Yoshio Ootori : "Since adopting the Zaibatsu System as it's corporate model generations ago, the Ootori group has advanced the medical field to unprecedented highs. Today we continue that proud history of innovation and leadership through our cutting edge approach to hospital administration.  A prospective successor to this legacy will do well to remember that merely standing in the shadow of his brothers' achievements will not suffice to ensure his future."

Kyoya : *sleeping, dreaming his father's words*

Tamaki : "Hey Kyoya, I just had the most brilliant idea!" 

Kyoya : *wakes up at remembering Tamaki's words* *sees himself in a commoners mall* How did I wind up here?

Child : "Mama hurry up!" *pulls on woman's hand while pointing* "It's right over here!" *smiles*

Mother : "Alright, alright!" *laughs* 

Kyoya : *looking around, sitting on a bench* I was sleeping comfortably in my own bed, just a few minutes ago. *has his hand to his forehead, trying to remember* No.. wait.. *remembers Tamaki* Tamaki was carrying on about some sort of exhibit. He had his heart set on all of us going, I think.

Earlier at the Ootori Mansion

Tamaki: *in Kyoya's room with the hosts (minus Haruhi)* "Doesn't this sound fascinating? Commoners hold events like these all the time! They're called expos! That's commoner lingo for exposition." *holds up flyer* "Products from all over are gathered under one roof so that underprivileged people can cope with the emptiness of not being able to travel. If that makes this the perfect opportunity for us to better understand Haruhi by allowing the host club to study commoners in their natural environment." *smiles with the rest of the hosts* "You guessed it Kyoya~ We're going to go-" *moves closer to Kyoya's bed, where he's sleeping* "on a field trip! Haruhi won't be joining us today, incidentally, as her presence might harm our credibility as impartial observers."

Kyoya : *turns over in bed, glaring at them* 

Tamaki : *shaking Kyoya* "Oh c'mon you can't just lie here in bed all morning! Today's teh last day of summer vacation!"

Huni : "Waake uup~" *coos, laying on Kyoya's bed*

Twins : *also on Kyoya's bed, shaking him*

Mori : *standing at the end of the bed, watching*

Kyoya : *sits up slowly* 

Hosts : *look at him curiously*

Kyoya : *speaks with hair covering his face as a dark aura surrounds him* "For your information I was up until 5AM you morons. Which if you hadn't noticed makes me a little less than happy about being woken up."

Idiotic Trio + Huni : *shivering in fear by the door*

Huni : "Kyo-Chan isn't much of a morning person, huh."

Mori : "You have no room to talk."

Huni : *looks up at Mori* "Hey, what does that mean?"

Kyoya : *glares at them* "Okay, enough with the commoner shtick. If you formulaic halfwits feel like wasting all afternoon on worn-out old cliches, go right ahead and suit yourselves." *falls back in bed*

Tamaki : *sweating* "Well, if that's what you really want." *throws his hand in the air* "You heard the man! Now let's dress him to the nines and head for the expo!"

Twins + Huni : *laugh*

Hosts : *jump on Kyoya, changing him*

Tamaki : *shouts through all the clothes ruckus* "This is going to be wonderful! Great choice Mori-Senpai! Sit still Kyoya! Oh this color brings out his eyes~"

At the Expo

Hosts : *taking it all in~*

Tamaki : *carrying a sleeping Kyoya on his back*

Hikaru : *shouts and points* "Hey everyone! Look at that!"

Kaoru : "Wow, all those suits look exactly the same!"

Twins : *shout excitedly* "Mass production! Mass production!"

Tamaki : *talks over them* "They have something here called a pet shop! That will be our very first destination, men!"

Huni : *pops up* "They serve ice cream on the rooftop!" 

Tamaki : *looks at a floor plan explaining what's on each floor* "Really? Wait, wait, wait! They're holding some super special event up there too! Sweet!" *pumps his fists, dropping Kyoya on a bench* 

Huni : *walks off with the group chanting* "Ice cream! Ice cream!

Present Time, With Kyoya

Kyoya : Oh right. That's how. *stands up* *looks at the floor plan* Looks like I'm at the Izumi shopping center. Which isn't exactly within walking distance of home.. Guess I'll call to have a car sent out. *reaches into his pocket for his phone to find it not there*

Child : *runs past, laughing and shouting* "Yay!!" *runs past again* *and again, but this time running into Kyoya* *pouts/cries and looks up in alarm* "Oh wow, sorry!" *shouts in fright at seeing a picture of Namahage the monster on a post board and Kyoya looking exactly like it*

Kyoya : *glaring viciously at the kid*

Child : *cries and runs away* "Mama!"

