It's nice to talk to you today
It's very pleasant anyway
Is this as far as you go, girl
But I'll let you guess
You can get me
If you let me, oh yes
*

We stayed in bed without saying anything, just hugging each other, but I supposed it was for both of us a lot to take in, especially after we hadn't even seen each other in two weeks... I wondered if this was going to change anything or if me and him had sealed his fate by trying to alter it... I always knew that there was a risk that he could still die in the end, but now it just seemed cruel. He was on the right track and still his death loomed over us. Even if he didn't believe that it was my fault, I still felt guilty and well... surprised, nervous, odd... I did't know how I should feel about his confession, and neither did I know how to act around him, even worse than before. I really didn't want to hurt him or make everything worse... Neither could I just forget about this and run off. We needed to stay together and this again didn't make it any easier between us.

It was already rather late, when I finally got out of bed, had something to drink and a shower. Brian made some toast and got me my Christmas present, which was a lovely silver bracelet and like with Keith, I was surprised that somebody gave me jewellery. Keith's had been meant as a joke, but Brian's... It looked simple, but I was sure that it must have been expensive or well at least for my standards and I was just astonished that he would give me something like this when I usually didn't even wear any jewellery beside a wristwatch. I wanted to argue with him that this was way too much, but I couldn't. I didn't want to hurt his feelings again, especially not now. I thanked him very awkwardly and run off to my room. I knew I was acting odd and Brian wasn't stupid he probably had picked it up as well, but he had well... he had surprised me.

In a way this nearly seemed ironic. There were definitely tons of people, who dreamed about laying in his bed and hearing those three words out of his mouth and I was scared as hell. It wasn't only his confession or his nearing death, but I had accepted a long time ago that I would die alone and now he was offering me something I had never even dreamed about, a relationship, somebody to love and I had no idea what to think about it. I felt attracted to him, I had missed him and well I liked him, but was that enough? And had he even really meant it? I knew I shouldn't believe everything that the media had printed about him, but if only half of it was true I couldn't trust his confession, no matter how honest he had looked and no matter how bad I felt for mistrusting him. It was for the best, wasn't it? We had no future together any way this ended.

But what if he was right and we both were dead in a few months, shouldn't I give him then at least a chance? I mean if I really was attracted to him and not simply thought so, because he had come so close to me... I didn't know, the only thing I was sure of was that I didn't want to hurt him any further. He had been in enough pain in the past even without me and if Brian could use one thing it was peace.

However I had no idea what this meant for me... I definitely needed to sort my thoughts out and maybe talk to someone who knew more about this than I. I could pick my stuff up at Mary's and well maybe ask her, how I could make sure if I really had feeling for him or not, at least with that she could help me. The death issue was something I had more experience with and maybe if I finally could clear me head, I could find a way how we could prevent him from dying in the end. Not only for himself, but I doubted I could handle it either. I had become too involved with him to just shrug it off, but did that mean I loved him too? I could only hope Mary had any advice for me.

The only problem with this plan was Brian was dead set on going with me. I think he feared I would run off or change my mind about staying with him and in all honesty he wasn't so wrong with it... I would doubt myself in his place too. I definitely felt like running away, but for once he didn't pressure me. Brian just dropped me off in front of my old home and drove off without a single word. It hurt even if I had no idea why... He should have persisted on going with me and we should have argued and not this. This wasn't right. Brian clearly regretted telling me, making me feel even more guilty for doubting him and all I could do was hope that Mary had some advice or Brian and me would never ever see each other face to face again.

"Charlie? You look awful, did something happen? And I hoped you finally got back together with Brian, especially when you were away the whole night!" Mary exclaimed upon me entering the flat. She pulled me inside and before I could even blink we had sat down on the couch. She was holding my hand and I still wasn't really reacting. I just had no idea what to tell her. Brian and me were back together, I supposed, but there was again something standing in between us. "Did you break it off for good now?" She shook her head. "I really thought he would take you back... I'm so sorry..." She said and hugged me.

"He told me he loved me..." I mumbled.

She let go off me and furrowed her brows. "Who? Brian?" Now it was my turn to frown. Who else could I mean? She didn't say anything and so I simply nodded, which seemed to calm her down. "But that's wonderful! So why the long face?"

"I- How do you know you love somebody?"

