*rose petals fall and the Ouran gates open as the Lobelia girls twirl inside*

Haruhi : "Really? All the afternoon classes have been canceled?"

Female Student 1 : "You mean no one told you? It's going to be crazy around here for the next two days."

Female Student 2 : "Ouran is hosting an exposition for the cultural clubs. Drama and choir clubs from a bunch of other schools have been invited."

Female Student 1 : "It's a big event the school hosts annually."

Haruhi : "Is that so..."

Twins : *shouting at Renge* "What? You've never tried it!?"

Hikaru : "Didn't anyone tell you that it's the preferred drink of the host club?"

Kaoru : "And you are our manager, so you should drink it too!"

Renge : *sweatdropping nervously, dabbing her face with a handkerchief* "Um well I-i think i've heard of instant coffee before. Oh! That's right, isn't that when the coffee beans have already been ground for you?"

Twins : *make X's with their hands as Renge shouts in distress* "BZZZT!" 

Hikaru : "That's just ground coffee. Instant is something completely different. I don't even think there're any coffee beans in instant coffee. You just mix this powder with hot water and then drink it! You don't have to brew it, it's pretty awesome."

Kaoru : "So it's basically just like coffee, but not as robust."

Hikaru : "And yet it's strangely satisfying."

Kaoru : "Now that you mention it, we just ran out of it didn't we?"

Twins : *place their hands on Haruhi's shoulders* "Go buy us some more, Haruhi."

Haruhi : "Why do I have to go get it?"

Hikaru : *cleaning her ear* "Because you're the only commoner, no one else knows where to buy it!"

Kaoru : *washing her hair as Hikaru polishes her shoes* "We've even been serving it to our guests lately." *dries her hair* "And besides, it's part of your job." *both dust her off*

Haruhi : "But the cultural club exposition starts soon."

Hikaru : *him and Kaoru carries her to the door* "Yea but it's not mandatory, so if you're not interested you don't have to go~!"

Kaoru : "And with that being said-"

Twins : *wave blue handkerchiefs* "Be careful out there! Ha!"

Haruhi : Damn them, I really hate rich people... *leans against the wall outside of the classroom*

Female Student 2 : "Thanks for helping them out Haruhi." 

Haruhi : "No problem, I just wish they'd buy their own instant coffee." *groans*

Female Student 1 : "Well I don't know if that'll ever happen, but i'm glad they seem to be having a good time. And it's all thanks to you!"

Haruhi : *looks at the girls* "All thanks to me?" 

Female Student 2 : "We've been in the same class with the twins ever since middle school. They didn't use to be this cheerful and friendly. They were always quiet and withdrawn. They didn't have many friends."

Female Friend 1 : "It's like they didn't want anyone to get too close. I don't think they liked school very much. They seemed so bored by it. I guess things started to change when the host club was created. Since then, they've come out of their shells little by little."

Twins : *in the classroom, laughing with other classmates* 

Haruhi : "Really..."

Female Student 2 : "But they've really opened up since you've joined the host club."

Female Student 1 : "Now they talk and joke with everyone in class. That's why we wanted to make sure you knew how grateful we are to you. Because of you, the twins are having fun and enjoying each day to the fullest!"

Haruhi : *walking back from the market with a bag of instant coffee* *slips on a banana peel, shouting*

Benio : *twirls in, catching Haruhi before she falls* "It'd be a shame for any harm to come to that cute face of yours young lady."

Haruhi : *gasps quietly, looking up at her*

Benio : *chuckles, brushing hair out of her face*

Chizuru and Hinako : *walking down the halls, heading for the host club* 

Chizuru : "This looks like the place."

Hianko : "Mhm." *both open the doors*

Hosts (minus Haruhi) : *dressed as knights* "Welcome ladies!" 

Tamaki : *pulls his sword out of the sheath, holding it in front of his face* "Well well well, I see you ladies are from another school. I certainly hope we haven't startled you. We love first time guests." *walks towards them* "I'm glad you've come, princesses. My darlings, even if the world were to be destroyed, I'd put my life on the line as your faithful knight and servant, I will protect you." *kneels before the girls*

Chizuru : "Oh my, do you really think you'd be able to protect us, that's awfully arrogant of you, wouldn't you agree? You think that's what a woman wants to hear? Well you're wrong."

