I kept on laughing while trying to get back on the banana boat. Nandito kami ngayon ng mga kaibigan ko sa sa Boracay for our long-awaited vacation.  

"I'm tired," reklamo ni Aria habang hirap na hirap umakyat pabalik sa banana boat.

Pagkatapos namin sa banana boat, nag-lunch muna kami sa isa sa mga restaurant dito. I'm planning to try all the activities here before I leave and go to other places. Maybe, I'll go to Palawan next.

"Matutulog muna ako," paalam ni Aria pagkabalik namin sa hotel room namin. 

Pati si Ellaine natulog din kaya mag-isa kong nakatambay sa balcony at tinatanaw ang mga taong nagsasaya sa beach. 

I smiled and took a deep breath. It's almost time for my schedule on Scuba Diving kaya dumiretso na ako sa cr para magpalit. I looked at the mirror and saw it again. Those black and blue marks in my back. The reason why I can't wear what I want. I sighed and changed into a black long-sleeve rash guard. 

It's my first time to try scuba diving kaya kinakabahan ako but at the same time excited. I want to see how beautiful it is underwater. We were first briefed about the different scuba equipment then they taught us the basic lessons in diving before we got to experience it first hand.

I felt at peace when I felt the cool water embrace my body slowly. The diving instructor repeated the instructions bago kami sumisid. The view didn't disappoint me. Nakita ko agad ang iba't ibang uri ng isda and at the same time the corals of different types and colors. It's like a different world here. I explored more and took as many pictures as I can to save this memory. 

"How's the experience?" our diving instructor asked.

"It was amazing." I widely smiled and even showed a thumbs up.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kami katagal doon but I enjoyed every moment of it. I wish I could come back here someday. Sobrang napagod ko ata ang sarili ko ngayon and I know I shouldn't be but I can't help it. Ang dami ko pang gustong gawin at masubukan.

Habang naglalakad ako pabalik sa hotel, nakita ko ang isang batang babae na nadapa sa 'di kalayuan. Napatakbo naman ako agad palapit sa kan'ya. I didn't notice the beach chair kaya bahagya ko 'yon nabangga pero binalewala ko 'yon.

"Are you okay?" nagaalala kong tanong habang sinusuri ang katawan niya kung may sugat ba siya. Hindi siya sumagot at puro hikbi lang ang narinig ko. I looked at her and softly smiled. 

"Tahan na," I said and gently wiped her tears away.

"Marianne!"

Napalingon 'yong bata sa sumigaw kaya napatingin din ako roon. I think she's her mother.

"Be careful next time." I fixed her hair and smiled again.

The little girl just nodded before running towards her mother. Nakita kong nagaalalang sinuri niya ang kaniyang anak. I'm jealous... because she got to experience how to be a mother. My smile faded when I felt the familiar pain in my head.

Napapikit ako at bahagyang napahawak sa ulo ko. Not now, please. 

"Hey. Are you okay?" Naramdaman kong may humawak sa braso ko. Luckily, the pain started to subside. 

"I-I'm fine. Thanks."

Napatingin ako sa gilid ko at nakita ko ang isang lalaki. My heart started to race. His hair is disheveled. He has a pointy nose and lips that are redder than mine. I know that features too well.

"Ivo?!" My eyes widened in surprise.

"I didn't think you'd still recognize me," he said and flashed a smile making my heart skip a beat just like the first time we met.

He's the son of one of our business partners. We met when we both joined our family's business meeting. He looks very attractive now pero iba 'yong dating niya 'pag nakasuot ng suit. It's been more than five years since that day.

"So, what's up?" he asked while we sat on a nearby bench facing the sea.

"Well, nothing's going on with my life." I said and laughed.

"Akala ko pagkabalik ko from the States you're already the one managing your family's business."

It's true. Ako na sana ang magha-handle ng company namin because that's what we talked about in the business meeting where Ivo was present. 

