Napapikit ako ng mahigpit nang tumama ang liwanag sa aking mga mata.

I tried to closed my eyes once more and opened it again.

"Vina. Call the doctor. Gising na si Imara Alessia." I heard Kuya asked my best friend.

"B-but Kuya. Ikaw ang assigned Doctor, diba?"

"O-oh. Shit. Right, right." He then checked me.

I laughed a little. Alam kong nagpapanic si Kuya pagdating sa akin. He run some tests from me and everything was normal except from the fact that I know everything. Which I was about to tell him.

"What happened, Imara Alessia? Buti na lang dumaan ako sa bahay mo." Worried was already seen in his face.

"I'm okay, Kuya. I-i just want to tell you something." I started to say. Huminga naman ng malalim si Kuya. Readying himself on what he will be heard.

"I-i remembered. I remembered everything." I said kasabay nang pagbukas ng pinto.

I looked at the person who opened the door. It was Rav.

Nakakapanibago na tawagin syang ganun. He looked at me, shocked. Mukhang narinig nya ang sinabi ko. Kasunod nya sina Jake, Grey and Justin.

"Is that the reason why you passed out?" Kuya asked seriously. He was already clenching his fist.

Hindi nya na hinintay ang sagot ko nang bigla nyang suntukin si Rav. Everything happened so fast. Rav didn't dare to fight back at Kuya. He just let him do what he wants to do with him.

The boys tried to stop kuya from hurting Rav. I was shouting but he seems deaf.

"STOP IT, KUYA!" I cried. Doon lang sya tumigil. He looked at me and held my hand.

"S-stop it." I whispered. He was crying too. Everyone in the room was crying.

"You cannot blame me, Imara Alessia. I did everything to protect you. I-I tried." Tumango ako sa kanya.

"I-i know, Kuya. I know."

"Nung nalaman ko ang rason kung bakit ka humantong sa ganyan, nagalit ako sa sarili ko. Wala ako sa tabi mo noong panahon na nasasaktan ka." He hugged me tighter.

"I tried to keep you from hurting. Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na I will protect you as long as I can. Kaya nang malaman ko na si Cañoza ang Architect dito, tumutol ako. I tried everything para hindi kayo magkita. I don't want to hurt you more. Pero hindi ko mapigilan ang tadhana. Malakas ata talaga ang kapit nya, kaya pinapahirapan ko nalang sya." He added.

I looked at Rav. May dugo sa gilid ng labi nya. He was looking at me. I can see tears flowing down his cheeks.

Rav and I, we became strangers with some memories. Our love didn't last longer than I expected. Nang maghiwalay kami, there's a minute of darkness in my life. I tried my very best to find some light. Tanggap ko naman na ayaw nya na. Na hanggang doon lang talaga kami.

"K-kuya. C-can you please leave us alone? Gusto ko sanang masettle lahat ng nangyayari ngayon." I said while eyeing at Rav.

Hinigpitan ni Kuya ang hawak sa kamay ko, pero unti-unti nya rin itong binitawan at tumango. Sumunod naman sa kanya ang iba.

Lumapit si Rav sa akin at hinawakan ang kaliwang kamay ko. I looked at him. I used to say that I love looking at his brown eyes.

"I-I'm sorry." He said and cried. Wala nang luha sa aking mga mata. Naubos ko na ata.

"Y-you didn't have to talk to me if you're not still okay. I can wait for you when you are ready. I don't want to risk your health, Imara Alessia. Not now, never."

"I hope you considered that before leaving me for no apparent reason." Napatungo naman sya sa sagot ko.

"I want to make it clear with you. I remembered it all. Naaalala ko lahat ng nangyari. But it doesn't mean that I want to see you again. C-can you please leave me again? This time, with my permission." Dugtong ko.

"C-can you please ask anything except that one? I-i don't think I can do that." Those eyes, it gaves me so much happiness before. But when I looked at him now, all I can feel is emptiness.

"You can. You can do it again. Mas madali na lang ito sayo ngayon."

Umiling-iling naman si Rav sa akin. He held my hand tightly.

"S-sorry. I know it's not enough."

"I'm still unsure of whether you left because I held you too tight? Or not tight enough to let me go."

"H-hindi ko rin alam kung anong nangyari sa ating dalawa. Totoong napagod ako. Natakot ako. Nagising na lang ako na puno ng pangamba. Na baka pag pinagpatuloy natin yun, baka hindi ka rin maging masaya. Natakot akong masira ka." He added. Umiling iling naman ako.

"Anong tingin mo sa akin, Rav? Joke? Sa tingin mo naging masaya ako? Maybe in some parts I was happy. Pero alam mo ba yung napagdaanan ko? Nawalan ako ng alaala. Araw-araw nararamdaman ko na may kulang sa akin. At kung napagod ka nga, pwede ka namang magpahinga. Kung nagsabi ka lang pati unan at kumot mo paghahandaan kita!"

"At ang babaw ng rason mo, Rav! Sana man lang kinausap mo ako ng maayos nung panahon na hindi mo na pala ako mahal. Na nangangamba ka na pala! Hindi yung pinagmukha mo akong tanga kakaisip kung ano bang nagawa kong mali."

"Tayong dalawa ang nasa relasyon, Rav! Kailangan lang natin pag-usapan yun ng maayos! Pero selfish ka nga siguro dahil ni hindi mo ako hinayaang magdesisyon para sa sarili ko!"

"I know I was wrong. Alam ko at pinagsisisihan ko yun. I was thinking that time that I needed to fix you, to save you." He was intently looking at me. Bakas rin ang mga luha sa kanyang mga mata.

"I'm not expecting you to fix or save me, Rav. But atleast help me heal." I answered back.

"Piliin mo naman ako." He finally said after a minute of silence. Ngumiti naman ako.

"Do you remember? Sabi ko dati, pipiliin kita sa araw-araw." I look at him. Kailan ba ako huling naging masaya habang titig ang kanyang mga mata? Hindi ko na ata maalala.

"P-pero hindi muna ngayon. P-please. Let me go."

Rav cried in front of me. It's hard, I know. But I guess it's for the better. Hindi maghihilom ang mga sugat namin kung hindi namin ito tatapusin.

Just like I did few years ago. He let go of my hand slowly. Lumayo sya sa akin at umayos ng tayo. He smiled, but I know he's hurting deep inside. He wiped my tears away and didn't try to say anything.

Nang matapos sya sa pagpupunas sa aking mukha ay iniayos nya ang aking magulong buhok bago humakbang  palayo.

I cried harder the moment he closed the door. Tapos na.

He left.

Ako yung iniwan diba? Ako yung mas may karapatan na magalit sa aming dalawa. Pinaalis ko sya pero bakit parang ako yung mas nasasaktan?

There's this feeling of excitement when I think of him, but it breaks my heart too.

Kung alam ko lang na ganito pala kasakit ang mararamdaman ko, sana hindi nalang ako muling nakaalala.

Maybe this is what they called closure. Matagal na dapat 'tong natapos. Nagawa ko na yun ngayon. Sabi nila gagaan ang pakiramdam mo, pero bakit iba ang sa akin.