Mary sighed. "Now I really pity him... Charlie, you really have to stop to put the poor lad down. I think he has enough on his mind already... And I don't understand why you're even asking, you must at least like him or why are or were you with him?"

"He needs me..."

She shook her head. "But what do you want? You can't just be with him, because he wants to or needs you. You worry about him and care for him too, that much I can tell you and you probably already know that yourself.... but do you really want to be with him? Or maybe you should both just drop it and just stay friends or whatever. Both you and him are so complicated, it's a wonder how you decide on anything at all... On the other hand you never really do."

She was right with us being so complicated. Under normal circumstances there would be no need for me to stay at his with or without feelings. We probably wouldn't even be speaking... It was all due to these damn visions and now I just couldn't leave him on his own and honestly I didn't want to. Besides the horrible work travel, living with him was nice and I hadn't felt so much at ease since I had left my grandmother to live on my own. I didn't want to be alone again, but that didn't mean I loved him... I worried over him, but wasn't that normal? We were friends... I think. "I just don't know..."

She sighed. "I don't mean to pry, because what you two do at night is really your business, even if I am a tad curious. I mean he is good-looking and with his reputation... One can wonder, especially when it comes to you. I mean you're rather uptight and he just seems crazy about you. So I wonder if you maybe have a trick or two up your sleeve. It's really always the quiet ones you need to look out for. "

"Mary please..."I begged, that certainly wasn't a topic I wanted to talk about or even think about. I just had started to become comfortable with his casual touching and I certainly wasn't ready for this kind.

She laughed. "Alright, well I assume that you don't mind being with Brian... 'Cause you well you're not really the person to be impressed by fame or anything and if you were, you probably would have gone after Keith and not Brian. That would have been less trouble, considering he was after you. Again I'm off topic, you must at least know how you feel when you're with him, when he touches you, kisses you or whatever. "

I bid my lip. We had kissed, but Brian had always taken the initiative... I had returned the kiss on Christmas at least, but I had been feeling uneasy after that... The same whenever he touched me, I didn't like people touching me to begin with, but with him or at least with the pool vision, it seemed even worse. "Uneasy..."

Mary rolled her eyes at that. "Uneasy because you didn't want him to touch you? Uneasy because you didn't know what to feel or simply embarrassed? You could at least give me a bit more information, if you want me to help you."

I sighed and buried my head in my hands. "I have no idea. He just makes me feel uneasy! I don't know how I should act, what I should think or what to expect... One moment he does that and the next he does something totally different... I worry about him all the time, because I just don't know what goes on with him. I can't get him out of my mind, no matter what I do... I think I'm slowly going crazy."

Mary started laughing, which made me look up at her. "Rather you are crazy about him. Oh Charlie how blind can you be? You love him." I shook my head. "You can deny it all you want, but it's written on your face how much you care for him and you're making yourself crazy, because you just can't let go. You push him away because you don't want to get hurt, but this way you're hurting him and yourself. Let me get you something to drink, maybe then you see a bit a clearer." She pat my knee and got up, leaving towards the kitchen.

I wondered if she was right. Did I really love him? It just seemed so strange and so sudden. I've met him at the end of October and moved in with him early November. It was now nearly January and we've known each other only for two months. We had perhaps gone through a lot together in this short time, but still it seemed too fast at least for me... For Brian this was probably the slowest relationship he ever had. Maybe that was why he thought he loved me too. Mary hadn't questioned it, which surprised me a tad. She had probably read more about him than me, so why did she believe him? I wanted to ask her, but at the same time I wasn't sure if I really wanted to hear the answer. Often enough I had already heard how special I was to Brian and I didn't need this again, when I was trying to sort my thoughts.

"Well here you go." She said as she sat the glass down in front of me on the table and the bottle beside it, which was good, because the glass was faster empty than Mary could blink. She just chuckled. "I'm happy me and Ben aren't that complicated..." I nearly wanted to hit myself. Over my own stupid problems I had completely forgotten to ask her about her date with Ben. Mary laughed. "No need to beat yourself up on it, you had other things on your mind and there isn't so much to tell. He's nice and he threats me like a princess. We had dinner and that was it. We might meet up again sometime."

"Do you like him?" I wondered.