"Some private matters came up so I remained as the HR Manager," I said and shrugged. "What about you?"

"I'm about to handle our company but I'm having second thoughts about it." He kept staring at the sea while I curiously looked at him.

I've been waiting for this moment to come. To finally see him again in person.

"Bakit naman?"

"'Di ko alam kung kaya ko na ba." He chuckled but I can see that he's really struggling.

"Believe in yourself more, Ivo. You can handle it."

I tried to motivate him but I don't know if it would even help. But when he looked back at me with a smile, I felt relieved. He really looks handsome when he smiles. Well, that's the reason why I fell in love with him in the first place.

"You're right. Actually, I've spent all my time working and this is the first time I took a break."

I know but I didn't say it out loud. Alam kong sobrang workaholic niya. When we first met, naging crush ko na siya agad. Nung pumunta siya sa States, I secretly cried because I know I'd miss him kahit isang beses lang naman kami nagkita.

I've been stalking him for the past years. Kakampi ko rin ang ate niya kaya updated talaga ako sa nangyayari sa buhay niya. But I didn't know na andito na siya sa Pilipinas.

Nung una, crush lang talaga. But I didn't notice that I'm slowly falling in love with him. 'Di ko rin alam kung paano but I just did. Biglaan na lang at 'di ko naiwasan.

"Balita ko nakakatakot ka raw 'pag nasa trabaho," I giggled.

He laughed, "I won't deny that."

Umiling ako and I don't know what got inside me when I suddenly held his face. I forcefully formed his lips into a smile. I want him to enjoy his life.

"Life is too short. Smile and enjoy as much as you can. 'Wag puro work and 'wag din masyadong seryoso. Kaya natatakot sa 'yo mga empleyado mo e," sambit ko bago tumawa.

"I see. Mukhang updated ka sa buhay ko ah," pang-aasar niya.

"I've got sources." I winked at him kaya natawa kaming dalawa.

We stayed there and watched the sunset together bago ako nagpaalam dahil siguradong hinahanap na ako nina Ellaine at Aria.

"Roxanne," Ivo called before I can walk away.

"What?"

"Do you have a boyfriend?" 

My heart went wild. We looked at each other and I don't like where this conversation is going.

"None, but I don't plan on having one," sabi ko at tinalikuran na siya.

He suddenly held my hand making me stop, "Why is that?"

I sighed and looked at his eyes, "Because I can't."

I left him with a confused look on his face. If he asked me the same thing when we first met, baka ako pa nanligaw sa kan'ya. Marupok kaya ako! But unfortunately, that's not the case now.

"Mr. and Mrs. Advincula, your daughter has Acute Myeloid Leukemia."

That one sentence made me feel like the whole world stopped. Everything was in slow motion and I can't understand what my mom and dad is telling me. But I can clearly hear their sobs. I felt numb and I didn't talk to anyone for days.

We kept my illness a secret to everyone except my family. Kaya paniguradong hindi alam ni Ivo 'yon. Nag-chemotherapy ako for the first two years and tried different kinds of treatments the next years but nothing worked.

It felt like hell going through different tests and treatments. At times, I couldn't even stand. Naransan ko rin magpakalbo na lang because of chemotherapy. So, I talked to my parents.

"I won't be doing any treatments from now on."

I know it's like throwing my chance to live longer. But it's a gamble I'm willing to take. I want to enjoy my life rather than being stuck in the hospital until I get worse.

My parents didn't agree at first but I begged them constantly until they agreed. Pakiramdam ko kasi lalong manghihina ang katawan ko 'pag nag-stay pa ako sa ospital. Starting that day, they encouraged me to do everything I want and have no regrets.

I can't help but smile bitterly. Even if I'd be able to do everything I want, I'll always have one regret.

"How's the scuba diving experience, Roxanne?" Ellaine asked while we were eating dinner.

"It was thrilling! You should try it."

