It was 6 in the evening, Ilang oras nalang Christmas Eve na. I was in my room getting ready para mamaya. Gusto ko sanang tumulong kay mommy para magluto, pero I was 100% banned sa kitchen sa ngayon.

My belly has gotten so much bigger now, nagmamanas na rin ang mga paa ko, pati na ang mukha ko since kabuwanan ko na.

Naglakad ako papunta sa may bintana, napangiti ako habang tinitignan ang pagpatak ng snow sa labas. Thousands of Christmas lights we're hung from the trees, hanggang sa gate.

White Christmas ang theme namin ngayong taon, kaya nagmukhang Winter Wonderland ang buong bahay dahil kay mommy. May malaking christmas tree malapit sa hagdan, napalibutan naman ang railings ng hagdan puting poinsettias, ribbons at christmas balls.

May sinet-up ding photobooth na may santa-sled painted in white. May twigs din na malalaki sa bawat sulok ng bahay na may nakapalibot na puting christmas lights.

Sa baba naman ng hagdan ay may dalawang reindeer na figurine. Naka set-up na din ang dinner table na puno ng white cutlery. May maliliit na Christmas tree sa mesa at mga maliliit na reindeer figurines.

"Kara?" I heard my brother's voice from outside. Binuksan niya ang pinto at sumilip sa loob.

"Can I come in?" Tanong niya. Tumango naman ako at tuluyan na siyang pumasok.

Matagal-tagal din kaming hindi nag usap ni Kuya matapos ang sagutan namin. Alam kong wala naman siyang kasalanan he was just speaking his mind, but I'm not ready to hear the truth yet at that time.

"We still have a few hours left before Christmas, I came here to apologize. " He smiled.

"Look sorry, Hindi ko dapat sinabi na pinalitan ni Eunwoo si Tae,I didn't mean that. I know hindi ka pa nakakamove on and alam ko din na mahal mo pa si Tae ---" he stopped midway and sighed.

"Hindi ko din dapat sinabi na hindi mo na siya maabot ngayon, I'm not in the position to tell you that."

I felt as if I was on that night again, The night he told me Tae was out of my reach now. That night was an eye opener for me.I'm glad that he slapped with the truth that night. I need to move on and accept things that Tae was living his life, and I'm happy for him.

"Kuya it's okay, and you're forgiven ---" I hugged him.

"You're right when you told me I shouldn't hold on to our memories, We both ended things up and it's my fault for still hoping he'll come back when he clearly told me to find someone else."

I have come to realize that Letting him go doesn't mean forgetting about our memories, memories will stay forever. But I chose to let go of the pain that is associated when thinking about those memories.

Letting go is the hardest part, lalo na kapag hindi mo gusto, at alam mong mahal niyo pa ang isa't isa. It doesn't take a lot of strength to hang on and wish the situation to be better, It takes a lot of strength to let go.

I still love him, but at some point I realized that people can stay in my heart, but not in my life.

If we're really for eachother, if we're really meant to be, we will be in the right time. It doesn't have to be right now.

Maybe someday, when the time is right.

"I realized that if it hurts too much to hold on, then it's time to let go" I said.

"You know I love you right? ---" I nodded and he smiled. "All I want for you is to be happy, Kara. I don't want you to think that I'm being the bad guy" he continued.

"I didn't even think about that, not even once Kuya. I know that you only wants what's best for me"

He hugged me again.

"I missed you" bulong niya. "I missed you too Kuya"

"So we're good now? Ang tagal pa namang magtampo ng baby sister ko"

"We're good" I said and gave him a thumbs up. "Im glad to have my baby sister back" He said.

"Hi baby! namiss ka ni tito Kayden pogi" sabi niya sa tiyan ko. Natawa naman ako.

"Nasa baba ang peace offering ko" he said before he left.

Napangiti ako, Ilang linggo din akong nagtiis na huwag siyang kausapin. Naka ilang subok siyang kausapin ako pero iniiwasan ko siya. Minsan pa nga pumupunta siya sa kwarto pero nagtutulog-tulugan ako para hindi siya maka-usap. I know it's childish not to talk to your big brother dahil sa tampuhan, but I'm glad that Okay na kami.

Ipinagpatuloy ko ang pagtanaw sa bintana nang maisip kong tawagan si Yareli. Nasa bahay rin siya ng parents niya ngayon to celebrate Christmas.
Idadiall ko na sana ang number niya nang mag pakita ang caller ID niya sa screen.

"I was just about to call you!" sabi ko.

"Well Merry Christmas bestfriend! Anong balita diyan? nagbake ba si Tita ng brownies? Tirahan mo ko ha!" sunod sunod na sabi niya, natawa naman ako. Yareli have always been the bubbly one.

"Yes ma'am!"

"Soooo? Bati na ba kayo ni Kuya Kayden?" pagiiba niya ng topic.

