"Is Kalix going to be there?"

Hiro looked at me with furrowed brows, confused why I would ask if Kalix will go to his pre-Christmas party because he wouldn't be here for Christmas. Babalik na siya sa Florida. Medyo despedida party na rin daw 'yon para sa kaniya. Pang-ilang despedida party na 'to. 

"I have something I need to return to him," I explained myself. I wouldn't usually ask about the people he invited, so he was confused. 

"Yes, I think he is going to be there. I invited him and his friends," sagot naman ni Hiro. "What is it that you need to return to him?" Chismosong tanong niya.

"It's just a shirt that I borrowed." With that, Hiro didn't ask anymore. 

I laughed by myself, thinking about Luna's reaction once I told her that I already gave the shirt back. Ang sabi niya ay huwag nang ibalik sa kaniya kaya sa may-ari ko na lang ibabalik. 

I wore a simple shirt tucked inside my denim jeans for the rooftop bar party that Hiro organized. I knew it was going to be cold, so I also decided to bring a denim jacket. Hiro and I arrived earlier than the others to check if everything was ready. 

"Hello." Humalik sina Helen at Ericka sa pisngi ko, sunod kay Hiro. Lyle, Neil, and the others also arrived. 

"This way to the table, ladies." I guided them to the table Hiro and I were already occupied. 

"Inom na kaagad, Ciandrei!" sabi ni Ericka, trying to find where the bar was. "We should start early so we could get drunk early."

"Let's take pictures first!" Helen said, having a different priority. 

It was not a formal party and just a simple gathering with free food and drinks so the others also started drinking already upon eating. Marami nang tao kaya hindi na ako nakabalik sa table. I was busy going from table to table because I knew a lot of people. My wild days were already over so ngayon ko na lang ulit sila nakita. 

I was holding a bottle of beer when I saw Kalix on the other table, looking bored. He was with two other guys who were eating. Kalix was already done eating, so he was just looking around with his arms crossed over his chest. I decided to go to him and give him the paper bag with his shirt inside.

"What's this?" nagtatakang tanong niya sa akin. We weren't that close before when Haze introduced us to each other. He was friends with Hiro, so I already knew him. I would also sometimes see him at parties. 

"Your shirt," I answered, which made him more confused.

Pinanood ko kung paano niya silipin ang paper bag at kinuha ang shirt niya sa loob. He looked at the shirt, thinking where he left it. "How did you get this?" seryosong tanong niya sa akin. 

"Luna let me borrow it," I answered honestly.

His grip on the shirt tightened before looking away and placing it inside the paper bag again. It looked like he was concluding a lot of things in his head. 

"I see. You're together now," he said in a monotone. "Didn't she kiss you before?" Tumaas ang kilay niya nang tingnan ako. 

I bit my lower lip and laughed. I couldn't help it. "She did, yes. I'm sorry, bro. I didn't know about your relationship... but we're not together. I'm with her cousin," I admitted. He didn't seem like the type to gossip. 

"Kierra?" Nagsalubong ang kilay niya. I gave him a nod to confirm. "Is she doing alright? How is she?" 

"You know her?" Kumuha ako ng upuan at umupo malapit sa kaniya para makapag-usap kami nang maayos. 

"Of course." He always had no emotion on his face, but this time, he looked like he was feeling a lot. Anger, regret, pain. "The two cannot be separated," he said, talking about Luna and Kierra. 

"I know..." I let out a short laugh, remembering how much Kierra talked about her cousin. She would always include her in her narratives. It was proof that they were together ninety-nine percent of the time. "Kierra is... doing well." 

"That's good." He pursed his lips and sighed. "Take good care of her." 

I couldn't help but smile because I remembered what Luna told me. "You and Luna... are the same. You say the same things. You react the same way." 

He gave me a small smile with a hint of pain. "I don't think so. Luna is very different from me. She's... loud and... she's overflowing with emotions. She radiates good energy, even from afar." Malayo ang tingin niya habang nagsasalita.

Inabutan ko siya ng beer so we could drink together. "Do you still love her?" I teased. 

