If you get a little confused over some quotes with Welsfam just know Welsfam is awesome and hilarious and Wels's sister is Sister Wels and Wels's sister's boyfriend is called "Welsbro", "Future Brother-in-law", and "Sister's Future Husband"

"I may act like an idiot, but you have to remember that I am actually a professional in my real job, y'know? And, I am aware of y'know, dodgy power dynamics and also write fanfic, there's nothing wrong with writing fanfic because if you're writing fanfic about idealized relationships, you're less likely to put up with shit in actual relationships." -I would let Cleo step on me anyday

"A chocolate bar is not a meal! Did you just say a chocolate bar is a meal?" -Grian

~Quarantined~

"And Cub, you and I in our wrestling gear today, it's awesome." -Ren

"Yeah, we're in our underwear... team underpants." -Cub ruins the hermittpad discord server's emojis

~Conversation~

"And here we go eatin with our mouth full again." -Joe

"I'm producing a baby every five minutes" -Iskall gotta lotta childs

"Yes, but I would kinda of like to hear it for my um, for my fanfic." -Cleo

"My insides are not made out of nickels, they're made out of human amazingness" -Bdubs

"Just imagine, sitting and playing minecraft all day. Oh wait, I already do that" -Iskall

"Reality? *scoffs* Who needs it?" -Grian

"I had to make my own food, I feel so violated" - Etho

"Lord Gigashit?" -TFC

"Other than the airplane thing, I think we're all good" -Bdubs

"Oh yeah, got the twerk and the jump" -xB

"You thought you could beat me at my own game?" -Grian would make an awesome villain ngl

"Pigs, I will kill you later" -Bdubs

"It's so massive.. that's what she said." -Iskall

"I thought I was gonna be the ugliest on this crew" -Ren

"I felt like pepsi had just raped me" -Bdubs for god's sake

"Crikey" -Cleo

"You guys are now gonna love each other cause you're gonna sleep in the same bed!" -Beef

"We took a cup of pepsi and we put a worm in it and.. the next morning the worm was dead." -Bdubs, I- you MURDERER-

"You grease their palm, as they would sa- No! Stop it! That's not what that means." -xB ;)

"Yeaaaah! Shit pie!" -Cleo

"When exciting things happen I like to share them and this is not good exciting, this is pissin me off exciting." -Bdubs... oh lord..

"Is your brother hot?" -Beef

"Fuck you Damien! Fuck yooooouuu!" -Cleo

"Either way, I'm gonna burn it" -Bdubs is too violent for our Christian minecraft server :(

"HEY! *kills sheep* you've been alive too long!" -Tango

"Depending on how much adult juice we drink." -Wels drinkin that good grape juice

"That rust just adds flavor" -Bdubs

"*whispering* bitch.. biiitch..." -Cleo

~Quarantined~

"I call tenor solo!" -Wels

"Well you haven't been paying your family dues" -Sister Wels
Better start paying those Wels or you'll be stuck singing Let it Go for the rest of eternity-

~Conversation~

"I was gonna ask you a bible question like how many wives and concubines did king solomon have? *stares into the camera Keralis style* Do you know?" -Bdubs

"*reading chat* 'have you written fanfic?' Yes" -Cleo

"I'm full of things, man!" - Etho

"It's a united state. It's a state in the united of the states" -Bdubs

"You're so ugly... oh my god." -Ren

~Quarantined~

"Can you read?" -Iskall

"No."
Whaddup, I'm False, I'm 19 and I never learned how to fuckin read.

~Conversation~

"We need some bone of the meal - or is it the meal of the bone? Mmmmmmm.... That is a question of the ages" -xB

"Yes! It looks like I'm in a dungeon!" -Bdubs

"*screaming*" -Stress

"You don't realize that's my FAMILY you're making fun of chat! YoU'rE gOnNa HuRt ThEiR fEeLiNgS!" -Wels

"I.. stalk people on it but I dont do it myself" -Bdubs

"If I were trash, what would I be?" -Cleo

~Quarantined~

"It only accepts lower hoes" - Beef
laughter

"Ayo!" - Etho

~Conversation~

"I lost 32 golf balls" -Bdubs (I wonder where those went >->)

