"GOODNIGHT YOU TWO," Ginny said as she waved Dave and Reagan off at the foot of the stairs, tying her night robe tighter around her. They both chimed out their goodnights at the same time, Dave leaning casually on the railing and Reagan beside him. She made sure to keep a small amount of distance between them, noticeable to Dave but easy to look over from Ginny and Lisa's point of view.

"Goodnight," Reagan said, smiling tightly as she desperately yearned for the confines of Lisa's old bedroom. More than anything, she surprisingly wanted to be back home in Olympia, back to the safe niche of her own bed where she could have mourned her devastation in private.

After the shell shock of learning that Dave was leaving Olympia, Reagan had charged herself with keeping it together for the rest of the day in front of his family. Neither she nor Dave had left the company of Ginny and Lisa, making it difficult to be anything other than outwardly happy.

It was even harder when Dave attempted to speak to her through body language. He'd done things like grabbed her hand or touched the small of her back in effort to communicate, but Reagan had only given him icy cold rebuffs. She was not even intentionally trying to shut him out. It was the only reaction that felt right in the middle of such sudden change.

Lisa had left shortly after dinner that night. Together Reagan and Dave had helped Ginny clean up, allowing her to do the most talking as they walked back and forth from the dining room to the kitchen with dirty dishes in hand. They had then spent time with her in the living room watching television, though Reagan had taken the seat farthest from Dave on the couch. She'd been relieved when Ginny had finally announced that she was ready for bed.

Reagan knew what was coming. There was no way Dave would let her go to bed without discussing what had happened or at least trying to explain why he'd done it, but Reagan was no longer sure that she wanted to hear his excuses. Of course she eventually wanted an explanation, but she was exhausted from the clever show of fake bliss she'd been putting on for hours.

She got a head start up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Dave followed closely behind her, close enough that she could feel him catching up to her step by step. It seemed like he was going to run straight into her, or rather trap her before she could go off on her own. Reagan half expected him to grab her hand to stop her, but he didn't. Maybe he knew better.

She reached the top of the stairs and began to walk purposefully down the hall, refusing to look over her shoulder. The sting of tears was already present in her eyes and inevitably they would spill over if she saw his face trying to plead with her.

"Reagan, wait," Dave said sternly. And finally, he made his move to take her hand. She had predicted all along that he eventually would and was quick to pull away from him.

"I just want to go to bed," she mumbled incoherently. "I'm tired."

"No. We're going to talk about this now. I know you're pissed at me."

Reagan let out a bitter, sarcastic laugh, keeping the sound hushed in case Ginny was still up downstairs. "You say that as if I don't have a right to be pissed."

"You do. You absolutely do. But let me explain."

"Should we really be doing this right now?"

His eyes flashed in the darkness, highlighting glimpses of fear, rejection and anger swimming in the dark brown of his irises. He took another step closer.

"What do you mean 'do this?' What are we doing here besides talking?"

Reagan looked away. He was making an automatic false assumption. He thought that they were about to break up standing in the hallway of his mother's home, but that was not what she'd been getting at. She just didn't want them to fight, but Dave had thought otherwise.

"Your mom's down there," she reminded him. "I don't want her to hear any of this."

"Come on, then." Dave pulled her towards his bedroom door, but Reagan dug the heels of her feet into the carpeted floor. He turned to look back at her, exasperated.

"Dave," Reagan said, shaking her head dejectedly. It was all too much. She was scared to hear him say the words out loud. Once he told her himself that he was moving, then it would be real. She wouldn't be able to pretend any longer that it was all a misunderstanding.

"Please listen to me," he begged, keeping his voice lowered. He took her face in his hands. "We can't just go to bed and pretend that it didn't happen. I feel like shit knowing you had to find out this way. I hate hurting you."

Not wanting to fall to pieces in open view, Reagan went limp and let Dave take her hand again to lead her into his bedroom. She stood stiffly by the door as he shut it closed, making little noise. She tried to turn herself into a statue, cold and unfeeling with her arms glued to her sides. Only then would she be able to mask the hurt still stirring inside of her.

"Can I explain?" Dave asked softly. She felt his hands touch her waist hesitantly.

"Okay." Reagan spoke through her teeth. She began to massage the bridge of her nose, seeing spots of light dance behind her closed eyelids. It was difficult being torn in two different directions. On one hand, she wanted to let the shock of what had happened pass, just so she could stop harping on it to herself. That would have been the brave thing to do. But it was too hard to ignore how badly she'd been wounded.