"Yes, kanina lang. Pupuntahan ko na nga rin sana siya sa kwarto niya kanina but he beats me to it"

Ikinuwento ko sa kanya yung nangyari kanina. And nag chismisan muna kami.

"Ugh! sana all talaga may Kuya! Mahal na mahal ka ng kuya mo no? sana all ulit!"

"gusto mo sayo nalang?" panunukso ko sa kanya. Yareli always had the biggest crush on my brother simula pa nung bata kami. But unfortunately kuya never sees Yareli as a woman, she was like a little sister to my brother.

"Oh sure Kara! Regalo mo na sa akin Christmas naman!"tawa niya sa kabilang linya.

"mag-aral ka nalang muna, ayaw non sa bata" I laughed.

"Grrrrr..... next topic---" she paused dramatically. "Sooooo jan ba mag cecelebrate ng Christmas si Lover boy?"

Lover Boy, that's what she call Eunwoo.Nung una sinasaway ko pa siya but nasanay na rin ako since hindi naman siya nagpatalo.

"Hindi, may performance sila mamaya for christmas eve. I don't think he'll be able to come after the performance baka may after party pa sila"

"OMG, oo nga pala no? sayang di natin mapapanood ng live, pero ayos lang may livestream naman" She laughed.

We got invited to their performance and we even got VVIP tickets but I chose not to go. What if I see Tae there?I'm not yet ready to face him, I'll just watch at home and support him in silence.I feel bad for Yareli, I know she wanted to go.

"You know what? You can go, don't worry about me. Papanoorin ko nalang sa TV"

"Girlllll, No. Baka makita ko pa si Mr. Right mo na ni-left ka"

"Shut up Fye"

"Chill Vixen, Oh siya sige mag ready ka na.. make sure may panyo ka mamaya baka maglaway ka kay lover boy---"

"Yareli Fye"

"Kara Vixen" we both laughed.

"O sige na don't forget your handkerchief, bawal maglaway ha... I'll call later" tumawa na naman siya napailing nalang ako.

"yeah whatever, ciao"

"Don't droooooool Kara Vixen, Don't drool"

"Yeah Fye whatever" I laughed and ended the call.

baliw. I thought to myself. Napailing nalang ako.

My phone rang again and I didn't bother to see the caller ID.

"I won't drool, Ghaaad Yareli " Natatawang sabi ko.

I heard him chuckle on the other line, I froze and dahan dahan kong tinignan ang caller ID, nanlaki ang mata ko nang makitang hindi si Yareli ang  tumawag.

Eunwoo

"Sorry, I thought it was Yareli" sabi ko, he chuckled again.

"Okay lang, I wanted to hear your voice before we go on stage"

"ang cheesy mo naman" sabi ko at natawa siya. "I'm serious, baka kasi hindi na ako makatawag mamaya pag nagsimula na to"

"Then will it be okay to greet you now?" tanong ko. "Sure"

Tumawa ako at tumikhim."Merry Christmas"

"I'll respond to that later"

May sinabi pa siya pero hindi ko na naintindihan dahil biglang sumakit ang balakang ko at humilab ang tiyan ko. Napahawak ako sa tiyan ko.

"Kara?"

"Kara?!"

"Are you okay? Kara?"

"I'm f-fine bigla lang sumakit yung Tiyan ko"sabi ko habang hinihimas ang tiyan ko.

" Breath, Kara. Calm down"

I groaned again nung humilab ulit ang tiyan ko.

"Oh my God!"I groaned

"Kara? Kara?! what's happening?"

"I... I think manganganak na ako"

---

Nasa ospital na kami ngayon, my mind was blank. Hindi ako makapag-isip ng maayos. Masyadong masakit ang balakang ko para makapag-isip ng kung ano-ano. All I know is that my Parents, Kuya and Yareli are all here, to witness me gave birth.

I'm in labour now and I'm having stronger contractions. Eto ba yung sinasabi nilang nasa hukay ang isang paa ng babae kapag manganganak? Cause I'm sure I feel like Im dying.

"Mom! I need to pee" I mumbled.

I heard my Mom gasped while my Dad was calling the doctor and suddenly may itinusok na sa likuran ko. The next thing I knew they were telling me to push.

"Push Kara"

breath, push

"Push"

breath, push

"Push!"

breath, push

"Push Kara, you can do it"

breath, Push

I breathed heavily and a tear dropped on my face when I heard the baby cry.

Ipinatong nila ang baby sa dibdib ko, My little angel. I smiled at her at hinaplos siya. Welcome to this world
my little one,

Keanna Celine Agoncillo.

I looked at the hand that was holding mine while I was giving birth. I smiled.

he's here. I can't believe it.

He leaned down and kissed the top of my head." You made it, Kara"

"I love you" I said and kissed him.

"Merry Christmas" he replied.