"You took so much care of me that night. Are you sure you don't like me? Not even a bit?" 

I scratched the side of my face and looked away, letting out a frustrated sigh. This was what I hated the most. How vulnerable some people were, liking the taste of simple care. Pakitaan mo ng kaunting pakialam, mahuhulog na. 

"I take care of everyone I fuck with," I told her with no emotion on my face and just coldly stared at her. "You're not special."

My face moved to the side when she slapped me so hard I couldn't hear for a second. I poked my tongue on the insides of my cheek to see if it will hurt. I winced and massaged my jaw, getting more annoyed. 

I stood up and got my things so I could go to another table where I wouldn't get distracted while studying. When I was about to walk, I met a pair of familiar eyes. She even tried to avoid me by acting like she didn't see me. Too late. I already moved the chair so I could sit in front of her. 

"Pahiram, ah..." I got her iced americano and put it on my cheek to minimize the swelling. Iced americano. Her usual order. I somehow already memorized her orders. I assumed she was always in my coffee shop, but we had never seen each other here before for some reason. 

"What did you do?" She was finally asking me questions. Did she become interested in my life o gusto niya lang talaga makichismis sa away kanina? 

"She asked me if we could date, and I said 'no, it was just a one-night stand for me,' then she slapped me and walked out. End of a tragic story." I lied. That wasn't how the conversation went, but I didn't have to go into details. She wouldn't be interested in knowing how I coldly refused the woman and how annoyed I got. 

I started studying, which I was supposed to do kanina pa. I just got distracted by two women. One slapped me in the face, and the other one was talking to me like I was the last one on her list of favorite people. Oh, I might not even be on the list. 

I took my studies more seriously when I went to law school. I started changing my study habits to remember things better for the recitation. I started color-coding and putting post-it notes on the important pages. Giving up on my readings was never an option if I didn't want to get roasted the next class. Sometimes, I would get lucky for not being called on cases I only read the digest of. Not every day was my lucky day. I needed to work harder. Smarter. 

My phone beeped again. Arman asked if I wanted to go to a house party with them. Funny how I used to host them before by renting available houses but now, it was so hard to convince me to go. 

[Hindi ka talaga pupunta, bro?] 

"No, I won't attend the party tonight. I'm on a date." I gave Kierra a wink, and she acted so disgusted, which made me laugh a bit. 

[Hinahanap ka ng ex-fling mo, bro! Kami pa kinukulit! She's so mad and wants to break things. Nasaan ka ba?] 

"My ex-fling? Which one?" Tumayo ako at naglakad paalis para hindi marinig ni Kierra ang pinag-uusapan namin. 

[I don't know her name! Maybe Amanda? Or Aneisha? She keeps on cursing you, bro! Ano bang ginawa mo?]

I massaged my temples and told him I'd be on my way before the call ended. Bumalik na lang ako sa table at kinuha ang mga libro ko. I wrote a post-it note and stuck it on Kierra's forehead before walking away, leaving a smile on my face. 

When I arrived at the party, Andy, that was her nickname, was already seated on the grass, just right in front of the house. She had a bottle of vodka in her hand and looked like she had too much alcohol. I casually sat in front of her and raised one knee. She sarcastically laughed when she looked at me and put the bottle down. 

"You wanted to see me?" I asked so she would get to the point. I still had to study. She shouldn't waste my time like this.

"You know, I really liked you the first time I saw you in the club. You treated me with so much care and respect... I thought you liked me, too. I expected you to call me after that night, but you never did. You also ignored my texts and calls. Did you block my contact?" she asked, obviously drunk. 

"There was nothing special about it. It was the bare minimum."

"You kissed me, called me gorgeous, held my hand. We were intimate." She looked at me with hope. "You really didn't feel anything?" 

"It was physical intimacy. You will meet another man who will provide you with both physical and emotional intimacy while also giving you respect and care. It's not me." I pat her head before standing up and lending my hand. 

She rolled her eyes before holding my hand so she could get up, too. Kinuha ko iyong bote ng vodka para hindi na niya inumin. "If you're a commitment type of person, go for another partner that matches your energy, and don't waste your time on people who don't... like me." 

"I didn't know you're such an expert in love," she said, teasing. 

"Trust me. I know nothing about it." I laughed and put my hand on her shoulder so I could guide her inside the house and find her friends. They would take care of her. 