He just let out a short laugh before getting the bottle out of my hand. "We're already over," he said with finality before drinking through the bottle. That did not really answer my question.

Nakipag-inuman ako sa kaniya saglit pero tumayo rin ako para bumalik kina Hiro. We took some shots before I went to the edge of the rooftop to vape. Sumandal ako sa railings habang dinadama ang hangin. Around thirty minutes later, Kalix followed and also leaned against the railings, nagpapahangin. 

"Smoke?" I asked. I always had a box of cigarettes with me, just in case I would need them kahit hindi na ako nagyoyosi. 

"No, I already quit," sagot niya at tinaas pa ang kamay niya. As I put the box back inside my pocket, my mouth formed a small circle. 

"Good for you." 

I was wondering why he went to me. It looked like he wanted to say something, but he was still contemplating whether he would open his mouth or not. In the end, he just sighed. 

"Do you know Miguel?" he asked me. 

I stiffened. Napatigil ako sa pag-smoke at napalingon sa kaniya. He... knew him, too. I already formed conclusions inside my mind. He probably asked because of Kierra. 

"Yes... He's my classmate in law school." It was almost a whisper. "I don't know much about what happened, but I already have an idea..." 

"Law school, huh..." He scoffed sarcastically. "That asshole had the guts to enter law school." 

I had the same thought. Miguel... was just not capable of feeling guilt. Not capable of losing. Not capable of feeling negative emotions. He couldn't handle them. 

"If you also have things to donate before you leave, place them inside the box," I told Hiro while he was packing his things. I heard from Kierra that Samantha was doing some charity work for Christmas. She encouraged us to donate some clothes, toys, or books we weren't using anymore.

"Kuya, what the fuck," Hiro hissed when Haze put his leather handcuffs in the box.

"What? I never used that. It's a toy," Haze defended himself, getting the handcuffs again because of Hiro's reaction. "Isn't that what the box is for?"

"Toys for kids!" Hiro yelled at him.

"Ah... For kids." Haze shrugged and then threw the handcuffs in my direction. I smoothly caught it with one hand. "It's yours now." 

I kept on laughing while looking at it. "Why do you even have these?" Tinaas ko ang leather handcuffs, coated with fur on the inside so it wouldn't hurt the wrists. 

"It was a gift from a friend. I don't use toys." He scoffed and rolled his eyes. 

"Do I look like I do?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. Bakit sa akin niya binibigay? Why not give it to his brother? Hiro would love that. 

"Honestly, yes," walang pakialam na sagot niya. "And Hiro vows not to have sex again with anyone after Yanna." 

"Shut up," Hiro hissed, glaring at his brother. 

After gathering some more donations, I went to Kierra's place to give her the boxes. In the end, I had to drink with Luna because Kierra didn't want to. I eventually knew I would win with the drinks I bought. Praktisado na ako. 

 "Oy, saan mo na nga dinala 'yong shirt?" She looked so funny. 

"I told you I'd give it back. Na kay Kalix na nga." Ilang beses na niyang tinanong 'yon habang nasa shower si Kierra. She just couldn't accept it. 

Luna got drunk easily, so Kierra and I had the chance to have some alone time. Finally! We planned to watch something today. I even bought a projector so we could watch the movie like we were in a cinema. 

"Why do you always call me by my full name? It sounds weird and tiring." 

"Shan, tubig."

Fuck. My heart just skipped a beat. I stared at her in shock for a few seconds before looking away, trying to stop myself from smiling. Everyone called me Shan. It wasn't a unique nickname, but it sounded so special coming from her. 

"Gusto mong sumama sa amin sa Bataan? We're staying in that resort kung saan kami palaging pumupunta. Sabihin ko kay Mommy!"

For once, I considered celebrating Christmas with another family. I didn't want to celebrate it with Hiro or Acel's family because I felt like it would just be bothersome for them to have me. I wasn't part of their family.

But when Kierra offered, I actually considered going... because I wanted to meet her family. I wanted to meet the family my mom was close with. Maybe... It would feel warmer. 

"Did you book your ticket?" Alfred asked me when I went to the mansion. He asked for me. 

