My father was reluctant to let me sit outside after my little episode last night. There had been no way to talk myself out of the predicament I'd found myself in so I hadn't. I'd kept my mouth shut despite my parent's protests. I mean, what could I tell them? That I hate myself more and more with every day that passes? That I can barely stomach to look at my reflection? That it kills me a little inside every time I have to see myself trapped and confined to this dreaded thing that's done nothing but destroy my life?

Yeah, no chance.

If I hadn't begged to be let outside today I'd be sitting in the suffocating house all day with my mother. I can barely handle her excessive fussing as it is during the morning and evening.

I can only imagine how bad it'd be during the day on a weekend.

"Hey." A voice pulls me from my thoughts. I look up and up and up until my eyes meet mystery guys. The surprise that flickers within me must be clear because he smiles at it. I honestly hadn't thought I'd see him again after yesterday. People don't usually stay around when they discover I can't walk.

The memories of childhood friends start to surface. Outstretched hands. Smiling faces. Laughing eyes. Backs that get smaller and smaller.

I swallow the lump that forms in my throat as I push the memories to the darkest corners of my mind. It does me no good to remember them.

"Hey," I replied and he seems to take that as an invitation to sit down. My eyes roll before I look away from mystery guy and to the scenery that I've burned into my mind a thousand times over by now.

The sun is out again today, bathing everything it can in its light and heat. I've been reduced to fanning myself off and on because there's no relief even in the shade. I sit in silence with mystery guy until it becomes unbearable.

"So, what's your name? You never introduced yourself yesterday." I asked glancing at him. My eyes clash with his and my heart stutters at the sudden contact. His lips tip up with a smile that takes over his entire face, making him more handsome than I originally thought.

No. You can't.

I bite down on the inside of my cheek.

"Oh, are you actually showing an interest in me? I'm flattered. The name's Christopher, though I prefer Chris."

I grunt at that and rest my chin on my hand as I look away, a blush dusting my cheeks. I blame it on the heat and not Chris's radiant smile.

Chris.

The name runs through my thoughts alongside a picture of his face. My cheeks burn more at the smile I picture. A smile directed at me.

Stop. He'll leave soon anyway and when he does, it's not like you can chase after him.

"Chris, huh," I said as I listen to my thoughts. "Well, my name's Sandra. Just call me Sandy." I catch him nod out of the corner of my eye and that smile he still wears must be contagious because I find the corners of my mouth tipping up just an inch.

Chris, huh?

"So you have a wheelchair, right?"

The question catches me off guard and the happy mood I'd found myself slipping into falls away. I start chewing on the inside of my cheek.

Of course.

My smile loses the inch it'd gained.

Why would he be any different from the rest?

"Yeah," I muttered, hating how easy it is for me to become like this now. Bitter and angry at the world.

"Then, why haven't I see it out here at all?"

Because I like living in denial.

I sigh, already tired of this conversation. It's not fair, I know, to get annoyed by the questions. People are curious beings.

People are cruel beings.

It just gets repetitive over time.

"I only ever come out here to sit and enjoy the day so I don't need my wheelchair."

I don't want to look at it any more than I have to.

"Before my dad leaves in the morning he brings me out. When he gets home he takes me inside to my wheelchair." I look behind us to the closed front door, picturing how it looks beyond that. The hairs on the back up my neck stand up on end and I look forward once more.

It sits right inside the door as if stalking me.

"I enjoy the weather so I don't mind being out here all day." My eyes glance over at Chris and he's studying the sky as if it's the most interesting thing in the world. After a moment of silence, he asks,

"What about school? I've never seen you in ours."

I nod and pick up a pebble on the ground beside me. Turning it over in my hands I remember back to those days in middle school. The whispers behind my back. The annoyance in their eyes when I asked for help. The constant staring.

"I'm homeschooled. It's just easier in the long run." I leave it at that, not wanting to go into the details of everything I went through in public school. It wasn't a very good time. Chris doesn't ask for anything more after that and we fall into a comfortable silence. This time around, I don't feel any type of need to break it.

I always enjoy sitting on my own. When I'm alone I don't have to worry about peoples eyes or their thoughts. There's no need to worry about proving I don't need them.

Every once in a while, though,

My thought pauses and I look up at the sky, closing my eyes as a breeze blows past.

Every once in a while it's nice having someone here.

I jump when I hear Chris's phone go off and look towards him. His eyes are glued to the screen and his fingers are moving at a lightning speed as he types away. Curiosity gets the better of me and I lean over to get a better look.

"Talking to a friend?" I questioned. Chris's eyes dart to me before going back to the screen. Something inside me tightens.

Of course. He's got more going on than I do. He's not bound to certain places.

"More like trying to reschedule a time to hang out. My friend, Mikey, just got a girlfriend so it's been difficult to hang out recently." His eyes dart to me once more before he cautiously says, "She's kind of...sick so he spends a lot of time with her." I move out of his personal space and back into my own.

"Well, at least he's caring for her while she's sick. That's nice of him." Chris is silent, conflict running amok in his blue eyes before saying,

"Yeah, I guess it is." It's clear there's more he wants to say, but he remains quiet. It irks me a little.

Just because I'm in a wheelchair doesn't mean I'm not a good listener. It doesn't mean you can't confide in me. Just because my legs don't work doesn't mean that my head doesn't work.

I freeze up at my thoughts and my stomach turns over in disgust. My arms wrap around my middle and a lump forms in my throat.

God. What am I thinking? Why am I taking everything to heart? Have I really become this thing filled with nothing but hate and anger?

"Do you ever blink?" Chris's question pulls me from my thoughts and I notice that he's smiling. "I swear you haven't blinked once since I met you yesterday."

Not everyone is the same as those in the past.

My eyes scan his face. His soft looking blonde hair. Those beautiful blue eyes. The smile he always seems to wear.

How can I know that?

"Not when you're looking."

A thoughtful look crosses those baby blues as he glances towards a tree in my front yard. Ever so slowly that thoughtful look turns mischievous and his eyes meet mine once more. The look sends chills up my spine and has my heart rate speeding up.

You take the hand and risk the fall.

Chris's outstretched hand from yesterday appears in my mind. Alongside his all the ones before it appears. Each one of them pulling away as I reach out.

What if I don't want to risk that fall again?

"That sounds like a challenge, Sandy."

Then you'll never move past these steps. You'll continue to be trapped by the thing you call a monstrosity. By the thing that's turned you into a monstrosity.

One by one all the hands once held out to me disappear until only one remain. Those blue eyes continue to meet mine. That smile continues to face me and, ever so wary, I reach out my hand.

Don't let me fall, Chris.

I smile and stroke my chin like an evil mastermind.

"Maybe it is one, Chris."

Please.

For a moment I think he's about to take me up on my challenge.

Please.

Instead, he stands up and tucks his phone into his pocket as he says,

"Well, that challenge will have to be put on hold for today."

Please, Chris.

"I've got things to do. See you tomorrow, Sandy."

I watch as he walks away and my smile turns sad as I feel one and then two and then three tears travel down my face. I look down at my legs and run my hand over them as I whisper,

"Don't leave me alone."