How does heartbreak feel like?

To Xiumin, it felt like someone had ripped his heart out and left his chest empty; hollow; numb. It was hard to choose just one word to explain what he was feeling. At first, it hurt. Like ripping off a plaster, the feeling was sharp and raw. But then, he began feeling numb as the pain dulled into a constant aching like, something had got into his chest and was slowly eating what was left of his shattered heart.

He felt empty inside.

Like a burgled house, all his precious feelings were stolen and now, all that was left was an empty shell of what was once a thriving household. He didn't know whether he should be grateful that he was feeling numb instead of hurt or, whether he should be sad that he had lost what had made him happy. He just felt empty and, he didn't know what to do to fill the void that she had left behind.

When he saw Chanyeol and Nami locked in a kiss, his heart broke. He didn't know what to say or what to do. At first, he felt a rollercoaster of emotions: he was confused; sad; angry; disappointed. But most of all, he was regretful that he didn't get to tell her how he felt about her. And now, seeing them together, every day, only deepened his regret. If he wasn't feeling numb, he was feeling heavy with his feelings for her that, he knew he needed to throw away. He needed to discard them because they were a burden to him and, they would be a burden to her too, now that she was involved with someone else.

He wished he could just wake up with amnesia.

At least then, he could forget about his useless feelings for her or, go back to the time before he realised he loved her. He didn't blame Chen or Baekhyun for getting his hopes up; he didn't blame Nami for not loving him back and, he didn't blame Chanyeol for stealing her away. After all, the numbness he felt was self-inflicted: he had done it to himself. He had hesitated to tell her and now, it was too late and she was taken. He had been too slow to act.

So, what should he do now?

Xiumin had been keeping his distance from Nami so that he could sort out his feelings. If he could throw them away, he would have thrown them away two weeks ago, when he found out that Nami and Chanyeol had started dating. But, feelings weren't like that. They stayed with you until you learned to forget about them and Xiumin had been trying to forget about them a lot. He didn't want to make things awkward in the dorm and he didn't want to strain his relationship with Chanyeol. They were still friends, after all. So there was only one other thing he could do.

He was going to go back to how he saw Nami before.

He was going to put back his defences and, build back the walls that she had broken down and start thinking of her as a friend or, even a sister. He hadn't lost everything; Nami never knew. So he could pretend that everything was okay and that they were still friends. But he knew, deep down, that they could never be as close as they were before. Xiumin hadn't lost everything but he had lost something: he had lost her. And even though it pained him, he knew he had to let her go.

It wasn't his job to protect her anymore, he had no right to do so.

As he stared at Nami from afar, he knew that he wasn't the closest person to her anymore. It wasn't his job to defend her from the others' teasing or comfort her when she was sad. No, that was for someone else to do; someone who she had chosen; someone who had replaced him as the closest person in her heart... it was Chanyeol's job now.

~*~

"Do you need some help with your lines?" I asked D.O as he walked past me with a script in his hand.

D.O turned towards me and gave me a small smile. "Oh, no. It's okay, Nami-ah" he replied, before briskly walking away.

I frowned.

It had been two weeks since Chanyeol and I had started our fake relationship and the atmosphere in the dorm had been awkward and strained. Ever since the Gayo Daejun concert, the other members had been subtly avoiding me or keeping their distance.

When I tried to join Kai and Sehun in their video games, they would reluctantly let me play. When I tried to talk to Xiumin in his room, Chen would dismiss me and say that Xiumin was sleeping or really busy. And like just now, when I tried to talk to D.O and help him with his lines, he would always decline.

I didn't understand why the EXO members were suddenly cold towards me. But it did make me feel lonely now, that I only had Chanyeol to talk to. I sighed dejectedly as I sat down on the sofa. What had I done wrong?

"Are you okay, Nami-ah?"

I looked up and to my surprise, it was Xiumin talking to me. We hadn't spoken in so long that I'd almost forgotten what his voice sounded like. A tear welled up in the corner of my eye. "I-I'm fine, oppa." I was so happy to finally be speaking to him.

Xiumin joined me by sitting down, "You don't look fine."

I smiled weakly, "It's just... things have been very different in the dorm lately." I sniffed, "The others have been a little distant."

Xiumin nodded in acknowledgement. "It's probably because they're not sure how to act around you anymore."

"Huh?"

Xiumin made eye contact with me and I saw that his eyes were lacklustre. "They don't know how to act around you especially now that you and Chanyeol are" he paused, "dating."

I was puzzled, "What has that got to do with it?"

"I think the others have become more aware that you're a woman, now that you're with Chanyeol. Before, they probably considered you as one of the guys."

I looked at him. Xiumin's profile was hunched as if he was lost in his own thoughts. "It's gonna take some time to get used to," he told me although, it felt like he was telling himself. "We've all grown close as a family and, we've never had the situation of having two people, that we're so close with, dating before."