I apologized when I bumped into someone's shoulder while I was on my way upstairs. Natapon pa iyong hawak niyang baso. "Oh... Shan! You're here, too?" He gave me a smirk. 

"Miguel," I greeted him with a blank face. I wasn't a bit fascinated seeing him here. I pulled Andy closer to me in a defensive stance. 

"You know him?" tanong ni Andy sa akin nang mapansing napahinto kami. 

"My classmate in law school," sagot ko sa kaniya. "Let's go." 

I eventually went home that night to study and just had around four hours of sleep before I had to work again. That was always my routine. Minsan, babawi na lang ako ng tulog kapag weekend. Hindi ako papasok sa trabaho. Gagawa ako ng sarili kong day-off. 

"Good-" I stopped when I saw her pale face. Her dark circles were also more visible today, like she didn't have enough sleep... or did she even sleep? "Are you okay?" She looked like she would fall with one push of a finger. 

"One iced americano." Coffee? Really? 

"I don't think you need coffee today..." I worriedly said. "You know what you need? Sleep."

"I don't want to sleep." So I was right.

I was about to ask why but I just stopped myself since I wasn't in the position to ask about her private life. I was a very curious person. I always wondered about the reasons behind someone's actions. Maybe I would overanalyze them sometimes, but it would feed my curiosity. There will always be a reason why people would act the way they did, but not every reason was valid. The feeling of knowing satisfied me... but I still knew my boundaries. 

"Pay later," I told her because I wouldn't even bother making her coffee. I would make her another drink without caffeine. Something that will calm her mind. 

I went to her table to serve her a drink but noticed that she was sleeping and making weird noises like how she did before. I placed the tray on another table before kneeling on her side so I could hear what she was whispering. 

"Huwag... Please. Tama na muna..." I could almost not understand it. 

"Kierra, hey." I tapped her shoulder so she would wake up. She was sensitive, so she immediately sat and stared at me with shock and fear in her eyes. 

Her hands were shaking, and she was tearing up. I knew she was scared, so I put my hands up to show that I wasn't touching her anymore, but she was shaking so badly that I wanted to hold her hand, hoping she would feel safer in my warmth. 

"We're in the coffee shop. You're okay..." She was confused, so I had to tell her that she was already out of the dream. "Breathe with me... Slowly... Slowly... Close your eyes. You're safe here, okay? Listen... Breathe in... Hold..."

When I was about to leave, she tightened the grip on my hand, which put me to a complete stop. I waited until she was calmer and ready to talk or to move. I had so many questions in my head, but again, I wasn't in the place to ask. She will just be forced to relive the nightmare she just had. 

"I don't want to go home yet. Let's go somewhere else."

I didn't know where to take her. I preferred a place I never went to with other people. Places that felt like mine. I would go to places I wanted to be alone or when I wanted peace. There was a place in my mind, but it was too far. 

But she also needed sleep. Long drives would be good for her. It will give her longer sleep. 

"We're in Bataan." I was surprised she knew this place without checking the signs. "Don't tell me you know that this is my dad's province? Are you stalking me?"

Her dad's province? 

"Funny. This is where my mom and I lived before." I made a mistake. I shouldn't have mentioned my mom. 

"Bakit kayo lumipat?" 

"Ako lang ang lumipat." I could barely answer. How could I tell her that my mom and my stepdad died while they were on the way home after I convinced them to let me study in Manila? That they died because they had to go and fix my enrollment for me. I didn't want her pity. 

"Iniwan mo mom mo rito?"

I just smiled and pulled on her hair tie so she would get distracted and forget that she asked that question. It worked. 

But I just saw her differently. I could see her face clearly as the wind blew her long hair backwards. Everything about her face was perfectly shaped and arranged. Strong and brave eyes, shaped eyebrows, perfect nose, and lips. She also had a nice smile, which I rarely saw. 

"Ikaw lang ang available," she said while eating noodles. 

"No, Kierra. You're wrong. I'm not available..." I shook my head. "I made myself available. There's a difference." 

I kept getting calls from Neil because I ditched another party again. I told them hahabol ako pero hindi na ako pumunta. Instead, I drove four hours just to get here. When we were on our way back, she was also asleep. 

"Good. Just sleep," I told her while driving. I even checked if she was having a nightmare again, but she seemed more peaceful than earlier. "You've been through a lot. Take a rest." 

***

"Take a rest, Kierra. Don't force yourself." 

