Don't you know that I love you
Honest I do
I'll never please
No one but you 
*

(A.N.: this is kind of the rest of last chapter, hence it's a bit short. Sorryy...)

Brian might have been right that we never could have a normal life, but it nearly felt like we could. It was strange, but in a way being away really made it easier to forget everything else that was going on at least for a minute. If it weren't for the recurring death vision whenever Brian touched me I might even have been able to completely ignore our problems for once, but in the end death never seemed too far away, which made me wonder.

He hadn't explicit said that he didn't want to talk about it, but he didn't need to for me to know that he didn't want to. He hardly was in the mood under normal circumstances and I doubted he was now when he just had wished to get away from everything.

Usually Brian and I didn't go out that much, to be honest we didn't even spend that much time together considering we were living in the same house, beside maybe on the weekends, but here he definitely tried and I supposed that was his attempt at a distraction. I maybe couldn't get rid of the visions, but neither could Brian forget what exactly I was seeing. He had never voiced it, but I knew I had to remind him about his own death and I nearly wondered for the millionth time why he was staying with me.

Without me he would have had more freedom and surely could have enjoyed his time better... Yet he really was considerate of me, we didn't go anywhere overly crowded or did anything really exciting, but simple things instead and I had to admit it was fun.

We had just returned from a drive to another town or rather from a shopping trip at least from Brian's part and even though I still had mixed feelings about the way he spent his money, it had been quite the experience. Shopping with Mary had already been an adventure for me, but Brian topped it easily. It had been quite astonishing to watch and it had been somewhat fun even, maybe except for our minor fight when he wanted to buy me something. I still couldn't see what his problems were with my clothes. I might not dress as flamboyant as him, but my clothes always matched each other and they were decently, at least for my standards.

Then again my standards were surely not Brian's.

After we finally got back to the hotel I nearly threw myself on the bed due to exhaustion. Brian was putting away his things, making me think about something that hadn't crossed my mind before.

I took a deep breath and sat up on the bed to have a better look at Brian or rather his reaction. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he replied shrugging.

"I- Did you ever think about what will happen to your things if you die?" I mumbled as fast as I could.

Brian stopped in his movement and I could clearly see that I had caught him off guard. "You mean if I have a will?"

I bid my lip. "Maybe? I mean there are so many people who don't and most of the time it ends in a mess and especially in your case that seems highly likely. Even if you don't die, it's never wrong to have a will. It saves your family and friends a lot of trouble."

"You probably want me to arrange my funeral as well?" he remarked bitterly and turned away from me.

"Sorry I maybe went too far... I suppose I'm too used to this kind of talk..."

I heard him sigh. "It's okay... I mean I thought about it too, I don't want to have everything thrown away or I don't know stolen by fans or whatever. There are things that mean a lot to me and I wouldn't like to see them in the wrong hands..."

I wanted to ask him what he had decided on, but it was his decision, not mine and this topic was already sensitive enough without me being even more blunt about it than I had already been. Baby steps were probably the right approach here and well we still had some time, but one day we needed to be prepared or rather him... I would just go back home, hide away and hope that Mary could keep me busy, which she probably would.

"Don't you want to know?" Brian asked and sat down next to me on the bed. I wanted to take his hand, but I was hesitating. Not only because of the vision, but I didn't want Brian to be reminded about it as well...

"You can do with your things what you want..." I mumbled instead and looked away from him. "I just wanted you to think about it."

"So you're not curious what I'm going to leave you?"

Surprised I looked at him, that thought hadn't crossed my mind at all, especially when there was just one thing I wanted of him... "I don't want you to leave me anything... I want you to live. Nothing more."

He smiled sadly. "I figured as much when you offered yourself as a sacrifice... But we don't have a choice, do we?"

I bid my lip. "What if somebody else died for us?"

Brian's face was a mix of surprise and amusement, probably unsure if I had really made a joke or not. "Are you planning a murder?"

"No... I mean people die every day, we could hide away all day inside and leave it up to fate..."

He shook his head at me. "And what if it chooses your stupid pregnant friend? I might not care much for her, but I doubt you would ever forgive yourself if she and her child had to die in order to keep me alive."

"I'll tell her to stay at home or we invite her and I keep a close look on her," I offered, but even to my own ears it sounded pathetic.

"Charlie, you can't save everyone..." Brian mumbled and took my hand in his. Water. Suffocating. Death. 03071969

"But I want to save you..."