Tamaki : *looks up at them, exclaiming slightly*

Hinako : "Come on, give him a break Sister Suzuran. Men are just lowly life forms who don't care about anything other than perpetuating their testosterone latent image. By 'protecting us' he's actually attempting to disguise the fact that he is weak and unable of even protecting himself."

Chizuru : "You're such a clever girl Hinagiku."

Tamaki : *Stands up, the sword resting on his shoulder* "Don't you think that's a little harsh? Fine then, what do women like you want to hear?"

Benio : "Maybe something like, 'I would never leave my lover alone.'" *holding Haruhi as Tamaki, Huni, and the twins blink in astonishment* *continues talking while changing her poses with Haruhi* "'If we fight, it will be together. If we fail, we fail together. Even if I were to die, I promise you that I will never leave your side, my love.'" *kisses Haruhi's hand*

Tamaki : *silently freaking, his mouth dropped open*

Hinako : "Benibara! We thought you'd never show." *walks into the hallway with Hinako where Benio*

Chizuru : "What're we going to do with you? So tell us where you found this lovely young lady."

Benio : "I just met her outside of the school. She may be dressed as a boy, but I knew the truth. She has such pretty maidenly eyes..." *holding Haruhi close, gazing into her eyes*

Haruhi : "Uh thanks I guess..."

Hinako : *feeling her arm (pulled her sleeve up)* "Wow, her skin is incredibly soft!"

Chizuru : *pulled up Haruhi's pant leg (also took her sock and shoe off), rubbing her face against her leg* "Isn't it though? I think this one is going to be a little diamond in the rough!"

Tamaki : *runs at them* "Don't go touching my Haruhi without asking my permission!!!" 

Benio : *punches him* "Leave her alone!"

Tamaki : *scoots back towards the other hosts* "She punched me! She's so violent!"

Mori : *holding out Kuma-Chan for Tamaki*

Huni : "Get ahold of yourself!"

Benio : "Guess the rumors we heard are true." *walks into the room with Chizuru and Hinako, standing in front of the hosts* "You guys are just a bunch of weak little punks with no sense between you."

Kyoya : *pushes up his glasses* "Those uniforms. I assume you ladies are from the Lobelia Girls' Academy."

Benio : "That's correct." *all three girls throw off their clothes so they're now in different outfits* *sings* "Lobelia~!"

Chizuru : "Lobelia~!"

Hinako : "Lobelia~!"

Benio : *holding a lily in her mouth* "St. Lobelia Academy, high school 2nd year, Benio Amakusa." *Lady of the Crimson Rose, AKA Benibara*

Lobelia Girls : *sing* "Lobelia~!"

Chizuru : *holding a fan* "2nd year student, Chizuru Maihara!" *Lady of the Lily-of-the-Valley, AKA Suzuran*

Lobelia Girls : *sing* "Lobelia~!"

Hinako : *holding a lily* "1st year student, Hinako Tsuwabuki!" *Lady of the Daisy, AKA Hinagiku*

Lobelia Girls : *sing* "Lobelia~!"

Benio : "We are the members of the St. Lobelia Academy's White Lily League. Also known as-!" *throws her hat* *now all three are wearing different clothes again*

Lobelia Girls : "The Zuka Club!"

Hosts : "Huh?"

Tamaki : The.. Zuka Club...?

Twins : *laughing their heads off*

Hikaru : *laughing* "Oh man what a stupid name! The Zuka Club?! My stomach hurts!!" 

Kaoru : *laughing* "The Zuka Club!? That's priceless! They had those getups on under their uniforms!"

Renge : *rises from the floor* "You shouldn't underestimate the Zuka Club!" *laughs* "I may not know much about instant coffee, but I'm fascinated with girls' schools." *sips a taste of instant coffee and spits it out, wiping her mouth off delicately with a napkin* "St. Lobelia Academy! It is truly a woman's world there! The Zuka Club is a group of strong young maidens who consider women to be superior in every way. The club prides itself on its 30 year history. It's a society of maidens, by maidens, for maidens! Zuka Club activities include maiden tea parties, the maiden debate forum, and most importantly, musical reviews performed by the society's top members!"

Kyoya : *changed out of his knight costume (along with the others)* *sits his chest armour on a table, fixing his tie* "You sure have a vast world of knowledge Renge."

