*
All I want to do is get back to you
Connection, I just can't make no connection.
But all I want to do is to get back to you.
Everything is going in the wrong direction.
*

Brian hugged me as soon as he saw me. Old. Sick. Death. I sighed relieved, that was the first good news I had today, but I supposed he was simply happy to see me. When he let go of me, I noticed that he had a black eye, Keith had said that he had been in a fight, but somehow seeing him with a shiner made it so much more real... Without a second thought I brushed over it gently and I saw him flinch. Somebody coughed and I looked away from Brian and stopped touching his face. Mick was standing a bit aside somewhat awkward, but I assumed from what I had heard, he probably felt bad for yelling at Brian, when his reaction was even if exaggerated understandable.

Keith laughed. "You look awful and I thought Charlie, here was the one who went through hell."

Brian didn't say anything, but I could feel his eyes on me and I started to feel a little uneasy. "Well we didn't really sleep or anything..." Mick replied. "Eh... are you alright?" he asked me.

"A bit tired." I answered. "But beside that I'm fine."

"Well I'm sorry for what happened. John can sometimes be an idiot, but I didn't think he would do something like this..." He sounded even more awkward than he looked, which was quite surprising considering the shows he put up on stages, that he could feel embarrassed about something.

I shook my head. "It's not your fault and I probably shouldn't have accepted the drink... I think I'm too trustworthy when alcohol is involved."

Keith and Mick smiled a bit at that. Brian didn't even react. He was still holding me and not saying a word, which made me really uneasy and I felt a huge urge to get away from him, but I knew I just couldn't, especially not after everything that happened. I probably had hurt his feelings enough for today... He didn't need me to push him away anymore for the moment. "Did John at least get what he deserved? Or was Brian the only one who got punched?" Keith asked.

Mick laughed. "If I had known what John had done, I wouldn't have stopped Brian, but well that way he only got maybe one or two punches in until me and some others pulled him off... Still Lennon had a bloody nose. He probably didn't see that coming."

"Pity I wasn't there..." Keith mumbled.

I shook my head. Men! There had been no need for any violence at all. Of course I wasn't happy with what John had done, but it was surely no reason to beat him up, especially when he only had done it for a laugh. I mean he hadn't meant any harm and Brian's eye didn't look good either... This hadn't been necessary- I stopped my line of thoughts there. How had John punched Brian if he was too surprised? I frowned. "And your eye?" I asked Brian.

"Mick..." He whispered, still clinging to me like his life depended on and I guessed from his view it probably did.

"Yeah sorry about that... I suppose..." Mick shrugged. I rolled my eyes. Really? Was that everything he had to say to that? He had punched Brian and he supposed he was sorry? Even if it probably did look worse than it was, still Brian shouldn't have beaten up anyone for me or even get beaten up, because of me. I wasn't worth that much trouble and Brian had already enough with his band mates without any added.

I sighed. "Well at least now everything's alright... I know you only arrived, but I would love to go back home and maybe sleep for another hour or two..."

"Back home?" Mick asked, sounding confused. "Oh you mean Brian's! Well it's the least thing I could do and you're probably right I wouldn't mind some sleep as well. I guess I'll see you later Keith." Mick said and Keith nodded.

"Thanks for yesterday..." I said and that's when I remembered something I hadn't asked Keith, but felt somewhat awkward with Brian and Mick here asking. I shrugged it off, actually it wasn't important why he had been in bed with me. Maybe it was just to make sure I was alright or something.

We bid Keith goodbye and Mick drove Brian and me home. It was a quiet and rather awkward ride. Brian and me sat together in the backseat and he was still clinging to me without saying anything. Mick did ask a few things, because he hadn't really seen the whole thing and only knew what Brian and Keith had told him, but I couldn't really give him any more information, my memories were nothing really to go by. The conversation soon dropped and it started to get awkward. I had nothing to say towards Mick and Brian... I could see he had some questions for me, but he obviously didn't want to say anything with Mick here for which I was actually rather grateful, even if I probably would have felt better if we just dropped this topic all together. I didn't really want to relive it.

Mick dropped us off, bid us farewell and drove off. He definitely looked tired and probably was more than happy to finally get home and some sleep. Well Brian did too, but his curiosity seemed to outweigh his fatigue.

"What did you see?" He asked as we entered. The door was hardly closed behind us.

I sighed. "Death mostly... I- I don't know it's hard to explain. I saw you and Keith like you were dead... I didn't understand why and it was just so scary..."