I talked about my experience while trying to convince them to try it. Pagkabalik namin sa hotel room namin, nagsimula na kaming mag-ayos ng gamit dahil aalis na kami bukas. I watched them chat with each other. My friends also don't know about my condition. 'Di ko kayang sabihin sa kanila.

"Roxanne," tawag sa 'kin ni Aria kaya napatingin ako sa kan'ya. "Okay ka lang?"

Ngumiti lang ako at tumago.

"Bakit ka may pasa sa paa?" nagaalalang tanong ni Ellaine.

Ngayon ko lang din 'yon napansin. Downsides of having leukemia, I easily get bruises even from minor accidents.

"I bumped into a beach chair earlier. 'Di ko napansin," I laughed pero napailing lang sila.

Pagkauwi ko sa bahay, my mom and dad immediately hugged me. They asked about our vacation and I told them about all the things I did in Boracay.

"I'm glad you enjoyed but next time don't tire yourself too much," nagaalalang sambit ni Mama.

"I know, Mom. Oh and by the way, I met Ivo there."

"Really?" Dad asked.

"Yup. He said he'll be taking over their company soon."

Tumango lang sila at hinayaan na akong magpahinga sa kwarto ko. I opened my social media account and did what I usually do... to check Ivo's account. May bago siyang post doon. It was a picture of the sunset with the caption 'See you, soon'. 

Kumunot ang noo ko pero pinabayaan ko na lang 'yon. It should be none of my business starting from now. Siguro nga mas mapapadali 'pag may girlfriend na siya pero I guess wala pa rin hanggang ngayon.

I was busy doing paper works when I received a message from Ivo.

From: Workaholic Ivo

Want to go to Palawan?

Nanlaki ang mata ko dahil doon ko naman talaga plano pumunta sa isang araw.

To: Workaholic Ivo

When and sino mga kasama?

From: Workaholic Ivo

Whenever you like. Just the two of us but if you're not comfortable, you can ask your friends.

Napaisip ako. Ellaine and Aria is currently busy at work. Pero kaming dalawa lang? I know hindi dapat but I like the idea of having a vacation with just the two of us.

To: Workaholic Ivo

My friends are busy. Okay lang naman na tayong dalawa lang. See you!

I smiled widely. Just this once... I'll be selfish.

"Ang ganda!" I shrieked.

Andito na kami sa Coron, Palawan and I swear, it surely is a paradise. Our first stop is at the Baraccuda Lake. I am in awe because of its clear blue waters surrounded by limestone cliffs making it a spectacular view.

"I'll be your personal photographer for this trip," Ivo announced while holding an underwater camera kaya napatawa ako.

"You better be good then," pang-aasar ko.

"Don't worry, I'll be the best for you." He smiled and winked at me.

I blushed. Bakit parang may ibang meaning 'yong sinabi niya? Or am I just thinking too much?

Just like what he said, he really went all out while taking pictures of me. Na-guilty tuloy ako dahil wala pa siyang picture ni isa so I volunteered to take a photo of him pero ayaw niya. Instead, he asked our tour guide to take a picture of us together.

"Move closer," he whispered and held me on my waist making my heart race. I briefly looked at him and smiled inwardly. Naging selfish na rin lang ako susulitin ko na.

I felt his body tense when I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned on his shoulder.

"I'll take the picture now," our tour guide said and smiled.

I heard Ivo chuckle making me smile widely. It may only be a brief moment but I'm sure I'll forever treasure this memory. We went to all tourist spots in Coron and tried different activities as much as I can.

'Di ko alam kung tama pa ba 'to because every second I'm with him, I fall in love with him even more. Just because of his simple gestures like holding my hand or making sure I'm not thirsty or hungry made me beg and wish I didn't have this disease.

On the third day, sumama pakiramdam ko kaya 'di na ako hinayaan ni Ivo mapagod. I felt how much he cared for me and I'm thankful that I was able to experience it. That's the happiest three days of my life because I got to spend it with the man I love.

