get through the day. He raised his eyebrows as I fixed myself a drink and gulped it in go, but he didn't comment on it.

"It's for the hungover." I mumbled and he shrugged.

"I made some toast, if you want any..." I was a bit surprised, but who was I to complain about toast? I sat down on the opposite side of him and eat my toast. He observed me and my surprise soon became a feeling of unease. This whole situation seemed just fucked up, since when did he wake up before me, make breakfast etc.? What happened to him? I mean he always had his moments, but none of them included acting like we have been married for 50 years. Whatever Keith had told him over the phone must really have worked and I just wondered if it was really for his best... This wasn't him. He should be lying in bed, crawl out of it sometime after lunch and do whatever he did, find a girl, have a smoke, spend time with the band, anything just not this...

"I have no idea what Keith said to you, but stop this and have a smoke or something. You're creepy."

Brian frowned and then started laughing. "You really something else. I thought you would be happy about this."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, because I always wished for us to be an old married couple..."

He seemed even more amused. "That's how you see me?"

I sighed. "You don't have to act any different around me than you did before... Just be yourself or at least not this... This is seriously freaking me out"

He raised his eyebrows. "And if I wanted to be like this?"

"Well then I guess my job's done here."

He frowned. "Job?"

"Remember I am here to prevent your death? And if you act like the story book gentleman, then there's no need for me anymore and you can go on with your life. Marry a model or something, make a million after million or do whatever you please."

"And what about you?"

I shrugged. "Me? I am just going back to my old life, I suppose."

"In other words you'll leave me as soon as I am no longer going to die?" I frowned. Somehow the playfulness had disappeared from his voice and he sounded dead serious and it was frightening me.

"Yes?" I said, but it sounded more like a question than an actual answer.

"Is this all this is for you some job? I thought you..." He shook his head. He definitely seemed angry, but what was the matter? He was the one who offered this deal in the first place. Perhaps I hadn't put it very eloquently, but it was nothing than the truth. I really had no intent to stay longer than July and I thought it was the same for him. I mean we had never talked about it, but it seemed logical. "Get out!"

I twitched. "Sorry?"

"You heard me! If all you do is leave in the end, then you can go now!" Brian yelled.

"You don't mean this..." I tried, but judging from his face he was indeed very serious.

"I don't want to see you again..."

"Brian-"

"No! Just leave!" He interrupted me and grabbed my arm. Water. Suffocating. Death. "Get out"

"Let me go! What is your problem? One moment you're joking around and then you go mad! What is wrong with you?" He ignored my yelling and tried to drag me out. I resisted him as good as I could, but I was still feeling so hungover that I wasn't really accomplishing anything. Only that Brian's hold grew stronger and it started to hurt. Still I wouldn't simply give in like that, he couldn't threat me like this and just push me out. "Stop this! You're hurting me and I'm not leaving you! Why don't you get that through your head? "I yelled at him and that's when he stopped, causing me to lose my balance and I fell down to the floor. I couldn't even blink before Brian had pulled me up again. Water. Suffocating. Death.

"I'm sorry..." He mumbled. "I'll drive you to work, but I think we need a break..." He didn't look angry anymore, but sad.

"We rather need a talk... But you're right I really need to go or I'll be late."

He nodded and after that not a further word was exchanged between us. He didn't even tell me goodbye when he dropped me off at the funeral parlour. He just drove away. I felt like yelling or punching the wall. Why ended every discussion we had in a fight or something similar? Couldn't we just talk about things like normal people? I know it was cold of me to just tell him I would leave, but blimey it just had been the truth! I was supposed to stay with him until the 4 July and not forever, what had he expected? That I stayed by his side forever making sure he wouldn't die? That was ridiculous and if he thought about it for a minute he would realise that too. There was no reason for us to live together after he had gotten his life in order. I mean we were friends, nothing more surely and that doesn't require us to share a house. We could meet up for a drink or something similar and that's it. I sighed. I couldn't deal with this not now. I still felt hungover and this whole complicated feeling business was even too much for me on a good day.

Work wasn't any better. I felt like shit and couldn't do anything. Mr Evan thought I was still sick and send me home, but I didn't even know where that was. I had no home. Brian didn't want to see me and Mary now owned my flat. Still Mary was my best chance. She probably would be working, if she had managed to get out of bed this morning and I could just relax there for a bit.

She wasn't home, so I guess she had indeed managed somehow. I laid down in her or my bed. She probably wouldn't mind and I desperately needed some peace. My head hurt and sleep sounded like the best option now...

I woke up because somebody was shaking me and I groaned. I had no idea how long I had slept this time around, but again it was definitely not enough. I thought at first it was Brian and wanted to tell him to just let me sleep, but the vision was different and then I remembered our fight and suddenly I felt wide awake.

"What are you doing here?" Mary looked really tired as well. No wonder she might have slept a tad more than me, but surely not enough for the quantities we had drunk last night.

"Brian threw me out..." I mumbled, sitting up.

"I am so sorry... Did you break up?" She asked sitting down next to me on the bed.

"I- I don't know. He said he needed a break or something."

Marry hugged me. Old. Death. And I just wanted to curse. These damn visions, if I never had them none of these things would have happened... My brother would still be alive, I could have had a normal childhood, a normal life, maybe even my own family... I probably would never had anything to do with Brian and could just live my life in peace without this drama... "I'm really sorry... I really thought he loved you... What happened?"

I asked myself the same thing. "I- we had a disagreement about the future..."

"Don't tell me he wanted to marry you and you told him no!" She exclaimed and I probably paled. Marry me? I sometimes wondered where she got these ideas from, or maybe it had something to do with me. That actually might explain a lot, I thought sighing.

"No not really, it was more like I told him that we wouldn't be together in a few months." Mary hit me on the arm. "Ow. Why do you hit me now?" I asked rubbing my arm. It didn't hurt that much, but still.

"Because you're stupid! You don't tell somebody you like, that you're probably going to leave them in a few months! No wonder he threw you out! Call him and tell him you didn't mean that!" She exclaimed.

"But I did-"

"No you don't. Listen Charlie, I really love you, even if you sometimes act like you're more a robot than a human being. "She interrupted me. "I know you're not the most emotional person out there, but even a blind man can see that you care about Brian. You worry about him even more than you normally would and judging from his reaction he loves you to. So please just think about it for a minute, do you really want to drop him like a hot potato?" I shook my head. Of course I hadn't meant it like that, but... I had no idea... "It's alright, you should calm down first... He probably needs some time too, until then you can stay here. It's your place to begin with, but promise me to call him, when you're better." I nodded. "Ok then, let me make you something to eat. If I had known cooking was so much fun, I would have tried it out ages ago!" I laughed. I was more than glad to have her. She had helped me, even though I was still a bit unsure, but she probably was right that we needed to calm down and then talk about it.

Whenever that was.

Ehh... Sorry?

Thank you for reading, voting and well any comments! (even if I kind of dread them after this chapter...)

Preeeview:

"Or even better you could go with me!" Keith offered.

"I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Charlie and Shirley invited you too, so I don't see a reason for you not being there. Come on, I haven't seen you in a while and Brian is probably happy to see you as well." He exclaimed.

I sighed. "Keith, no..."