"We got Nicki- Nicki is a plant, we named her cause she's thicc" -Beef

"Shit on his pie" -Cleo

"Feel free to slide into my DMs ;)" -xB

~Quarantined~

"I heard you uh... got a new subordinate? New employee kind of thing?" -Tango

"Yes, yes! Etho! I own him!" -Beef

~Conversation~

"Listen Beef. I've had enough of this from you" -Etho

"DoN't StEaL mY sPoTlIgHt!" -Wels mocking Sister Wels (tbh I just thought Sister Wels was Wels as a nun instead of actually being Wels's sister)

"I'm the bronze not the brains! And the gold and silver, sometimes" - Beef

"We all just sat at the blackjack table and we just got raped" -Bdubs I swear to god, wtf-

~Quarantined~

"I won't sing All the Single Ladies because I'm not a single lady." -Sister Wels

"I'd sing All the Single Ladies" -Welsbro aka Sister's Future Husband aka Future Brother-in-law

"Hey!" -Sister Wels

"Hey I'm not a lesbian!" -Welsbro, this is why I also want Welsbro to be the one-

~Conversation~

"I won't be telling you the city because you'll find her and you'll kill her" -Bdubs

"Minecrafters are weird, did you know that?" -Zloy

"You're supposed to jump to my defense boyfriend!" -Wels mocking his sister

"I've taken over your channel now." -Sister Wels is the new Welsknight guys, expect a female voice from now on.

"I appreciate the suggestion, I do, but I'm not into cannibalism" -Xisuma

"Oh! Wrong hole!" - Etho

"Who doesn't love a little sexy saxophone?" -Wels

"Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on... what did I push?" -Bdubs

"I opened your head..." -Scar

"Let's get started- uh, thats a sunset. thats a sunset, chat." -Wels again

"Oh shucks, I died and went to minecraft"
-Zloy

"I'm a warrior not a comedian!" - Beef

"Chat, Imma 'bout to pull what's called a pro gamer move" -Wels

"I think I was a mouse in my past life." -Zed

"The sleep deprivation gang does not need any more expansion" -Zloy

Ok, imagine this, the hermits are in a huge cuddle pile. It can be platonic or shippy if you want. All is quiet except a little bit of humming and shuffling and all of the sudden you hear this:
"WHO TOUCHED ME?!?" -Bdubs

"Your head contains a hoe, two diamond chests, and a furnace chestplate." -Scar to Bdubs (I mean, it makes sense)

"You're a sadistic." -Grian

"PLATE! BOWL!... CRAFT A WOODEN BUCKET!" -Zloy when nobody understands him. The downside of being Russian.

"Building, flying, and being extremely annoying are my three talents" -Grian

~Quarantined~

"Oh my god- I pooped!" -Scar

"You literally just pooped." -Bdubs

"I wasn't trying to poop or anything, I might be a squirrel, but I mean- I guess I pooped!" -Scar

"Eat it." -disgusting Bdubs

~Conversation~

"Education's bad education's bad-" -Grian

"Get bowls and get moving, what I want y'all to do is a bowl movement." -Zloy HAHAHA im gonna kill myself. (Not seriously, is a joke)

"I opened it, but I haven't fondled it yet." -xB

"I forgot, they took the twerk out." -Scar

"Oh dear lord... the things I've done" -Xisuma

"I have been thoroughly, thoroughly, scuppered" -Grian

"That was a butt slap." -Scar

"Oh dear we're having demonic visions now. I'm not a fan of demonic visions myself. I don't enjoy them." -Xisuma

"Is it coming out?" -Bdubs

"Oh shit here comes..." -Scar

"Polish my turd!" -Zed

"I don't give a damn." -Wels

"Nibble at his ankles!" -Zloy

"Since you're only guy, you give head." -xB

"Our saviour! Saviour! Tango save us!" -Grian

"You'd never be a weirdo to me" -Xisuma <3

"Grian's Booty" -Tango

"I'm gonna poop!" -Bdubs

"Frick! Heck!" -Grian

"Grian's getting sweaty" -Pearl

"I kinda want to put it in the bird's butt." -Tango

~Quarantined~

"Oh Doc thank you, this is an amazing gift. This is the best thing I've ever received." -Bdubs

"Better than your children?" -Doc

"They're okay, but this is by a long shot better." -Bdubs

~Conversation~

"Aye aye aye! Dios mio" -don't kill me because Grian said this and I don't know how to format spanish stuff >,>

"It's time to grab Grian's booty!" -Tango

"It could be like fanfiction" -Joe

"Oh baby! Thank you!" -Bdubs to Doc

"I love this guy" -Grian

"My face is ready to have a glorious moustache planted firmly upon it" -Tango is going insane (feral Tango amirite?)

