Life is weird. You can never have it all planned, can you? The moment you think you have everything sorted; life will surprise you with a new problem. But guess what, I, Aditya Sinha is as stubborn as life. The more life surprises me with problems, I surprise it with solutions. As it is rightly said that every problem has a solution. No, don't mistook me as some motivational speaker because I'm not, I'm a pilot who loves to fly high up in the sky and have his feet on ground. But there are some situations from which we have no way out like death of someone you love. 

Coming back to the place which once used to be my home feels strange today. As the cab passes through the familiar roads, I feel nostalgic but aloof. The locality is familiar, I know which road leads to where, I know when to take which turn to reach my home. I remember seeing these same signboards everyday while travelling back and forth from my home to school or local market but there's something amiss, perhaps, sense of belongingness. I don't feel welcomed and accepted here. One of the advantages of being a pilot is that I get to travel a lot. There are many cities I have been to as a stranger. But none of those cities has ever made me feel as lonely as being in my own hometown makes me feel today. As the distance to my home is decreasing, my nervousness is shooting up. I'm scared to know how it will be at my home. If the city itself is so cold and distant towards me, what are the chances that my family will like seeing me. Though I know my father will appreciate my thoughtfulness of visiting home at my twin brother, Devaditya's demise because otherwise imagine the shame and humility he would have to face from the relatives and the so-called society because of my absence. But apart from that, I don't know if they would really like seeing me. It's been so long since I left my home, and never looked back.

Ringing the doorbell thrice, thrice because our mother had this rule of ringing the doorbell thrice to let us know of her arrival whenever she went somewhere out. We kids when alone at home were supposed to open the door only if the doorbell rang thrice and I had picked this thing from her. I waited with bated breath for someone to open the door with two suitcases in both my hands, my eyes time to time drifting towards the swing still attached with our now old mango tree, it holds all sorts of memories of three of us, a testament of our sibling's love. I was brought out of my memories by the sound of twisting of doorknob. On the other side of the door, stood Aditi, my not so little sister, flabbergasted, poker face, her eyes swelled from all the crying, her body rigid. If this is her reaction, I don't think I have enough courage to meet my mother, Vandana Sinha and father, Vikram Sinha. Her silence is making me question my decision, should I go back? I know I'm not really needed here. Maybe I should just head back to Mumbai? But I can see her lips quivering slightly, like her mind is struggling to find the right words, maybe she is shocked by my sudden arrival, there's nothing shocking though. Or were they really not expecting me to show up at my own brother's demise? The thought unsettles me.

"Aditi, who is there?" came my father's voice, breaking her from her daze. To my surprise, he sounded tired and defeated. Maybe Dev's death had affected him too. 

"Bhai" she said looking inside. I too wanted to step inside and see his reaction. Was he disappointed because I arrived late or happy that I at-least came or just nonchalant. But I didn't have enough courage. The obedient son in me will always be scared of Mr. Vikram Sinha. What if he gets angry and insults me in front of all the relatives spread in our living room, like an attempt to get back at me for insulting him in front of everyone by missing my brother's funeral ceremony. He wouldn't give me any chance to explain myself.

"Aditya Bhai" Aditi spoke again, catching my attention back towards her. She proceeded to take the suitcase from my left hand as she made way for me to step inside, a small smile playing on her lips now but unlike her my face was stoic, I was dreading stepping inside, afraid to the face the man I had once promised to never show my face again. Holding my free hand, Aditi dragged me inside the center of the lobby. I took a quick glance of the living area, not interested in making eye contact with the good for nothing relatives, they were just four to five though. I'm guessing most of them must have already left, good for me. "Where are you maa?" I murmured under my breath, handling another suitcase also to Aditi before moving towards our father who sat motionless on his favorite front seat of dining table, his eyes narrowed at me, face expressionless, it was hard to decipher him, has always been. I couldn't figure out if he was waiting to throw a sarcastic remark at me or was planning to simply ignore me or maybe, hoping against hope embrace me in a hug.

"Papa" 

A loud, thrilled voice stopped me midtrack. It was Ridhvi, my niece. Before I could reason myself why had she addressed me with such a heavy word, she had wrapped her petite, short self around my legs, not even reaching by my knees but looking at me authoritatively to pick her up, her big round eyes twinkling with happiness along with confidence as if she knew there's no way her demand would be denied off. And that's what had happened. Before my mind could get the hold of the situation, my heart had already taken the charge as I picked her up and she wasted no time in wrapping her arms around my neck, in response to which I had tightened my hold on her. I love kids, not most of the times but the moments like these when they are at their best behavior, that is just being a cute goofball. But this surreal moment lasted only for few seconds before she moved back a little to question me.

"Where you?" she frowned at me. Her big bright eyes held so many complaints and questions. But instead of giving her any answer, all I could think was how adorable she really is. It was our first meet in person, and I realized that the pictures never did justice to her beauty. She was adorable, chubby cheeks, little nose, soft pinkish lips, her bangs covering her forehead, she was a teeny-weeny bundle of joy. I guess she was not waiting for my answer either as she hugged me again, whispering "missed you papa". I wrapped my arms around her again, with a small smile playing on my face involuntarily. This was first time I smiled in the last two days, the news of my Dev's death had shaken me up completely, and now, it was his daughter who had released the pressure off my shoulders, even if only for few moments.

