It's been some time since I was last active on here, fickle about continuing this story, but this is also the only place I know to turn to right now.

Last night, I genuinely felt the ground being ripped out from under my feet. The words "Taylor Hawkins" and "dead" just seemingly don't go together. Even right now, they still don't. It's like I have to keep checking my phone to make sure it's real. I don't want to believe it.

It's always hard to see someone special pass, but Taylor seems to encompass something more than just being merely special. Not only did he hold his own as an insanely talented musician, but he radiated kindness, hilarity, coolness without the shtick of being generically cool. To even just watch a video of him felt like watching a video of a close friend. To see a photo of him smiling could make anyone smile in return — looking back on it now, he was like the figurative sunshine of the Foos. He still is.

My heart aches for Alison and Taylor's kids. For Taylor's entire family. For Nate, Pat, Chris and Rami.

For Dave.

I can barely even fucking type that without choking up.

What else can I say besides that this isn't fair? It's cruel to have Taylor ripped away, not only from the world of music, but from the people who knew him, loved him, and cherished him. It's sick that three beautiful children have to go on without their father now. It's nauseating that Alison has to mourn the man she loved, who was far too fucking young to die.

And it's heartbreaking that an Earth-sized hole has just been punched into the lives of the rest of the Foos.

I wish so badly that I could end this on a reflective note. I really wish that the words would come, that I could say something poetic to leave you all with, but I just can't. Not now.

We love you, Taylor. We'll all miss you. Now and forever.