Renge : "Well I've always admired St. Lobelia's. I just couldn't go to school there though! What would I do without any boys?!" *lowers back into the floor*

Chizuru : "A maiden's beauty. It means, possessing a spirit pure enough to not give in to power or to lust."

Hinako : "As a girl, you.. For a girl, you..! We've had quite enough of all your oppressive male contempt for woman kind."

Benio : "And our pride, comes from having meaningful relationships based on equality. Because with the same sex, and yes, that includes relationships of love."

Chizuru : *leaning up against Benio* "Yea you tell them Benio."

Hinako : *leaning against her too* "You're awesome Benibara!"

Hikaru : *playing on his DS* "Whatever, we're so over it."

Kaoru : *looking at the instant coffee Haruhi got* "Why don't you gals just scram?"

Mori : *in the background playing with his knight sword*

Hinako : "I find it hard to believe that you silly boys have nothing to say about our sublime female love." *giggles* 

Hikaru : "What the hell is she talking about?"

Kaoru : "Hey I haven't seen this one before. I guess it's a new one." 

Chizuru : "You should feel sorry for them Hinagiku, there patented host skills don't work on us. Now they're all flustered and they don't know what to do with themselves."

Benio : *takes off her fake mustache that went with her current costume* "True, I must say I'm glad we decided to perform here. It was fun to sneak a peek at the notorious Ouran Host Club."

Mori : *yawned as Benio was talking* 

Huni : *holding Usa-Chan* "Hey guys are we really notorious?"

Mori : "Yea."

Benio : *talks to Haruhi* "And to think they're dragging this sweet young girl down with them."

Haruhi : "Huh?" 

Benio : "The host club's president may be a pretty little halfer. But, he shouldn't be using his looks to create a fictitious romance! Attempting to fool the heart of a pure young maiden is demeaning! Your so called 'club activities' are nothing more than debasing macho fantasies! I promise you, we will bring you guys down, the Ouran Host Club will be abolished!"

Lobelia Girls : "All hail Zuka Club!"

Kyoya : *pushes up his glasses* "I see, I understand your concern. But do you think maybe we could finish this later?"

Benio : "Are you saying that you're not going to face us?" 

Kyoya : "Not at all, it's just that our president is still bedridden from the initial cultural shock."

Tamaki : *sleeping in a bed with his Kuma-Chan, mumbling incoherently*

Huni : "You see Tama-Chan is having his nappy time right now."

Benio : "WAKE HIM UP!"

Haruhi : *holds out a tray of coffee* "'Scuse me, I made some coffee. Would you ladies like to have some?"

Benio : "Why yes, aren't you the sweetest thing." *takes a cup along with Chizuru and Hinako* 

Chizuru : "You're a real pearl among swine."

Benio : "You know, coffee made by a maiden always has a more fragrant aroma."

Haruhi : "But, this stuff's just instant."

Hinako : "How about the four of us have a little tea party?"

Tamaki : *sits up in bed, a rattle and Usa-Chan being shook close to him* *runs at them* "You girls have it all wrong! Don't you see there's nothing to be gained in a romantic relationship between two women!? If that were the case, then why did God create Adam and Eve!?" *slips and his finger goes into Hinako's cup of coffee* *Screams in pain* "Hot hot hot hot hot!" 

Huni : *blows on his finger to cool it off*

Haruhi : *kneels down by him, sighing* "You gotta be more careful senpai." *wraps his finger* 

Tamaki : *blushing* "Thanks Haruhi. Do you always carry bandages around with you?"

Haruhi : "Nah, the supermarket was giving them out with the purchase of instant coffee." *smiling* "You always get free stuff at the supermarket."

Tamaki : "Free stuff?"

Benio : *standing above them* "This little conversation doesn't seem to be going anywhere." *brings Haruhi to her feet* "Now that we know what's going on, we can't allow this maiden to stay here! We'll prepare her paperwork and have her transfered to Lobelia at once. And we'll welcome her into the Zuka Club!" 

Haruhi : *gasps* 

Tamaki : *gasps* 

Haruhi : *pulls away from Benio* "Hey, just wait a second will ya? There seems to have been some misunderstandings here. I mean, first of all you called senpai a halfer!"

Huni : "'Cause he is a halfer. He's half French and half Japanese!"

Haruhi : *sweatdrops* "Well uh anyway, I don't think it's fair for you to pick on the Host Club just because you don't think they have the same history as you do."

