Trying to heal from giving birth while also taking care of them by myself was difficult. Solo had to leave to go to Canada for the weekend while I was left alone with the kids. I knew that as soon as he landed he'd be over to see the kids.

It had been two weeks since their birth, and while I was feeling better, I was still in some pain and discomfort.

Although Solo had been staying most nights at my place, I still hadn't forgiven him and I damn sure didn't trust him yet, but at least he was making an effort to be involved in the kid's lives, and mine as well.

While I scrolled through Instagram, I found pictures of the bloodline being interviewed by Jackie. When I zoomed in, I could clearly see her arm was wrapped around his waist. I kept scrolling and saw pictures of the two of them making out in a bar.

Seeing the reality of his infidelity broke my heart all over again. I started to tear up. It made me wonder what I did to drive him to that point. Was I not enough? Was the sex not enough?

"Hey Ash, I'm back," Solo says quietly, he walks into the room and picks up our daughter Alani.

Lani smiles in her sleep as Solo holds her. She was already a daddy's girl.

He looks up and sees me drying my tears and looks at me worried "Are you okay Ash? Are you hurting?"

"Why did you do it Solo?"

"Why did I do what?"

"Cheat on me, was I not enough? Was the sex not good enough?"

"Baby I told you I was drunk and didn't know what was going on,"

"Don't call me baby Solo,"

"I went out to celebrate my birthday with the boys and I got way too drunk. I don't even remember it happening. Tama told me what happened the next morning. You are more than enough for me, and the sex we have is incredible. Please don't think like that ba...Ash,"

"How am I supposed to think Solo? You cheated on me when I was extremely pregnant. Drunk or not you still cheated on me. I hope she was worth it,"

"You're the only one I want Ash, not her, not anyone else. I want you,"

"Well you lost that chance with me Solo. I'll never be able to trust you again,"

"Ash please I'm trying to fix this. I love you,"

"I loved you Solo, but kissing another woman and damn near fucking her, I'll never be able to trust you again,"

"Don't say that Ash, let me make this right,"

"There's nothing you can do,"

"What if I let you fuck anyone on the roster? That would make it even,"

"First of all you don't have to let me do anything. I'm a grown woman and can decide what I want for myself. Secondly it's not going to make anything even Solo. We're not together anymore and you wouldn't be extremely pregnant as I cheated,"

"I didn't mean it like that, I know you can make your own choices,"

"Good. I'm choosing to be civil for the sake of the children, but I'm not taking you back Solo,"

I could see the hurt in his eyes but I didn't care. I'm glad he was experiencing just a tiny bit of what I was going through.

Deep down I still loved him more than anything, but I couldn't show that. I couldn't risk getting getting hurt again.

"Do you hate me?" He asks after a while of silence

"No, I don't hate you. I'm just hurt Solo,"

"I know, and I'm sorry. I wish I could take that night back,"

"Well you can't,"

"I know,"

Our son Kona starts to cry. I gently pick him up and start to feed him which instantly soothes him.

"Do you think she's hungry too?" Solo asks

"Probably, put her in my arm and I'll see if she'll latch,"

She almost immediately latches onto me. Solo watches as I feed them.

"My eyes are up here you know,"

"I wasn't looking at your boobs, I'm looking at my kids,"

"They're both attached to a boob right now Solo,"

"You know what I mean,"

We sat in the bedroom in silence, the only noises were Kona's little grunts as he ate.

"Does he always make those noises?" Solo asks

I nod, "He's serious about his food,"

"He's going to grow up to be just like me,"

"He's already well on his way. He was almost 5 ounces and an inch bigger than his sister,"

"I know, she looks tiny compared to him and she's older,"

"Speaking of Lani, she's done eating if you want to burp her,"

Solo carefully takes her from my arms and burps her. A few minutes later Kona had also finished eating. I gently pat his back until he burps.

"He's definitely your child," I say

Solo laughs, "I'll change their diapers if you want to go get in the shower and get ready for bed.

"I'm going to make myself a snack, I'm starving,"

"Have you been eating?" He asks

"Yeah when I can. I haven't always had a free hand this weekend,"

"I'm just making sure. You gotta take care of your self too Ash,"

I get up and go into the kitchen and pull some fruit out of the refrigerator. I sit at the island and eat before going back to the nursery.

I peaked around the corner to see Solo reading to the babies before he laid them down for bed. I was happy he was choosing to be involved in their lives and that he had been my rock through labor, but I knew I had a long way to go before I could even think about trusting him again.