Taehyungs POV

~play Bakit Pa Ba by JayR~

"Actually I'm not a fan, I just thought He was someone I knew"

"Actually I'm not a fan, I just thought He was someone I knew"

"Actually I'm not a fan, I just thought He was someone I knew"

"Actually I'm not a fan, I just thought He was someone I knew"

"Actually I'm not a fan, I just thought He was someone I knew"

The words she said keep on playing on my mind, every word is like a knife that keeps stabbing me on the chest.

I know she didn't mean it. Hindi iyon totoo, nasabi lang niya iyon dahil nagulat siya nung nakita niya kami ni Yeri.

Fuck! I was silently cursing myself that time. Bakit ba hindi ko man lang nagawang magsalita. I let her walk away without even saying a word.

"I will always be your number one fan"

I was holding on to her words. She is my number one fan and even if she says she's not, I know that's not true.

I saw her with someone. Matangkad, maputi, matangos, maganda ang pangangatawan and I'm guessing boyfriend niya iyon.

Baka hindi, baka kaibigan lang niya iyon. I was making myself believe that hindi niya iyon boyfriend but who Am I kidding? Why would he call her 'babe' kung hindi sila?

"Babe! I was looking for you, andito ka lang pala. Let's go?"

That should be me.

Ako dapat iyon, ako dapat ang kasama niya sa pamamasyal,ako dapat ang may hawak sa mga kamay niya, ako dapat ang kasama niya sa araw-araw.

But I was a fool to let her go. Napakatanga ko.
Alam ko namang kasalanan ko, kasalanan ko kung bakit ako nasasaktan ngayong may bago ba siya. Ako naman mismo ang nagsabi sa kanyang maghanap siya ng iba. Maghanap siya ng lalaking kayang tumupad sa mga pangako niya sa kanya. Pero bakit ang sakit?

And I guess she found that man already, the man I can never be. Because I'm a coward, a fucking coward.

Hindi ko man lang siya ipinaglaban. Hindi ko naman siya masisisi kung kamuhian niya ako dahil sa ginawa ko.I lied to her, I broke my promise not to hurt her. I broke her heart. Napaka gago ko, Alam ko.

"Congrats on your debut, I hope you're happy that you achieved your dreams."

My heart broke hearing those words from her, dapat nga masaya ako kasi kino-congratulate niya ako. But I felt the total opposite, I wasn't happy that she congratulated me. I don't want her to congratulate me.

Why do I feel like she already let me go when she said those words? Bakit parang wala nang pag-asa? Na tinanggap na niya ang lahat, na wala na kami at tapos na ang lahat sa amin?Alam ko namang wala na talaga kami, And I know it was my fault, I just can't get my head to grasp the situation.

I sighed.

I can feel my heart break, Nararamdaman ko ang bawat kirot sa puso ko, bawat segundong naiisip kong may kasama na siyang iba. May nagpapasaya na sa kanya.

Tumayo ako at dumiretso sa closet at kinuha ang maliit na box na matagal ng nakatago doon. Naupo ako sa kama ko habang tinititigan ang laman non.

Ireregalo ko sana to para sa anniversary namin, Kaso wala na eh hindi na kami umabot don. I had the whole thing planned for our anniversary.

I already booked our flight to Jeju, since dun niya ako sinagot dati. And I thought it would be memorable if dun din kami magcecelebrate ng Fifth Year anniversary namin.

Naalala ko pa yung araw na sinagot niya ako. I remember it clearly like it happened yesterday.

"When you debut and make it big someday don't forget about me." sabi niya habang naglalakad kami sa dalampasigan.

"How can I forget you when you'll always stay by my side?" I chuckled and reached for her hand.

Ngumiti siya at humarap sa akin.Hinawakan niya ang pisngi ko. "I want you to achieve all your dreams, Even if I'm not by yourside. Remember that I will always be your number one fan."

"Bakit pakiramdam ko nagpapaalam ka?" I asked pouting. She giggled softly and shook her head.

"Close your eyes." sabi niya.

I closed my eyes and I felt her lean towards me. She kissed me softly, I opened my eyes and she stood there smiling.

"Remember what you asked me yesterday?"

Tumango ako. Tinanong ko siya kahapon kung kailan ko ba siya matatawag na akin. And she replied with a shrug.

Inilibot niya ang paningin niya. "Today seems like a great day." she smiled. I hugged her and I heard her giggle. "I'm giving you my heart today, but its always been yours from the start.... Now you can call me yours"

" I love you so much" sabi ko. I cupped her face and kissed her. She kissed me back and I felt her smile.

"I love you too" she replied staring through my eyes.

I wiped my tears away.

Inilabas ko ang laman ng maliit na kahon, kumikislap ito dahil sa liwanag ng buwan. Kung hindi lang ako naging duwag, at kung hindi lang ako naging tanga. Suot na sana niya ito. We could've been engaged and planning the wedding. Or maybe we could've been married, she could have been carrying my baby now. I smiled to myself, but that was impossible now.

There's so many what if's and maybes running through my mind right now.

Does she still love me? Do I still have space in her heart? Or has she moved on already? Is she thinking about me?

Maybe if I didn't chose to be an Idol, we're happily living our lives right now.

Tumayo ako at ibinalik ang kahon na iyon sa closet ko. I sighed again. My heart feels so heavy.

And now I'm thinking if this was the life I want to lead. Eunwoo was right, I got my career but I lost the love of my life. I have my dream but lost my future.

I'm thinking if this was worth it.

Im thinking if the decisions I made were for the best.

If I could only go back to the past, I would.

I would go back and tell her how much I love her,I would tell her how I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And how I regret not fighting for us, how I regret leaving her.

If I could go back to the past and change the decisions I made, I would.

If only I can go to the beginning and change everything, I would.