Rav

Growing up, I used to think that life was cool. That everyone was just chilling around. And everybody had the will to live.

I parked my car somewhere near the bridge. Tumakas ako kina Jake at Grey, kanina pa nila ako kinukulit na sumama sa party ng kakilala nila. Hindi ko trip sumama ngayon. I just want to relax at tinatamad akong gumala.

Ayaw ko ring umuwi sa bahay. I knew that my Mom would asks me a lot of questions. She would insist me to date her friends daughters. As for my dad, well let's not talk about him.

I don't even know why I came in this kind of place.

I stared through the darkness of the sky. I was wondering why so many people love to stare at it. I want to know why.

I looked at the woman who's been standing there for a while now. Her pale face was clearly visible through the darkness while her hair swiftly dances in the air.

I got alerted when it looked like she was about to jump. Itinutok ko sa kanya ang headlight ng sasakyan. Luckily, another woman came to her rescue. Our eyes met for a moment, her eyes show no emotions.

She looks tired, weak and vulnerable. She looks so lost.

Nawala na sila sa paningin ko pero hindi pa rin ako umaalis. I just witnessed an attempted suicide case. I guess not all people was willing to live.

It was a rainy day when I saw this woman again, nasa isang maliit na silong kami sa University. I never thought that I would see her here. I was sitting next to her, hawak naman nya sa kabilang kamay ang phone nya at ang isang earphone na nakasabit sa kanang tenga.

Badtrip ako dahil nakalimutan kong gawin ang isang plates ko na bukas na pala ang pasahan. Samahan pa ng malakas na ulan.

"What's the problem?" She asked while typing something in her phone. I looked at her. She was still the same, her eyes that shows no emotions and her long wavy hair.

Napasimangot naman ako at hindi agad ako nakasagot sa kanya nang bigla na naman syang magsalita.

"I know you're making that face again. Stop it." How did she know I was frowning? Did she recognize me?

"So. Is your problem that big? " She added. I nodded at her question, as if we were really close to each other.

"Is it that big that you're not going to do anything?"

"What can I do? It's as if I still have a time." I answered.

"Kung hindi ka pa naman kasi sana hinihila ng katamaran. Edi sana matagal ka nang natapos." She jokingly replied, but I felt hurt. My forehead furrowed at her reaction . She's very straightforward for someone she just met.

"Look. It's not because I was lazy; I simply forgot about the plates." I said trying to make her understand what I feel.

"Oh! Stop with your excuses. Get your mind straight and do that now." I deeply took a breathe and sighed.

Okay. Where should I start first?

I smiled as I looked at her. I'm so glad I ran into her today, despite the fact that she has a tough mouth. She motivated me to do what I needed to do. Even though she tried to do some stupid thing.

"What are you smiling at?" She eyed me as she put her earphones back in her bag.

My smile suddenly faded when I realized what she meant. Was she on the phone with someone while I was answering her questions?

The rain stopped, so she immediately turned her back to me and started walking.

That was the second time I saw her. Every time I run into her, her emotionless eyes always catch my attention. I should make it glitter with happiness, I thought to myself.

One time, I saw her with her talkative friend. I heard her friend talking about me while Imara Alessia looks very uninterested but was trying to understand her friend.

"Stop wasting your time to nonsense things, Ivar! I told you to focus on our business! Bakit ba lagi mo akong sinusuway!" My father yelled at me as soon as I entered our house. This was the main reason why sometimes I don't want to go home.

"Playing soccer was not a nonsense thing to do, Dad."

"Don't you dare talk back to me! Huwag mong hintayin na magalit ako nang tuluyan!"

Tumingin ako sa paligid. The house was exemplary beautiful. I was surrounded by expensive things, but still I am not happy.

After that fight. I decided to go out. Gusto ko lang makalanghap ulit ng sariwang hangin. I was on my way nang hindi ko namalayan na napabilis na pala ang takbo ko at nabangga ang sasakyan sa harap ko.

All I can think was is this really my end?
I haven't even reached my full happiness limit yet.

Naramdaman ko nalang na binababa na ako sa ambulansya. I am still conscious. I know what's happening.

I looked around and saw Imara Alessia. Bakit ba sa tuwing magulo ang isip ko ay sya ang lagi kong nakikita? Sya ang laging nasa paligid ko.

She was so busy examining me that she didn't even realized it was me. Kailangan ko pang ipaalala sa kanya ang pagmumukha ko.
Eli. That's how her friend calls her. But I prefer calling her Imara Alessia or much better with my endearment for her, by.

I got the chance to get close to her. She was so annoyed by my presence. But who cares? I even forced her to be my friend. And how I wished to be more than that.

"My friend saw you on a date, Ivar! I told you, umayos ka! And who's that girl? Do you even know what family she came from?"

"What's your point, Dad?"

"My point? Don't be a disappointment, Ivar! If you want to go on a date, ask your Mama's friends' daughters! I'm sure they're from a decent family."

I walked out. Kinuha ko ang phone ko at tinitigan ang litrato ni Imara Alessia. The first pic was a stolen shot I captured while she was looking at the stars. She was not smiling but her eyes are.

