"WHAT'S HAPPENING?"

The sound of Robbie's shaky voice, small and hopeless coming from the door frame snapped Reagan out of her own slew of messy thoughts. She was crouched down to her knees on her bedroom floor, throwing her things into the one shabby suitcase that she owned from a family trip to Connecticut years ago to visit relatives. Kimberly could still be heard crying downstairs.

Reagan looked back, seeing Robbie standing at the entrance of her room looking downright terrified. A crumbling wall within her, the last one she'd been holding up as she'd battled through her explosive argument with Kimberly, shattered. Looking into her brother's frightened eyes tore apart any remnants of courage that she had left.

"I'm leaving Rob," Reagan said tightly. Her tongue felt like it was slipping backwards into her throat as she struggled not to cry.

"No!" Robbie yelped, scuttling into the room and falling down beside Reagan. He threw his arms around her shoulders and suddenly, he was six years old again, wanting nothing else but to be held and reassured by his big sister.

"I'm sorry," Reagan whispered, managing to kiss the top of Robbie's head and fight back the film of tears clouding her eyes. "I've got to go."

"Why?" Robbie pleaded. "You said you wouldn't leave! You promised!"

The shrill sound of one of the twins crying reverberated up the stairs from the living room. It was as if all the Abner siblings were abruptly discovered that the rock of their family was leaving them.

"Robbie, I'm so sorry. But I really do have to go. I'll visit you all the time, okay?" Reagan continued to litter her suitcase full of random items of clothing before getting to her feet and starting on the belongings she kept scattered elsewhere in the room.

"I don't want you to leave me," he cried. Fresh tracks of tears made clear pathways down his face. "Kate left and now you're leaving too. I don't want to be the only one!"

"You're not the only one," Reagan said, though she was silently crying too. She tossed assorted trinkets amongst her clothes, things she was unsure she would even need anymore. She wanted to escape the house as quickly as possible. Hearing Robbie cry for even another painful second would surely kill her. "You've got the twins. I want you to look out for them both, alright?"

"No!" Robbie cried out shrilly. "I can't! That's supposed to be what you do!"

"Not anymore," Reagan said. She bent down to Robbie's height, putting her hands on his shoulders. Looking into his eyes was like looking into a mirrored image of her own. She knew that they must have looked scarily identical, shiny and reddened with tears.

"But why do you have to go?" Robbie begged. "Tell me why."

Reagan had a hunch that Robbie had most likely been listening to her confrontation with Richard and Kimberly from the top of the stairs. If that hunch was correct, then he had definitely heard the truth, which was that his sister was pregnant. But even then, he was so young, young enough that the truth would not always be cohesive with what was happening right in front of him.

Reagan loved Robbie and had always been honest with him, but it felt too weird to explain in detail that she was going to get married and have a baby. It was a conversation reserved for a better contextual situation; being kicked to the curb while pregnant didn't make it any easier.

"Because I'm going to go live with Dave," she explained slowly.

"I knew you would marry him," Robbie whispered. "I told you that you would, remember? I knew you'd leave."

Reagan shook her head. "It's not like that. I never would leave you if I had the choice Robbie. But I've got to go be with Dave now. Do you understand?"

"Can I come with you?" Robbie asked, wiping his hand beneath his nose with a sniff. "Dave likes me. He would let me live with you guys. Please?"

"I can't take you with me," Reagan said with difficultly, her voice cracking. She pushed Robbie's hair out of his dampened eyes. "Remember what I said? You've got to stay here and look out for RaeLynn and Kody."

Robbie's face crumpled as he threw himself into Reagan's arms again. She felt his body shake as he cried, clinging to her as if she were his mother instead of the biological one downstairs who had actually birthed him. As she held tight to Robbie, she envisioned moments from her past in which she'd cradled him as a baby, feeding him his bottles and chasing him around the house as he toddled from room to room wearing diapers. She cried harder, squeezing her little brother and hoping he knew that she loved him.

