I'm free any old time to get what I want
I'm free to choose what I please any old time
I'm free to choose what I please any old time
So hold me, love me, love me, hold me
* 

"It's going to be fine."

I had no idea how often I had said these exact words already today. Probably too often to believe them anymore and I doubted Brian did either, but what else was I supposed to do? I could see Brian was tense, nervous about what he was about to do. Some part of him didn't want to leave, even if it was the best option he had. His time was short, too short to waste if he really wanted to do something on his own. This was the only choice he had. He needed to leave. No matter how often I tried to reassure myself it still sounded wrong.

Brian hadn't talked much to me about it and after going through his stuff, I didn't feel like asking either, but even a blind man could see how much the Rolling Stones meant to him and I didn't want him to take the wrong decision. That's why I wasn't sure who exactly I was trying to calm with my 'everything is going to be fine' either. He or I? Probably a little bit of both.

Brian was holding my hand very tightly, for support as we made our way to the studio. Like I had promised I had come along, though I had to rely on Edgar again. The two weeks ultimatum wasn't up yet and theoretically I should have been working still. It was not much I missed, only half an hour that I had left earlier to be on time with Brian in the studio, but this meant another favour I had to ask of Edgar I would never repay.

His mother had about 8 days left to live and I was using him as I pleased, because he was too kind. I felt bad and wished for nothing more than today to be over. If Brian at least got what he wanted, we finally would have cleared something up, instead of just adding new things to our problems.

"I doubt it... but is has to be done," Brian concluded.

We were in the same room; I had been in before when Keith had picked me up and they had recorded the song Keith had hummed to me a few months ago. Somehow it felt so much longer ago than it really was, but so much had happened in so little time...

"Wow you're early for once," Bill greeted us. He was the only one from the Stones that already seemed to be here. There was no trace of the others, so we indeed must have been early or the others were late. Charlie Watts didn't seem the type to be late though and Bill as did Brian had probably a good reason to be early.

His was female and young, well younger than him at least and had probably wanted to see the studio and spend some time with Bill alone, before she watched the Stones record. That was what I at least suspected and considering what Brian was quietly mumbling to himself, my suspicions seemed to be right. I hadn't exactly understood it, but it sounded a lot like 'another one for the list'. I doubted Bill had heard him though or he had simply chosen to ignore Brian's comment.

"Oh hello Charlie, I didn't expect Brian to bring you around," Bill added.

I was about to reply, but Brian was faster. "Why shouldn't I? You brought a girl as well, didn't you?"

I squeezed his hand and send him a look that was supposed to mean 'please be polite', but I doubted Brian had understood it. He was in a bad mood and Bill was unlucky to be the first person to stumble across Brian.

"That's Holly. We-"

"I don't care," Brian interrupted him immediately. "I need something to drink... Come on Charlie," he said and pulled on my hand to leave again. "I'm sorry," was all I said before I turned my back on the couple as well and followed after Brian.

"Brian that wasn't very polite-" I tried to reason with him as soon as we were out of earshot, but I had hardly started off when he already interrupted me as well.

"I don't see why I should be nice to Bill's friend. That won't last anyway, if you think I am already bad with girls, Bill is 10 times worse."

"I can't picture him..." I mumbled a bit embarrassed, not exactly sure what to make out of this knowledge or if I even wanted to know about how they treated their girlfriends... Then again I did know about it, didn't I? Even if Brian's and mine relationship couldn't exactly be compared to those of the others. I doubted Marianne, Shirley and this Holly were with Mick, Charlie and Bill, because they had made a deal with them to prevent their deaths and somehow fallen in love with them along the way... It hurt to think that Brian wouldn't have looked at me twice if it weren't for my gift, but would I have been interested in him under other circumstances? I hadn't cared about him either when we first met. Blimey he had scared me and all I wanted was just to get away from him... Our relationship was so messed up, but were those of the others better? Mick was cheating on Marianne and if Brian was right, Bill was a flirt, even if I hadn't caught any of it.

"-I'm obviously bad news and so are Keith and Mick, but Bill he's so grown up and looks so serious, he must of course be a gentleman," Brian explained sighing. I hadn't caught everything of what he had said, but I doubted it mattered anyway.

We were now in some sort of kitchen and Brian let go off my hand to fix himself a drink and surprisingly one for me as well. When we entered there had been a girl in the kitchen, who probably worked here, but she run off the minute she saw Brian. Glaring at him or at me, I wasn't sure nor was I sure I if I really wanted to know the story behind it.

"And Charlie?"I asked instead.

"He's true to his wife," Brian replied and handed me a glass. 

I bid my lip as I took it, wanting to ask nothing more than 'And you?', but couldn't and even if he had cheated on me, what was I supposed to do about it? Leave him? I wouldn't and we both knew it.