Hikaru : "We barely have any history, we were just founded two years ago."

Kaoru : "Yea the boss created it whenever he started high school here."

Haruhi : *twirls her finger, sighing* "Be that as it may, saying their club activities are only held to satisfy their appetites is just wrong. I mean it's not like the host club is charging their guests or anything."

Kyoya : *looking at his laptop* "Well I wouldn't call it a charge, we do have a point system. We offer priority services based on the winning bids of auctions held on our website. Check this out Haruhi, your used mechanical pencil? Just sold with a winning bid of 30,000 yen. Good for you."

Haruhi : *freaks* "What?! But I thought I'd lost that pencil!? Why didn't you tell me about this before Kyoya-Senpai!? I had no idea you were collecting money!"

Kyoya : "So you thought we were all just working here as volunteers? While it's not much because of the expensive organizing events, we happen to make a small profit from the online auctions."

Haruhi : "You can't sell other people's things without asking permission, that's stealing!!"

Twins : "It wasn't stealing, you dropped that pencil on the floor."

Haruhi : *glares at the twins* 

Tamaki : *anime cries* "I'm sorry Haruhi! It's not like we were hiding it from you!! Here, you can have mine, it's got a cute teddy bear on it!!" *holds up his mechanical pencil*

Haruhi : *blank faced as Tamaki grabbed her face* "Senpai I don't want your pencil."

Tamaki : "Then to make it up to you, how about I do this! I'll tell you the secrets to my success and my fondest memories!"

Haruhi : "Not to be rude Senpai, but I'm not really interested in that information."

Tamaki : *gasps in horror* "Not interested...?" *emo corner*

Chizuru : "Oh you poor dear, I can't believe they've been deceiving you!"

Hinako : "Hey, why don't you just dump these losers and come with us?"

Benio : "Hold on Hinagiku. This young maiden has had quite a day. We'll give you some time to think about it. We'll come back for your answer tomorrow. Well then, adieu~" *spins out of the school with Hinako and Chizuru, giggling and chuckling*

Haruhi : *turns to the hosts after they've left, glaring* "I'd better be going, I've got some thinking to do." *walks out*

Tamaki : *freaks out* "Why did you have to tell her the truth?! You just added fuel to the fire!!"

Kyoya : "The facts are the facts."

Huni : "Maybe we should've asked before we sold her pencil on the internet."

Kaoru : "Yea, for all we knew, it was a keepsake from her mother."

Hikaru : "Nah it was just a freebie they were giving out at an electronic store."

Tamaki : "Gentlemen, just think about it." *looking out the window* "Haruhi may be basically indifferent, but if she had to chose, we know that she tends to favor men's clothing, and besides, when she first joined the host club, didn't she tell us...?"

Flashback Haruhi : "Being a host and getting fussed over by a bunch of girls might not be that bad."

Tamaki : "Why didn't I realize this before? Perhaps they would be a better match for Haruhi. Maybe she'd be better off with the.. Zuka Club."

Kaoru : "Yea, she's perfect for a girls school."

Huni : "Haru-Chan is going to transfer away!" *crying*

Hikaru : "What are we going to do!?"

Kaoru : "Haruhi's so smart, passing the Lobelia's scholarship tests would be a piece of cake!"

Kyoya : "And, Lobelia Academy has the money to pay off the 8 million yen debt she owes us."

Tamaki : "Calm down gentlemen, it'll be alright! Listen to what I have to say! I have a secret plan." *turns to the hosts excitedly*

The Next Day

Zuka Club Fans : *cheering like crazy* 

Hinako : *sings* "Lo~!"

Chizuru : *sings* "Be~!"

Benio : *sings* "Li~!"

Zuka Club : *sings* "A~!" *ends their performance* *now walking back to the host club*

Hinako : "I thought today's performance went extremely well."

Chizuru : "Our singing and acting skills are admired wherever we go."

Benio : "That's true, but the main event has yet to begin, right girls?"

Haruhi : *walking to the club* *runs into the Zuka Club and walks with them*

Benio : "Hi young maiden."

Hinako : "We've come for your decision, are you prepared to leave?"

Chizuru : "We're ready to confront those Ouran Host Club idiots and set things straight once and for all!"

Haruhi : "Set what straight?"

