(TW: Cheating)

2.6k words

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I'm never going to have it, a baby of my own.

I know there are plenty of babies out there looking for parents and love, and I will love any child I choose to adopt as much as I would love one that comes from me. But I will never experience the joys of the pregnancy, nor will I have a little girl or boy that holds my smile, or has my eyes. I will never get to leave a piece of me out in the world, and it hurt.

Twenty minutes. That's how long it took me to stop crying, clean myself up, and return to my desk. It didn't seem like Skywalker noticed my absence, thankfully. The last thing I needed right now was him berating me over wasting company time with personal issues — which sounds like something he would say.

I took a deep breath and decided to start the day with emails, it seemed stress free enough. It was also time consuming and distracting, which I needed.

I glanced at the time on my computer screen mid-email and sighed to myself, in ten minutes this place is going to start being flooded with employees. I grew accustomed to the silence this past hour, I was starting to enjoy it. It made thinking easier and there were less distractions — namely Talia and Alex. Those two make working difficult, but they also make it bearable on the tough days.

I began typing again, until I was rudely interrupted by a loud slam. I jumped since it caught me off guard and I looked at my boss who had just tossed the manuscript I gave him onto my desk, "Why do you look like you've been crying?"

"Why are you asking as if you care?" I retaliated, without really thinking about it. I tend to get a little snippy when I'm upset.

He scoffed, "You're right, I don't. I finished enough of this, and although I'm still not entirely sold, I'll be taking your word for it."

Disbelief enveloped me, I considered handing him that manuscript a long shot. I never expected him to agree with me, especially since he dislikes me so much, "Why?" I was suspicious.

"Fred said you know what you're doing and to trust your judgement," He placed his hand on the edge of my desk and leaned down, "So find me the author, and you better hope this is a best seller or it's your ass on the line if it flops."

My ass.
Not his ass.
Not our ass.
My ass.

He's too afraid to take his first risk as editor, so it all is going to fall gracefully onto me when it doesn't flop, "Find, but I request your bonus when it becomes a hit."

He smiled, seeming to enjoy a challenge. Perhaps he's the competitive type, I also happen to be the competitive type, so this pairing is going to be interesting, "Okay, you have yourself a deal. Any bonus headed to me, will get passed to you. Off the book though."

I tilted my head, "So if the book flops, I take responsibility. If it doesn't and is a hit, then you will take responsibility?" I clarified, to which he nodded.

"You'll get the bonus though." He shrugged.

"But without the the glory, the recognition, or my name on the back of a book." I rolled my eyes. I do enjoy the challenge as I previously said, but I also want my talent to be noticed.

He quickly caught on to my issue, and bent down so he was resting his arms and chin on the desk, "You'll have plenty of chances to have your name on the back of a boo." Without me realizing until it was too late, he pulled out my bottom drawer, revealing my half-done, half-catastrophe of a manuscript. I started to write a book of my own over a year ago, but it is far from where I want it to be.

My eyes widened when I saw the title page staring straight up at me and I kicked the drawer closed. He smirked at me reaction, his blue eyes holding amusement, "Stay out of my private things." I need to a get a lock for that drawer, better yet I'm going to start keeping it in my car.

"Sweetie I've been here since five in the morning, I already read it," He revealed with a laugh, "I left some notes for you too."

I was horrified. The one thing an aspiring writer never wants people to see is their rough drafts. Especially one for a story that doesn't even have an ending yet. I haven't touched it since the miscarriage. Or maybe longer, I don't know.

"You went through my desk when I wasn't here?" I stood up, and so did he. He towered over me, like it was his way of asserting dominance, "If you think your height intimidates me, think again. I'll kick you in the back of the knee and drop you down a few inches."

"Sure you will." He chuckled, dismissing my threat, "I was very early and decided to snoop around a bit, there's no harm in that."

"Did you go through everyone else's stuff?" I gestured around the office at the dozen other desks.

He put his hand in his pocket, and pulled out a small piece of candy, my favorite candy that I keep stashed in the top drawer, "No, just yours." He ate it, and I resisted the urge to choke him, "I thought it might help me learn more about the person who is going to be a thorn in my side everyday."

I took a deep breath and released my fists that had balled, "Fine, then I can go through your things too." I walked past him, heading straight for his office.

"Wait, hold on," He quickly followed me. I upped my pace so he wouldn't be able to stop me before I got through the door, "I said—" I closed his own office door in his face and hurried to his desk.

The door opened shortly after, but I had already pulled open the first drawer, "Empty like your heart," I mumbled, closing the drawer and opening the next one down, he had magazines. Not the appropriate kind either, "Really? At work? What are you, an animal?" I asked, holding them up with an expression of disgust.

He was standing in the middle of the room with his arms crossed, humor in his eyes, "That's not mine, it was in there when I got here this morning."  A laugh was in his voice.

My eyes widened, there is only one other persons it can belong to then... I dropped the magazine back into the drawer and slammed it shut, shivering as I did, "I'm just going to pretend I never saw that." I went for a different drawer, one of the bottom ones.

"Hey hey no, not that one," He was around his desk and by my side in seconds. He grabbed my wrist to stop me from opening it more and used his knee to close it fully.

"Why what's in it?" I asked as I pulled my wrist from his hold. He wasn't holding me tight, but it still took all of my strength.

"Nothing that is your business." He snapped.

"Oh like how my manuscript was yours? And you had the nerve to leave notes like your opinion matters to me." The notes, I need to remember to check what he wrote. The book includes my miscarriage so I already know it's something insensitive, and I hate that he now knows something so personal.

"It should. I'm your boss."