Umiling ako. "I don't want to celebrate Christmas with you and your family." He was asking me to book a ticket to Japan because Elyse wanted to celebrate with me. 

"Mayor Villaflor called..." he started. My attention was immediately directed to him with the mention of that surname. "He mentioned something about you and his son... not being on good terms in law school?" 

"Why would I be friends with the son of that corrupt thief?" I raised a brow. 

"The Mayor is a close friend of mine..." he said under his gritted teeth. "I want to keep a good relationship with him. He is going to run as a governor soon. Establish good connections with his son." 

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "That spoiled... immature man," I whispered, talking about Miguel. He really told his dad that I knew something about him. They would probably keep a close eye on me now. 

"What's funny, Shan?" Alfred's voice sounded mad. I was already getting on his nerves. 

"I don't know. It's just that... You just proved that birds of the same feather flock together." The side of my lips rose. "Abusers, thieves, plunderers, criminals... in one group. I'm sorry, but I will never side with those kinds of people. Keep your 'good relationship' to yourself. You are just friends with them because all of you have corrupted minds." 

"Ciandrei!" he yelled, getting up from his seat. 

"I will do what I want with his son... even if I have to take him down," I hissed under my gritted teeth. 

"This is the only thing I'm asking of you! You really can't do something right, for fuck's sake!" he raised his voice and got the golf club at the side. He pointed it at me. "Maybe you don't know how reality works. You're going to be a lawyer soon enough. You will be forced to pick a side! If you want to live and make money, side with the ones in power-"

"That's what differs us!" I raised my voice, my hand forming a fist. "I side with the people... while you side with the power-hungry. Villaflor... His dad... the son... the uncles... I don't fucking care about your relationship with them! You do not mean anything to me at all!" 

I received a blow on the side of my face, followed by the sound of a broken vase. He hit the vase with his golf club, trying to assert dominance... trying to instill fear. I flinched, but I didn't step back. "I am still your father! I am paying for your fucking law school tuition! You don't have the right to raise your fucking voice at me!"

"You are obliged to support your child. Don't throw that shit against me!" 

My lips parted, and looked over the door when I heard a knock. "Dad? Open the door!" It was Elyse. "Open the door! Now!"

I hurriedly went to the door and opened it. "Just go to your room, Elyse." Ayaw ko siyang madamay. 

My heart almost fell when she went inside to talk to her father. "Why are you hurting him?!" Her voice echoed around the room. 

"Elyse." I grabbed her arm and tried to pull her. I didn't know how much patience Alfred had left with his daughter, but I wouldn't risk Elyse getting hurt. 

"Don't hurt him!" She cried. 

"Please, let's just go..." I begged her. I was about to tear up. I was so nervous... and scared for what could happen to her. 

Dinala ko siya sa balcony para walang makarinig sa amin. Nagpahangin ako, nagpapakalma ng sarili habang umiiyak si Elyse sa tabi ko. 

"Listen, Eli..." I sighed and held her hands. "As long as he's treating you right, you don't have to worry.. but the moment he does something else that could hurt you or.. your mom, just tell me. I'll get you out of that fucking house. Do you hear me?"

"What are you saying?"

"Sumunod ka na lang, okay? If that happens before I can even get a job, don't worry. I'll find a way to keep you away from that old man." 

Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako makakatapos ng law school... I had no idea if I could even get a job in court, let alone pass the BAR exam... but I will try my best. I will use all means to get her out of his sight. I had money from my mom and from the coffee shop. Hindi ko alam kung sapat na to sustain Elyse's needs, but I will try my best if ever I was faced with a situation where I should protect my sister from her dad. 

"What the fuck happened to your face?" Hiro's brows furrowed when he saw the bruise on the side of my face. We were on our way to the airport. Ngayon na ang alis niya. Si Haze, susunod pa lang at uuwi rin pagkatapos ng Christmas dahil sa trabaho. 

"Old man." I rolled my eyes. He already knew what it meant. 

When we arrived at the airport, I helped Hiro with his luggage and let everyone take their turns in saying their goodbyes. After that, he gave me a hug. "Message me when you need anything, or even if you don't," he whispered before letting go. 