"I found an apartment in Seattle before we flew out here," Dave told her calmly. "I've known for awhile that I wanted to leave Olympia."

Reagan almost spit the words "without me" out, but she bit down on her tongue and allowed Dave to speak. It would be too much of an effort to fight with him. And besides, the little voice inside her head, the one that told her it was wiser to act as if she didn't care at all, was whispering to her. It had been the same voice that had turned her callous over the years.

"I was going to tell you. I swear I was. But then we agreed to visit my mom and I just knew I couldn't break that news to you before we left. I didn't know how you'd handle it."

"You're a grown man. I can't stop from you going where you want," Reagan said. She forced herself to swallow, her throat dry as bone.

"I know I shouldn't have hidden it from you," Dave whispered. He moved into her ring of personal space, tucking a piece of her hair back. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"I'll live," Reagan managed. She crossed her arms and cast her eyes downward, not wanting Dave to look within them and detect the weight of her lie.

"You're still mad," Dave said. He sounded defeated.

"Wouldn't you be a little upset if I told you out of the blue that I was moving cities?"

Dave paused to consider this alternative. His face fell as he realized what Reagan was getting at and for a moment, her pain became his own.

"You're right. I would be upset. I'd be more than upset, actually. I'd be pissed."

"So it's settled then," Reagan said briskly. "We're both pissed. I'm going to bed now."

"Stop running from me," Dave demanded, clutching her before she could dart out of the room. "Damn it Reagan, I'm not ending it like this."

"Ending what? Our relationship?" Reagan said, the words coming out in a broken whisper as Dave held her in his arms. That was the one ultimatum she had feared most.

"No," he replied roughly. "We're not fucking breaking up over this. That's stupid. I'm moving to Seattle, Reagan, not Europe."

"But why?" Reagan pleaded, allowing herself just one singular moment to beg. "I don't understand why you've got to leave. Everything is fine in Olympia. The band is in Olympia."

"Did you really think I was going to live out of Kurt's apartment forever?"

"No, but there are other places to live. There's a whole city's worth of apartments that you're forgetting about."

"I want to be in Seattle. Not Olympia."

Reagan threw her hands up angrily. "So what, then? Fuck everything that you've got going for you? What about the band, Dave? What about Nirvana? You haven't even answered that."

"I can still be in the band while living in Seattle. Krist and Kurt already know I'm moving and they think it's fine. Shit, Krist doesn't even live in Olympia and he manages. He drives from Tacoma just so he can practice with us."

She stared hard at his face, trying to find a fallacy in his reasoning without much success. Both of them knew what she was really trying to say and it had nothing to do with Nirvana. Reagan's real question was not how Dave could leave the band behind, but how he could leave her.

Reading her mind, Dave lowered his voice and stroked the side of Reagan's face. When he pressed his forehead against hers, she felt his warm breath and had the urge to cry.

"We'll see each other all the time. I don't care how much I have to drive to Olympia. You're worth it."

"You forget that I work almost every day," Reagan reminded him with a tremble.

"That's not an excuse. We still saw each other a lot when I was at Kurt's. Nothing will change, baby. I promise you."

"You know things will change. Don't lie."

"Reagan —,"

"Stop. Just stop. I've heard enough. I'm done."

Reagan pushed at Dave's chest and escaped his grip, beelining for his door, but he was faster than her once again. This time, he encapsulated her in both arms around her waist, dragging her back in to him. She struggled against his hold, but he wasn't letting her go.

"If you're so worried about this, you know how to fix it," he said desperately.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Let me go," Reagan snapped. All she wanted was to cry in peace in a place where Dave could not watch her tears fall, trying helplessly to make it better when he couldn't.

"Move to Seattle with me. Please. Come with me."

It was the same proposition he had made not only a few weeks prior, back when the idea of him leaving for another city seemed unrealistic. Reagan hadn't taken him seriously then, but she now wished that she had. It would have saved her the heartache of being unprepared at least.

"I can't move to Seattle with you," she said. "My family and my job —,"

"You've got to get away from your family at some point, Reagan. And Kate will be in Seattle so you'll have her. As for the job . . . you can find a job anywhere. I'll help you find one if I have to."

"That can't work."

"Yes it can. I know it can."

He ducked his face into hers and kissed her firmly, digging his fingertips into her lower back in hopes of holding tight to her. Weakly, she succumbed to her own stupid desire and began to kiss him back. There was a wetness of tears still in her eyes, but it felt good to kiss his lips aggressively, to release her anger in another form besides crying.

