Franks pov

Trigger warning for funerals/death

My eyes raked over myself in the mirror. My reflection looking like a false copy of myself rather than the real thing. The dusty suit hung over my body, weirdly fitting and uncomfortable. I glared at the imposter in the mirror, trying to scare my reflection and make it back away.

I heard a knock on the ajar door, "C- come in." I said, surprised at the wobble in my voice. My aunt walked in, wearing a simple black knee-length dress and a sheer black scarf that was patterned with the white silhouettes of doves. Her warm brown hair was pinned up behind her head, flowing over her shoulders elegantly. I noticed things in her that I noticed in my mother, as if my aunt was an alternate version, the one that never broke.

"How are you?" She asked softly, her warm voice filling the silent room.

I shrugged my shoulders, shoving my hands in my pocket and looking down at my scuffed shoes. My aunt smiled at me sadly, her eyes glancing over the mirror.

I turned and walked out of the room, walking slowly down the stairs before leaning with my back against the door frame. I tilted my head towards the ceiling, trying to stop the tears that were forming. I heard my aunt's soft footsteps come down the stairs followed by the jingle of keys as she picked them up from where they lay on the coffee table.

"Are you ready to go, dear?" She asked me softly. I nodded, swallowing down the uncomfortable lump in my throat and stepping away from the door.

I walked out the now unlocked door, the blinding sun cut across my face as I exited the house. A harsh February breeze ran around the surrounding houses, seeping through my thin suit and chilling my bones. The nearby free branches drooped from the weight of lasts night's rain, their fronds perfectly matching my bleak mood. A few weak clouds hung in the sky, their wispy trails mulling around aimlessly.

I climbed in the back of my aunts mud-splattered Kia, I pulled the seatbelt across my chest before I settled for staring out the window as my aunt got in the driver's side and started the car.

I watched my breath fog up the cold window as blurred houses moved past in the background. I wrung my hands uncomfortably, picking at my cuticles absentmindedly. The atmosphere seemed dark and heavy, as if the entire world had stopped to mourn the loss of my mother. It hadn't, of course, but to my grief filled brain nothing but sadness could possibly exist anywhere in the world.

A gazed at the passing cars, wondering who inhabited them and what their destination was. I wondered if someone else we had passed was potentially feeling the same sorrow as myself.

We arrived at the church after about ten minutes of sullen silence. My eyes raked over the small group of people that stood somberly mingling outside. All of them clad in black from head to toe. A few sodden leaves hung around on the cobbled floor, sticking to the undersides of people shoes and became strewn around on the floor.

I recognised a few faces from my childhood. Though most of them looked liked strangers. "Are you ready, dear?" I heard my aunts soft voice call. I shrugged at the question, swallowing my tears, and stepped out into the cold.

My aunt followed suit, readjusting her black scarf that sat around her neck, tied I'm a loose not at the front. Someone I vaguely recognised as my mother's cousin walked up to us, "oh, Marie." She said pitifully, completely ignoring me as she clasped my aunts hands in a death-tight grip, "oh it's so unfortunate isn't it?" She barely leg my aunt nod before she continued, "oh but after Frank's death I think we all knew what was happening." I clenched my fists at her blasé attitude, noticing my aunt get equally uncomfortable. "Oh well, I'll see you soon." She finished.

"Fucking bitch." My aunt muttered, making me smile somewhat for the first time that day.

We stood around in the cold outside the church, some people attempted to make conversation with me but quickly gave up when they noticed I wasn't interested.

A few minutes later the sleek black funeral car arrived and the quiet conversation stopped, as if a button had switched in their brains and they now has to put on a persona of sorrow and sadness. Four respectful looking pallbearers marched over from where they had been quietly stood at the side. All clad in the same black and white ensemble, I noted their stark white gloves and shirts that contrasted brightly with their jet black suit jackets and pants. Their dark polished shoes thudded against the cobbled path that led up from the church. The small crowd of people practically parted like the Red Sea to allow them access to the now opened funeral car. They expertly rolled out my mother's casket and hoisted it high upon their shoulders, expert hands maneuvering it in place.

Casket raised high they began their march through the gates and down the long cobbled pathway. After a short moment the small crowd of people hesitantly began to walk behind the pallbearers. I eyed the back of my mother's casket as I walked, trying to stifle my tears and sniffs as imagined her cold, dead body laying in the back. I wondered if it hurt, if the evil, frozen hand of death caused pain when held, or if their grip was gentle and comforting, a way to lead from this life to the next. I imagined her injuries, if there were any, they'd have been gruesomely stitched, the skin pulled tight over lifeless bones like taught fabric, woven and threaded only to make an equally horrifying suit.