I waved until he was already inside the airport. When I couldn't see him anymore, I took my phone out and texted him.

To: Hiro

Take care. I'll see you soon. We'll miss you.

***

[I'll miss you too T___T] 

Iyon ang reply ko kay Luna pagkatapos kong sabihing flight na namin pa-Jeju ngayong araw. Nagbiro siyang mamimiss niya raw ako na para bang ang tagal kong mawawala. 

"Ke, boarding pass, okay na?" Shan kept on asking me while we were getting ready to leave the condo. Nakaayos na kami at dala-dala ko na rin ang maleta ko. Nakasuot lang ako ng hoodie at leggings, tapos coat dahil malamig doon. Ganoon din ang suot ni Shan pero naka-denim jeans siya. 

"May screenshot na ako," sabi ko naman sa kaniya. 

"Wallet, phone, power bank, camera... Passport? Do you have your passport?" He asked while also checking his backpack. 

"Oo, nasa bag ko." Napa-check din tuloy ako. Sa aming dalawa, alam ko nang siya ang responsable pagdating sa travel. He was like a dad! 

"Naka-lock na luggage mo?" Lumuhod siya para tingnan kung maayos ang lock ng luggage ko, sunod naman ang sa kaniya. Inikot-ikot pa niya ulit ang numbers sa lock just to make sure na hindi mabubuksan. "You don't have electronics inside your check-in luggage? Just making sure." 

"Wala, nasa bag ko lahat." Tinuro ko rin ang carry-on luggage ko. "Everything's set! Tara na!" 

He did his last check again on the things he should bring before we got to the car. Nag-book lang kami ng Grab papunta sa airport dahil hassle pa kung magdadala ng sasakyan. Nasa loob na raw ng airport sina Mommy kaya pagkapasok namin, hinanap na lang namin sila. Nakapila sila sa check-in. Si Shan ang naghahatak ng isa kong luggage. 

Pagkatapos sa check-in ay nag-proceed na kami sa immigration. Ang haba ng pila dahil ang daming nagta-travel palabas ng bansa. Sem break kasi ng mga estudyante at holiday naman para sa iba.

Kasama pa rin 'yong iba kong relatives pero 'yong iba ay nagpa-iwan dahil may ibang pupuntahan. Pagkatapos sa immigration ay naghanap muna kami ng kakainan. Buhat-buhat ni Shan ang pinsan kong bata habang nakapila sa order-an. 

"Tita, your order..." Nilapag ni Shan ang tray sa table nina Mommy, tapos sunod naman kina Tita, bago naupo sa table naming dalawa. "And, of course, for my Ayi..." Inabot niya sa akin ang sandwich. 

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya. "Thank you!" 

Matapos kumain ay naglakad-lakad muna kami ni Shan sa loob ng airport para magtingin sa mga stores dahil hindi pa naman boarding. Hatak-hatak niya ang maliit kong carry-on luggage habang naglalakad kami.

"Do you want some snacks? What do you want?" He asked, willing to buy them for me. 

"I want chips!" Tumalon-talon ako habang magkaharap kami, magkadikit ang dalawang palad. His lips formed a lazy smile before caressing my hair and nodding. 

I bit my lower lip when he held my hand and softly pulled me with him to the convenience store. Simula noon ay hindi na niya binitawan ang kamay ko. Parati akong tumitingin doon because he intertwined our hands together. 

Binayaran niya na 'yong mga snacks na binili niya para sa akin at hinayaan akong kumuha ng isa bago niya nilagay sa bag ko. Kinuha ko lang ang chocolate at kinain ko 'yon habang naglalakad kami papunta sa gate na naka-assign for boarding. 

"You want?" Inalok ko sa kaniya ang chocolate at hinayaan siyang kumagat doon. Nag-share na lang kami habang naghihintay ng boarding.

Nang makasakay kami sa eroplano, binuhat na niya ang luggage ko at nilagay sa cabin bago siya umupo sa tabi ko. He really got the seat beside me. Inayos ko ang seatbelt at tumingin sa labas. Window seat kasi ang nakuha ko. 