Kyoya : "Tamaki's a deadman when I get my hands on him."

Haruhi : "Kyoya-Senpai?"

Kyoya : "Huh?" *looks over*

Haruhi : "I didn't expect to see you here today."

Kyoya : *looks at her* *contemplates* "How much money do you have on you Haruhi?"

Haruhi : "What?" *later at a fast food place in the mall* "Kyoya-Senpai, are you sure this is where you wanna eat? There are much nicer restaurants to choose from upstairs." *twitching with nerves* 

Kyoya : "Well you don't have much on you, so our choices are limited. Just be sure to get a receipt. Tamaki will reimburse you tenfold." *glares openly* 

Haruhi : *sweatdrops* How did this happen? All I wanted was a little peek at the products expo. Why did I have to run into Kyoya-Senpai? And why did he have to be in such a foul mood? *sighs*

Kyoya : "Haruhi, I think it's our turn. How do I order?"

Haruhi : "Oh! Uh, here, why don't I order for both of us. Do you know what you want?" *looks up at him* 

Kyoya : "You pick. Just get us a lot of it."

Haruhi : "Oh okay." *points to the menu* "That, and that one. Both with fries too please."

Cashier : *smiles at them, liking Kyoya* Oh he's so cute~! And just my type!  "Okay, coming right up~! Would you be interested in adding one of our delicious desserts?"

Kyoya : "Thank you, no, I don't care for sweets."

Cashier : Gorgeous and cool~! I think I'm in love! *starry eyed* *holds up another menu* "Before you decide, we have a new shake that's absolutely-"

Kyoya : *glares* "I have given you my answer."

Cashier : *eyes widen in fright* 

Haruhi : *also quite scared* "Please be sure to include our receipt." *says in a tiny voice* *sits at a table with Kyoya, their tray of food in hand* "Kyoya-Senpai, just because you're in a bad mood today doesn't give you the right to go around talking to people like that. The poor girl was just doing her job."

Kyoya : *grabs his burger* "Her job is to serve us food, not irritate me with some weak sales pitch." *bites his burger*

Haruhi : *watches him, holding her own burger* 

Kyoya : *notices* "Hm. Now what."

Haruhi : "Nothing. I just don't think I've ever actually seen you eat before. Somehow I thought the experience would be more refine. I'm surprised food like this even appeals to you."

Kyoya : "It doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. No doubt, you'll say I'm callous for admitting it, since you bought this tripe." *takes a sip of his drink*

Haruhi : *looks to the side* "Of course I won't." *glances at him* I will think it though.

Kyoya : "There's an understanding between makers of food like this and those that eat it. Quality takes a backseat to convenience. Refinement isn't part of the equation. It's meant to be eaten quickly, besides no one of consequence is here to witness my momentary lapse of manners."

Haruhi : *takes a drink, listening to him* He must be taking a break from the whole "nice guy" act today. I guess even rich people have to let their hair down every once in a while.

Kyoya: "Hey. For the record, I'm saying it benefits me nothing to keep up appearances in a place like this. And that includes any special treatment I may give you here."

Haruhi : *sweatdrops* "Oh really? I never would've guessed that in a million years.."

Girl 1 : *talks to her friends* "Oh my gosh girls, that guy in the glasses is a total hottie."

Girl 2 & 3 : "You're right, he's gorgeous!"

Girl 1 : *talks to Kyoya* "Uhm, excuse me, I'm so sorry to interrupt. I was wondering if you're not using this chair, can my friends and I borrow it?"

Kyoya : *sighs* "Why not."

Girl 1 : "Thank you so much that's awesome!" *smiles as her friends swoon*

Kyoya : *nonchalant* "You're quite welcome."

Haruhi : *shocked* I've never seen this side of Kyoya-Senpai before. Is he always this indifferent when there's nothing for him to gain?

Host Club Kyoya : *invision* "Welcome, won't you come in?" *smiles kindly, offering his hand*

Haruhi : Tamaki-Senpai couldn't act this way if his life depended on it. How do they compliment each other so well?