"I should have met you earlier, maybe my life wouldn't have taken such a fucked up turn. Some days I just wish that everything had been a bad dream and I'm 20 again and could start over again... I mean I don't regret anything I did, but I would like to do some things differently..."

It was a nice thought and still it had something very sad about it. I didn't want to voice it though, if Brian had lived his life differently, we probably would never have met and I'd probably be dead...

"Of course I would tell 20 old me to find you and to never let you go..." he added and squeezed my hand at which I had to smile.

"And you would have listened to yourself?"

He had to smile as well. "Probably not, but I doubt you would have gone out with me anyway. I'm still surprised that you do now."

I frowned confused. "Why?"

He sighed. "Maybe you're not the only one that feels insecure... I know I'm an asshole and gave you a million reason to leave me, so sometimes I just don't understand why you haven't run away yet."

"You might be an asshole sometimes, but there are moments when you're very sweet and caring as well... No matter what you might think, you're definitely not a bad person and there's no reason why I shouldn't love you or stay with you."

"I love you so much..." he said and leaned in. Just as his lips touched mine, the telephone started to ring, startling me and I nearly jumped out of Brian's arms that suddenly were around me. He didn't seem to mind it tough and was about to lean in again, when I moved my face aside, so that he kissed my cheek instead.

"Brian the telephone. This can wait," I told him and tried to push him off.

"It can't..." he mumbled and moved onto kissing my neck at which I sighed. It would have been easy to give in and ignore the telephone, but I had only given the number to Mary, so that she could call us in case of an emergency and I wouldn't forgive myself if I had ignored her only because Brian had other ideas.

"Brian it could be important..." I tried anew to push him off, and this time he gave up. I was about to get up and pick up the phone, but Brian was faster.

"Yes?" he answered grumpily, when he picked it up.

"We're busy," he exclaimed, sounding even more annoyed and I nearly thought he would hang up, but he seemed to change his mind in the last minute. "Here for you," he said and handed me the speaker.

I frowned, but took it. "Hello?"

"Oh good Charlie, I nearly thought Brian would hang up!" exclaimed Mary's voice and I perfectly understood why Brian had sounded even more agitated. Mary didn't even need to be here to ruin his chances apparently. "He's so moody, for real how can you stand it? I thought he was supposed to be charming and sweet." She snorted. "Whoever wrote that obviously didn't meet him."

"I suppose you're not calling for that?" I asked smiling. Brian was sitting next to me and indeed looked rather moody.

"No... And believe me I wouldn't disturb you when it wasn't kind of an emergency... But I have no idea what to do."

I frowned at her sudden change of voice. "What happened? Is everything okay with you and your baby?"

"I'm fine, don't worry. The emergency has nothing to do with me..."

"Okay... so what is the problem then?" I asked a bit confused.

I heard her take a deep breath. "I don't know how to tell you, but I kind of met your father..."

"My father? I-I don't have one."

"Everyone has one, Charlie. Please just listen, he stood before the door earlier and wanted to talk to you. It seemed important."

"I-no and whoever you've met surely wasn't my father...." I mumbled disbelievingly.

"He seemed honest and he really wanted to meet you...Charlie, you could at least give him a chance. He said he'll only be here for a few more days and he seemed really desperate to talk to you... Maybe you could come back earlier and meet him. I mean you have nothing to lose, if he is your father, you could meet your family and if he isn't, you or rather Brian can tell me how stupid I was for falling for that, but I really believe him. Think about it?"

"I-I-" I stuttered, but I couldn't come up with anything. Meeting my father had never crossed my mind before... There never had been that option and I had been okay with it... I mean I didn't even want to have more family that I could loose and especially now... His timing seemed so wrong. Briab and I had so many problems at hand even without this mess added to it...

"Didn't you hear her she doesn't want to!" Brian had pulled the speaker out of my hand, after I probably hadn't said anything for at least 5 minutes and had just sat there in shock. "Tell him to fuck off the next time you see him!"

I had never been more thankful for Brian.

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 Preview: (it should be correct for once.😅)

"Don't tell me you're seriously considering it?" 

"What if he really is my father?" I mumbled.

"Even if he is, he didn't try to contact you for 26 years, Charlie!" Brian exclaimed. "He probably got your mother pregnant, left and now that he saw your face in the paper, he thought he could maybe make some money out of you or whatever. He surely doesn't care about you for a minute."