"That's why you said you couldn't save me... And went with Keith. His death isn't as bad..." Brian said realisation on his face.

I nodded. "I thought I was in hell or something and well Keith he still looked so normal... It just felt safe... But aren't you tired or something? We can always talk later. I mean I'm not running away."

"You looked so scared..." He said as he hugged me again. Old. Sick. Hospital. His hold strengthened and somehow it felt like he never wanted to let go of me again.

"Brian? It's alright, it's over. You should maybe rest and then we can talk about this." I said smiling at him. Brian loosened his hug a tad and looked me in the eyes. He had something really miserable about him and I felt bad, because this had been my fault. If I hadn't accepted that drink, none of this would have happened... "Just go to bed."

"Aren't you coming as well?" 

I smiled encouraging at him, sensing that he needed this now. "I am. I am just going to give Mary a ring and ask if everything's alright with her. I'll be there in a minute." I said and he finally let go off me and went towards his bedroom. I sighed. Really could nothing ever be easy? I mean yesterday was great until well the end and now Brian seemed even more like he needed me than before. I thought I was just helping him for some time, but the more I stayed here the more I felt like I was never getting away and even if I did, Keith did say they would bring me back. I liked them, but did I really wanted to live like this for the rest of my life? Keeping Brian on the right track? I had no idea if I even could manage that in the first place and I surely didn't want to give Brian some false hope. He needed to solve his problems on his own and not relying on me all the time... I shook my head this was stupid. I was overanalysing again and I was still tired, that wasn't the best combination. I should just call Mary and go to bed.

"Hello?" She answered after the fourth ring and I sighed relieved at least it sounded like she had gotten home in one piece.

"Hi it's me. I just wanted to make sure you're alright."

"Oh hey Charlie. Yeah I am fine, but I am so sorry for just leaving. I couldn't find you and well Roger told John and I hoped he would tell you, so I left... Still I probably wasn't the best thing to do...I'm really sorry." She did indeed sound sorry and that she had left me yesterday was probably the least thing that had happened....

"No problem and Pete actually told me. Well I was just a bit surprised that you missed out on the Stones performing..."

"I was sad about that too, but it was either that or risk not being with Roger and I thought that my chances of seeing the Stones were higher than getting a night with him..." She cleared her throat. "But you're probably don't want to hear about that... Anyway can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Is it true that Brian beat John Lennon up? Roger rung Pete in the morning and well beside that Pete complained that Roger had left, he told us that Brian went barmy and punched Lennon. I know Brian is sometimes a bit out of it, but what the hell?"

"Eh... It's true I suppose..." I sighed. Wasn't there something more interesting than this?

"Why?"

I sighed. "John spiked my drink and I had a very bad trip..."

"Oh my! Are you alright? That bastard, the next time I see him I rip his head off! Why did he do that anyway for?"

I sighed. "Yes I am fine, Keith took me home and I have no idea why John did it..."

"Keith?" She asked.

I shook my head. "Richards."

She laughed. "I bet Keith Moon would have liked to take you home as well."

I rolled my eyes. "Very funny."

"I try, but why did John do it? I mean there must have been some reason..."

"Really I have no idea... Listen I just wanted to call you to make sure you were alright and I'm still tired. Can't we meet up tomorrow after work and talk about it? " I asked.

"Sure. Bye."

I mumbled a 'bye', hung up and went first into my room. I was still wearing Keith's clothes and decided to change into something off mine. Borrowed clothes always felt odd. They didn't smell like you and I never felt at ease in them. The door opened as I was just about to put something on.

"Charlie? Aren't you-"He stopped when he saw me. "Oh I'm sorry..." Brian said and closed the door again. I frowned and wondered since when did he care about my privacy. He had seen me naked, had undressed me at least on two occasions, had made several passes at me and now he was caring about that? What the hell was going on? I shook my head at this rate I was going insane before we were even close to the third of July. I really shouldn't think about everything so god damn much. Brian did all the time stuff that didn't make sense to me, so why should I wonder about this now? I should just accept it and move on. I could maybe if there wasn't the memory of the kiss and Keith's words or Mary's. Everyone told me he cared for me, but every time I had denied it, but what was if Brian really did feel something for me? I snorted. That was stupid why should he love me or anything? Here I went again. Naturally the others thought he had feelings for me, we were supposed to be dating and nothing more.