Since sa company namin ako nagtatrabaho, 'di ako masyadong pinapagalaw nila Dad. Kapag importante lang talaga saka ako ang gagawa no'n. I also have a flexible schedule kaya I can leave anytime I want.

Since pagod pa ang katawan ko at boring sa bahay, I decided to stay in my office. I was busy browsing pictures from our Boracay trip and some pictures of me and Ivo in Palawan when someone knocked.

"Come in," I said while still focused on my laptop.

"Are you busy?" I stilled. I know that voice.

"Ivo, anong ginagawa mo rito?"

I stood up ang let him sit on the couch.

"Dad asked me to hand a proposal to your dad. Narinig ko rin na andito ka sa office mo so might as well visit you," he said and smiled. That damn smile.

"Why? May sasabihin ka ba?" I asked while pouring water on a glass and offered it to him.

"You know I'm a straighforward type of guy, right?" He seriously looked at me and now I know kung bakit sinasabi nilang nakakatakot siya. Hindi pa nga ata siya gano'n kaseryoso ngayon paano pa kaya 'pag sa work na talaga 'di ba.

"Go on," I said after taking a sip of water.

"Let me court you."

I was dumbfounded but I know too well that we can't happen. I won't allow it.

"No," I said while keeping a stern face. But deep inside... I'm slowly breaking into pieces.

Knowing that he wants to court me is a total game changer.

He smiled, "That's not enough to stop me."

I was caught off guard and couldn't say a word. He stood up ang glanced at me before heading to the door.

Pagkaalis niya, agad akong napahawak sa dibdib ko and tears started rolling down my cheeks. I can't. Iniisip ko pa lang kung ano mga puwedeng mangyari when the time comes, nadudurog na ako. So crushed that nothing can ever fix me.

He's my one and only regret. If only I was brave enough back then. Maybe, just maybe, we had enough time to be together but... it's too late now. My mind was filled with what-ifs.

What if umamin na ako sa kan'ya bago ko pa malaman lagay ko?

What if naging kami?

What if wala akong sakit?

Too many what-ifs with only one answer. With no doubt, I'd be the happiest woman in the world. But I guess that'll remain as a beautiful dream.

Weeks passed at walang palya si Ivo sa pagpapadala ng flowers sa office ko. Natatakot ako na baka dumalaw siya ulit sa office ko kaya dito na lang ako sa bahay nagtatrabaho.

But I asked one of our employees to send the flowers to our house.

Have a good day, beautiful! Just so you know, I'm really serious about this. You should know by now that I don't give up easily.

~ Ivo

I sighed. He's been sending letters with the flowers and I can't help but fall for him all over again. Ang hirap naman ng ganito. Ako na nga umiiwas pero siya naman ngayon ang lumalapit. I guess I just made things complicated because of that trip.

I was contented just knowing about his life through social media and from his sister. I'm okay with loving him from afar.

"I heard Ivo has been sending you flowers," my mom cautiously said while we were eating.

I'm afraid they would ask me about it. Pero sa kanila lang ako pwedeng maglabas ng nararamdaman.

"He's courting me even if I already said no. I don't know what to do anymore."

I smiled pero kumawala pa rin ang hikbi na pinipigilan ko. I covered my face with my palms.

"Hush, sweetie. Everything's going to be alright." My mom hugged me and caressed my back.

"Paano magiging okay, Ma? When the truth is... I love him," I cried even more. "I love him so much."

I suddenly stopped crying when my head started to pound followed by a nosebleed. I saw how my parents panic and my vision started to blur. 

"Ma," I blurted out before I felt my body crash against the cold floor. 

I felt someone lift me up and I can hear mom's cries. My mind was flooded by questions. Is this it? Isn't it too soon? Can I borrow a little more time?

I wanted to talk to all my loved ones before I go. I want to thank my parents for everything they've done for me.

