As I entered my room, I found myself drowning in guilt. Guilt of hurting Ridhvi, guilt of making her cry, guilt of disappointing Riddhima, guilt of not keeping in touch with my family over the years, guilt of not taking Dev's suggestion of meeting seriously, guilt of wanting to escape from them, from all the responsibilities. 

I have messed up. I have hurt Ridhvi, though unintentionally but she didn't deserve it. She deserved to be happy and be the bundle of joy she is. I need to make up to her. I've already failed my loved ones more than once and I don't want Ridhvi to give up at me too.

I was brought out of my thoughts when my phone pinged with a notification, its lock screen lightening up, indicating a mail from our department manager. It said that my leave for another two days stands cancelled which means I need to report at the airport tomorrow morning itself because no one else is available to replace me. I let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through my messy hair for umpteenth time. Can't they see that I'm not available either. What part of my "emergency leave" they didn't understand? I just arrived yesterday evening, how can I leave this early? But I have no other option because "When your boss calls you for work, you go."

Can I refuse them? Yes!

Will I refuse them? No!

Am I taking this opportunity to run away? Yes!

Am I scared of messing up more, if I stayed here any longer? Yes!

Do I know that I'm being a coward? Yes!

Am I guilty? A big yes!

One moment I was thinking how to make up to Ridhvi, next moment I took the first chance I got to get away from here. I'm a mess and it was better if I stayed away from all of them, they all were better off from me.

*

As per my random guess, I found them in Aditi's room. Ridhvi was also there playing what I suppose was "kitchen kitchen" with them.

"What's happening ladies?" Everyone looked up at me, surprised. I smiled at Ridhvi, she looked at me, ignored me and went back to her game.

"Nothing bhai, we are just having a lunch at Ridhvi's special kitchen." Aditi told me as I made my way towards them, sitting at the other end of the bed, opposite to Aditi. Maa was sitting with her back with the wall.

"Oh! Woww!" I remarked.

"Ridhvi ma'am what will you serve bhai?" Ma asked Ridhvi excitedly.

"Nothing" came her plain response.

"Nothing? You will not serve your papa? Why?" Aditi asked, and from her tone I could tell that she wasn't pretending to be shocked, she genuinely was.

"No! I katti papa!"

Aditi frowned at me.

"I need to tell you guys something important." I said before she could probe into the matter. I had another big reason for her to get angry at me. Why give her one more reason? 

"We are listening." Maa said, her tone giving away that she knew I was changing the topic and she probably also knew why Ridhvi was mad at me.

"Ridu we are full, go serve your mother now." said Aditi, sensing the tension in the air.

"Yes. bye bua, bye Dadi!" 

No bye for me, my heart observed. This is what you get for teasing your niece, my mind mocked.

"Um actually, I'll need to leave tonight itself." I jumped straight to the point because somethings are better said directly than in circles.

"Why bhai? Why can't you stay for a while more? Even Ridhvi is getting along with you." Aditi was the first one to speak, clearly not happy with my announcement.

"Is it necessary?" Maa questioned.

"It is!"

"When are you leaving?"

"Will leave after dinner!"

"I'm sorry, I don't have any other option." I apologized looking at Aditi who refused to meet my eyes.

"We always have options bhai, it's our priorities which makes us take a final decision."

I chose silence as my answer because what she said was partially true. If I wanted, I could've stayed for a little more while but instead I took this as an opportunity to escape, escape from my family, from my responsibilities towards them and from Ridhi and her love. I took the easy way out of this difficult situation. Sorry Dev, I know you would have had better expectations from me.

*

I found Riddhima at the backside area of the terrace, behind the water tanker, hidden at our secret place. By ours, I mean, Dev's and mine which later came to be known to her too when she shifted in our neighborhood in eighth grade. I still remember how she had discovered this place at first. I had fought with both her and Dev probably over something insignificant because I don't remember the reason now. Dev had been nonchalant about me getting upset but she had wanted to cajole me and finally after a long search had found me here, hidden in the tiny corner behind the water tanker. The water tanker almost touches the wall, there's very little space to stand there. I'm quite surprise that she could still fit herself there. 

She had her back towards me as she stared at the sun setting down, getting somewhere lost between the clouds, the shades of yellow, red and orange blending with each other beautifully. The scene was aesthetic, the kind of scene poets and writers describe as a serene peaceful moment, but Riddhima's face reflected anything but peace. On a closer look, I noticed that she had tears streaming down her face. 

"Riddhima?" I called out, unsure if it was right to disturb her in her weak moment.

She looked up, startled and continued staring at me, in daze, like she couldn't believe her eyes. It was so damn hard to maintain eye contact with her because the intensity with which she was staring made me uncomfortable, she was looking at me with love. I knew that she was mistaking me as Dev.

"Riddhima I.." 

And then her spell broke, she blinked once, twice, thrice, shaking her head, her hands frantically moving to her face to wipe off the tears. She flashed me a little smile, coming out in the open.