When I opened my eyes, I was already in my room with Samantha seated on my desk chair. Hindi ko maalala kung paano ako napunta rito. Ang huling natatandaan ko, yakap-yakap ako ni Sam dahil... 

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Ever since that incident... I never saw him again. I wished that we would never cross paths again. "I thought... I was getting over it," bulong ko kay Samantha. "I was starting to go back to my normal life... Akala ko okay na ako. Akala ko... kaya ko na. Bakit ganito?" 

"Healing is not linear, love." She faced me and gave me a genuine and comforting smile. "Not because you're getting hurt again or you're feeling those emotions again, you went back to square one. Your progress was still progress." 

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa mga kamay ko. Kanina ko pa kinakalikot ang daliri ko. Nakita kong may nilagay na band aid si Luna roon para hindi magsugat. She already knew me well. 

"Kailan ba magtutuloy-tuloy? Ayaw ko na ng ganito, Sam. Ang hirap ng ganito," mahinang sabi ko. 

Napatingin ako sa pinto nang may pumasok ulit at naglapag ng tray sa may study desk ko. Bumuntong-hininga si Via at umupo sa tabi ko. "Anong nararamdaman mo?" mahinahong tanong niya at hinawakan pa ang noo ko. Nilagnat ba ako? "Okay, bumaba na temperature mo. Uminom ka ng tubig." 

My memories were clouded. Hindi ko maintindihan kung paano sila nakarating dito... kung paano ako nakarating dito. Did I pass out? 

"You slept in the car after crying too much," Sam explained. "Luna and I couldn't carry you by ourselves, so we called-"

"Via, mali! Pagkain ko 'yan, gagi! Hindi 'yan 'yong kay Kierra! Akin 'yang burger na may bacon, eh!" Napatingin ulit ako sa pinto nang pumasok si Sevi para bawiin iyong tray na nilapag ni Via. Nang makita niya ako, ngumiti siya sa akin at kumaway. "Ano, tol? Kumusta?" 

"Ano ba 'yan, Sevi, pati pagkain ipinagdadamot pa. Walang consideration," sabi ni Luna sa labas ng kwarto. 

"Huh?! Totoo namang akin 'yon, ha?! Ito kay Kierra, 'yong may gulay!" 

"Hoy, Sevi, kulang 'yong in-order mo! Ang sabi ko meal kaya dapat may fries. Ano ba 'yan! Simpleng gawain, hindi magawa. Nakaka-disappoint!" Narinig ko rin ang sigaw ni Arkin sa labas bago sumilip sa may kwarto. "Hi!" bati niya sa akin. Hindi ko na nakikita 'to, ah. 

Napahawak ako sa ulo ko at umiling sa kanila bago humiga ulit. For some reason, I smiled to myself. I could hear them arguing. Dapat mainis ako pero napangiti na lang ako because I liked their presence. Having them around me made me feel safe. 

"Ang ingay n'yo. Doon kayo sa labas magsigawan." Tinulak-tulak sila ni Via paalis ng kwarto. Tumayo rin si Sam at inabutan ako ng tubig bago sumunod sa labas para makapagpahinga raw ako. 

Napapikit ako at tinakip ang braso ko sa mga mata ko. Napaayos lang ulit ako ng upo nang maalala ko si Ciandrei. Kinuha ko ang phone ko at nakita kong marami siyang text at tawag, tinatanong kung nasaan ako o kung nakauwi ba ako. Nakita kong may recent call activity pero hindi naman ako ang sumagot noon. Baka si Sam. Pagkatapos noon, isang text na lang ang sinend niya. 

From: Ciandrei

I'm sorry for not finding you fast enough. Still, you'll feel safer in your friends' touch. 

Take a lot of rest. 

Binalik ko na kaagad sa side table ang phone ko nang hindi nagre-reply. Napakagat ako sa labi ko para pigilan ang mga luha ko. They knew each other. I didn't know that getting closer with him also meant getting closer to Miguel. I shouldn't... I shouldn't associate myself with him anymore. Hindi ko kayang makita si Miguel ulit. Hindi ko kakayanin. Baka lumala lang ako. 

But avoiding him was harder than I thought it would be. Everything just became more complicated. Hindi na ulit ako makalabas nang walang kasama. Hindi na ulit ako mapakali kapag nasa labas ako. Tinatanggihan ko lahat ng labas o inom, unless alam kong saglit lang at kasama ko si Luna. 

