All is dark on the set.  Then suddenly, overhead lights snap on, flashy, upbeat music begins to play, and two young women walk elegantly towards the camera.  Well, one does.  The other tries a swagger, trips on the hem of her gown, and falls flat on her face.  Three guesses on whom that is...

"Storm, you idiot!"  The first one hisses, "We're live!"

"Geez, sorry, Kat!"  The second grumbles, "I'm not used to wearing this thing, you know!"  

"I told you to wear the periwinkle-colored chiffon, but nooo!  You just had to wear the raspberry double-brushed poly, didn't you?!!  Amateur!"  Kat sniffs.  Then she helps her pitiful friend up.  "-What are you used to wearing, then?"

Storm grins.  "I'm so glad you asked, Sis!"  She rips off her gown, much to Kat's horror, 'but the fine stitching!' and underneath...

"What in the world..?"  Kat mutters.

Storm is now wearing a long-sleeved ruffled blouse, an outrageously sparkly bolero, and clashing bell-bottom pants with yet more sparkles.  She spins around, and she's suddenly wearing cat-eyed glasses and a massive sombrero decorated with many sequins.  She looks like a human disco ball.

"You look ridiculous."  Kat observes, gasping in dismay.

"-Ridiculously amazing!"  Storm strikes a pose and blows a kiss towards the camera.

Kat face palms.  "Where did the sombrero even come from?!!"

"Movie magic, babyyy!!!"  Storm winks and shoots finger guns at Kat, who groans.

"Well, if you'll be doing that, I'll just go knit in that corner over there..."  She turns to go.

"NUUUU!!!  We do this together, or not at all!"

"Alright then."  Kat clears her throat and sits down, clasping her hands together in front of her.  "Hello and a warm welcome to Our Wattpad Show of Randomness, where we will use science to prove-"

"BO-ring!"  Storm interrupts.

Kat glares at her.  "Do not interrupt your elders, child!"

Storm sticks her tongue out at her friend.  "-Where we'll have crazy questions, and even crazier answers!  That is all you need to know.  BOOM!  And that's how you do it!"  She shuffle-dances triumphantly around Kat.

"My contract specifically states that I may replace you at any time with a potato, so behave yourself!"  Kat reprimands her sternly.

Storm salutes mutely, and Kat nods, satisfied.  "Good!  Today's question comes from a young woman named...  Stormy."  Here, Kat pauses and raises an eyebrow quizzically at Storm, who looks away and starts whistling innocently under her breath.

"Riiight.  Anyways, the question is, 'Do spiders have heart attacks?'  Well, it's a good thing that I have this random bucketful of spiders that I gathered earlier this morning for no specific reason!"  Kat dumps the contents of the bucket onto a table.

Storm screams and leaps back.  "They're alive!"  She gasps.

"Well, duh!  Of course they are!  You can't give a heart attack to one that's already deceased!"  As Storm squeamishly pokes at them, Kat sighs in exasperation and picks the cutest one.  "Here!"  She grumbles, thrusting it towards her friend.

A.N.  As I was writing here, a tiny spider actually scuttled across my pillow!  And every day now, I keep finding more little spiders!  (I think that I summoned them!)  :P

Storm quickly sweeps the rest of the creatures off of the table and delicately places the chosen spider onto the middle of it.  "Aren't you cute!"  She croons to it.

Kat rolls her eyes.  "Now, arachnids do indeed have hearts.  Any creature that has a heart has the capacity to have a coronary failure-"

"-Her name is Gayle, and she is not just an arachnid!"

"I never said that she was just an-  Sorry, did you name her already?!"

"Yup!"  Storm gives Gayle an evil little grin.  "Sorry not sorry, bitty buddy, but we're gonna give you a heart attack!"  She suddenly slams her hands down on either side of Gayle and bellows into the spider's face.  "I TOOK YOUR FLIES, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?!!!  THEY'RE THE MOST DISGUSTING THINGS THAT I'VE EVER EATEN IN MY LIFE!!!"  

Gayle falls over and her legs begin twitching spasmodically.

"NOOOO!!!  I'm sorry, Gayle, I didn't mean it!!!"  Storm screams, panic-stricken.  She frantically strokes the spider until it relaxes again.

Kat sighs.  "Why are you so weird?"

"-And why are you so nerdy?"  Storm retorts hotly.

"-Because I'm well-educated.  And you?"  Kat fires back coolly.

"I- I-"

Storm is spared any further embarrassment by loud and violent knocking on the studio door.  "POLICE!!!  COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!!!"

Storm freezes, her face pale, and starts to sweat.

Kat glares at her, her voice low and dangerous.  "What did you do?!"

"I-  Um..."  Storm's pupils contract with fear.  She looks like a hunted animal.

"You didn't break into here, did you?!" 

Storm laughs uneasily.  "Pfft!  Nooo..!"

"WE'VE TRACKED YOUR ILLEGAL BROADCAST TO THIS STATION, SO GET OUT OF THERE, RIGHT NOW!!!"

"STOOORM!!!"  Kat shouts.

"Uh...  RUN!!!"  Storm scoops Gayle up and deposits her into her pocket, then runs for the service exit.

Kat calmly slips on a dark cloak and turns off the lights.  She melts into the shadows and patiently waits for the police to break down the door, then glides right past them.    "Hehehe!  Come get me, coppers!"  She mutters gleefully.

One of the officers screams in terror and points a shaking finger at her.  "I- It's Lord Voldemort!!!"  He shrieks.

"I HAVE A NOSE!!!"  She yells back at him furiously.  "Attack, my brethren!"  She commands the spiders.

"HEEELP!!!  IT'S LORD VOLDEMORT AND HE HAS A NOSE!!!"

"What's wrong with people?!!"  Kat exclaims, then shrugs and pulls out a grappling hook, using it to get back home.

Meanwhile, at the studio...

The police scream as they're suddenly assaulted by a wave of attack spiders.  "AAAAAAAHH!!!  HELP US!!!"  They howl, as the tiny arachnids flow over them in an angry, adorable wave.

"WHY COULDN'T WE HAVE BEEN ATTACKED BY ADORABLE BABY OTTERS INSTEAD?!!!"

The camera shows low battery, and the screen goes black.

This episode was first aired on 7/5/2021

963 words, not including this, of course!  Not too shabby for the first one!