"Maybe..." She sighed. "I'm still talking to George sometimes on the telephone and I don't know he's nice too, but with Ben it's easier and he really cares for me and George well he's still married... And considering how many problems you have with dating somebody famous, even without the marriage and the press bothering you, I don't know if I really want that... On the other hand that might be Brian's fault... I mean he's not really that balanced out to begin with, you really should have gone for Keith, that would have been a lot easier and less trouble." She sighed. "Well at least you finally have somebody in your life, I thought you would never find somebody you like and die all alone. Even if I question your taste a tad, but well you work with corpses, no surprise if Brian looks like a lottery win to you and he does look good if you're-"

"Can we come back to you and Ben?" I interrupter her annoyed.

She chuckled. "Alright well Ben really cares for me and that's so nice. I don't have to worry about anything and he accepts me the way I am. He doesn't think I'm arrogant or easy or anything. Just me. I've been called a princess before, but for the first time I feel like one, even if he definitely isn't what I pictured as relationship material... Still I think I like him... "

"I'm glad you found somebody you like... Even if I really can't see what you like about him...." I mumbled.

Mary just kept on chuckling. "And I can't see why you like Brian so much, so I think we're even."

"Why don't you like him?"

She shrugged. "Because he's taken my best friend away? Even if I have to admit that you're not as reclusive as you were before. Still I'm afraid he'll hurt you in the end, no matter what his feelings might be for you... I love you and I don't want him to break your heart," she said and then started chuckling again. "Well I suppose there's no need for that. If there's going to be a broken heart, I'm nearly sure it won't be yours. Somehow that sounds so strange, they always portray him as the troubled heart-breaking womanizer and now he's at your mercy."

I nearly groaned. "I'm not going to break his heart..."

"Say what you want, but he gives me the impression he's more into you than you into him, even if it's seriously in a strange way. I mean, he keeps you away from everyone, only because he doesn't want to share you or whatever... Or why do you think he can hardly stand me? I never did him any wrong and whenever I see you, he's simply annoyed at my presence. If you ever disappear I make sure the police looks in his basement first."

I rolled my eyes. "Now you're going a bit far. He isn't that bad and if you want to talk about obsessions, you can start with Ben. The guy hated me, because I told you he was an idiot once and we had a huge fight, only because he thought I would leave and he would never see you again."

She laughed. "Alright you're right and still if ever something happened to you, Brian would be my first suspect." I glared at her and she only laughed harder. "Oh Charlie you're so in love with the guy, it's nearly not even funny anymore."

"Can you stop that? Brian isn't going to lock me up in his basement or something..."I mumbled annoyed.

She raised an eyebrow. "Where then his bedroom?"

"Mary!" I exclaimed, only making her laugh harder.

"Sorry, but your face was just too much fun to pass by. It's rare that I can tease you about something."

"I'm glad I can entertain you, but I'm not really here for that..." I cleared my throat. "Actually I wanted to collect my stuff and well you know..."

She chuckled. "Move back in with him?" I nodded. "Uff I thought I had to keep on living with you. Maybe I'm really wrong and it's not astonishing how you put up with Brian, but the other way around."

I rolled my eyes at her, but I wondered if she wasn't so wrong with that... I thought Brian was complicated, but maybe I was too? He told me he loved me and all I ever did was push him away and we never manage to engage in a normal conversation without it turning into a huge discussion...

We drunk a bit more and then she helped me put my stuff together and drove me back to Brian's. I was a bit nervous about facing him again and Mary seemed to feel it. She gave me a thumbs up when she drove away. I took a deep breath before I went in, but Brian seemed to be out. The house was awfully quiet and the only noise was the door, which closed behind me.

"Brian?" I called out, but got no reply.

I found it odd that he just had left, on the other hand it seemed so typical... Well at least I could put my stuff away without this awkwardness between us again. I really needed to come up with what I was to do or say, because we couldn't stay in this mess. If Brian really loved me, I owned him at least as much as a talk.

However I didn't see him the whole evening. I went to sleep early, because I had to work in the morning and like usual sometime during the night he lay down next to me and I smiled despised the vision. Maybe I really was just worrying too much and everything was going to work out in the end.

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Preview:

I took a deep breath as I entered the house. I had no idea if Brian was already home or not, but I was nervous anyway. I had just closed the door, when I heard a voice from the living room and my feet walked there automatically even when my head screamed at me to stay away.