I took some pictures from the window, and then a selfie with Shan. Tinago ko lang ang phone ko noong umangat na ang eroplano. I watched through the window, amazed. "Wow," bulong ko. "Look, Shan! Ang ganda!" Hinatak ko ang sleeve niya. 

"It is," he said while looking at me before staring outside the window. 

Noong naging stable na ang plane, naramdaman ko na kaagad ang antok. Sinandal ko ang ulo ko sa balikat ni Shan at niyakap ang sarili ko dahil nilalamig. Kinuha naman ni Shan ang coat ko at tinapik ako para tulungan akong isuot 'yon. Nagising tuloy ako at nakasimangot habang sinusuot niya 'yon sa akin. 

Inayos niya 'yong aircon na nakatapat sa akin at sinara. He put his arm around me before leaning my head on his shoulder using his other hand. He softly tapped my shoulders while I closed my eyes, falling asleep.

Nagising ako sa kalagitnaan ng flight pero hindi ko magalaw ang ulo ko dahil nakasandal din sa akin si Shan, natutulog. Dahan-dahan akong umalis kaya nagising siya. "Sleep," sabi ko sa kaniya. Umayos siya ng upo para masandal ang ulo niya sa balikat ko. 

Kinuha ko lang ang snack ko na nilagay ko sa tapat ng upuan para kumain habang nakatingin sa bintana. Pagkatapos kong kumain, sinandal ko na rin ang ulo ko kay Shan at natulog na. Nagising na lang ako noong pa-landing na ang eroplano. 

"It's going to be cold outside," sambit sa akin ni Shan habang sinusuot ang beanie sa ulo ko. "So, you should wear this already."

Tama nga siya at ang lamig pagkalabas namin ng airport. May naghihintay nang van para sa amin papunta sa villa na binook namin. The owner arranged it for us. Hindi na kami nag-hotel at nag-book na lang kami ng magkakatabing villa. Malapit pa kami sa beach. We rented the van and the driver for the trip. My uncle knew how to speak Korean kaya siya ang nag-asikaso. 

May sariling villa ang family namin. Magkasama pa rin sina Mommy at Daddy sa malaking room. Dahil dalawa lang ang kwarto, magkasama kami ni Shan sa isa. Twin bed naman 'yon kaya hindi kami magkatabi. 

Lamig na lamig ako kaya tumakbo na kaagad ako papasok ng kwarto dahil may heater doon. Humiga ako sa sahig dahil may heater din ang floor. Nagulat pa si Shan nang maabutan niya ako roon. Dala-dala niya ang mga bagahe namin. 

"Get up, Ke." Hinawakan niya ang dalawang kamay ko para matulungan akong tumayo. 

Noong gabi, nag-dinner kami sa may labas ng villa. May ihawan doon kaya nag-samgyupsal ang family. Complete pa ang mga ingredients nila, pati ang side dish. Abala ang mga tito ko mag-ihaw, pati si Shan. Ako, nakaupo lang sa gilid, yakap-yakap ang sarili ko at magkadikit ang tuhod dahil nilalamig. Naka-ilang patong na nga ako ng damit. May heat tech sa loob, tapos sweater, tapos jacket, tapos makapal na coat.

Lumapit si Shan sa akin at sinubuan ako noong meat na nasa chopsticks niya. Nilagay niya ang kamay niya sa ilalim ng bibig ko kung sakaling mahuhulog 'yon. "Good?" he asked.

Tumango ako sa kaniya. Napansin niya atang nilalamig ako kaya pumasok siya sa villa saglit. Pagkalabas ay may mga dala-dala na siya. Niluhod niya ang isang tuhod sa harapan ko at nilagay ang scarf sa leeg ko bago tinali nang maayos. Pagkatapos, sinuot niya ulit ang beanie sa ulo ko, at ang gloves sa kamay ko. 

"What a baby," sabi niya nang punasan niya ng tissue ang sipon ko. Dahil sa lamig 'yon. "Just wait here. I'll get you food." 