Umupo ako sa bench sa tapat lang ng UST field. Nakaupo lang ako roon at pinapanood ang mga tao, pati ang araw na palubog na sa likod nila. Uwian na ng mga estudyante habang ako, nakaupo pa rin, natatakot umuwi dahil wala pa si Luna. 

May mga nagte-training ng football. May ibang naglalakad lang sa field, may ibang nakatambay. Pinanood ko lang iyong mga estduyante at sinubukang isipin kung ano kaya mga pinagdaanan nila ngayong araw. 

Naisip ko lang bigla na lahat ng tao may pinagdadaanan... tapos hindi walang nakakaalam. Katulad ko. 

"Gusto mo?" Napalingon ako kay Theo nang alukin niya ako bigla ng graham balls na nasa iisang container. Ngumiti siya sa akin at umupo sa tabi ko pagkatapos ibaba ang bag niya sa may gilid. 

"Budol ba 'to? Baka pagbayarin mo ako pagkatapos, ha," natatawang sabi ko sa kaniya. Tumusok siya ng isa gamit iyong maliit na tinidor at tinapat sa bibig ko. Wala na akong choice kung hindi kainin 'yon. "Wow, saan galing 'to?"

"Binili ko sa mga SHS students na nagbebenta." Ngumisi siya, mukhang proud sa ginawa niya. Kinuha ko ang tubig ko at uminom habang siya ay sumubo ng isang graham ball. "Kumusta? May hinihintay ka?"

"Si Luna... Gusto ko nang umuwi pero may meeting pa siya. Wala nga lang akong kasama," sabi ko sa kaniya. "Inaantok na ako kakahintay." Wala na naman akong tulog kakaaral... at dahil mas napapadalas na ang bangungot simula noong nakita ko siya ulit. Pupunta na ako sa doktor na ni-recommend ni Sam ngayong weekend dahil hindi ko na kaya ang walang tulog. 

"May meeting din ako na pupuntahan pero kung wala pa rin si Luna pagkatapos noon, puwede kitang ihatid," pag-alok niya sa akin.

Napangiti na lang ako nang tipid bago sinandal ang ulo ko sa balikat niya. Pumikit ako at dinama ang hangin sa mukha ko. I felt him freeze for a second but he eventually relaxed. Ingat na ingat siyang gumalaw.

"Sorry, pasandal lang muna. Inaantok na ako..." mahinang sabi ko. 

"Matulog ka muna." Naramdaman kong inalis niya iyong buhok na tumatakip sa mukha ko. Masyado ring maliwanag ang araw kahit nakapikit ako pero nawala rin kaagad 'yon. Nang idinilat ko ang isa kong mata, nakita kong tinatakpan niya ang mga mata ko mula sa sinag ng araw gamit ang kamay niya.

Pumikit na lang ulit ako at nagpahinga. Hindi ko namalayang nakatulog na pala ako. Nang dumilat ako ay nakalubog na ang araw at bukas na ang mga ilaw sa UST. Napaayos kaagad ako ng upo at tumingin kay Theo na nasa tabi ko pa rin. Ang tagal ko palang nakasandal sa balikat niya. 

"Sorry! May meeting ka pa, 'di ba?! Late ka na!" nag-aalalang sabi ko sabay tingin sa relo ko. 

"Okay lang! Na-cancel naman 'yong meeting!" sabi niya sa akin at ngumiti pa.

"Paanong hindi maka-cancel, ikaw 'yong President at wala ka, ugok!" Nagulat ako nang may biglang bumatok sa kaniya. Mark Castillo. Tropa rin nina Sevi sa engineering. 

"Ta'ntado ka, kanina ka pa namin hinahanap sa meeting. Nandito ka lang pala!" Binatukan din siya ni Sevi. Napahawak si Theo sa batok niya at tumayo na para lumayo sa dalawa. 

"Hala, sorry. Dapat ginising mo ako." Kinuha ko na ang mga gamit ko. 

"Hinahanap ka ni Luna kanina pa. Tara, uwi na tayo." Umakbay sa akin si Sevi at tinangay na ako paalis. "Huwag ka nang sumama, Theo! Ulol!" Tinaas pa niya ang middle finger niya sa ere habang naglalakad kami paalis. 