Kyoya : *arms crossed* "You're probably wondering how Tamaki and I compliment each other so well."

Haruhi : *exclaims in alarm* Oh great! Now he's inside my head! What is he, telepathic or something?

Kyoya : "The answer is simple." *smiles* "I have something to gain. There is no better motivator than self interest. I have to look out for number one, y'know."

Haruhi : *frowns slightly* "Tamaki-Senpai would be heartbroken if he heard you say that."

Kyoya : *pushes up his glasses* "On the contrary, he's understood our arrangement from the very beginning. The same goes for all of them. Hikaru, Kaoru, Huni-Senpai, Mori-Senpai.. The glue that holds the host club together is our mutual egocentricity. It's the principle that drives the alliance between our families and ensures each of our futures." *looks at her* "Though, well let's just say there's still quite a bit you don't understand about that. Although Tamaki is a fool, and self sacrifice does come naturally to him. So I guess the point of this is, we are very different creatures."

Haruhi : *looks at Kyoya, amazed* *starts walking through the mall following Kyoya* "Senpai? I thought you were gonna take a taxi home."

Kyoya : "I am, but I might as well have a look around first." *looks at some earrings* "Black pearls from Ishigaki Island. Odd to find them here, considering how much they go for."

Haruhi : *leans closer to look* "You're kidding, really? That's incredible." *looks at him* "How can you tell Senpai?"

Kyoya : "I am the product of excellent breeding."

Haruhi : *looking at him* Breeding huh? Well that would account for the wall of ice he's been putting up between us. *continues walking with him* "So Kyoya-Senpai, why is it after all this time I still know next to nothing about your family?"

Kyoya : "Because there's really nothing for you to know about my family. At least nothing that should be of interest to you."

Haruhi : "Well that seems to be a little bit unfair, don't you think?"

Kyoya : *stops walking and looks back at her* "Just what do you mean unfair?"

Haruhi : "I mean that when it comes to my personal life you even keep tabs on who my father's friends from work are while I barely have a clue about yours. So I call that unfair."

Kyoya : *looking down at her* "That's a very intriguing notion in it's own way."

Haruhi : "You've got two older brothers, right? For starters, you could tell me something about them. What kind of people are they?"

Kyoya Flashback

Yoshio Ootori : "Please allow me to introduce my sons. They are the Ootori legacy."

Woman : "Ah what fine young men they are."

Man : "Truly a credit to their line. You must be very pleased. They all appear to be remarkably brilliant. Though of course, only the oldest will succeed his father."

Kyoya : *walked down the hall, listening to the adults' conversation*

Woman : "Kyoya is the most handsome of the three, but you're right. With two older brothers ahead of him, he doesn't stand a chance of becoming the family's patriarch."

End Flashback

Kyoya : "They are rather exceptional. Enough so, that my father puts a lot of stock in them. Though as the third son, things work out a little differently for me." 

Yoshio Ootori : *in Kyoya's head* "An irreproachable academic record in social finesse are accomplishments your brothers lay claim to long ago. So your own achievements will have to outshine these considerably in order to impress me Kyoya."

Haruhi : "I didn't realize there was so much pressure on you to succeed."

Kyoya : *looks back at her* "Pressure? Oh no, Haruhi, I can't think of nothing more fun than this."

Haruhi : *frowns slightly* *sighs*

Old Lady : "Dear me! Pieces from the Komatsu Shoin collection? I never thought that I would find them here!" *looking at art pieces at a nearby stall*

Haruhi & Kyoya : *look over at the woman* 

Vendor : "Why madam, you have an astonishing eye!" *smiles*

Kyoya : *glares* 

Haruhi : "Uhm, Senpai?"

Vendor : "You know, they have such exquisite color, don't they?" *whispers* "To tell you the truth, I'm not really even supposed to have these out on display." *normally* "The bulk of the Komatsu collection has been privately held for ages. Pieces rarely come up for sale." *chuckles* 

Kyoya : *walks up* "With all due respect, these are fake."

Old Lady : "Huh?" *looks up at Kyoya*

Vendor : *glares* "Hey, get out of here kid, what do you think you're doing?"

Kyoya : *picks up a bowl, looking at it* "The shade of blue is strongly reminiscent of Shoin's work, but looking closely around the base you'll notice the color graduation isn't quite dark enough to be authentic, that and the laquer is too clear."