Imara Alessia has a lot to say. She was full of wisdom. She's pretty and intelligent. She sees things differently.

Everything seems to be perfect. We were so happy and in love. I thought our love would last, pero dadating rin pala ang panahon na magtatanong ka sa iyong sarili. Are we really happy? Or am I the only one who's happy in this relationship? That move turns out to be my biggest mistake.

I looked at my phone. Kakatapos ko lang tawagan si Imara Alessia. I couldn't come to her dahil pinapabalik ako sa bahay. Mama was so persistent in making me come home.

"Is that the kind of woman you want to be with, Ivar? She doesn't have a good background! She has trauma and she's alone! She doesn't have any family! What connections can we get from her?" Dad was fuming mad while throwing me the documents about Imara Alessia.

Mama was holding my Dad. Trying to calm him.

"I don't care about her background, Dad! Why are you so obsessed with connections?"

"Break up with her, Ivar! Don't wait to lose my patience!"

"Oh? Try me, Dad." I answered as I turned my back to him.

"She's graduating, right? I can tell my acquaintances not to accept her. Even in the smallest hospital. That's what connections can do, Ivar."

I stop myself from walking.

"One wrong move, Ivar and you can ruin her forever!"

It was all about her. Her sufferings. Her reason.

I got tired. I got tired of understanding myself. I was worried about what tomorrow might bring if she's with me. She doesn't deserve a man who will give her less. Naduwag nga siguro ako.

I gave her the time even though she wasn't asking for it. Alam kong masakit.

I need to save her, but who's gonna save me?

I broke up with her.

I used to say that I should make her eyes glitter with happiness. It turns out that I was the one who made it sad.

Pero hindi ko nga ata kaya. I went to her house, hinintay ko syang lumabas. I even slept in the car for days just to check if she's home. I even contacted Vina and my friends just to ask her whereabouts but no ones answering me. Naiintindihan ko naman sila.
Ilang araw din akong nagmukmok sa bahay. Mas lalong nagalit si Dad sa akin. Mom was worrying about us. Lalong naging magulo sa bahay.

"Are you happy, Dad?" He looked at me.

"All I want is what's good for you, Ivar."

"Look at me, Dad. Do I look good on you?" I answered.

"S-she's all I ask, Dad. Hindi naman ako humingi ng iba. All I wanted was to be with her, but you made it hard for us." I cried.

Dad looked at me after a minute of silence. "I was blinded by my emotions, Ivar. Stand up, son. We'll look for her."

I focused myself on reviewing while searching for Imara Alessia. I know it's hard to find her but I wanted to take a chance.

I passed the Architect Licensure Examination and became the Head Architect of my own firm. In recent years, I've attracted high-profile clients who have helped me build my reputation.

That's when I met Doc Cavin. He's one of our biggest client. Ilang araw na mula nang magkapirmahan kami ng contract nang bigla syang tumawag. Asking for another team to lead the project.

I was confused. Hindi ko alam bakit nagbago ang isip nya. But because we have the contract, hindi na maaaring magbago ang mga tao na nasa project.

He also said that he's willing to pay for the breach of contract. But I told him that it was not that easy.

"Glad to meet you, Architect Cañoza. You can call me Eli kung nahahabaan ka sa Imara Alessia." Eli. My Imara Alessia. Her eyes sparkled with joy as she introduced herself to me.

Finally, I found her, but with someone else's arm.

I was in our room with Grey and Jake when Justin abruptly interrupted.

"The kid was too cute, right?" He started.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, dude. Pero mukhang masaya na man na si Eli. Don't hurt her more." He seriously added.

"Doc Cavin was a good man. I know he love Eli. I can see it in his eyes." Singit naman ni Grey.

"May chance ka sana kung hindi mabuting tao si Doc. Bawi ka nalang next life, dude." Justin said and laughed. I frowned at him and didn't answer back.

So I went out. I looked at the sky and wondered. I deserved everything that happened in my life. Alam kong nakalimutan nya ako.

I was busy making my coffee when I saw the boys on the balcony. They're whispering to each other.

My forehead furrowed when I heard what Justin just said.

"Dude, eto legit. Kapatid pala ni Eli si Doc. Bale pamangkin nya pala ang bata." He whispered while telling the chismis to Jake and Grey.

"Where did you get the info? Mag fact check ka muna kasi!" Jake answered.

"Makoy told that to me, Dude. Hindi nagsisinungaling ang bata!" He insisted.

Napabuga ako sa iniinom kong kape. What did I do? I started a fight with Doc Cavin. Akala ko kasi ay hindi pa sila kasal dahil magkaiba naman sila ng gamit na apelyido.

How can I gain his trust now? Will he ever let me have his sister?

I was making my plan when I heard that Imara Alessia was rushed in the hospital.

As soon as I opened the door, I heard her say that she remembered everything. I was too stunned to move that I let Doc Cavin punched me.

Hindi ako pumalag. Hindi ako lumaban. Kasalanan ko naman eh. Alam kong nagkamali ako.

I fucked up everything again. Maybe our love was really not meant for us. Not yet in this lifetime.