"I haven't cheated on you, if you wondered. I haven't been with another woman since you told me you loved me. "

There were a hundred thoughts rushing through my brain, but all that left my mouth was a surprised: "Why?"

Brian frowned, obviously surprised at my question. "You want me to have an affair?" 

"No, I just don't understand... Everybody tells me you're a cheat and that I don't exactly satisfy your needs..."I admitted awkwardly, looking rather at my glass than at Brian until I heard him laugh and I looked up at him.

"I won't argue about that. We definitely could have more sex, but it isn't like I'm sex obsessed. I like it, but I can survive without it as well. You seriously worry too much about the most random things sometimes. I'm with you and only you, alright?" Brian said and not a moment later I felt his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. Water. Suffocating. Death. "-love you."

I couldn't return his hug nor say that I loved him too. His words felt so honest and I just felt low.

"I like Edgar."

"You what?" Brian asked and let go off me to have a better look at me. Confusion very obvious in his eyes.

I bit my lip and looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes." I think I like him. I don't know Mary has poisoned me with it... She said he looked like you and now whenever I see him I see you, but you with a future... But it doesn't matter, does it? I'm leaving my job aren't I and I agreed to marry you."

Brian was silent and I feared the worst. He didn't seem angry though, rather sad and tired. "Can you leave me alone for a minute?"

"Sure..." I mumbled and without another glance at him, I walked out of the room. I knew I should have said something to him or just kept quiet about it to begin with, but since I agreed to marry him, I felt even more guitly about Edgar than before. Brian deserved to know, even if the moment was probably chosen poorly... 

I downed my glass and just left it somewhere on my way back to the studio, where I had met Bill earlier. Hoping Brian wouldn't run off in the last minute and that Bil and his girlfriend would help to distract me from everything else. Strangely being with people was better than being alone with my problems.

"-she doesn't bother the band. He can do that on his own."

Keith.

I momentarily stopped in my steps at the sound of his voice. Unsure how to continue, of course I couldn't have ignored Keith forever, but neither did I know how to act around him either. He had seen me in a very vulnerable state and it made me awkward. I shouldn't have told him, but I had needed to get it from my chest and Keith was- had been so comfortable. I doubted I could still feel so good with him now.

"You don't know why he brought her here today. Maybe he wants her on the album," answered Mick, which meant that probably now everyone was here. I hadn't seen nor heard Charlie, but he really didn't seem like the person to miss anything, if there wasn't a very good excuse for it.

"She wouldn't want that. Brian only didn't want to leave her alone; you know how he is about her," Keith remarked. I knew I shouldn't listen in, but they shouldn't talk about us behind our backs either. I moved closer to hear a bit better, but still out of sight.

"And since when are you so on Brian's side? Or are you still after her?"

"I'm not after Charlie."

Mick snorted. "Sure you aren't. I maybe can't see what you like about her, but I can see how you look at her. You're definitely after her ass."

I bid my lip and wondered if Mick was right, did Keith really look at me in any special way? Was Brian's jealousy maybe not that unfounded after all?

"We're only friends. Nothing more." 

"I hope for you Brian at least believes you or I need to start looking for 2 new guitarists. I think for once he's very fond of a bird and in your place I wouldn't want to find out how fond exactly he is of her."

"It's –"

"It's impolite to listen in," said a voice from behind me and I nearly yelled out as I turned around. It was Charlie. Like Keith I hadn't seen him since Brian's birthday and I definitely had imagined seeing them both under different circumstances again. I had seen Charlie only 4 times before and knew him probably the least. Mick was louder and thanks to Mary I knew more about him than I liked to. I had spend an evening with Bill on a party and we had talked, so Charlie was indeed the only one I never had much of a conversation with and this didn't help me in my current state.

"I didn't mean to..." I mumbled a tad embarrassed.

"It's fine," Charlie said smiling forgivingly. "They shouldn't be talking about you behind your back anyway."

"Do they do that often?" I wondered.

He shock his head. "About you? No, it's more Brian they love to nag about"

I frowned. "Why?"

"I probably don't have to explain to you why Brian can be sometimes  complicated to deal with and I suppose that's their way to tolerate him. I don't agree though."

"How comes it that you're so different?"

"I don't know. I'm just me," he replied as if it was the most obvious thing and I suppose he was right. He could hardly be someone else than he was, not that it helped me figure out what to reply to him though. Luckily I was saved by man that yelled out 'Charlie' when he spotted us.

I supposed he meant Charlie Watts rather than me. I had never seen him before, but neither had Brian exactly bothered to introduce me to everyone in his entourage and usually they didn't bother with me as well as did this man. He looked me once over and apparently decided I was not worth much more and concentrated on Charlie again.