Once she'd untangled herself from Robbie's grip, she gathered more of her things, as much as she could carry in her arms, and went downstairs. Kimberly was in the kitchen with RaeLynn propped on her hip while she finished dinner. She did not look at Reagan as she walked by with her suitcase. It did not faze Reagan to be ignored. She had been expecting it.

Reagan went outside and loaded her car up, Robbie still behind her. She felt strangely lightheaded, like she needed more than anything to lie down with a cool icepack draped across her head. It couldn't have possibly been good for her - all that stress and heartache clawing its way through her chest.

"Are you going now?" Robbie asked morosely.

"Not yet," Reagan replied, slamming her trunk closed. "I've got to say goodbye to Dad."

Together, she and Robbie walked back inside the house. Robbie plopped down on the last step of the staircase, burying his head in his hands. Reagan touched her fingertips to his hair before wandering into the living room, feeling her emotions heighten as she searched for Richard.

She found him sitting behind their old drum kit. Kody was in front of the television, still engrossed in his kid shows and paying no mind to his father. Richard seemed preoccupied anyways. He slouched forward somberly, running his fingertip along the ride cymbal in an invisible line.

"Dad?" Reagan asked gently. Richard looked up, pushing his glasses back up on his nose. He smiled sadly.

"You should take it with you," he said quietly, looking down at the kit. "It'll never get played unless you're here."

"I can't take your old drum set," Reagan murmured. She clenched her teeth together, determined not to cry in front of him out of fear of what would happen next. To see her father cry would wreck her completely.

"It's not mine, Reags. It's always been yours."

Richard stood up, clearing his throat awkwardly. Reagan suspected that he was closer to tears than she'd thought as he glanced at the carpet, straining to speak.

"I'm sorry for everything," she whispered, beelining into him. She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders, wishing that he could have been spared along with Robbie from the consequences of her own actions.

"It's not your fault," Richard said, smoothing his hand down Reagan's cascade of auburn hair. "I'm sorry to see you go, though."

"I can't be here with Mom," Reagan said desperately. "It's never going to work with me being . . . being pregnant. And Dave said I could move in with him anyways, especially after all of this."

"As long as he takes care of you, I can accept that," Richard sighed dolefully. Reagan hugged him closer, wrenching her eyes closed and holding on to the last moment in time in which she'd hug her father as a regular kid living under her parents' roof. Once she stepped out through the front door, she was finally going to assume the position of a real adult.

"Come back for the kit when you're ready," Richard insisted, releasing Reagan from their hug. "I'm sure Dave would love to inherit it as well."

Reagan looked to where Kody sat, his eyes still glued to the television screen. She walked over to him and bent down to kiss his head, thankful that he and RaeLynn were too small to discern what was going on. As she stood back up, something underneath the flickering light of the television caught her eye.

"Hey Dad," she said. "I'm going to take those, if that's okay."

She pointed to the box of old records, the very ones she and Dave had played together while alone in the living room. The door to the entertainment center was ajar, revealing the dusty outline of the records stacked against one another in their carrier.

"Sure honey," Richard said. "Take what you need."

Reagan picked up the crate in her arms and manuevered a path down the hallway, Richard walking behind her in a depressing procession. She paused by the kitchen where Kimberly stood, her back facing Reagan as she worked over the stove. For a moment she considered saying goodbye, but ultimately decided against it.

Kimberly deserved no such thing.

After being walked outside by Richard and Robbie, Reagan carefully slid the records into her backseat and climbed through the driver's side door. She waved to her father and brother, watching them grow smaller as she backed out of the driveway and into the street.

She guessed that she should have been used to change by then. Everything had been happening so fast that moving out did not seem to be as much of a shock as it should have been. But although Reagan accepted her leave willingly, the only minuscule shock she did indeed feel was that of saying goodbye to her childhood home as it disappeared in her rearview mirror.

