"WOW," CHRIS SAID, sitting perched on Reagan's porch step with an outright look of shock on her face. Reagan was seated next to her, her eyes rimmed red from the few tears she had shed. She had just finished unloading every piece of drama from the past twenty-four hours onto Chris — from finding out she was pregnant to her spat with Dave about marriage.

"I know," Reagan said hollowly. She tucked her arms around her stomach, hating the nauseating way it seemed to constrict inside of her.

"Well . . . erm, better get rid of this," Chris said jokingly. She stubbed out her cigarette on the ground, the glow of the orange ember burning before vanishing against the pavement.

"I've made a huge mess of things," Reagan continued. Her voice was thick. "I might have ruined our relationship by turning him down when he asked me to marry him."

"Don't be stupid," Chris snorted. "That dude loves you. And now that you're going to have his little drummer spawn, he loves you ten times more."

"Do you think I'm crazy?" Reagan mumbled. She dropped her head into her hands. "Am I crazy to want to have this baby?"

"A little," Chris admitted with a grimace. "But I think you'll make a great mother. You've had tons of practice."

"I don't think I will. Sometimes I don't think I've got a motherly bone in my body."

"Uhm, hello? What about Robbie, Kody and RaeLynn? Those kids would be hopeless without you, Reags."

"That doesn't count. They're my brothers and sister. I helped raise them by default."

"Maybe that's true, but it's going to count even more when it's a baby of your own."

Reagan bowed all the way forward and put her head between her knees. It had been two days since she'd last seen Dave and in honor of her request, he had not called her. She had filled Kate in on what had happened and Kate had been aghast, telling her that she needed to accept Dave's proposal and get on with it before she lost him for good. Reagan would have obeyed the command if not for her fear that she'd prematurely screwed things up with Dave, whether or not a baby was involved.

And that was the other thing parasitically eating away at her thoughts. She was going to have a baby. She was all at once in charge of bringing a human into the world. In retrospect, she would have much rather done something less extreme first, like adopt a cat.

"Oh, come here," Chris said comfortingly, putting an arm around her friend. "It's going to be alright Reagan. And hey, I don't mean to pry, but if you're so freaked out, then why are you going through with this?"

"I don't know," Reagan said. "I had this epiphany when I was talking to Dave and I just saw myself with this baby and it made sense. I mean, it's still scary as hell and I'm upset, but I know I don't want to be without the baby. It's like I'm attached to it already or something."

"And Dave really wants it too, huh?"

"I think so. He wouldn't let on to the absolute truth because he wanted it to be my choice, but I have a feeling he does. He seemed really emotional about the whole thing."

"Sounds to me like he's turned into the woman of this situation. He's over the moon about getting tied down and meanwhile, you've assumed the role of the playboy serial dater who isn't ready for kids nor staying committed."

Reagan lifted her head and stared at Chris incredulously. "I am so not. And you really should cut me some slack. He's the first guy I've ever actually dated. Of course I'm freaking out."

"I'm not one for cheesy relationship motifs, but haven't you ever thought that he's it for you? Like, he's the one or whatever people like to call it?"

"Yes," Reagan confessed, rubbing a spot of sharp pain above her eyebrow. "I've thought about it a lot."

"Then I say trust your instincts. Have this baby. Marry Dave. And most importantly, make me the godmother when the baby is born."

"What about me moving to Seattle?" Reagan pressed, glossing over Chris's inescapable sense of humor. "What will I tell my parents?"

"You're pregnant, yet you're worried about telling your mom and dad that you're moving cities?"

"Right," Reagan said sheepishly. She saw Chris's very valid point. She had to be more reasonable about the things she chose to stress over.

"You've got to get out of the mentality that you're still sixteen years old," Chris urged. "You're an adult, Reagan. If you want to get married and have a kid, that's your choice. They can disagree with that but it's up to you. You have that right."

"My rights are limited in my family. They'll all have hernias if I decide to leave and stop supporting them."

"It'd be about time! You've got to do shit for yourself," Chris said, smacking her hand down on her knee with flourish.

"My mom is going to kill me," Reagan groaned. She hid her face behind her hands again. Just the thought of Kimberly's reaction scared her.