I want to tell Ellaine and Aria the truth and say sorry for not telling them. I want to thank them for being my friend.

I want to tell Ivo to live happily and that he will find someone he'll truly love. Lastly, I want to tell them I'm sorry... for leaving too soon.

Ivo Arellano's POV

Galing ako sa office at magpapalit na sana pero nagulat ako dahil biglang pumasok si Ate Reena sa kwarto ko.

"Ano na naman ba-"

"Roxanne was rushed to the hospital." I can see panic in her eyes kaya agad akong napatakbo palabas.

Agad sumunod si Ate Reena sa 'kin at sumakay na rin sa kotse ko.

"What happened?" I asked. I feel like my heart is about to burst because of nervousness.

"They kept it a secret," tulalang sabi ni Ate Reena. "I should've noticed it."

Tinanong ko kung ano sinasabi niya but she just kept quiet. She just continued to cry kaya nahampas ko ang manibela. Ano ba nangyayari? Binilisan ko pa ang patakbo ko sa sasakyan.

I don't usually pray but this time, I did. I hope she's okay. Please be okay, Roxanne. I'm still waiting for you to say yes.

Pagkadating namin sa ospital, agad kaming tumakbo papasok. I saw Roxanne's parents crying while hugging each other. They were shocked to see us but Ate Reena went straight to hug Roxanne's mother. I'm completely clueless so I mustered all my courage to ask Roxanne's father but he just tapped my shoulder.

"I think Roxanne would want to tell you personally." Lalo tuloy akong kinabahan.

I was pacing back and forth trying to calm down but I just can't. I've loved Roxanne since day one. I just didn't realize it sooner. She's perfect for me and I know she deserves better. So I decided to court her 'pag may narating na ako. Once I think that I'm good enough for her.

For the first time, I had a goal. Hindi na puro work ang nasa isip ko.

Napasandal ako sa dingding at napabuntong-hininga. I closed my eyes. Why can't she have a boyfriend? Bakit ayaw niya akong manligaw sa kan'ya? Why, Roxanne?

Tinapik ako ni Ate Reena at nakitang kausap na ng parents ni Roxanne ang Doctor. When I saw their relieved faces, nakahinga na rin ako ng maluwag. Umuwi na kami ni Ate Reena but I told Roxanne's parents that I will visit again tomorrow.

'Di ako nakatulog ng gabing 'yon. Ang daming tanong sa utak ko begging to be answered. I visited Roxanne the next day pero 'di pa rin daw siya nagigising. My heart ached when I saw different tubes connected to her body.

Nakita ko rin ang ilang pasa sa kamay niya. Her parents still won't tell me anything but I know it's something serious.

"Ako na po muna magbabantay sa kan'ya," I said and stared at Roxanne's angelic face.

Kagabi pa sila rito at paniguradong wala pa silang tulog. Bago umalis, nagbilin sila na once magising si Roxanne ay tawagan ko agad sila.

"Hey, beautiful," I whispered and caressed her hair.

I gently held her hand and kissed it softly. She looked so pale. My heart clenched. 'Di ko kayang makita siya sa ganitong sitwasyon. I'd take her place... kung pwede lang sana. I'll willingly take the pain away.

"'Di mo ako puwedeng takasan madaya ka," I mocked but tears started to fall.

Kakasimula ko pa lang iparamdam sa 'yo kung gaano kita kamahal, Roxanne.

"Please, wake up."

A week passed pero 'di pa rin nagigising si Roxanne. Araw-araw ko siyang binibisita at kinakausap. Even her friends don't know what's happening which means only her family knows Roxanne's condition. I badly want to know kung ano ba ang totoong lagay ni Roxanne but I respect her parents decision.

Hihintayin ko na lang magising si Roxanne. I'll wait kahit gaano pa 'yon katagal.

"How's Roxanne?" my father suddenly asked when I got home.