"Uuwi na rin naman ako, ah! Doon din ang sakay ko!" Humabol si Theo kaya naglakad na kami papunta sa sakayan. Dinaanan lang namin si Luna sa may coffee shop. Doon sila nag-meeting.

Sumama na sa amin si Sevi sa jeep pauwi hanggang sa mahatid niya kami sa may lobby ng condo kahit sasakay ulit siya pabalik. Gabi na raw kasi kaya sinamahan na niya kami pauwi. 

"Kain muna tayo," aya ni Luna. "Walang dinner sa condo, eh." 

"Tara, saan?" Ang bilis magdesisyon ni Theo. 

Bandang huli, doon kami napunta sa restaurant na malapit lang din sa condo. Japanese food doon at sabi ni Luna, nakakain na siya roon dati. Masarap naman daw kaya napapayag niya kami.

"Kapag ito, hindi masarap, ha," pagbabanta pa ni Sevi habang namimili ng order. "Ikaw ang magbabayad ng order ko." 

"Mas masarap pa 'to sa luto ng Mama mo," sabi ni Luna, walang pakialam. 

"Isusumbong kita kay Mama." 

"Joke lang. Love ko kaya si Tita!" bawi kaagad ni Luna sabay tingin sa akin. "Ikaw, Ke? Anong order mo? Okay ka lang ba rito?" 

Tumango ako sa kaniya bago tinuro ang ramen na order ko. Si Theo, nakaupo sa tapat ko at nagso-solve ng kung ano man 'yon na nasa libro. "Mali-mali ka naman, eh," pag-epal na naman ni Sevi. 

"Hindi kaya. Zero 'to, tapos ito-" Hindi na natuloy ni Theo dahil kinuha ni Sevi ang ballpen niya at sinolve iyong problem. Ang bilis ng kamay niya na para bang saulo niya lahat ng formula. Pagkatapos, binilugan niya iyong mali ni Theo. 

"Undefined 'yan, hindi zero," turo ni Sevi. "Tingnan mo ulit 'yong given. Huwag ka na kasing mag-solve dito! Kakain na nga, eh! Nagpapanggap ka pa sa harap ni Ke." 

Tumaas ang isang kilay ko, kasabay ng pagsama ng tingin ni Theo kay Sevi. Nang dumating ang pagkain, tumigil na rin silang dalawa. Pinapalamig ko pa ang ramen ko kaya hindi pa ako kumakain... pero mukhang nawalan na rin ako ng gana nang makita kung sino ang pumasok sa restaurant. 

Ciandrei was with his friends. Isang babae, isang lalaki. The girl was tall with a long wavy hair dyed in the color honey blonde. Iyong lalaki, matangkad din at may nakasabit na vape sa leeg. Pagkapasok pa lang niya, nagtama na ang tingin namin pero umiwas kaagad siya at lumingon sa mga kaibigan niya. 

"Let's go to another restaurant," sabi niya kaagad sa dalawa at hinarangan pa ang dadaanan. "It's... hot here." 

"Why? I told you, I like this restaurant," sabi ng babae. "Huwag nang maarte, Shan! I'm so hungry!"

"Dumayo pa tayo rito, bro. Tara na!" Tinulak siya noong lalaki papasok. Napabuntong-hininga si Ciandrei at umupo sa malayong table. 

Hindi ako makakain nang maayos kakatingin sa table nila. Napabalik na lang ako sa katinuan nang hinawakan ni Theo ang baba ko. "Kain na, Ke," sabi niya sa akin. "Ang lamig na ng ramen." 

"Hindi ako masyadong gutom..." sabi ko sa kaniya at ngumiti.

"Ayos! Akin na lang!" Kukuhanin na sana ni Sevi nang hampasin ni Luna ang kamay niya. "Ano?!" 

"Kumain ka, Ke. Hindi puwedeng hindi kumakain," sermon niya kaagad sa akin. Napanguso ako at sinubukang kumain pa rin kahit wala akong gana. 

Ciandrei never glanced at our table like he didn't know me. Iyon naman dapat ang gusto ko pero parang... hindi ako natutuwa. I wanted to avoid him so bad but I didn't want him to avoid me. Naguguluhan na rin ako. 

No... Ciandrei will just bring danger to me. Wala nang iba. It wasn't good to be involved with him in the first place. Alam ko na 'yon noong una pa lang. 

