"SO WHAT'S IT like? Being in love?"

"If you ever say that again, I'm going to locate the nearest trash compactor and stick your bass right in it."

Reagan balled up a loose-leaf piece of paper, pegging it into Chris's face as she leaned over the Wilson's counter with her hands tucked beneath her chin.

"Hey!" Chris cried as the paper ball hit her squarely in the nose.

"You deserved it. You used the L word," Reagan said, looking back down at the doodle she'd been sketching on her paper calendar with pen.

"I'm only calling it out how I see it," Chris said. She threw up her hands, as if her innocence was plainly obvious.

"It's not like that. We literally keep each other around for the sole basis of sex," Reagan explained. Even to her, it sounded like a lie.

"So you're telling me that this past week, all you've spent your time doing together is the Devil's dance?"

Reagan bursted out laughing, leading Chris to laugh too as they both howled in unison. Reagan tried to mute her giggles, clapping her hand over her eyes and shaking her head so she wouldn't have to look into her friend's skeptical face.

"No. That's not all we've been doing."

"What have you done then?"

What a loaded question, Reagan thought uncomfortably as she leaned her hip against the counter and crossed her arms.

In all truthfulness, she and Dave had prioritized much of the time they'd spent together around other things besides sex. After Reagan finished work every day, she tended to go to Kurt and Dave's apartment, where she and Dave would buy takeout food and hole up in his room.

Reagan knew that to Chris and Kate, she made it sound like her first priority with Dave was hopping on top of him. But that wasn't the whole truth.

Usually, the sex didn't happen until after they'd spent hours talking, discussing everything from music to their greatest aspirations. Dave had even been trying to teach Reagan how to properly play guitar, proving to be a patient instructor. He always spoke softly to her, his corrections always followed by meaningful compliments.

She had yet to come to terms that she'd been lying to herself. Reagan was wrong. Dave was not in her life for sex. He was more than that, even when she so desperately tried to force a title of friendship on him that was not entirely accurate.

"We talk a lot," Reagan admitted. "It's nice. He's a good listener. And he makes me laugh."

"How sweet of him. Wow, Reags. I hate to break it to you — I mean, don't piss your pants or anything — but I think you might have actually found a decent guy!" Chris said, her voice full of mock surprise.

"Just because he's decent doesn't mean I have to be in a relationship with him," Reagan fought back.

"No it doesn't. But it might just be exactly what you need."

"I don't like that word either," Reagan muttered. "'Need.' Ugh. Don't say it again."

"So what if you do need him, Reagan? It's not in the way you think. He might be healthy for you. A nice break from the long haul, if you get what I mean."

Reagan bowed her head, picking up her pen and scribbling out the picture of her tiny drawing. She pressed the tip of the pen firmly against the calendar paper, watching an indention appear.

"He's leaving, you know," she said bitterly. "In a day. They're going to England for a tour."

Chris's face softened. She considered what she would say next with this new information in mind, knowing the difficult spot it had put Reagan into.

"It won't be forever though," she pointed out, patting Reagan's hand.

"It'll be long enough. Long enough for me to realize that this whole thing is bullshit and I should have never started it up in the first place."

"Come on, don't be like that. This all happened for a reason, right?"

"And what reason is that? To finally drive me off a ledge?"

Reagan slammed her pen down and pulled her fingers back through her hair, feeling frazzled. She'd almost forgotten that Dave and the rest of Nirvana were leaving shortly for Europe. It was easy to forget when he was still so close, available to her whenever she wanted him.

"No," Chris said, sounding more gentle than she ever had. "To make you happy."

Reagan wrinkled her nose. "You sound like my sister with all that happiness bullshit. Like I was a walking advertisement for depression before Dave came along."

"I wouldn't say that. But you weren't totally happy, were you?"

"Who is ever totally happy, Chris? And who says I need a guy to make me happy? There are other things in life."

"True. But a guy could help. Especially this guy."

"Alright, that's it. I'm kicking you out of the store," Reagan announced, thrusting her finger in the direction of the door. Chris chuckled.

"You wouldn't be able to kick me out even if you tried, Reags."

"Let me remind you that you're not a paying customer."

"How about an oil change then?"