Umiling lang ako at napasalampak sa couch. Naramdaman kong tinabihan ako ni Papa.

"You really love her." My father stated.

"I do," I sighed. "Very much."

Regret started to eat me. Kung alam ko lang... matagal ko na sanang pinaramdam sa kan'ya na mahal ko siya. Maybe if I did, siguro nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataon na maging masaya even if... it's just temporary.

I took a day off so I can spend the whole day with Roxanne. I smiled and bought her favorite flowers which are tulips. Pagkalabas ko sa flower shop, I felt my phone vibrate and when I saw the message, I rushed to my car.

Finally! Gising na si Roxanne! I can't help but smile while driving going to the hospital.

Nakangiti akong naglakad papunta sa room ni Roxanne habang hawak ang tulips na binili ko. But that smile faded when I saw her friends crying outside. I entered her room and saw her talking to her parents kaya lumabas muna ako.

I felt uneasy but I just shrugged it off.

"She wants to talk to you," her father said pagkalabas nila. Tumango lang ako at dahan-dahang pumasok.

Roxanne looked at me and weakly smiled. I smiled back and sat beside her.

"I bought your favorite flowers," pagmamalaki ko but she just smiled at me with tears rolling down her face.

"I have Leukemia, Ivo."

Sumikip ang dibdib ko at napayuko. 'Di ko na napigilang umiyak sa harap niya. Hirap akong lumunok at tinitigan siya.

"I don't care. I still love you," I said and wiped her tears away.

"Makakahanap ka rin ng iba na mas mamahalin mo kaysa sa 'kin," she smiled and held my face. "I want you to be happy."

"You make me happy. You're the one I love. We'll fight together. We can do this," pagmamakaawa ko sa kan'ya.

"I've been fighting for a long time. I'm tired now," she smiled weakly.

"Marami pa akong gustong gawin kasama ka."

I can't even explain the pain I feel right now. I know... namamaalam na siya. But I can't accept it. Not yet. I've made so many plans. Plans that include her.

Pagkauwi ko rito sa Pilipinas, nalaman ko na nasa Boracay siya kaya agad akong pumunta roon kahit may jet lag pa ako. I wanted to see her so badly.

Nang makita ko siyang patakbong linapitan 'yong batang babae na nadapa, I knew right then and there that she'd be a great mother. Hopefully, the mother of my kids.

"I planned to leave with no regrets but I guess that's not possible," she wiped my tears. "My biggest regret is that I can't live long enough to grow old with you."

She sobbed. Fuck! I gently kissed her forehead then slowly kissed her lips. I savored every moment of it like it's my last... because it is.

"I'll miss you," I whispered after I pulled away.

"I'll miss you too. Maybe... in another life, we'll meet again. Maybe next time, destiny would allow us to be happy."

"I'll find you no matter where you are," I assured her and kissed her hand.

"Don't worry, I'll become a star that'll watch over you and everyone else."

I chuckled and kissed her one last time before I said the words I wish I didn't have to say.

"Go... join the stars. I'm sure you'll be the brightest of them all."

She smiled and whispered, "I love you, Ivo."

"I love you more, Roxanne. You can rest now."

I tried hard to smile but when she slowly closed her eyes, 'di ko na napigilan ang mga luha ko. I held her hand tightly as I cried. I promise that next time we meet, I won't waste a second. I'll make you feel how much I love you.

It may be hard but I promise to live my life to the fullest from now on just like what you wanted.

There are billions of stars in the sky and yet one chose to stay here and shined so brightly, unconsciously making people around her change for the better.

I've been living a dull life until she came and changed everything including me. It was a change I never knew I needed. She made me want to be a better man.

She entered my dull life and then suddenly... in a snap, it wasn't dull anymore.

She's like a star that shined so brightly in the dark sky. We did not have enough time but I'm sure as hell that she is and always will be... the star that I will love the most out of all the stars in the sky.