Vendor : *irk mark, slightly nervous* "That's enough of you, Mr. Expert! I will report you for obstructing my business!"

Kyoya : *turns the bowl over, looking at the bottom* *narrows eyes* "Just as I thought. The brush strokes on this seal are uncharacteristically broad as well."

Vendor : "U-uh..."

Kyoya : "For your sake, I hope you have a certificate." *looks at the man* "That is, if you still insist it's real."

Vendor : "O-of course it's real! I have the certificate at home!"

Kyoya : *grins* "Ah, then surely you won't mind if I call the Komatsu family right now to verify your claim. My own family has had dealings with them for generations. It would only be a matter of minutes."

Vendor : *freaks out* *ends up getting escorted out by security* "Wait! You can't do this! This is an outrage! I've been here for years, I'll report you to the authorities!"

Old Lady : *bowing in thanks to Kyoya* "Young man, I can't thank you enough."

Haruhi : After everything you've told me Senpai, stepping in on a complete strangers behalf seems a little out of character for you."

Kyoya : "Hm? Oh, that? Well now, she's hardly a stranger. You mean you don't know? Her husband is the CEO of a major electronics company." *looks at the woman, who's accepting apologizes from the managers about the vendor*

Haruhi : "Huh?!"

Kyoya : "This is my first time to meet her personally, but that ring on her left hand is unmistakable. My family has dealing with her husband's company."

Haruhi : *twitching* 

Old Lady : "Ah, one of the Ootori boys. Imagine running into you here incognito." *smiles* "The next opportunity I have, I'll be sure to take advantage of one of your family's beautiful health resorts."

Kyoya : *smiles* "We'd be honoured." *bows slightly* 

Haruhi : *grumpy* Big surprise.Kyoya-Senpai is Kyoya-Senpai after all. *perks up* "Now hang on a second, that woman's ring..." *flashback to when she first saw the lady at the vendor's stall* There's no way he could've...

Kyoya : "Hey Haruhi, did you know this?" *looking at a different vending stall*

Haruhi : *looks over at him* "Did I know what?"

Kyoya : "Is melon the preferred flavor among snack makers?" *looking at a bunch of melon flavored snacks*

Haruhi : "Huh?"

Kyoya : "It doesn't make sense." *reading a box* "If the primary ingredient is corn, why go to the trouble of artificially making it taste like fruit? Seems counterintuitive."

Haruhi : *walks over and then laughs* *smiles* "That's an intriguing notion in it's own way."

Kyoya : *looking at her* "Oh, was I being funny?"

Haruhi : "Earlier you were going on and on about how you and Tamaki-Senpai are nothing alike. What you just said about the candy? It sounds exactly like him!" *laughs slightly*

Kyoya : *slightly shocked but then smiles* "You think so? This does seem like something he and the twins would fawn over. Very well, I'll buy them. Haruhi, your wallet." *holds his hand out for money*

Haruhi : *blank faced* "Oh yea, I forgot." *reaches in her purse for her wallet* "Just be sure to save me a receipt."

Up on the Roof with the Hosts

Tamaki : *laying on the floor with a dog on top of him, licking his face* "Oh no you're too heavy!" *laughing*

Huni : *eating ice cream with Mori*

Twins : *riding unicorns on the carousel* *laughing together*

Children : *looking at a stage, the main event starting* "Woah!" *gasp as smoke blows up on stage* "Wow that was so cool!"

Hosts : *sitting in the back, watching too*

Huni : "Hey Tama-Chan~ the show's about to start!"

Tamaki : "Aww~" *sitting with them, the dog still licking his face*

Renge : *laughs annoyingly* *twirls up on stage in an outfit* *points at the stage, winking* "Hey kiddos~ I hope you're ready! It's back to school time. Have all of you boys and girls been keeping up with your summer homework assignments?" *leans towards the crowd* "Huh? What's that? Oh you haven't? Well what have you been doing all this time? Stop goofing around and get a move on!"

Tamaki : *frowning* "What is Renge doing up there?"

Hikaru : "It seems like recently.."

Kaoru : "She's practically been around every corner!"

Renge : *screams as Namahage the moster grabs her*

Namahage : *laughs* "What do we have here? A bunch of naughty little children who aren't ready for school?"