"Can we talk?" I asked, trying my best to sound okay, wishing to keep my feelings to myself.

She nodded.

"How are you?" She looked up at me, nodding again.

"I'm sorry for what happened today." She nodded, once again.

If Ridhvi shows ten expressions in one second, then her mother shows one expression in ten minutes. Oh! The contrast. At this point, I've started doubting if she is even listening to me.

"I'm leaving today night." A nod, again. Seriously?

"Riddhima, I said I'm leaving tonight." I repeated, taking a step forward, not really happy with her silent responses.

"I heard it the first time, Mr. Sinha." 

"Mr. Sinha? Really? Where did it came from?" I questioned her appalled. 

"What else am I supposed to call you, you are just my late husband's twin brother right?"

"Oh Man! Are you still holding onto that?"

"No! Can I leave now?" she asked, irked. 

"Not yet! 

"Why haven't you told Ridhvi about Dev...?"

She looked at me blankly, then sighed when I didn't budge. I needed an answer.

"How am I supposed to explain her something I myself hasn't come on terms with?" She finally replied, her voice low, her words chosen carefully, not willing to share much. I was tongue-tied and she took that as her cue to continue.

"I'll find a way to tell her the truth soon. But for now, please tell her that you are going away for work." She requested. 

I nodded, unable to find the right words to assure her. She nodded back and left while I stood there, amazed at the way she was holding herself together.

*

At the dining table, I had a small talk with my father about the change in my plans while the dinner was being laid. His reaction, as expected, was plain and dry. I'm glad I didn't have to explain anything to him, though his nonchalance hurts a bit. The dinner was once again done in absolute silence, but this time Aditi's glares were an add on. 

Now, I stood at the doorstep of Riddhima's room, taking a nervous glance at the room. Ridhvi was sprawled on the bed playing with a canvas plant toy. It repeated whatever she said, like a parrot. Riddhima wasn't there. Nice! It would be easy for me to talk to Ridhvi in her absence because otherwise her presence would have given me performance anxiety and I would have messed up more, if that was possible. I started taking cautious, slow steps towards Ridhvi, not wanting to alert her. 

"Bhao!" I said as I jumped on the bed, towering over her. She immediately closed her eyes, covering her face with her hands and arms, shouting "Mummaaa!" her toy landing somewhere on the floor. I hope it didn't break. I don't want to give her one more reason to be upset at me.

And her mother came rushing in from the balcony. I gave her an apologetic smile. She went back giving me a look which said, "What's wrong with you?". I sighed. The idea seemed perfect in my head.

Ridhvi by now had calmed down and opened her eyes. I gave her a wide smile, before moving aside. She looked to the other side, ignoring me.

I moved to the other side of the bed, the smile intact on my face. She turned to the opposite side, not ready to see my face.

I moved to the other side again, the smile on my face unwavering.

She again turned to the other side, blocking me. Coaxing her was more difficult than what I had thought. This pattern of me moving to her side and her turning away continued roughly for fifteen minutes before I gave up.

"Ridhvi bache." I said, tapping on her arm.

No response.

"Baby listen.", I tried once more.

Again, no response. Uff! I never thought cajoling a child could be this hard. And her parents will not like me saying this but I really feel that she is an over pampered child because at this point, she is simply enjoying the attention and throwing tantrums. Our parents never entertained our tantrums for this long. But I can't blame them, anyone would melt in front of her adorable face.

"Sorry na, Ridu!" I pleaded, urging her to look towards me by tapping her arm.

"Katti!" she said, turning to my side. Finally. There's some progress, I thought.

"Please babygirl, I'm sorry!" I said holding my ears, making the cutest baby face I could manage.

And she burst out laughing, just like that. Now, this was quick. 

"Aww! my bacha!" I took her in my embrace, holding her close to my chest, dropping a kiss at her forehead. She is darling.

She laughed loudly as I threw her up in the air before making her lie over me. She pointed towards her cactus plant toy asking me to pick it up and awarded me with a dazzling smile when I gave it to her. "Papa-Ridhvi love" she said, and her toy repeated it back. She beamed at me before laying her head over my chest. I patted her back, feeling relaxed, overwhelmed and a little bit proud of myself for making her happy.

Riddhima had been observing us from the balcony for quite a while. As my eyes caught hers, she immediately looked away. And that moment I realized that I've someone else to say sorry too. 

* 

How was it? I hope you all liked reading this chapter. Will be waiting to hear from you guys.

My sincere apologizes for the long gap. The updates are going to be painfully slow for next few months. Please bear with me. I promise I'll not leave all of us hanging in between.

Will you like reading next chapter from Riddhima's pov? I guess it's time we see what's goes on in her head.

And, I changed Ridhvi's age from two years to four years because I realized that a two-year-old kid needs more attention and care and is also hard to write about comparatively.

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