________

She had not even thought to call Dave before leaving Olympia. They hadn't spoken since she'd left him earlier that day and for all she knew, he could have been out and about, leaving her with no place to go. But she was met with relief when she arrived back in Seattle as the darkness of night took over the sky and she saw a light on from the second story window of Dave's apartment.

She trudged up the stairs with her suitcase, leaving her other things inside her car until Dave could help her carry them up. When she knocked on the door and he answered, it took him no time at all to understand what had happened.

"Hey," Dave said, raising his eyebrows. He looked down and spotted Reagan's suitcase at her side, his eyes suddenly growing rounder. "Oh shit."

"I hope you meant it when you said you wanted me to move in," Reagan sighed.

"Of course I did."

Dave stepped outside and swept Reagan into a hug, peppering her face with reassuring kisses. She felt the oncoming sting of tears but shoved the feeling away. The emotional high of the day had turned her into a blubbering mess and at that point, she was sick of crying.

"I'm sorry I didn't you warn ahead of time."

"Don't be. This is the best surprise ever," Dave smiled. He took her suitcase from her and rolled it inside. "Do you have more stuff?"

"Yeah, it's all downstairs in my car. It's not a lot, though."

"Cool. Let's go get it."

Together, Reagan and Dave collected her belongings and hauled them all upstairs. Dave was particularly delighted to see that she'd brought along the old records for them to enjoy. Once everything was loaded inside the apartment, Reagan stood in the middle of Dave's living room and surveyed the small array of her things. It was almost appalling to see how little she had taken with her.

"You're a light packer," Dave noted, sitting down on the couch and propping his feet up. Reagan noticed a half-drunken beer bottle resting on the edge of his coffee table.

"Yeah," she said softly, thinking of her old bedroom and how the contents in front of them had once filled it. "Guess I am."

"Come here," he beckoned, reaching out to her.

She joined him on the couch, nestling close into his side and allowing him to stroke her hair through the gaps between his fingers. Her eyes closed tiredly and she found herself craving sleep more than ever.

"While I'm away, you can make this place look however you want," Dave murmured encouragingly. "Decorate it with whatever. It's your place now too."

"Don't talk about being away," Reagan mumbled, her eyes still shut. "I'm nowhere near ready to say goodbye to you."

"I know," Dave whispered. He cupped his hand around Reagan's face and kissed her forehead tenderly. "I'm pissed that I have to leave you, especially after everything that's happened. I know tonight must have been rough."

"It definitely wasn't one of my favorite family memories."

"I was thinking about something today . . ." Dave began slowly, easing into a new topic for them both. Reagan did not brace herself for anything spectacular. Dave had already done everything possible to defy her expectations. He couldn't shock her anymore than he already had.

"About?" she pressed.

"Well, I think we should get married soon. Like soon, soon. Before I leave for the tour."

As big of a proposal as it was, Reagan remained calm as she laid against Dave, running her fingers slowly over the ridge of his knuckles. She thought about the minimal time they had left together before he was going to leave. Her engagement ring felt suddenly heavier on her finger.

"How would we do that?" she questioned, tilting her head back to look into his eyes.

"The easiest way would be to go downtown and get married in a court room. Unless you know someone ready on hand who has been ordained."

"Surprisingly, no. You'd think that I would, at least somewhere between the range of here and Portland. It's a shame Krist and Kurt didn't turn out to be notaries or something. It'd be like, hey, look at me, I'm in a band but I can also approve signatures on your legal documents."

Dave laughed, happy to see that Reagan's sense of humor was still present despite the events of that night. He pressed his fingers into her side playfully.

"But getting married in a court room is okay?" he asked. "For the sake of time?"

"A court room is fine. I don't need anything huge," Reagan shrugged.

"Would that make you sad though? To not have a normal wedding and all that?"

"Dave, does it look like there is anything normal about me or us? I don't think a court room wedding is going to kill any sort of mood we have set."