"Stop it. There you go again, acting like a teenager. This is your decision and your mom can suck it if she doesn't agree. What did Kate say?"

"Kate knows how our mother is. I could tell that even she was nervous when I brought up having to confess it all. She said that I should definitely move out, but hold off on telling her that I'm pregnant."

"I say drop the bomb on them all at once. They deserve it after what they've put you through."

"Not my dad," Reagan argued. "My dad doesn't deserve that. I don't blame him for everything that's gone wrong. He's been unemployed for over a year now and he can't help it that I've had to step up."

"You can't take care of everyone, Reags."

"I know."

Chris sighed, glancing around the lawn glumly. "Well, I'll miss you if you go. It'll be weird running around here knowing that I won't be seeing your face at our jam sessions."

"Except I was never actually in the band," Reagan said, cracking a smile. "You guys just let me jam out of pity."

"Honestly, I pretended you were in the band the whole time. It made me feel better about hanging around a bunch of dip shits who basically play their instruments with their dicks."

They both bursted out laughing, but it passed just as quickly as it had begun and Reagan found herself smarting and aching with the pain of wanting to reach out to Dave. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to go back on what she'd said. It would have been wonderful to marry him.

"When do they all leave?" Chris questioned, referring to Nirvana's upcoming tour dates.

"Soon," Reagan answered quietly. "In a couple of days. Their first show is in Seattle and then they're off to Canada. The album comes out on the twenty-fourth and the tour goes until February. Dave says there will be another concert in Seattle sometime in between all those dates. So I guess that's when I'll see him next once he leaves."

"I see," Chris said as she scratched her chin thoughtfully. "So you'd be alone through all this, then."

"If I moved to Seattle, I'd have Kate to help me out. But otherwise, yeah. Dave will be gone for the majority of it."

"Shit. That doesn't make any of this easier."

"I'd rather him go," Reagan revealed. "I don't want any part of his life to change because of me."

"Reags, a pretty big part of his life is going to change because of you. You're carrying an embryo that partially belongs to him."

"You know what I mean. I don't want him to stop being in Nirvana because of this. I want him to have it all. The shows, the records, the fame. If that's what he wants, I want him to have it."

"You're quite a generous girlfriend, then."

"I just know what its like to have your dreams taken away from you," Reagan murmured. She thought back to her high school graduation and how she'd spent the days after it cataloguing her future plans in her head. And then it had all come crashing down when her parents had forced her to get a job.

"Even if you're in Seattle, I'll be with you," Chris assured her confidently. "I'll make as many drives to visit as I have to."

"Me in Seattle," Reagan said. As foreign of an idea as it was, it was still a nice picture that came to mind. "Never expected that."

"Well, you're not going to be in Seattle if you don't call Dave and tell him that you've made your mind up. He'll be off to Canada before you know it and you'll still be here."

"It's happening all so fast. I only have a few days to get this shit done."

Chris smiled and patted Reagan's knee as a consolation. "Looks like you better get started then."

________

The next day, Reagan made a pact with herself to shut off her brain. Or at least, she planned to shut off all the parts of her brain that fed into her nightmares and toxic thoughts. She knew what she wanted and she wasn't going to let the little devil on her shoulder harass her with any more scary "what-ifs."

After a day shift at Wilson's spent hardly talking to Tommy, whose ego seemed dented by her consistent rebuffs, she got into her car and drove straight to Seattle. For once within the past few days, her hands had stopped shaking as she clutched the steering wheel and determinedly set her marker — Dave's apartment.

He wasn't expecting her. As she took off her work vest and got out of her car, she climbed the stairs up to his door, mentally crossing her fingers. She hadn't forgotten how she'd treated Dave when he had asked his big question. It wouldn't have been a surprise to her, albeit being very painful, if he turned her away. She didn't think he would, which was enough reason for her to remain strong, telling herself to be confident no matter how the situation turned out.

Reagan knocked twice, stepping back and cracking her knuckles anxiously while she waited. When the door opened and she saw Dave standing in front of her, she felt promptly warm inside again.

"Hey," she greeted him softly.

Dave looked both an even mix of shocked and relieved to see her at his doorstep. He stood very still under the threshold, holding the door open carefully. Either the invisible barrier between them had melted away, or just grown ten times stronger.