He bit down gently on her bottom lip, posing more temptation in front of her. A muted moan sounded in the back of her throat and Dave reacted immediately, sliding his hands past her waist until they gripped the backside of her denim shorts. He lifted her into him, deepening the kiss, but Reagan pushed away and gasped.

"Stop it. Your mother is downstairs," she panted, lifting her fingers to her swollen lips and feeling the phantom touch of where he'd kissed her.

"You're right. Not my best idea," Dave admitted. He adjusted the front of his jeans bashfully, hiding all the evidence of the excitement the kiss had caused him. Normally Reagan would have laughed, but her animosity was not forgotten.

"It's obvious that we can't talk about this civilly right now," she said. "We'll just have to wait until we get home."

"Tomorrow is our last day here. I want you to enjoy yourself. I don't want it to be weird."

"It won't be. I'll be on my best behavior," Reagan grumbled.

"Reagan, I love you," Dave said. He reached for her hand and she allowed him to take it.

"I love you too," she said, unable to not return the sentiment. "But I'm still upset."

"Why can't you just move with me? Don't you want to be together?"

That was an easy question to answer. Of course Reagan wanted to be with Dave. Maybe from a rational standpoint they weren't ready to move in to an apartment together, but it felt right to her. If it hadn't, she wouldn't have been so tempted to tell him yes.

"I do. But I don't think I can just up and leave my family like that," Reagan confessed, closing her eyes. Once again, her family maintained their tight reign on her life choices.

"They'd understand if you left. It's time for you to go now. No one would blame you," Dave said, attempting to sway her. "And you could look out for Kate in Seattle too. They would probably appreciate that."

"They appreciate my paychecks more," Reagan murmured.

"You can send money from Seattle," Dave insisted, now frenzied in finding a way to make their predicament work. "After you find a job, you can still help them out."

It was becoming clear that she was running out of ways to argue with him. She could hardly even accuse him of being irrational, not when all of his suggestions to her made plenty of sense. But he'd never understand the concrete binding that Reagan had to her family. Not even she could understand it. She was still the same girl who had daydreamed about getting out of her hometown, yet she turned down a perfectly good opportunity to do so.

Reagan swallowed and held her arms tight around her own torso, wishing she could have shrank down into the floor just so she could have removed herself from the conversation. She'd never had serious anxiety before, but suddenly she was being overcome with masses of it descending upon her.

"You want me to shut up, don't you?" Dave asked softly.

"It's not that. I think I just realized that I can't blame you for what you're doing if I turn down the chance to go with you."

"You don't have to say yes right now. Take time to think about it. A little distance for awhile won't kill us."

Sure it won't, Reagan thought, lifting her melancholy eyes and looking at Dave. She'd always find a way to be independent, but it would still hurt to know that he was a whole city away from her, especially when they had limited together as it already was between his touring and her job.

"I'm sorry," Dave repeated. He embraced Reagan in a hug and she hugged him back, pressing her face into the softness of his t-shirt. As far as she knew, he was the easiest person in her life to forgive, even when her anger had not even subsided.

"It's okay," she whispered, clinging a little tighter to him.

"When you're ready to leave Olympia, you know I'll be waiting for you."

"I know. It's just . . . complicated."

"I'll be patient."

A fog of tiredness swept itself around Reagan as she drew back in Dave's arms. He saw the way her eyelids bobbed as he caressed her face down to her neck, still feeling guilty over hurting her. Seeing her tough persona crack had scared him, mostly because he didn't want to be the person to break her down. He didn't know it, but Reagan would have never let it happen. No one would ever break her.

"I want you to stay in here with me," Dave insisted, making a move to kiss her.

Reagan edged away, though she did not do so because she didn't agree with Dave's want, but because she didn't want to imagine the mortification she'd feel if Ginny caught them in bed together the next morning. It wasn't exactly the way she'd hoped to end their trip.

"We'll be home soon. And then I'll sleep over before . . ." Her voice faltered. "Before you move."

Dave did not comment. He had faith that his leaving Olympia would not harm to their relationship. He wanted to be with her and that's what mattered most; he didn't see how the minimal distance between two cities would possibly impact that.

He kissed her head, his lips lingering for a few enduring moments before he let her go for the night. As Reagan crept quietly out from his bedroom door and down the hallway, she could feel his eyes on her back, watching her go.

They'd come to agree on one thing that night, though it had nothing to do with his big move. Mostly, she surmised that all they both had wanted was to curl up next to each other in fall asleep, pretending that nothing bad had even happened in the first place.