"Have you seen Brian, Charlie?" he asked.

Charlie shook his head."Not yet."

"Don't tell me he decided again not to appear!" the man yelled out slightly annoyed. " That would be so typical. At first he tells me to come, saying it's important and then just doesn't turn up!"

"Ehh... He's here. The last time I saw him he was in the kitchen," I interjected. 

"Thank you," he said and finally bothered to look at me, even if I wasn't sure if I liked it. I didn't like meeting new people and especially not when I had no idea what to make of them. "I seriously hope he doesn't leave again..." 

"He won't, I'm sure."

He frowned. "Who are you even?"

"I'm Charlie, Brian's girlfriend." The title felt wrong on my lips and I wondered how much worse it would sound to say 'I'm Charlie, Brian's soon to be wife'. They probably wouldn't believe me. Blimey I could hardly believe it. Brian and I hadn't exactly talked much about it either... For which I was nearly thankful, the idea to marry him strangely scared me and I secretly hoped he wouldn't go through with it. 

The man, I still didn't know the name of,  looked me over one more time."You look better in reality than on the pictures I've seen of you."

"I-thank you?" I said unsure if he had really complimented me or not. 

"Do you know why Brian wanted me to come?"

"Maybe you should wait for Brian to explain everything to you..." I answered him again rather unsure. 

He snorted. "I'm really curious about his reasoning now. He-"

"Well you'll see what it is about shortly, but first shouldn't we go in?" Brian interrupted him from behind us and I sighed relieved. He was not in the best mood, but at least he hadn't run off.

"Sure," the stranger replied and went ahead, directly followed by Charlie who mumbled a quick hello, when he passed Brian.

"Are you okay?" I asked Brian and stepped closer to him. He didn't look good. This decision was obviously eating him up and my confession earlier probably hadn't helped either... He looked torn and tired. He had bags under his eyes and his face nearly seemed grey in this light. I wondered if he had slept at all last night. He had been in bed with me, talking, but I had fallen asleep sometime and when I woke up, he had already got out of bed... Brian had probably spend his whole night thinking and probably drinking as well...

"No, but does it make a difference? I still need to go through with this," he answered me sighing and I took his hand squeezing it slightly, smiling up at him. Water. Suffocating. Death. Brian didn't smile back, not that I expected him to. I might not fully understand exactly how stressful this must be for him, but I was not blind. This was a difficult decision for him.

"So Brian tell us why you wanted us all here today," the stranger said when we came in. Keith was sitting on a chair fumbling with a guitar, Bill was still sitting with Holly on some seats and Charlie had sat down next to them. Mick was beside Brian and me the only one standing. He was leaning on an amplifier or a speaker I wasn't sure, nearly looking disinterested. 

"I want to leave the band," Brian exclaimed and the room got quiet. So quiet you probably could have heard a pin drop.

Everyone was starring disbelievingly at Brian as if he had just grown another head or done something similar impossible, but him actually giving up on this band probably was. Even I who had known what he wanted to do was surprised he had actually voiced it.

Mick was the first to find his voice back again and voiced what every single one of us was thinking.

"You're joking, right?"

"No I want to do my own music and I feel that is impossible the way things are now. Leaving me no other option, but to quit," Brian explained. His voice was low, but strangely strong and for a moment I felt hopeful that this would go over well. Then again I knew how this would end... I had seen it.

"Are you sure? We could work something else out for sure, at least for some time..."Keith said getting up from his chair. He was looking at us, but I felt like his gaze was rather directed at me than Brian and I looked away. Guilty. I hadn't told Keith about my newest visions. All he knew was that I had begged him to keep Brian in the band, nearly 3 months ago and now Brian wanted to leave on his own? I couldn't blame Keith for being suspicious. 

"Keith is right. This is kind of abrupt, Brian," Bill added.

"Is it really? You wanted me out when I left in January. Keith just changed his mind, because Charlie asked him to!" Brian exclaimed and my stomach dropped. I still wasn't looking at Keith, but I knew he couldn't be too happy about the fact that I had told Brian or maybe Keith didn't care. He hadn't given me the impression he was much interested in what Brian did or didn't do, as long as he wasn't bothered by it.

"I knew she had something to do with your sudden compassion for Brian!" Mick accused Keith.

"What's wrong about giving somebody another chance?"Keith asked, shrugging and I was nearly impressed at his indifference. Of course Keith couldn't show that he knew more about this, but he seemed so cool that I nearly believed him, despised knowing the truth. "Brian has changed, hasn't he? That might be because of her, but that's it. She didn't ask me to keep him in the band." 