Children : *trembling with fright*

Namahage : "It's too late now! I, Doctor Namahage will never let you leave!"

Renge : "This is a job for, The Ouran Host Club Rangers!" 

Host Black : "Unhand her!" *runs on stage, ready to fight Namahage*

Namahage : "Oh no! It's my arch nemesis Dragon Shadow Leader of the Host Rangers!"

Host Black : "Host Black!" *poses*

Huni : *realization* "Uhm, what happened to Kyo-Chan?"

Twins : "Uhh..."

Tamaki: "Uh.."

With Haruhi and Kyoya

Haruhi : "Hey, Senpai?" *sitting on a bench with Kyoya*

Kyoya : "Hm?"

Haruhi : "Why do you think that Tamaki-Senpai is always so eager to help people when they're in need?"

Kyoya : "You mean when there's nothing to be gained from it? Who knows."

Haruhi : "So then when you help someone, how exactly do you benefit from it? Money? Or reputation? Or is it more abstract? Because the way I see it, Tamaki-Senpai gets something out of helping others that doesn't necessarily involve their paying him back. So maybe when you get right down to it, the two of you aren't all that different."

Flashback Tamaki : "Kyoya, would you please find a map of all the public schools in this area? I'd like to help this man find his daughter."

Flashback Tamaki : "Besides, that young lady looked like she wanted nothing more than to play the piano with you."

Flashback Tamaki : "It's an absolute tragedy to see a brother and sister at odds this way, we have to do something to help them!"

Flashback Tamaki : "If you really wanna surpass your brothers then you can do it, but I think you're the one who's lost hope and given up!"

Flashback Tamaki : "Hey Kyoya, I just had the most brilliant idea! We should start a club together!"

Kyoya : *closes his eyes, thinking about Tamaki* *stands up*

Announcer : "Attention shoppers, this is an announcement for a lost child. Attention shoppers, this is an announcement for a lost child. A little boy named Kyoya Ootori is lost inside the store. Repeat, Kyoya Ootori is lost. His guardian, Suoh is waiting for him at the 2nd floor information counter."

Haruhi : *sweatdrops*

Announcer : "Kyoya is 5'11" tall with black hair and wearing prescription glasses."

Kyoya : *pushes up his glasses*

Woman : "Is that him?" *people gawking at Kyoya and Haruhi* 

Man : "Matches the description."

Woman : "He's a little big to be lost, don't you think?"

Child : "Hey mister, is there something wrong with you?"

Kyoya : "That damn idiot. I'll kill him!" *glares, looking like Namahage again*

Haruhi : *freaks out*

Kyoya : *goes up to the 2nd floor with Haruhi, finding the others* 

Hosts : *turn and see him*

Tamaki : "Kyoya! There you are! We were so worried.. why is Haruhi with you?"

Huni : *goes up, bubbly* "Oh boy, oh boy, Haru-Chan has come to play with us!"

Twins : "Hurray~ Play, play, play, play!"

Haruhi : "I'm sorry guys, but I'm exhausted. It has been a very long day for me."

Tamaki : *laughing* "Stop it!" *his dog is on top of him again as he's on the floor, getting licked* "Quit licking me! That tickles!"

Kyoya : "What's with the dog."

Tamaki : *stands up, picking up the dog* "Isn't she beautiful? I got her at this amazing place they call a pet shop!" *laughs* "Hey, cut it out Antoinette!" *falls over as his dog licks him again*

Kyoya : "Hm.. how exactly am I like this moron?"

Haruhi : "I know you want me to believe your only reasons for helping that woman earlier were selfish ones, but that isn't actually the truth. Because from where we were standing, there's no way you could've seen her ring. There was a flag blocking our view. It just doesn't make sense, you go to all that trouble acting like you're such a big jerk when being a nice guy comes so naturally to you." *looks at him* "It seems counterintuitive." *smiles slightly and walks off*

Kyoya : *smiles slightly* "Hm.." *turns to watch her* "That's a very intruiging notion in it's own way."

INTRO

Haruhi : "Hey! What's going on?! Who is that kid!"

Tamaki : "Ah this outta be good~"

Huni : "You'll have to do better than that Chika-Chan!" 

Haruhi : "Next time, "Chika's 'Down with Huni' Declaration'!"

Tamaki : "The Ouran Host Club will be waiting for you."

Hosts : "We'll see you then!"