"Oh, fuck off."

Reagan grumbled and turned away from Chris, feeling like a grumpy two-year-old in the middle of a tantrum. She was tired of Kate and Chris, the two people who were supposed to always be on her side, proving her wrong.

They made being with Dave sound so easy. It was enough to make Reagan feel crazy, like all the rational points she'd given herself as to why not being with Dave were invalid.

She did have to admit that he made her happy though. Even if she refused to say it aloud, it was still true.

The door to the garage swung open and Tommy walked in, mopping the sweat off his forehead with a rag. He surveyed both Chris and Reagan, looking between them curiously.

"Hey," he greeted, joining Reagan behind the counter.

"Hey there Wilson," Chris replied. "How's the view out there?"

"Same old, same old. I love looking at the undersides of cars all day. What are you guys talking about in here?"

Chris and Reagan exchanged a quick look. Around Tommy, Dave was an off limits topic. Reagan didn't want to give her work friend any ammunition to bug her more about a relationship. If he thought that another guy was in the running to win her heart, he'd only try harder.

"Politics," Chris said breezily.

"Yeah, right," Tommy snorted, rolling his eyes and wiping his hands against the rag.

"Chris was just leaving, weren't you Chris?" Reagan said loudly.

"Sure I was. I'd hate to get you in trouble with the boss's kid," Chris smiled.

"Reagan's not in trouble for having friends visit," Tommy objected. "She's allowed whatever she wants."

From behind Tommy, Reagan looked at Chris and made a face.

"Whatever I want?" she mouthed, pretending to shudder with revulsion.

Chris choked on a laugh, raising her fist to her mouth to dismiss the noise as a cough. Tommy didn't seem to notice.

"I really should go though. Band practice and all that. Scott's going to bust a vein in his forehead if I'm late."

"Aren't you the one usually riding asses about being late to practice?" Reagan called out.

"Yes, but Queen Bitch Scott is finally taking some responsibility around here. Just call me when you're off of work . . . or whenever you get home," Chris grinned, throwing in a wink for good measure.

Reagan narrowed her eyes into slits as Chris breezily left the shop, waving back at her and Tommy. She would definitely pay for that little comment later. Now Reagan was sure that Tommy would ask her what her plans were after work.

Obviously, she couldn't tell him that she had every intention of going straight to see Dave.

As Reagan predicted, Tommy leaned up against the counter in what she guessed was an attempt to be casual. No matter how good looking he was (and he was indeed handsome — handsome enough to make other girls go crazy) she was hardly impressed with his efforts to woo her.

"Are you doing something tonight?" he asked nonchalantly.

"If I was, would it be any of your business?"

"I guess not. But if you don't have plans, maybe —,"

Reagan couldn't stand it any longer. She screwed her eyes shut and halted Tommy by holding her palms up, urging him to stop whatever he was saying.

"Tommy. Stop. Just stop."

She kept her eyes closed for a few passing moments, thinking that Tommy might have walked away out of embarrassment. When she felt it was safe to finally part her eyelids with slow deliberation, Reagan was disappointed to see him still standing there.

He was staring at her hard, trying to scrutinize her face past the point of offhand observation. Telling from the pinched lines on his forehead, Reagan concluded that he was thinking deeply about something.

"I wish I could get over you," he confessed. "I wish it was easy to forget."

"I would have never started anything between us if I knew it would hurt you in the end," Reagan promised.

"I'm still happy that you did start something. I would rather know that we had something small than nothing at all."

Reagan gave her head a shake. There was nothing she could do for Tommy except to push him away, to be as harsh as she possibly could. It would be hard. He'd always been so good to her. But she would never be able to make him happy in the way he wished.

"Can you just tell me why? Is there someone else?" Tommy asked. His eyes were pleading, begging for the raw truth behind Reagan's constant rebuffs.

She felt her knees suddenly lock. In the past, Reagan had always feigned as a good liar. But she didn't know if she'd be able to lie to Tommy then and there inside of Wilson's as his gaze penetrated straight into her mind, digging for desperate answers.

It would have been easier to lie if she herself knew the real truth. She couldn't have answered Tommy's question even if she tried to.

Was there someone else?