I nodded. It was a guy thing. Although I now understood why they were acting distant, I couldn't help feeling sad that the others were treating me differently. It was all because of Chanyeol's lie. "I guess it can't be helped" I muttered.

I felt Xiumin's gaze on me. "I do have an idea that can bring you closer to the others."

I looked up at him.

He continued, "We have a couple of days off coming up. We can use that time to go on a retreat together."

"Like a field trip?" I asked.

He nodded. "We haven't gone out on a trip in a long time. We can bring it up with Suho and see what he thinks."

A field trip, I thought to myself. It sounded like a good idea. I hadn't been out of Seoul since I arrived and it would do the EXO members some good to be in a different environment. I smiled at Xiumin. "It's a great idea."

Xiumin looked pleased.

I stared at him and felt my heart flutter. I was happy that, even though things were awkward between us, he had taken the first step to make things better again. It gave me some hope that he wasn't as affected by the kiss as I had initially thought. I remembered the pained expression on his face and it made me think, did Xiumin feel something for me to make a face like that? Xiumin and I hadn't seen eye to eye in a while so, we never had the chance to talk about what happened in the dance studio that one time. How he was so close to me and how we almost shared a kiss... It made me believe that our feelings were mutual.

He stood up abruptly, "Well, I'll be going back to my room now."

"Wait," I told him, grabbing hold of the hem of his shirt.

Xiumin turned around.

I fumbled, "Oppa, about that ki--"

Xiumin placed his hand on top of my head and patted it softly. I stared up at him and saw that his eyes had a hint of sadness in them. "I have to go, Nami-ah."

Reluctantly, I loosened my grip on his shirt and watched him walk away. I didn't know what it was about his words but, it felt like they meant something more than just a simple goodbye.

~*~

"It's decided then. We're going to the beach!" Suho announced as he counted the pieces of folded paper.

"What? What happened to going to the mountains?" Baekhyun asked. "I wanted to visit my grandma's house this time."

"It's a good thing Lay-hyung ain't here to back you up" Chanyeol smirked.

"The beach, huh" D.O reminisced. "It's been a long time since we all went."

The EXO members nodded.

"Wasn't the last time...?" Kai began but he didn't need to finish. The other EXO members knew what he was going to say.

"What happened last time?" I asked from where I was sat. We had all gathered around the common area and we had been busy voting on where we should go for the three-day retreat.

Chen replied, "The last time we went was when there were twelve of us."

I glanced at the other EXO members and saw that they had solemn expressions. That's right, I thought to myself, three of the members had left.

Suddenly, Chanyeol clapped his hands. "Now, now, let's not get down because of that. We're going to the beach to make new memories! Fun ones! And Nami-ah's coming along with us too."

"You're right, hyung" Sehun agreed. "It'll be different this time but, it'll be just as fun"

"At least I'll get to eat more" Kai thought out loud.

"And we can have grilled pork again too!" Chen suggested.

Baekhyun grimaced. "Ew. No. We're not having your, or D.O-ah's, bitter meat again. It tasted nasty."

"No, it didn't. It tasted great" D.O retorted.

"It sure did" Chen agreed.

"Okay! We can all talk about that later" Suho said dismissively. "For now, let's get packing and get going! We leave in an hour!"

~*~

"We have a problem," Chen said as he returned downstairs. "There are only three rooms."

Suho shouted, "What?! Manager-nim said that he had booked five! Why are there only three?"

"Trust you to leave it to Manager-nim to do the booking" Baekhyun muttered. "You know what he's like: he likes saving money not spending it."

"So, what are we going to do?" D.O asked, peering up at everyone else.

The EXO members had arrived at their holiday cottage, which would be their home for the next three days. They had spent a tiring three hours to reach Naksan beach by car and had thought the cottage looked promising until they discovered there weren't enough rooms for all of them.

Suho pinched the top of his nose bridge. "We'll have to have three people per room."

"Three people?" Sehun repeated exasperatedly. "But there's only one bed! We can barely fit two people."

"It's not like we have much of a choice" Suho replied huffily. "It's either that or we'll have three people sleeping in the living room while everyone else pairs up."

The EXO members looked around the spacious living room. It had a tiled floor, a small coffee table and moth-eaten sofas. It looked like it would be comfortable to sleep there apart from the fact that it would be extremely cold as there was no central heating in the cottage.

Seeing that no one was keen on the idea, Nami offered, "I can sleep in the living room."

The others looked at her.

Chanyeol grimaced, "Then I'll sleep in the living room too." Nami gaped at him and he gave her a knowing look. She hadn't left him much choice since they were supposed to be dating so it was a given that they'd share a room.