"Here I am eating with my mouth open!" -Joe

~Quarantined~

"So, my friend, I came over to you today because everybody in the comment section said 'do something with Bdubs!' Actually I don't like Bdubs and I just do it for you know." -Doc

"Yeah, right, yeah, we're just doing it for you guys. Trust us, we hate eachother." -Bdubs b-but Bdoc- ;-;

~Conversation~

"Curse you poultry interceptor!!!" -Tango

"I shall gong as I leave. *hits gong*" -Grian

"The joke on the server is that I am now the automatic daytime..... I am the automatic daytime mod." -Bdubs

"Well, to be honest, babies are boring." -Cleo

"WHAT?! The chicken has a moustache!" -Tango

"You took it like a man." -Bdubs

"I'm shakin the booty at them" -Grian

"Your booty has been spread across your map" -Tango

"They say that sneezing is a quarter of the feeling of- well nevermind, I can't say that on a kid's show." -Bdubs

"I've spent the last couple hours breeding up cows! W-we have a few. We have a couple of cows! I think there's like 500 entities.." -Wels

"Like a little janky ass path." -Cleo

"Is there a cheat? No there's no way to cheat that one." -Grian

"Chomp chomp chomp" -Xisuma

"I have a face that only a zombie could love" -Impulse

"Maybe Jevin will vote for me now that he's seen me without armor" -Joe

"Cub's wrestling person is Cream Man." -Ren. *inhale*

"Calm the fuck down!" -Cleo

"He's got hips" -Grian

"What would I say is the easiest thing to get a lot of? Uh, air." -Joe

"It pops as much as my microphone whenever I try to say anything with the letter 'b' in it" -Zloy

"Stop being a pissy little bastard" -Cleo

"Check yo'self before you wreck yo'self" -Joe

"Note to future self: edit that bit out if there is no timelapse" -Zloy (there was no timelapse)

"He doesn't look like he likes girls that much." -Cleo

"You are the man in this relationship.." -Doc to Etho

"Grian's ultimate booty" -Tango

"What we need to do is to get Mitchell a girlfriend or a boyfriend, I don't- I'm not really fussy." -Cleo

"I'm not in charge of telling specific people here to eat or drink. Y'all should all be taking care of yourselves, if you're not doing that I'm going to be disappointed in you, but I'm not your parents, y'all need to be taking care of yourselves." -preach Joe preach

"Oh- he almost killed me! Oh- ok- no he did kill me- ok- wow-" -Impulse you're a mess

"It's not sex, it's close, but it's not sex-" -Cleo

"Awh I smashed myself! didn't mean to do that" -Zedaph

"Well he's basically a cult leader that expects people to work for free." -Joe

"Stop getting into bed!" -Cleo

"Stop holding balls!" -Zed

"Wels you're naked" -Keralis

"She has got an ass on her" -Cleo

"I'm a box of balls!" -Zed

"I AM the best looking bum ever" -Keralis

"If only he wasn't gay." -Cleo

"Am I limited with the amount of bird balls I got?" -Zed

"You got twenty four friends? I've got like... four? Five?" -Grian

"If you can, boot dickholes." -Cleo

"I'm gonna eat some poop here. That wasn't good." -Bdubs

"Nobody wears diamond armor when they're renovating, that is an insane person thing to do." -Joe

"As the emperor of the multiverse, I have long since declared today to be the universal day of pizza." -TFC

~Quatantined~

"How's your toes feelin after straddling that pixel? Hahaha" -Impulse

"Dude, everything dude, my toes, my hands-" -Skizz

"Uh-huh" -Impulse

"-the *whistle*, everything's gettin a little weird over here." -Skizz

~Conversation~

"Our balls didn't come back!" - Zedaph

"Thank you so much for the hoeing" -Keralis to Wels

"Yaaay! I get a fish!" -Grian

"Just don't loose all your balls on the journey.... gotta keep some" - Zedaph again

"No touching sheep, ok." -Keralis

"I don't hate diamonds, they make good lava lamps" -Joe

"If you don't know how to use diorite you don' know whatcha doin GOTEEM!" -Bdubs

"There is nothing wrong with fanfic, and I've always said that." -Cleo

"We have to go over to the scary red looking man." -Grian

"I can be flexible for the right price" -Impulse

"All those green and blue blocks and all tho- Scar has snot dripping out of his nose- and all of the crimson forest..." -Tango