Ang pinagtataka ko lang ay tinanong ko si Sam kung alam niyang magkakilala si Ciandrei at Miguel at ang sabi niya ay kahit kailan hindi niya nakitang magkasama iyong dalawa. She even looked disgusted and mad while saying Miguel's name. 

"Ayaw ko na," sabi ko at tinulak na ang bowl palayo sa akin.

"Wala pa sa kalahati," nag-aalalang sabi ni Theo. 

"Ayaw mo na? Oh, Sevi, kainin mo na." Inabot ni Luna ang pagkain ko kay Sevi.

"Wala na, busog na ako! Too late, chocolate." Nag-inat pa si Sevi saka tinapik-tapik ang tiyan niya. 

Nagmamadali na akong umuwi dahil ayaw ko nang makita si Ciandrei. Ayaw ko nang makita kung paano niya hindi pagtuonan ng pansin ang presensya ko na parang napakadali lang sa kaniya. Sana ganoon lang din kadali sa aking iwasan siya. After that incident, he never texted me or called me. Dapat masaya ako dahil mas mapapadali lang ang paglayo ko pero hindi ko alam kung bakit nag-aabang pa rin ako. 

"Tara na," aya ni Luna. Tumayo na kaming lahat at tinulungan naman ako ni Theo dalhin ang gamit ko. Umakbay pa siya sa akin habang palabas kami para hindi ako maiwan. 

Kinabukasan, bago pumasok ay sinamahan muna ako ni Luna bumili ng kape. Umasa na lang akong hindi ko siya makikita roon pero kapag minamalas nga naman, naroon siya sa counter. Pumunta pa naman si Luna saglit sa kabilang store para bumili ng illustration board. 

"Good morning," bati niya. His voice was formal and cold. "Iced americano?" tanong niya nang hindi nakatingin sa akin. 

"Yes, at isang latte." Nakatingin lang ako sa kamay niyang pumipindot doon sa screen. 

"Bread?" he suggested. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko kaya tumango na lang ako sa kaniya. Pagkatapos noon, hindi na siya nagsalita at pinakita lang sa akin kung magkano ang babayaran ko. 

Pagkabayad ko ay naghintay na ako sa waiting counter habang abala siyang gawin ang kape ko. He looked okay. He looked fine. Walang bakas ng kalungkutan sa kaniya. Mukhang maayos din ang tulog niya. We were back to treating each other like strangers again right after making progress. 

Was he really serious about me, or did he finally realize that I was a handful and he couldn't handle someone like me? Or maybe... I believed his lies again. Nevertheless, I avoided him first, so he couldn't take all the blame. 

"Here's your order, Ma'am." Inabot niya sa akin ang cup holder. Pagkatapos ay umalis na kaagad siya at tinanggal ang apron niya. Tapos na yata siyang magtrabaho. 

Kinuha ko na ang order ko at umupo sa may table malapit sa pintuan para hintayin si Luna roon. Ciandrei went out of the staff room with his things. Nakasuot na siya ng dress shirt at slacks para pumasok sa school. May leather shoulder bag din siyang nakasabit sa isang balikat. Iyong isang kamay naman niya ay may hawak na makapal na libro. 

Tuloy-tuloy lang siyang naglakad at nilagpasan ako. Ni hindi niya ako tiningnan kahit nakatingin ako sa kaniya. Napabuntong-hininga ako at minasahe ang sentido ko. Tama na, Kierra. This would be for the better. 

Napadukmo na lang ako sa lamesa at mahinang inuntog ang noo ko roon dahil sa sobrang inis sa sarili ko. Napaayos lang ako ng upo nang biglang tumunog ang phone ko. 

From: Ciandrei

Don't hurt your head. 

Napatitig ako roon nang matagal bago lumingon sa labas. I saw him getting inside his car and driving away. Sakto namang dumating si Luna kaya naglakad na kami sa may sakayan ng jeep. 

Nakatulala lang ako habang nakasakay kami, iniisip kung bakit hanggang ngayon, may nararamdaman akong kung ano sa tiyan ko pagkatapos mabasa iyong message na 'yon. 

It confused me a lot. Natakot ako... para sa sarili ko. Natakot ako dahil... baka... ito na naman. 

"Luna..." Mahina kong hinatak ang dulo ng blouse niya habang nasa jeep kami. Lumingon kaagad siya sa akin, nagtataka. "Natatakot ako sa nararamdaman ko. Ano'ng gagawin ko?" 

________________________________________________________________________________

:)