"Great!" Suho said happily. "Then all we need is one other person--"

"I'll do it" D.O quickly offered. Everyone looked at him in surprise. "If no one else wants to offer then, I'll do it."

Chanyeol eyed D.O curiously. Since when was he enthusiastic to volunteer?

"Is it really okay for Little Umma to stay in the living room, though?" Baekhyun asked. "I mean, wouldn't she be more comfortable sleeping on a bed?"

"I do feel kinda guilty making a girl sleep on a sofa" Kai admitted.

"Look, it's okay guys, honestly" Nami reassured them. "You don't always have to sacrifice your comfort for me just because I'm a woman." She looked at every single one of them. "This is the twenty-first century. It's all about equality now."

"Here, here," Chanyeol said raising an imaginary cup to the air.

"Well, when you put it like that," Kai replied. "I won't hold back in taking a bed" Kai picked up his luggage and started making his way upstairs. "Who am I sharing with?"

"Me!" Baekhyun shouted as he sprinted up the stairs to follow him.

Sehun looked appalled. "What? No! Kai's mine, Baekhyun-hyung!"

"And I'm sharing with Xiumin-hyung" Chen announced, linking arms with a sleepy Xiumin.

Suho reached out his arm and slapped it on top of Sehun's broad shoulder. "I guess we're roomies for three days, Sehun."

Sehun looked mortified. "Nooo! Save me, Kai!"

While the EXO members busied themselves with unpacking their luggage and calling dibs on which rooms they wanted, Chanyeol, D.O and Nami exchanged glances with each other. "I guess we're roomies for a few nights," Chanyeol said, stating the obvious.

D.O nodded. "How should we do this?" he gestured at the sofas and the other two noticed that there were only two that could accommodate the length of an adult body.

Nami pondered, "You two can sleep on the sofas and I'll take the floor." She looked around the cottage and found a folded up futon. "It'll be more spacious that way."

D.O disagreed, "No. You can take the sofa. I'll sleep on the floor" he took hold of the futon from her hands and started unfolding it. It looked like it could accommodate more than one person.

"It's okay" Nami insisted, "I'll sleep on the floor."

"No" D.O started, "I'll sleep on the floor."

"No, I'll--"

"Enough!" Chanyeol shouted at the both of them. "Since you guys are both keen on sleeping on the floor then, we'll all sleep on the floor."

"What?" Nami and D.O said in unison.

Chanyeol sighed, "It'll be cold this evening anyway so it might be better if all three of us slept on the futon. You know, share body heat and all." He grabbed hold of one corner of the futon and stretched it out. "See? It looks like it's big enough for all three of us."

"Then, I'll sleep in the middle" Nami declared. It was always warmer in the middle.

Chanyeol nodded. "Fine." He preferred sleeping at the end anyway.

D.O blushed, "Fine." He couldn't believe he'll be sleeping next to Nami tonight.

~*~

D.O grabbed a handful of sand and played with it as he stayed seated, looking after everyone else's belongings. They were at the beach now and it was approaching the late afternoon. The sun had been out earlier and it was warm but, D.O felt chilly. It must be because of the wind blowing from the sea.

"Aren't you bored?" he heard a feminine voice ask. He looked up and saw it was Nami, wearing a shawl around her back. She sat down beside him on the beach mat they had brought with them.

"A little bit" he answered. Both of them were watching the other EXO members playing in the water. They were shirtless, showing off their chiselled abs and toned limbs from frequent physical activity. They had formed two teams and were splashing salty seawater at each other.

D.O glanced at Nami and saw that she was observing them closely. "Wow. You guys are in such good shape" she mumbled.

D.O chuckled, "Are you referring to their abs?"

Nami turned to him with an arched brow. "Of course I am" she grinned. "Gosh, I'm so jealous. Guys can get such well-defined muscles. They're almost god-like."

D.O was amused, "You're jealous of their muscles?" He found this peculiar.

"What?" she said playfully, "A girl can't check a guy out and be envious of him?" She turned to face him, "What would you do if you were surrounded by a bunch of women wearing bikinis?"

D.O replied, "Well, I wouldn't say I was jealous of their figures."

Nami laughed, "You have a point. But, what I mean is, guys, can develop really big muscles that can help them do awesome flips and kicks and throws." She saw D.O staring at her with a confused expression and she elaborated, "I'm talking about judo and how it's easier for guys to do judo moves since their bodies are better adapted to it than women's." She sighed, "And here I am, stuck in my underdeveloped body."

D.O was quick to comfort her, "You're not underdeveloped." But then, his face went beet red as he realised what he said could refer to. "I mean--"

Nami laughed, her eyes twinkling. "Say no more, D.O-ah."