"I see a lot of murder, I'm interested-" -Cleo

"The tailwind is hurting my nostrils" -Grian

"If that's the best dressed then I'd hate to see the worst." -Wels (talking about one of Iskall's suits)

"There's so much crack! " -Tango gettin high tonight

"Do you appreciate me? Ok I'm lost." -Grian

"Even if you put make-up on a pig, it's still a pig." -Iskall

"Pokey pokey for five minutes." -Tango

"Can you make like gold teeth for me?" -Impulse

"A wizard always knows where he's going. Kinda." -Grian

"Made a deal with the devil." -Tango

"I Was banned from grain's shop." -Zed

"I found a knife" -Grian

"I trust my friends! I don't know why cause they're awful people, but they're my kind of awful people." -Cleo

"There's one, fell in my hole!" -Impulse

"Are they wearing diapers?" -Grian

"We are Captain Twerk-it!" -xB

"That was, a big ding dong." -Impulse

"That does sound like one of my nightmares." -Grian

"Don't admit anything." -Etho

"I'm positive, you're negative, that's about right." -Impulse
I feel like this is the start of a Tangpulse anime

"My psychiatrist says it's normal..." -Grian

"If I had one dream in life I would like to find a farm y'know." -Etho

~Quarantined~

"He just won't open up." -Impulse

"Jerk." -Tango

~Conversation~

"It might get cold and y'know *mumble* snuggle.." -Grian

"*reading chat* 'This isn't minecraft!' Correct! I never said it was." -Cleo (y'all I mean this from the bottom of my heart, don't expect people to only play one game for their whole life)

"Yikers" -Impulse

"Just leave we're trying to snuggle!" -Grian

~Quarantined~

"Does Xisumavoid have a middle name? I think we should put an- like uh- an extra abbreviation in there." -Joe

"I'm gonna call him Barry. I don't know why." -Cleo

~Conversation~

"You have farmdar" -Etho and I have a gaydar

"I ate four plates." -Grian

"There's a slight difference between me and Mumbo, if you think for a while you might be able to figure out what it is." -Cleo

"Hi everybody! Welcome to hermit quest where we watch Etho's butt!" -Iskall

"You act like you've never seen a cripple before." -Grian

"You're hurting his feelings." -Jevin

"I don't know why other people don't buy elytra insurance. Honestly it's the best scam I've ever pulled on ConCorp. There are so many times where I'm like 'Cuuub I dropped all my stuff here and if I can't get it back I'll need a new elytra' and he's like 'I'll go get it'" -Joe's best and hilarious scam

"You sure you should be drinking at your age?" -Grian

"The hentai detective-" -Cleo

"LEROOOOY JENKINS!" -Iskall

"Unless you want to spend the rest of your days as a rat" -Grian

"En-trie? What language are you speaking?" -Beef

"I have pants for-.. I almost said panties." -Iskall

"Don't get your panties in a twist" -Grian

"They say when you seek revenge you should dig two graves. One for your enemy and one for anyone close to your enemy that might be a problem." -Joe

"Good chat, you may have a cookie." -Cleo

"I'm detecting some fresh milk!" -Etho

"This is genocide at this point." -Grian

"Wow, brown nose some more." -Jevin is my g o d when he is with other people

"They never actually kicked me off their team and I've been doing progressively more stupid stuff with their name on it." -Joe confessing to using ConCorp's name on some stupid stuff

"Yeah, I know you uneducated boys just don't.." -Grian

"Nobody survives when they're around me." -Scar

"It's mine. Leave it alone or I'll hurt you." -Cleo

"What is an email?" -Grian

~Quarantined~

"You got clothes on right?" -Etho

"I do, check this out. *gets up*" -Beef

"Oh- ahh- don't don't don't- oh ok you're..." -Etho

"I dressed up for you!" -Beef

~Conversation~

"Hang on! I have to turn Stress down she's shouting!" -False

"I'm goblin." -Grian

"I'm not as bad as Iskall." -Scar

"Orange you glad you're on the orange team?" -Etho

"Is someone challenging you to a rap battle?" -Grian

"You subscribed for hermitcraft not this? Then don't watch it. Seriously guys- right, pause for a second. If you have subscribed for hermitcraft don't come to a stream labeled 'Return of the Obra Dinn' then winge that it's not hermitcraft. Are you serious right now? Jesus Christ." -Cleo

"Shark teeth and meows." -False

"Your feet look really monsterish, you should really cut your toenails" -Grian

~Quarantined~

"Girls, don't go into any dark alleys alone with [Scar], okay? Other people have disappeared previously." -Anders