Brian snorted. "But that's exactly what she did. She told me, so cut the crap."

"You told him?"

I flinched at the sound of Keith's voice. "I'm sorry..."

"So you told him about the kiss as well? And he doesn't want to strangle me? Wow what did you do to Brian?"

I wasn't sure if Keith had meant it as a joke or if it was a try to enrage Brian, but whatever he had wanted to achieve it definitely provoked a reaction. Brian let go off me in a blink of an eye and he was already halfway in Keith's direction when Mick caught him. 

"She wouldn't! You kissed her!" Brian yelled out, trying to get rid of Mick, who was trying to keep Brian away from Keith. 

"Of course you didn't tell him about that..." Keith commented dryly in my direction. "You only ever share the information you can use. For once in your life, Charlie tell the whole truth."

"I kissed him..." I admitted.

Brian turned to me. I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't face him nor Keith. Why couldn't just once go everything as we liked, I wondered. "You didn't! You wouldn't... I thought you were different. Why?"

"This nearly is better than television," I think I heard somebody mumble from the seats, but ignored it as did everyone else.

"I was a mess after you left me and Keith was there... I don't know I was confused." I lamely explained.

"Wow what a great excuse,"Brian sarcastically replied. "Anything else you want to tell me? Maybe you let him fuck you as well for comfort?"

"She didn't," Keith interjected, coming to my aid. "And what happened between her and me, wasn't anything to get angry over, it was just a peck on the lips. Nothing more. If you want to be angry, be angry at me, not at her. She really only needed a shoulder to cry on, because she was distraught. The only thing she talked about was you and trust me, that's not a huge turn on."

"Maybe if you had kept your hands to yourself, she wouldn't have needed to go to you to have a shoulder to cry on, but to her friend!" Brian retorted.

"Seriously you slept with her?" Mick laughed. "Who hasn't slept with that girl?"

"She has a boyfriend!" I defended her.

Keith snorted. "She's only with this guy, because she pities him and he treats her like a queen. She doesn't care about him for a minute. Trust me I know girls like her. They are only good for one thing."

"You have no right to speak about her like that! You-" I yelled out, but stopped when I realised what I was about to say. I couldn't tell Keith about the pregnancy nor that he might be the father. Mary would never forgive me.

"Why? Open your eyes Charlie, or maybe that's how you can stand Brian too? You tell yourself he's no cheating lying bastard and everything's fine?"

"I never cheated on her!" Brian exclaimed.

"You don't believe that yourself."

"I don't give a fuck-"

"Okay this was very entertaining, but I think this is enough," the man interrupted Brian, getting up from his seat next to Charlie. "You can discuss this privately too, so can we please come back to the original topic. You want to leave the Rolling Stones, Brian?"

"Yes, I don't see myself in this band anymore,"Brian affirmed. "Not the way it currently is," he added with a side glance at Mick and Keith.

"If you want to leave, I won't stop you," Mick snidely remarked and just as Keith was about to say something added: "Your opinion, Keith, is as we already found out only a desperate try to please the lady over there, so I doubt it is worth considering."

"It's not because of Charlie! I just don't want him to rush things..." Keith exclaimed, but I doubted anyone believed him.

"I agree with Keith on that... maybe you should think about it again Brian," Charlie reasoned, whom I indeed believed that he worried that Brian might regret his decision later. 

"It's his choice, not ours," concluded Bill. I still wondered about him somewhat, in certain moments I believed him to be the most considerate of Brian beside Charlie, but then he said or did something that made me question him anew. He definitely didn't want to throw Brian out of the band, but he didn't give me the impression either that he wanted to keep him or maybe I was just thinking too hard about it. All Bill maybe wanted was indeed to leave the choice up to Brian. 

"It would save us some trouble for the upcoming tour if you left, but I agree that we can't announce it so suddenly. We need to prepare everything, so maybe wait a month?" Their manager asked Brian, who looked everything but happy at the idea to wait. " I mean until we have everything sorted out. That gives you some time to think about it too."

"I don't want to wait."

"You could do what you want, it would just be a formality...."he tried to appease Brian, who indeed seemed to think about it.

"Alright..." he replied. "But I-

"So that's it?" Keith interrupted him. "Charlie why are you not stopping him? You should be against it the most after what you told me."

"Things have changed, Keith," was all I said.

Keith didn't reply me.

And before my eyes the second vision took place and I could do nothing against it. 

Thanks for reading, voting and commenting. ♡♡♡

Preview: 

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this job anymore... I know it is rather abrupt, but I'm not feeling very good and I have other responsibilities to my boyfriend as well. I'm deeply sorry."

There was a short silence and that I only saw her back didn't help me my nerves either. "You do realise he will leave you, if he finds out you're pregnant?"