Unknown / Unknown / Vikings, Season 5 / The Hedgehog's Dilemma, Wikipedia / My Tears Ricochet, Taylor Swift / Centurion (2010) / Start Here, Caitlyn Siehl / Yellow Nude with Eye, Michael Funk / 28 Weeks Later (2007) / flourescentnebula 

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Because I prayed this word: I want.

When is a monster not a monster? ... Oh, when you love it. 

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(They left her behind again. 

Hilde is getting used to it. Everytime Ragnar Lothbrok goes on a raid, her mother and father pull her aside and begin the long speech, the one that always has the same main three points. We have to follow our king, as do your elder brothers - it is their duty. It is your duty to take care of your sister while we fight for him. It gets more tiresome every time. How many times would they leave Hilde alone, to look after a child who didn't understand why her parents were gone?

It wasn't that Hilde hated her sister. She preferred her, to most of the other members of their family. But Frida is barely five, and Hilde is not cut out to be a parent. Why should she waste her youth looking after her parents' daughter while they chase glory and Valhalla with a king?

Still, this is the last time, Hilde has decided. She is finally going to put her foot down, to pull out the roots of the idea before it can become a permanent feature of their home. She's been counting the days until her family returns, her words rehearsed, and ingrained into her mind so that even when her brothers laugh, she will not forget them. 

But, Odin, where is that girl? Frida is missing again. )

When Frida was five years of age, her entire family perished in a raid. 

Frida does not remember the day, or her parents, much. She remembers her elder sister Hilde, the one who'd been left behind to look after her, gripping her hand tightly and pulling her toward the boats. Searching for their father, mother, and two brothers. They had been boys when they left; they were supposed to return as men. 

All that returned was a broken shield. 

Frida remembers the last time her sister prayed. It was the day their family didn't come back from war. 

But, after that, life was merciful. Where it had taken, it gave back. Lagertha, Earl of Hedeby, welcomed Hilde as one of her shieldmaidens and even offered Frida a place, for when she came of age. Frida refused, of course - after seeing her family die, she had no desire to continue that cycle of tragedy. She chose a life of peace, defending from the sidelines. At least, that was the plan. 

Perhaps because Frida was so young when her parents died, she never really felt the same loss Hilde felt. Perhaps that's why, years later, Hilde still can't find a real way to connect with her sister. She will always see Frida as some vessel of the past, not yet broken by grief, as Hilde has been - not that that meant she is loved any less. 

But watching her younger sister grow up, Hilde learns three things: first, that her dreams must always come second. If Frida wants to hide away and cower from violence, then it's Hilde's duty to help her. So she ignores Lagertha's irritation when Frida refuses to join her shieldmaidens when she disgraces their family of warriors. Hilde cleans up every single mess, bandages every cut, and protects her sister first every time. 

Second, that Frida will find a way to get herself into trouble. Whether getting herself lost, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time, Frida finds a way without fail. Without Hilde to protect her, Frida would probably wind up being blood-eagled by the Earl of Hedeby for simply being a nuisance. 

The last thing, Hilde realises too late. It's that when her dreams are handed to her, it's easy to forget everything else she has already learnt. 

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frailty, thy name is woman!

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DISCLAIMER. I do not own Vikings, nor any plotlines or characters associated with it. All rights go to the creators of Vikings. I do own Frida, her family, all other "OCs" featured in this story, as well as all surrounding plots and sub-plots.

( © lyra [love-joys], April 2022 ) (© lyra [bloodwyrms], February 2024)

CONTENT WARNING. graphic depictions of violence, blood and gore, profanity, violence, implied / mentions of sex, murder, gruesome/ tragic deaths, implied/ attempted sexual assault, mental illness, homophobia & any of the other triggering themes from the Vikings show, maybe a toxic relationship (i can give more details if you need, it's not abusive just maybe unhealthy)

TIMELINE. Vikings Season 4b ━━ Vikings Season 5

AUTHOR'S NOTE. before y'all start, i made a list of all the similarities/ differences between this and As I Lay Dying. 

1. Two sisters - but here it's healthy!

2. Lesbians (with swords)

3. A discussion of judgement and death (but not as much as AILD)

4. Battles

PAIRINGS. Frida Sunesdottir & Ivar Ragnarsson. Hilde Sunesdottir & Lagertha Lothbrok (?) might make this a separate fic

 I have 6 written chapters and I think it's the second-best thing I've ever written, I still haven't finished watching Vikings, we ball. Hopefully this won't be too long, it's more romantic than I usually write but I do like it a lot. 

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layout by hope, i miss u sm <3 (darklinganti)

DEDICATION. (this is long and you don't need to read it, I just wanted to say it, somewhere, and this felt like the best place) (tw/ mental health issues? i guess)

Dedicated to the 'wonder whores (TM)' because I remembered us when I saw this layout and Hope, who let me use it 

Sometimes I do think about us and where we are in our lives now, we're all actual functioning adults now which is crazy to me. None of you guys know this (and you won't ever see this, probably) but i was actually really miserable for a lot of our time together. i never really talked about it and I don't think this is the place for it but I honestly had quite a major mental health crisis through those years. 

I've actually been going to therapy recently, I've been correctly diagnosed, I've talked about my trauma and worked through some of it. It's helped, and I do feel better, I don't know how long it will last. I saw this in my drafts I just felt so much appreciation for you guys and everything you did for me. I don't even remember half of it but when I think about us I can feel the serotonin being released (I don't know how serotonin works). I always felt so included and loved in our group, at a time when I really needed it. I guess this dedication is for you because I just really miss you, and I felt like I really needed to say something to thank you all. I don't know if I'll ever be successful as a lawyer and I don't know if you'll be successful in your paths either but I hope they cross again. 

<3