"No they're still around." -Scar

"It sounds like a good time with Scar, when you're in the dark, I told ya, it's not so good." -Anders

"Oh my god-" -Jevin

~Conversation~

"Got sticky [didnt hear] stuck on my balls" -Zedaph

"I've got socks. That I need to wash. Every weekend." -Grian

"The fox is evil! Never trust a fox" -Scar

"Release the wibble!" -Cleo

"I have trust issues.." -Grian

~Quarantined~

"THERE'S A BABY- There is a baby after you Scar!" -Stress

"Gah, why did these babies have to follow me like this.." -Scar

~Conversation~

"Some of my balls are stuck together" -Zedaph

"The thanny pack has disbanded immediately." -Grian

"They have lovely shoes." -Cleo

"We have four babies that we need to name." -Stress

"I'm gonna kill him one day." -Grian

"For some reason every time we play this I'm the only one who survives so we don't have Cleo, we don't have Keralis, we don't have Impulse or Skizzleman now. For some reason they just.. never come back. They just vanished.. dark alleys..." -Scar

"That's the guy who died while poopin!" -Cleo

"He was kinda like looking over a cliff. He wasn't very smart so I just kinda pushed him." -Grian

"I still don't know who I am and I hate myself" -Zedaph, relatable

"I did my business anyway." -Etho

"Hey so um, you're pretty cute" -G-Grian~senpai

"Oh mah gawd, shoes." -Cleo

"I'm in physical pain" -Zed

"I sleep naked." -Grian

"I'll take it for you guys, ok" -Ren

"They don't have shoes." -Cleo

"A minstrel? Sounds delicious." -Grian

"Scar and his ladies have arrived." -Ren

~Quarantined~

"Should we go to the pet store real quick Stress?" -Scar

"Yeah" -Stress

"*whispers* Yeah!" -Scar

"Let's go let's go let's go" -Stress

~Conversation~

"Do you wanna go on a date?" -Grian

"What do I teach? CHILDREN!" -Cleo

"Loot till you drop." -Scar

"I don't have knees." -Grian

"Hahahaha you suck!" -Stress

"Look they have shoes!" -Cleo

"I have a plan guys! Let's make out!" -Grian

"Do you wanna see something super cool in the back of the elven kingdom? It's really- Not elven! No no no, in the orc kingdom. And no I'm not leading anyone to their deaths, but it's funny. It's where Keralis and ZombieCleo are hidden." -Scar

"Then I got all the junk on the- the junk in the trunk." -Impulse

"Sometimes my magic works too well." -Grian

"Tatoo-ey Mc' Jib Jib!" -Cleo

"So Grian gifted Iskall a pile of poop?" -Tango

"I feel like I'm her slave for some reason." -Grian

"Why does everything that happens on this server go back to something Grian started?" -Because shenanigans Impy

"He's in Africa! SHIT!" -Cleo

"I'm gonna go and change in the forest" -Grian

"Hey man, if it works it works." -Python
(Anything can be a dildo if you try hard enough)

"They're on the same fuckin boat!" -Cleo

"Don't drop the soap Doc, don't drop the soap." -Keralis

"Sketchiest way to get there ever, but I made it." -Jevin does a lot of sketchy things

"I've been waiting for the thicc sword for fucking ages now." -Cleo

"Hit me with that sweet voice." -Doc

"Do we kiss?" -Keralis

"I don't wanna do this one! I don't like leg bones!" -Cleo

"Damnit." -Jevin

"Stop looking at my penis!" -Doc

"Killed by a big fish, sounds legit." -Cleo

"You sit on em." -Bdubs

Coulda sworn Doc said "I like your nose slut." to Keralis-

"Ok, apparently I can walk on water." -Cleo

"With our powers combined we will twerk this tree." -Hypno

"Straddle up guys!" -Doc

"Oh! Another one fell in my hole!" -Impulse

Now I shall present to you Cleo questioning life (pretty much all of these were yelled):

"What are you doing?!" -Cleo

"What the fuck is that?" -Cleo

"Did you just throw an axe at that fucking thing?" -Cleo

"Why are you so bloody English!" -Cleo

"What the FUCK is this?!" -Cleo

"HOLY SHIT What is tha-" -Cleo

Would y'all be interested in a quote scavenger hunt if I issued one?

(It's not gonna be anything like "you gotta go through this whole stream" or "you gotta go find this one specific vid from 2014" I'm not that mean)