"Hey," he said back. There was no distinct emotion in his voice.

"I'm sorry I didn't call."

"You know you don't have to call to come over here."

Reagan nodded, feeling like her head was coming to detached from her body. "Yeah. Right."

"Come in," he said, gesturing her inside and opening the door wider. She walked past him and fought the need to throw her arms around his neck, to kiss him and apologize for all that she had said. And then there would come the part where she'd plead with him to still want her, especially in marriage.

"At least I'm not interrupting anything." She eyed a weathered acoustic leaning up against the couch and surmised that he'd been playing before she'd arrived.

"Not at all. I've been waiting for you, actually."

"I hoped so," Reagan said. She faced him head on, feeling a twitch of the remembrance of her promise to herself. She was going to be straightforward with him and tell him exactly what she wanted. It had all become clearer to her after the laborious time she'd spent thinking, feeling worlds apart from him in Olympia.

Dave opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off.

"I want to marry you," Reagan announced. Her cheeks flushed when she heard her own revelation out loud. "I just want . . . you. You and this baby. That's all I want. No matter how fucking crazy it all is. Even though we realistically haven't been together that long. I love you. I want this."

Dave looked at her as if waiting for further explanation. His face was passive, but his eyes seemed interested, sparkling with a glint of what looked to be triumph.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted," Reagan apologized, shifting her weight from foot to foot. "I was scared and confused. But I've thought about it and I know without a doubt that I love you. And you're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. So why not do it?"

He continued his steadfast vow of silence, crossing his arms over the front of his long-sleeved shirt while he listened. With an observing stare, he looked Reagan up and down. She felt her stomach seize with panic as she abruptly began to anticipate the worst.

"I'm not very good at this kind of thing," she offered, praying that he would break the ice between them and speak. "I know I sound straight out of some stupid drama movie right now."

Without a word, he turned around and disappeared down the single hallway that led into his bedroom.

For a moment, Reagan believed that this was his silent way of telling her that she needed to leave. He had nothing left to say to her. He was obviously telling her to go by the way he'd turned his back to her, as if her sentiment meant nothing to him in the end.

She began to breathe a little harder, feeling each breath come out in short, winded pants. Her surroundings grew visually murky, like she was dancing along the fuzzy lines of passing out. Suddenly, all at once, she knew what it was like to lose him. It was enough to destroy her like nothing else in the world could.

It was a taste of the most brutal poison. Watching him leave had hurt worse than a twisted knife to the gut, but she'd never truly stopped before to consider just how existentially heavy the pain would be to exist without Dave in her life. She'd been too easygoing with him. She should have held on to him harder.

She was just starting to feel critically faint when he came back into the living room, coming around the corner with something pinched between his fingertips.

He approached Reagan directly, moving close to her so that the tips of her boots nearly touched his sock-clad toes. He held up what was in his hand in front of her face and she uttered a tiny gasp.

Between his guitar string-worn fingers, Dave held a gleaming gold ring. At the top of it sat a very small but brilliantly cut round diamond. It was the kind of ring meant to be displayed in an antique shop — it embodied the words of timeless and classic. The ring itself needed no explanation. Reagan knew exactly what it was and what it meant.

"I got this yesterday," Dave said. "I told myself that if I didn't hear from you by tonight, I'd find you tomorrow and give it to you. I'd propose to you the right way to change your mind."

"Oh," Reagan replied. It came out as a squeak.

"Thank god for a little extra gig money, right?"

"You didn't have to get me a ring," Reagan told him faintly. "I would have married you without one."

"Yeah, but I wanted you to have it," Dave insisted. "It means something to me."

He twisted the ring around in his fingers, staring hard at it. Reagan stared at it too, hardly believing that anything like it was meant to be worn on her hand. She worked in a car repair shop, for crying out loud. The only actual jewelry she even owned was the locket Dave had gifted her.

"Like you said, it's crazy," Dave said, taking a deep breath. "Trust me, I felt crazy going out and buying a god damn engagement ring. I didn't think I'd ever be fucking doing this when I moved here. But then I met you."