When I entered Brian's bedroom, he was already laying in his bed, but still awake, probably waiting for me. I still had no idea why he was so keen on having me with him. I get that he doesn't like sleeping on his own, but why? I sighed, that probably was one of those things that just made him who he was. I lay down next to him and as soon as I had hit the mattress his arms went around me. Old. Sick. Death.

"I am sorry for yesterday..." he mumbled.

I shrugged. "It wasn't your fault."

He shook his head. "John did it, because of me..." I frowned. What did he mean with that? "He asked me what was so special about you, because as far as he could see you were only serious and he thought you would be more fun if you maybe loosened up a bit. I should have told him off..."

"Let me guess that's how you knew who did it..." He nodded. "But Brian, you did nothing wrong. He was the one who put something in my glass, not you and it doesn't matter really. It's not going to happen again, believe me that was enough death for a lifetime for me..." Especially if this drug induced vision was right and I had only a few months or maybe years to live... I shook my head. I shouldn't be thinking about that. Neither Brian nor me was going to die in a few months. His vision was mostly that of the hospital, except on a bad day, but that was alright I think and for me I didn't know when I was going to die. This was just guessing. "Forget about it and sleep." I just said and turned around. I didn't want to look at him. I felt horribly uneasy under his eyes, since the first time I had met him. They had something captivating and I avoided them as much as I could. He pulled me closer to him and I could feel his breath on my neck. He was definitely too close for my liking... I sighed. So much for his respect for private space, I thought as I tried to wriggle a bit out of his grip, but to no avail. Even if possible he hugged me closer.

"Brian, please I am not comfortable with this..." I tried.

"You don't know how much that makes me want you even more..."

I froze up. What? He couldn't and still he had said it, didn't he? I shook my head. This wasn't the first time he had tried something like this and he was surely dead tired. He needed just some sleep and he was back in the right mind again. "Stop this. I am not one of your fans nor am I stupid. That doesn't work on me. You're just tired, go to sleep and tomorrow you can look for some girl or something." His hold weakened a bit and I sighed relieved.

"Why?" He sounded confused and I frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"I- Nothing." Then he let go off me and for the first time since I was living with him, he turned away, so that he was no longer touching me. I laid down on my back confused at his behaviour for what felt like the millionth time. Why couldn't something be easy for once? I looked at Brian's back and felt bad. He wasn't a bad guy and he had helped me more than once and I only ever pushed him away. Sure he sometimes didn't know how to express himself, but was I any better? I sighed. Blimey he had beaten up a guy for me, fought with Mick, had no sleep at all and all I did was complaining, because I felt uneasy. I should just have let him be. It wasn't that bad and he had had enough for today. Then I surprised myself and did something that I had never done before. I hugged Brian. Water. Suffocating. Death.

"I am sorry... You did a lot for me and all I am too you is cold. I really like you, but that doesn't mean I am going to sleep with you whenever you like." I said.

"I understand..." He sighed and turned around. His eyes were right before mine and I couldn't look away. His arms went around my waist and pushed me closer. I didn't object, I was too caught up in his eyes, even if I couldn't understand why... "I- It's just... I need you like I never needed anyone before and it's driving me mad... I don't know what to do about it!" His face was coming closer and for the second time this weekend his lips were on mine. The kiss was soft like yesterday, but not as quick. He lingered for a few moments and then pulled away. He closed his eyes and sighed. "You're probably right I should sleep..." He pulled me towards him again until my head lay on his chest. After a few moments I could feel his breathing even out and I knew he had fallen asleep, but I was wide awake. I had a strong need to just run off, but I knew I couldn't just do that.  He needed me. I sighed. I really should have stayed to my principles to never ever get in contact with somebody. I couldn't be with Brian no matter what and it wasn't like I had feelings for him in the first place. I liked him... but not like this... I just couldn't... This only could end up bad and I knew what that meant.

It was my fault that he was going to die.

Thanks for reading, commenting & voting! Wow 430 votes, I thought if I maybe got 200 that would be a lot, but this... wow thank you all so much!

Preview:

"Wait!" Brian called. "I want you to quit your job." I shook my head. "You could do anything you ever wanted!"

"Why?" I asked confused.

"I want to do something for you." He said like it was the most obvious thing and for him it probably was. All I felt was more confusion, why was he so against my job? Or why did he want to do something for me, as he put it? I didn't need him too.

"Brian, you have done enough. I'm really grateful for everything, but I really need to leave now." I felt bad for lying to him, but if I told him now that I didn't need to work today. He would be after me the whole day and I still didn't really feel at ease with him after yesterday...