Benio : *lifts Haruhi's chin* "That you should come with us and go to school with your own kind." *opens the hosts doors to a darkened room*

Hikaru : *sings* "Ouran!"

Kaoru : *sings* "Ouran!"

Mori : *sings* "Ouran!"

Kyoya : *sings* "Ouran!"

Huni : *sings* "Ouran!"

Tamaki : *sings* "Ouran!" *lights come on to reveal them all wearing bootiful dresses*

Hosts : *sings* "Host club! Welcomes you!"

Zuka Club + Haruhi : *pale white*

Tamaki : "Oh Haruhi, welcome back."

Huni : *twirls on screen* "Look Haru-Chan! I'm a princess now, aren't I cute?"

Benio : *gasps* "What is the meaning of this?! Are you trying to make fun of woman kind?!"

Tamaki : "What? No, that's not it at all. Everything's going according to plan. Our strategy is guaranteed to make even a crying child smile. It's the freebie campaign!" *does a slight girlish laugh* "My dears, you ladies have all lived sheltered lives at Lobelia, so you might not know, that commoners are weak. They have a weakness for free things. Haruhi, you may be distracted by the Zuka club, but choose us! And you gain not only a host club full of brothers but sisters as well! See? This way, you can experience feminine bonding while staying in the host club! Isn't that a great idea? Aren't I pretty?"

Twins : *with girly voices* "We're the Hitachiin Sisters! Which one of us is prettier?"

Hikaru : "I'm just teasing you." 

Kaoru : "Ohohohohoho~"

Huni : "Listen Haru-Chan! You can call me big sis from now on."

Mori : *taps his tambourine*

Kyoya : *holding a fan over his face*

Benio : "Why you- Do you idiots really think you can win her over like this?! I've had enough of your fooling around!"

Haruhi : *Starts laughing her face off* "This is too much! I don't even get what you're trying to do! I knew you were a bunch of goofballs but geez!" *laughs rolling around on the floor* 

Twins and Huni : *come up to her* "Are we really that funny?"

Haruhi : *starts laughing all over again*

Twins and Huni : *chase Haruhi around* "Call me big sister! Come on do it! Just say it! Big sister! Say it please!?"

Haruhi : *shaking her head no as she continues laughing* "Come on cut it out! What were you thinking, what's gotten into you guys?"

Hikaru : "We did this because we don't want you to leave the host club Haruhi."

Haruhi : *smiles and giggles*

Benio : "Well Maiden, have you made a choice?"

Haruhi : *stands up, brushing herself off* "Yea I have. I'm sorry but your club's not for me. I think the idea of a girls' school is great. And your views are very unique and interesting. But I came to this school with a goal and a plan for my future. So while I appreciate your offer, I really already knew that I was never going to leave Ouran academy."

Chizuru and Hinako : *gasp quietly* 

Tamaki : *anime crying* "Haruhi~!" *realizes* *points at her* "Hold on, if you knew you weren't going to leave, then why did you act so angry yesterday?"

Tamaki : "How would you feel if I stole something of yours without asking you!? I really liked that mechanical pencil it was easy to write with!"

Tamaki : "I'm sorry. But I was nice enough and offered my teddy bear pencil in return, and you said you didn't want it!"

Haruhi : "That's right, and I still don't want it."

Chizuru : "Um, Benio?"

Benio : "Yes, I know."

Tamaki : *waving the pencil in front of Haruhi*

Benio : "We're not going to give up on you maiden. I swear this to you, someday we'll come and rescue you from this place! And when we do, we'll abolish the Ouran Host Club! Well, Adieu." *twirls out with the other girls, laughing until they slip on banana peels*

Renge : *rises up* "And so, a new rival, the Zuka club has appeared. From this point on, the story's gonna get even more exciting. What's gonna happen to our beloved host club boys next? Hang in there, host club! Don't give up, boys!" *eating a banana*

Tamaki : "Hey! It's not your job to cook things up!" *slips on a banana peel*

INTRO

Tamaki : "Is Haruhi really suffering in a life of poverty!? I have to go see for myself!"

Haruhi : "You're just gonna cause trouble, you don't need to come over."

Tamaki : "Woah, you're Haruhi's father?"

Haruhi : "Next time, 'A Day in the Life of the Fujioka Family'!"

Tamaki : "The Ouran Host Club will be waiting for you!"

Hosts : "We'll see you then!"