He tilted his forehead against hers, the action gentle and sweet as they finally touched. Reagan closed her eyes and felt a monstrous wave of relief. She was content to stay frozen in that position for the rest of the night just out of gratitude over knowing he loved her.

"So, will you marry me?" he asked. She heard the start of a smile in his voice.

"I already told you that I would," she whispered.

"I know, but I've got to do this right. My mom is going to ask me if I did it right and I want to be honest with her."

"Yes. Yes, I'll marry you."

Dave took Reagan's left hand, holding it up and sliding his ring onto her finger. She took a closer look at the diamond, enjoying it even more for its modest size and plain setting. Even as small as it was, she knew Dave must have shelled out some serious savings to purchase it.

"Good," he smiled, taking the opportunity to kiss her.

It was a funny feeling — the world had not moved beneath her feet, nor had she seen fireworks going off in her mind as Dave had officially proposed to her, but Reagan almost liked it better that way. There was something wonderfully natural about how it had felt to hear him ask those four precious words. It was proof of how easy their relationship was. Simply being with him set off enough fireworks already.

She kissed him back enthusiastically, sliding her hand through his hair and around his neck. If there had ever been a time in her life when she felt compelled to break out in happy song and dance, it was right then.

"Bet you wouldn't have expected all of this to happen a year ago," she teased, smiling against his lips. The ring felt perfectly right around her finger, like it had filled a long awaited space.

"Nope. But I'm alright with a little spontaneity. Getting you pregnant, marriage. Bring it on. I like a good thrill."

"I guess we have to tell people about it now."

"Yep. My mom will be pissed if we don't call her right away. So will my sister."

"What about Kurt and Krist?"

"Uh, they already know. I mean, they don't know that you agreed to marry me. But they know you're pregnant. Sorry. They dogged me about looking upset the other day."

"You were upset?" Reagan asked guiltily.

"Only a little," he jested, caressing his hands down her back.

Reagan inhaled deeply and glanced back at her ring, unable to stop taking peeks at it. Only a year prior, she'd been dying for something different to come along and change her life. It was possible that she'd overestimated the potential of that wish.

"It's not too small is it?" Dave questioned nervously, watching her stare at the ring.

"It's perfect. I love everything about it."

"I would have gotten you something better," he frowned. "But I just didn't have the money. Maybe I'll upgrade it for you in a few years."

Reagan laughed. "No upgrading my ring, please. I want this same one until the day I die."

He smiled with relief and roped her into a hug, kissing her forehead. When she closed her hands into a fist behind his back, she experienced a thrill over feeling the edges of the diamond against her palm.

"I can't believe you want to marry me," she said.

"Why is that so hard for you to believe? I love you. I want you. Forever and ever."

"I believe that you've miscalculated the actual length of forever."

"I know what I want," Dave said soundly, rounding his hands around the curve of Reagan's hips and pulling her into him. "That's not going to change."

"Well, ditto to that," Reagan giggled. Dave rolled his eyes.

"'Ditto'," he quoted under a grumble. He kissed her again, this time even more tenderly than before. When Reagan met this second kiss with more eagerness than he was prepared for, Dave responded accordingly, leading her to the couch while never breaking contact from her lips.

Reagan could not pick which emotion she felt more. She still felt a streak of fear over the unknown, that was for certain. There was so much that she was still relatively unprepared for, namely having a kid. And there was still the daunting hurdle of telling Kimberly and Richard about it. Yet what outweighed her fear was her happiness. She wasn't going to lose Dave. Even though it still felt like they had no idea what they were doing, they were going to do it anyways. And in nine months, it wouldn't be just the two of them anymore.

Dave's hand got to work unbuttoning Reagan's jeans, causing her to lean her head back and laugh at his impatience. There was a perfectly good bed down the hall, but in typical Dave fashion, he had to get things going as soon as possible.

"I should have known this was coming," she said smugly.

"I figured it was necessary after you agreeing to marry me. And it's not like you can get pregnant, right?"

She laughed at his slick comment, but he silenced her with his mouth and turned the remnants of her laughter into a moan when his hand slipped past her underwear.

She was alright with it, though. As far as she was concerned, there would be many more future occasions in which Dave Grohl was going to make her laugh.