I eyed the looming doors that had been pried open prior to us arriving. I stepped in cautiously, the choking musty scent that was always present in old buildings such as this. Frayed pamphlets were pinned to the wall advertising weekly prayer sessions, among other things. A gory depiction of Christ nailed to the cross hung on one wall, blood dripping from the gaping holes in his hands, even more of the red liquid appears to run in streams down his face from the sharp piercing holes created by his crown if thorns. Stained glass windows altered the light that entered the church, casting warped shadows across the floor. The whole place reeked of fear and death, it's sole purpose to make you feel guilt. To show you how horrific the world was, the work of a supposed devil. A devil of their own design, a devil they created to blame for their own wrong doing. To show how he was the one... The only pure one.

My aunt placed a hand on my shoulder, leading me to pew a few rows from the front. The pallbearers gently placed the casket on the velvet covered table before taking a step back and taking a respectful bow to my mother and turning around promptly and heading out of the church. A dusty looking priest stepped up to the front of the church, a few wispy grey hairs were strewn around his otherwise bald head. Eyebrows that seemed to be creased into a constant angry expression lay uncomfortably above his bored looking eyes. His entire demeanor screamed that he'd rather be anywhere else.

"We are gathered here today,"  the priest began, his dull, gravely voice filling the echoey church, "to remember the life of the recently departed Linda Carol Iero." He said, squinting at the card in front of him as he read my mother's name. I took a shallow breath, willing away the tears that threatened to spill out of my red eyes. I stopped listening to the aging priest, his lack of interest and care fueling the anger that had settled in my stomach. I looked away from him as he continued to spout lies about her life. My eyes now roving over the sleek black casket. My soul felt numb, every ounce of being swallowed by the dark fog that rolled over every plane of existence and enveloped my brain. I eyed the deep red roses, the beautiful deep crimson lay atop the casket. The silver furnishings ran along the edges, catching the dim light and casting it astray.

Over the course of the next hour multiple people who's faces were unfamiliar droned about how wonderful my mother was and how much they would miss her. "I've always tried to be there for her." Said one, I had to clench my fists at my side to stop myself from calling bullshit and making a scene.

My aunt say next to me, obviously equally uncomfortable at their blatant lies, fiddling with her scarf, undoing and re-tying absent-mindedly.

The service ended and people walked up to my mother's casket to say goodbye. I watched their feet heavily thud up the short steps, repetetive and dull. We waited where we sat for a moment, until everyone had filtered out of the church. "I'll wait in the car for you." My aunt said to me softly, smiling sadly, before exiting the pew. I watched her as she walked the short walk to the casket, she placed her left hand on it and whispered something softly before she wiped her eyes and headed out of the church.

I took a deep breath and collected my thoughts, I sat in place where I was for a moment. Not daring to look at what was inevitable, thinking it would just disappear and things would go back to normal if I tried hard enough. I knew, however, that eventually I would have to say goodbye.

I took a shaky breath and rose unsteadily to my feet. I exited the pew, all while looking at my feet. With every step I took the pain in my heart worsened, I felt so irrevocably broken. As if the world around me had been ebbed of all colour and life. I eventually approached my mother. The black paint of the casket glinted softly under the sunlight that filtered through the stained glass. The roses on top lay beautifully, too beautifully for such a broken occasion.

"I'm sorry, Mama." I whispered, my shaky voice barely audible in the echoey building. That's when I broke. Hot tears streamed down my face, a loud sob exited my mouth as my vision clouded. Aching sobs wracked through my body as I clutched onto my mother's casket. A fierce pain shot through my veins like a poison set on death and destruction. I stood for what seemed like an eternity, holding onto my mother's casket as if it was a lifeline.

For the first time in a long while I felt absolutely and definitively alone.

A/N: hi y'all, this was a depressing chapter. Things are gonna stay edgy for a couple more chapters but don't worry they start to look up soon.

Unrelated but I had a dream I was Frank last night and also Gerard's submissive and it was really fucking weird, it wasn't nsfw but it left me real confused.

Anywhore, how are y'all doing? Feel free to rant about your day or just life in  general. Remember to take care of yourselves please, if you haven't eaten today have something now and make sure you're staying hydrated.

Since when did I become y'all's father? I don't mind tho.

Bye Bye my duckiezzzzzzz 🐿️