"Right. Well, uhm, all we'd need to do is apply for a marriage license first. After we get it, then we can get married. We should do that soon if we want this to happen before I go." His face turned a bright shade of pink as he laid out his instructions. Reagan felt a small smile tug at her lips.

"Have you looked into this?" She poked his shoulder teasingly.

"Maybe. I dunno'. I would just feel better about leaving you if we had at least gotten married. So you know that I love you and I want you, even though I have to be away for a little while."

"You don't have to prove anything to me. I know how you feel."

"But I want to leave you with a nice reminder once I officially go. And what about all the groupies? Aren't you worried about them? Maybe a ring on my finger will ward them off."

Reagan scoffed and nearly told Dave that a wedding ring would hardly deter any female that was hell bent on bedding him, but she snapped her mouth closed. She realized quite suddenly that she had no ring for Dave. If he wanted to be married before the tour, she would have to get one - soon.

Damn it, she thought to herself scornfully. I'm already the definition of a shitty fiancée and it's only been a day.

"You know, you could come on tour for a little while," Dave suggested lightly, mistaking her silence for hurt over his groupie comment. "Kurt and Krist wouldn't mind. Shelli did it once."

"You know I can't. I've got - oh, fuck." Reagan rubbed her fingers against her eyes and groaned as she was hit with another realization. "What the hell am I going to do about Wilson's? I've got a shift tomorrow."

"Call up your little friend Tommy and quit," Dave said. "Tell him you've moved to Seattle to marry me and have hot, sweaty, rigorous sex in my bed every night -,"

"Stop," Reagan said, rolling her eyes and genially pushing at Dave's face. "He doesn't need to know the gory details."

"So I'm guessing that you're not going to tell him that you're pregnant, then?"

Reagan hesitated, twisting her hands together in her lap. "I don't know. Doesn't that seem a little weird to you?"

"Not really. I'd just be happy to know that you've pissed him off and reminded him whose seed has been planted inside of you," Dave said cheerfully.

"Not a good idea, Dave. What if I need him for a job reference in the future or something? Which, might I mention, is bound to happen now that I've come here."

"You don't need a job right now," Dave protested. "I'll provide for us."

"Oh yeah, and with what money? That whopping salary you get every month from putting on a Three Stooges act with Kurt and Krist?"

"Hey, you're the one who keeps reminding me that we've got an album coming out in less than two weeks. You seem to think that we're going to be real famous here sometime soon. Keep manifesting that shit, 'kay?"

"That's not a good enough reason for me to not work," Reagan rationalized, though it was a bitter thing for her to say. She would have loved to not have to work at some minimum-wage, bullshit job like Wilson's again. "I've got to make money for us. We're having a kid, remember?"

"So come on tour and sell t-shirts! Shelli sold t-shirts for the band lots of times. Whatever profit we make from the shirts, I'll give you my half. You know, for all the hard work that you'll put in."

"Sounds enticing," Reagan said sarcastically. "It's a perfect job for a girl like me with no college education and all that. Totally fits the bill."

"Fuck a college education. If you're worried about a job, I'll get you one. I bet I can pull some strings with the label."

Reagan rolled her eyes. "Keep dreaming. It's not that easy for someone like me. I'm not exactly worth much."

"You're worth the world. And so what if you didn't go to college like Kate? That doesn't make you any less great."

Reagan perked up instantly at the sound of her sister's name, popping up out her lazy position in Dave's arms with sudden revelation.

"Kate! Oh my god! I've got to call her and tell her what happened. Hopefully my mom didn't reach her first."

She started towards the outskirt of the kitchen where Dave's wall phone was but skidded to a stop, looking back at him hesitantly.

"I'll be right back," she said, wanting him to keep the empty space by his side warm for her. She was in no way ready to abandon her spot beside him for the rest of the night. She needed him.

Dave smiled broadly and leaned back into the couch, folding his hands behind his head with leisure and nodding.

"I'll be right here waiting for you like always."