They sat alone together for a while, staring out into the distance. The sound of the waves crashing against land was comforting. D.O hadn't been alone with Nami in a while so he felt that having her beside him was a miracle. He had been keeping his distance from her ever since he had found out that she and Chanyeol were dating. It had hurt him but, he couldn't stay away from her for too long. It was like he was addicted to her and, if he wasn't careful, he might get an overdose. His feelings for her were getting harder to control and he had fallen so deep that he didn't know what to do with them anymore. She was taken yet, why wasn't he dissuaded from pursuing her?

D.O shivered as a gust of wind blew in their direction. Nami saw this and scooted closer to him. "Here," she said as she wrapped half her shawl around his shoulder so that both of them were sharing it. D.O's heart raced at how close Nami was to him. Their shoulders were touching and his shoulder felt hot from the contact.

She peered at him and asked, "Why aren't you out there swimming with the others? I can look after the bags if you want."

D.O shook his head, "It's okay. I'm not really keen on getting wet. It's cold now anyway."

"C'mon" she encouraged and then gave him a teasing look, "you should show off your abs too!"

D.O looked away embarrassed. "I-I don't have abs..." He peeked up at Nami, waiting for her to laugh at him but instead, he saw she was honey-eyed.

She cooed, "Aww. Don't worry, D.O-ah. Having abs isn't everything." She reached out to him and pinched his cheek, "you're still cute. You're like a precious baby boy!"

D.O watched as Nami made cooing noises at him like she was talking to a child. Despite his heart racing at her closeness and sudden touch, he felt a little offended. He didn't want Nami to think of him as a cute kid: he wanted her to think of him as a man. Nami let go of his cheek and returned to watching the others play in the water. At that moment, Chanyeol was sending a torrent of splashes towards Sehun and, Chen was helping him. She laughed at the sight of Sehun running away.

"What do you like about him?" D.O asked out of the blue.

Nami turned to face him.

"Chanyeol, I mean."

Nami was quiet. She didn't know what to say. It was an unexpected question so she wasn't sure how to answer him. How did she feel about Chanyeol?

"Erm, well. He teases me a lot" she began, her brows furrowed as she tried to think of anything good to say. "But I know that he cares deep down inside." Nami had her face scrunched up in thought. Even she didn't feel like her answer was convincing.

"It was surprising, you know," D.O said as he watched Chanyeol. "None of us expected you two to get together."

Nami shifted uncomfortably. "Me neither" she admitted, which made D.O give her a curious look. "I guess it just happened." She turned to him suddenly, "But what about you? Is there someone that you like?" Nami searched D.O's round eyes and saw them flicker. She remembered that D.O had a mystery crush from when she was hiding under Baekhyun's bed, a while back.

D.O averted his gaze, "Not really."

Liar, Nami thought. "C'mon. You can tell me" she pressed. "You don't have to tell me her name." She batted her lashes at him, "I'll offer you counsel" she sang, almost in sing-song.

D.O looked at Nami fluttering her eyes at him and he gave in. How could he ever resist her charm? "There is a girl that I like" he admitted.

Nami squealed.

"But" D.O continued, "She likes someone else."

Nami let out a sound of disappointment. "Well, have you told her you like her?"

D.O shook his head.

Nami frowned. "Then go tell her!"

"It's not that easy" D.O explained. "She's kinda seeing someone else already."

"So?" Nami retorted which stunned D.O. "Just because she's seeing someone else doesn't mean you shouldn't tell her how you feel. If you really love her then you'll fight for her."

"But, that would mean getting in the way of her current relationship. I can't do that."

"The way I see it" Nami explained, "you're doing her a favour by telling her your feelings. If it's not meant to be then, it's not meant to be. You never know, maybe the guy she's dating is a total ass." D.O watched as Nami smiled, revealing her dimples. "'Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game'" she said, mimicking a wise voice. "I got that quotation from a movie."

D.O chortled.

As he watched Nami smile at him, he knew that what she said was right. It was strange how Nami could break his heart and give him courage too. D.O watched as Nami turned her head towards the direction of the EXO members again. But while her eyes were on them, his eyes never left her. And that was when he decided that it wasn't too late. Nami may be dating Chanyeol but he wasn't going to let that stop him from reaching out to her.

He still had a chance. He can still worm into her heart.

~*~

Author's Note:

Hi reader! Thanks for reading chapter 28 of Our Little Dorm Mother!

So, the story has finally reached the start of the third arc! Woop woop!

I hope you didn't get bored reading Xiumin's part. I know it's a little melodramatic but I didn't want to leave his feelings unknown. And, I deeply apologise CL. Xiumin's heart had to be broken. >.<

Also, thank you SA, for your wise words. I wouldn't have been able to write the beginning of this chapter without you.

Please look forward to what's going to happen next! It's not the end, there is more drama to come!

And as always, comment, vote and share!

Next time...