"Only because you're a mommy's boy." I saw the anger burning in his eyes the moment those words left my lips.

"I can fire you for saying that." He glared down at me.

I took a step forward, accepting his challenging stare, "Okay, do it then." I said, knowing damn well that he can't. I never should have been told that I was untouchable.

"Um should we close this door?" A voice came into the room.

We both snapped out of our stare-down and turned our  heads in the direction of the door. Standing there was a group of employees, all had wide eyes... I wonder how much they heard, "No need," Skywalker cleared his throat, "She was just about to go back to doing her job."

I'll get a peak of what's in that drawer eventually.

"Don't forget your ten am meeting, boss." I was quick to leave the room, pushing through the small crowd that had formed in such a short time. I was embarrassed that they saw and heard him and I bicker, but the damage is done so now all I can do is hope that everyone forgets about it by lunch.

"That was quite a show," Talia said, dropping her purse down on her desk that wasn't too far from mine, "It was kinda hot too. I saw the steam, steamin'."

I rolled my eyes, that's a typical comment from her that I've grown used to, "It was not hot, he's driving me crazy and it's barely day one," I dropped into my chair, happy to feel it not break this time, "On the bright side of things, we're about to have ourselves a new author, and she's a story-telling genius." I picked up the manuscript from my desk and held it up for her to see.

A part of me wanted to confide in her about the news I got this morning, but I thought the right thing to do would be to tell Arthur before anyone else. So I switched the topic to work and held onto hope that the rest of today will go by smoothly so I don't throw myself down the elevator shaft.

—ꨄ—

"I'm leaving," I told Skywalker with a single knock to his door before spinning around to leave, dreading the conversation I was about to have at home.

"Hold on (y/n)," He stopped me. I sighed and turned around, I was too tired to put up a fight right now. Today went by smoothly thankfully, I hardly saw him, but my emotions were all over the place and it drained me, "Did you get ahold of that author or an agent as I asked?"

I shook my head, "I left a voicemail. If I don't receive a call back by the end of the day, I'll call again tomorrow."

He gave me a single nod, then looked down at his laptop and began typing, "I'll see you in the morning then."

I walked away without saying goodbye and stepped into the elevator that was conveniently on my floor. I pressed the button that would take me to the parking level and waited for the doors to close. As they did, I caught a glance of Skywalker peering at me through the small opening left by me not closing his door fully.

I broke our eye contact by looking down and heard the doors finally close. Tightly I held my manuscript and flipped through the pages, skipping past the highlighter marks, red pen edits, and tear stains left by me. Then I saw it, a color I didn't use — a blue that resembled his eyes.

I'm sorry.

Two little words sitting next to a section where I described my broken heart.

You women sure know how to pick some winners.

He wrote under a section where I describe my fiancé's distance after the incident.

The elevator doors opened and I closed the book, planning to go through it more later tonight. Who knows, maybe I'll spark some inspiration and start it up again.

I drove out of the lot and made it home in fifteen minutes. Anxiety seeped into my heart and made it hard to swallow, I was terrified of telling him because I was afraid that this was going to be the thing that pushes us apart for good. We've been fighting a lot lately, but that doesn't mean that I don't still love him. 

With a heavy breath I unlocked our apartment and pushed open the door.

Moans.

I froze, my eyes landing on my fiancé on the couch, with another woman. I'm guessing my presence in the room was felt because the girl looked up almost immediately and made eye contact with me. Her eyes grew wide and she rushed to get off of Arthur who was questioning her with confusion — until he turned around and saw me.

His eyes then went wide, "(Y/n) you-you're home early."

I started an hour early, I left an hour early. A difference in my schedule he was unaware of.

I didn't say anything to him, or to the girl who was rushing to put her clothes on. She was mumbling apologies, but I didn't pay attention to her in the slightest. My eyes stayed on Arthur, I wanted him to see the pain in my eyes, to know how shattered my heart is. My eyes swelled with tears and they streamed down my cheek, my bottom lip quivering.

How could he do this to me? I knew we had our issues, but this is not something I ever expected from him.

The girl ran past me and out of the apartment, I recognized her too, she was a receptionist at the police station. "Baby—" Arthur stepped towards me, but I took one back.

"Don't," My voice cracked. This is the last thing I needed, I would take bickering with Anakin any day over what I'm feeling right now. I was devastated, and what hurt the most is that his behavior now made more sense, he's been cheating for awhile, "Pack your things and go with her." I said low, doing my best to hold myself together.

"Please can we just talk about this, I promise it didn't mean anything." He begged, pulling his sweatpants up and approaching me.

"No," I avoided him by walking around the couch to keep the same distance between us, "Stay the hell away from me. I said to pack your things and go." I grabbed his shirt that was on the floor and threw it at him, "Go!" I yelled, startling him.

"(Y/n—" I took my ring off and threw it at him. It hit his chest and fell to the floor, his eyes followed it, "You're upset, you're not thinking clearly." He was now crying, and I couldn't care less. I started falling out of love the moment I walked in and saw her on top of him. Someone who truly loves me would never hurt me this way — I'm better off... it kills me because I thought this was the love of my life, but it's true.

"Go, before I start screaming and get cops involved." Then his friends can see him for what he really is, disloyal, worthless excuse of a man, an abandoner, a liar.

He took my threat seriously and grabbed a coat to throw on, "We can talk tomorrow once you've calmed down."

I said nothing and watched him leave. That's when I broke, dropping to my knees and sobbing my heart out. I didn't think this day could worse but I was wrong, so wrong.

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Hope you enjoyed it babes ❤️
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