May maliit na wooden table sa harapan ko at doon nilagay ni Shan ang mga pagkaing nakuha niya bago siya tumabi sa akin. Nasa loob ng coat ko ang dalawang kamay ko. Kumuha ng lettuce si Shan, naglagay ng meat at sauce doon bago sinubo sa akin. Pinunasan pa niya ang tumulong sauce sa baba ko gamit ang daliri niya. Wala man lang siyang gloves. Hindi ba 'to nilalamig?! 

Sinubuan niya ulit ako habang ngumunguya rin siya at puno ang bibig. "Anak, pinapahirapan mo si Shan," pagbibiro ni Daddy nang makita kami. 

"Malamig kasi, Daddy!" reklamo ko sa kaniya. Nagtawanan sila nina Tito. "Fine... Ako na." Ngumuso ako at tinanggal ang gloves ko. 

"No, no. Let me do it." Sinuot ulit sa akin ni Shan ang gloves at pinahawak na lang ako ng kutsara para sa kanin, kung gusto kong kumain noon, o kaya sa soup. Sumimsim ako sa soup para mabawasan ang lamig sa katawan ko. 

Kinabukasan, maaga kaming gumising para pumunta sa mga tourist spots. Pumunta kami sa may museum, tapos kumain, tapos bumili kami ng mga puedeng gamitin para mag-celebrate sa New Year's Eve.

We celebrated New Year's Eve inside the villa. Nakasuot ako ng white hooded jacket, at ganoon din si Shan. We were wearing party hats, at may mga handa rin. Noong countdown na, lumabas kami sa may front yard ng villa para manood ng fireworks at magsindi ng lusis. My mom was holding the camera, taking photos. 

Shan and I tried to form a sentence using the stick habang magkatapat kami. Tumawa siya at lumayo sa akin, holding his stick up. We played with it until we heard the fireworks from afar. Tumingala kami at nanood. 

"Happy new year!" sigaw namin pagkatapos ng countdown. Gising na gising pa ang mga bata kong pinsan at nagtatakbuhan doon. Malaki kasi ang front yard. Gumawa naman ng bonfire sina Daddy. Nakaupo sila, pinapaligiran 'yon at nagpapainit ng mga kamay. 

Nagpaalam ako kay Mommy na maglalakad-lakad kami ni Shan. I was hopping with joy while holding his hand and walking. Paakyat 'yon. Walang mga sasakyan. Busy ang lahat mag-celebrate ng New Year. May nadaanan pa kaming field of flowers. Pumitas siya ng isang bulaklak na nakalitaw sa bakod at binigay sa akin. 

"Thank you!" Nilagay ko ulit 'yon sa tainga ko habang naglalakad. "This is so fun, right?" tanong ko sa kaniya nang maupo kami sa may wooden bench, nagpapahinga. 

"Are you enjoying it a lot?" he softly said while putting some of my hair behind my ear so he could see me. 

"Yes." Lumingon ako sa kaniya at ngumiti. "I'm happy." 

He stared at me before looking away, startled by the sound of the fireworks. Mayroon ulit! Tumayo ako at tumingin sa taas, pinanood ang fireworks sa malayo. Tumingala rin si Shan, nakatayo na ngayon sa tabi ko. The colors of the fireworks reflected on his face. Nang mapansin niyang sa kaniya ako nakatingin, tiningnan niya ako pabalik at ngumiti. 

"Happy new year," bati ko sa kaniya. 

Humarap siya sa akin at hinawakan ang pisngi ko. "Happy new year, Ayi," he greeted me back. Nag-init ang pisngi ko sa pangalang tinawag niya sa akin. His face was also inches away from mine. Halos marinig ko na ang pagtibok ng puso ko. 

"Masaya akong kasama kita. Thank you," sabi ko sa kaniya. I couldn't thank him enough for the things he did for me.

He stared at me for a long time before leaning to give me a soft kiss. I closed my eyes and held the hand he was using to hold my face. It was short and gentle. It was almost like a feather touched my lips. 

"I keep on falling over and over again," he whispered. 

________________________________________________________________________________

:)