Almost as soon as she asked herself the question, Dave's face appeared in his mind. His boyish smile and playful eyes, lit up bright enough to spark a fire in her heart. It could be justified that he was indeed the someone else that Tommy was ready to compete against. Dave was, after all, the person that Reagan was always running to.

"No," she finally said. "There isn't anyone. You already know why, Tommy. It's my life. I don't have the time."

Tommy mashed his mouth into a tight line, causing Reagan to deliberate over how badly she'd hurt him. She looked down at the toes of her boots, knowing that this day was long overdue. She'd been meaning to turn down Tommy once and for all for ages.

"I respect that. I just wish it could be different," Tommy said, clearing his throat.

He leaned in like he was going to kiss Reagan, to which she responded by turning her cheek to him. His lips brushed just above her cheekbone, and she squeezed her eyes shut. He wasn't making things any easier.

Before either of them could say anything else, the front door chimed and announced the entrance of a customer. Tommy jerked away and went straight out the door and into the garage, not even bothering to steal one last look at Reagan.

She rolled her shoulders back, putting on a fake smile for the middle aged woman approaching her.

It had been hard to let Tommy down, but she could already feel the somber moment passing and fading into the distance where it would stay buried away. Reagan had done what she had to do, and although she'd hurt someone that she valued, it had been the right thing. Even though she had not been totally truthful with him, Tommy was right.

There was someone else.

________

Reagan pulled up to the apartment, out of breath with her chest rising and falling rapidly. She felt like she'd ran all the way to the Eastside of Olympia, though she'd definitely been in her car, gunning her foot against the gas pedal the whole way there.

Without hesitation, she untangled her arms out of her work vest and threw it in the passenger seat. There had been no time for her to stop at home to change. As soon as she had clocked out of Wilson's, only one destination had remained fixed in her mind.

It had been a later shift — the sun was sinking in the sky, casting a faint glow that barely broke through the cloud coverage. It was cold out too, the temperature dropping as the day drew to a close.

Reagan got out of her and slammed the door shut. She walked up to the apartment door with confident resolve, aware of what she wanted and how she was going to have it.

She knocked quickly and was relieved when the door opened almost right away. Kurt stood in front of her, spilling light from the inside onto the porch step. He raised his eyebrows.

"Hey Rea —,"

Reagan slipped past him, muttering a hello. She normally wouldn't have been so rude, especially to Kurt, but her patience was running thin. She could feel her anxiousness all the way to the tingling tips of her fingers, longing for a familiar touch.

She turned the corner to where his room was, seeing his door was closed. She didn't even knock. The waiting would have been useless.

When Reagan pushed the door open, Dave sat up immediately in his bed. He was shirtless and wearing only boxers, a sight that Reagan was quite used to, although it seemed to make him flush bright pink.

"Reagan, what are you doing?" he asked, jumping to his feet.

She didn't answer him. Instead, she took several long strides until there was no space between them
and her arms were curled around his neck, bringing his mouth to hers. His reaction was startled, his lips surprised as they moved against her kiss, but it took no time for Dave to melt into a state of contentment.

With his mouth still glued to Reagan's, Dave fumbled to close his door, slamming it shut before he locked his hands at her waist with an unyielding grip, all of his fingers pressing against the bone of her hip. Reagan whimpered through their kiss, her desire for him climaxing to a sudden peak.

"Keep it down this time!" came Kurt's shout from the living room.

Reagan giggled, but Dave did not spare any laughter for his bandmate's biting order. He was too busy pushing Reagan back down onto his bed, responding to the need she made clear of in her kiss.

As he undressed her, Reagan closed her eyes, skimming her hands through his long dark hair. He understood her in every way possible. Dave was the kind of person who didn't question her random
arrival or why she'd attacked him as soon as she'd burst into his room.

He knew what was she wanted.

And he was going to, and would always, give it to her.

[ hello, here i am apologizing for this shit chapter! other than that, i have another recommendation for y'all — please go read Euphoria by -INBLOOMS and False Starts by StrangeWithTheStars ! two amazing stories by two beautiful, talented people who deserve your love and reads! i adore them both and i can't wait to see where these lovely stories go. thank you guys for blessing this community with your incredible storytelling abilities! ]