But my smile faded away as soon as it had come, when I caught the glimpse of her mother standing beside my mother, hidden from the eyes of my Mr. Sinha and other relatives, looking at us blankly unlike my mother who had tears rolling down her cheeks. On getting my attention, she gave me a teary smile, coming towards us with hesitant steps but love and longingness evident in her eyes. I missed her so much. But Riddhima still stood at her place, her face devoid of any emotion, eyes blank, lost somewhere else, on noticing her closely, I realized that her attention was not on us but only on Ridhvi, her daughter who was in my arms, assuming me as her father, happy to have her father back home, oblivious to the truth and this realization made me apprehensive of her future.

As my mother neared us, I putted Ridhvi down, she immediately rushed back to her mother, waving at me with a wide grin. before squeezing her in a tight hug, resting my head on her old shoulders. My body relaxed, basking in the familiar warmth of a mother's love. But this moment of peace was gone so soon, making me doubt if it really happened or was it just a fragment of my imagination. Since last few years, a lot of times I've imagined being in her arms, hugging her as tight as I could to never let her go, being her Aditya. My luck never really favored me much in this case. 

"Let's head to dining table" it was my father who had broken our peaceful moment. His voice cold as always, it was foolish of me to think that Dev's death might have melted his cold state. Some people never really stop hoping, I'm one of them. I do not hold onto hope very determinedly but I can never let it go fully either. 

I gave him a curt nod, not in mood to indulge in any formality talks with him after the warm welcome he had given me. I don't have the patience to keep up with his attitude anymore.

I quickly made my way to the dining table because well my father hates repeating his orders and I hate hearing his orders while my mother and Aditi rushed to the kitchen. Putting on a fake smile, I reciprocated the small talks with our relatives, who were elated to meet me after years and heartbroken at my brother's demise at the same time. Trust me, I was low-key amazed at their ability to experience the completely opposite emotions simultaneously. While entertaining them, I caught the glimpse of Ridhvi and her mother, walking away hand in hand. While Ridhvi appeared like a blooming flower, in contrast, her mother looked like a weathering flower. It was only after they had disappeared from my sight, I remembered that I've an audience to entertain and my twenty-four by seven angry father to tolerate.

The dinner was done in absolute silence, another rule set by Mr. Vikram for the Sinha family which I had broken quite a lot of times as a child, more often unintentionally than intentionally.

As I lay straight on my bed, looking up at the ceiling of my room, I wonder what if the fan falls on me, will I be able to survive or not? I'm kidding! Yes, I've thought about this possibility many a times but today my mind was preoccupied with a lot of other things like how does one feel coming back home? It's a bitter-sweet feeling for me, more inclined towards bitter. The room I've spent majority of my life in and had spent months reminiscing is suffocating me today. It reminds me of Dev, of our happy times, of the good old childhood days. Our childhood wasn't very fairytale like, our father was always strict, popularly known as 'Hitler' among our friend circle. And Our mother has always feared him, always holding herself back from expressing herself, be it her love for us, her feelings, her thoughts, anything. She is like a shadow of our father with no individuality of her own. My father is a difficult man to deal with, his old-age principles are quite suffocating. I wonder how they all still put up with him. I can't, maybe it's because now I know how it feels to have freedom, how it feels to make your own decisions and live life on your own terms. He hasn't changed a bit and now with Dev gone, I'm sure he will make something as simple as living a difficult task for both Riddhima and Ridhvi. Their absence on the dining table today was just a clear indication of upcoming storm for them. Maye if I would have pushed Dev harder to come out of our strict father's shackles, life would have been a lot easier for his family today but sadly he was never able to gather enough courage. I also wonder why Riddhima decided to stay with our family after marriage when she could have easily persuaded Dev to move out of here. He was head over heels in love with her so there's no chance he could deny her. As far as I know Riddhima, she isn't someone who will let anyone else takes decision for her, something my father loves to do or maybe love also teaches you to compromise. A knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts. It was Aditi. 

"Um, I just dropped by to ask if you needed anything?" she said peeking from the door.

"No, no! And come inside na." I spoke getting up from the bed.

"By the way I brought these coconut cookies for you to munch on at midnight. I know old habits die hard." said Aditi with a soft smile.

"Ah! Thank you." I replied with a grateful smile, moved by her little gesture.

"And if incase you need anything you can call or text me anytime bhai."

"What would be the appropriate time to call or text you to get a hug from you, Adu?"

"Bhai!" she whined before making her way towards me, wrapping her arms around me.

"It was hard handling everything alone." she whispered after a minute or two of silence.

"I'm sorry, I was on duty when I got the news."

"I'm glad that you atleast came."

"Today was a long day, go and have rest. We will catch up tomorrow, I'm not going anywhere for next two-three days."

I patted her head softly.

"Right bhai, good night!" she said before breaking the hug. 

"Good night." I replied back.

"Aditi listen"

"Will the terrace door be open right now?"

"No, but you know where to find the keys." she replied with a wink before making her way out of the room.

I needed a breath of fresh air to bring my chaotic mind to peace. But as I was making my way towards the terrace, I happened to cross our once upon a time storeroom which now I guess is occupied by Dev's little family because I could hear Riddhima cajoling Ridhvi to sleep and the little girl refusing to sleep without her father around. There was hope and yearning in Ridhvi's voice while Riddhima's voice had helplessness, dejectedness and sorrow. 

Sighing, I climbed upstairs reaching the terrace. My head now heavier than before. I missed Dev but there were people other than me who not only missed him but also needed him. Alas! He had left them too soon.

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