When my little steps pile up, they will form a firm path one day.
-

"Can't compete, I'm lalali!" Seokmin's loud voice echoed.

For this entire hour, we practised nothing. We were just listening to the original track back to back.

Initially, it was hard. Because Coups hyung's voice kept coming up and we all would go silent, reminiscing him.

Then we slowly got over it and actually focused on our work.

But again, it was hard. Because our unit which used to consist of five members was no more intact.

So yet again, we found ourselves sitting on the floor, beside each other.

"We can't go on like this." I mumbled, "We've to start practising."

It was such an up-beat and hype song. Yet, after one or two verses, we would start choking on our own words and crumble down.

"Exactly." Joshua hyung nodded, "At least start it in an organised way or else we'll keep procrastinating it."

"C'mon, get up everyone." I was the first one to stand up.

"Hyung, you start." Seungkwan insisted.

"Yeah, we'll follow." Seokmin added.

I nodded as I grabbed the mic. I began to practise singing my part while doing little steps that I remembered. We were going to learn a simple choreo later on.

When I was done, the rest of them applauded me. I chuckled lightly but soon enough, I felt a gaze on me.

I snapped my head and turned around but there was no one.

Wait.

This can't be true.

I did get a strong feelings that someone was there.

"Ay Woozi, you're so talented! Looking at you, I feel so content. You're just amazing."

Why was Jeonghan hyung's voice suddenly ringing in my head? Why did I feel as if he was watching me for a split second?

As my heart beat raced, I was also feeling Coups hyung around myself.

Am I going crazy?

"Yah go to your hip hop unit, they must be missing you." I mumbled to myself. But soon enough, I realised, I was speaking to no one.

I'm definitely going crazy.

I sighed heavily as my heart was pounding like there was no tomorrow. I clutched my chest tightly, trying to get rid of this vulnerable feeling.

I had to stay strong. If not for myself, then for the team.

"Woozi?" Joshua hyung shook me, "Are you alright?"

"Uh- yeah." I nodded nervously as all three of them were looking at me worriedly.

"Hyung, here." Seungkwan handed me water. Seokmin dabbed a towel on my forehead. I just realised, I was sweating heavily.

Oh lord, I miss them so much.

"Let's get back to practise." Joshua hyung stated as all of us began to focus on our work, leaving behind every possibly distraction.

During the break time, Seokmin and Seungkwan started doing a battle of vocal notes to practise them. Well, nothing new. They were always like that

But this time, it wasn't a vocal exercise. They were clearly releasing their stress and agression. We had been practicing for a long time now. And this whole time, we were just missing a person who wasn't going to come back.

It was hitting us like a truck. Four available members couldn't compensate for the one missing member.

"Are they going to break the mirrors?" Joshua hyung muttered, "They're giving me chills"

"I know. We need to stop them." I worriedly stated.

But before we could act, their limits broke. A loud frustrated scream left their mouths as they collapsed on the floor, crying.

We both got up and went to them. Joshua hyung patted Seokmin and I consoled Seungkwan.

"This is not fair." Seungkwan cried heavily, "I can't bear this."

"Why? Why is this happening to us?" Seokmin sniffled as he grabbed his hair while Joshua hyung caressed his back.

Right. Why is this happening to us? What did we do to get broken apart like this?

We didn't deserve any of this, did we?

Or was Hoshi right? Did they leave us because their souls were truly tired of us?

Not possible, was it?

They loved us. And we knew that we loved them too.

We just had a little argument which was normal. It wasn't the first time we had fought. Yeah it's true, it went a bit far but wait, it can't be the reason of them leaving us alone.

I trust them. Their souls must be craving to come back to us. Because they know, no matter how much we fight, we were each other's emotional support.

And although it was hard, moving on was a good choice for us.

Because moving on didn't mean we were going to forget them. Heck, that wasn't possible.

It simply meant, that we were going to walk forward in our lives, with their memories in our hearts.

All the dreams, which we had seen while sitting under the blanket of stars when we were so young. They weren't just dreams, they were our lives.

As we grew together, Seventeen had become an irreplaceable and major part of our lives. If not this, then what were we supposed to do?

I knew, everyone was going through the same situation as me.

Everyday, I used to pray that it was just a dream. Before sleeping, I would hope that the next morning will prove it all a nightmare and we'll be happy again.

Afterall, I was pretty sure that the togetherness we had promised wasn't supposed to be this small.

Even if huge problems used to come our way, we were confident. Why? Because thirteen of us were together as a whole. No one was missing, no one was gone.

I don't even know if our present and future is right. But I'm trying, everyone is.

Breaking down, collapsing and shattering to the core but still standing up with double power. This is what Seventeen is about.

"Guys, let's calm down." I patted Seungkwan, "It's okay to cry. Don't hold it in or else it would suffocate you."

"But don't get demotivated, okay?" Joshua hyung calmed Seokmin, "You're strong, we all are strong. We can make it."

"See how far we've come?" I added, "From locking ourselves in our rooms to attending regular practises and discussions. If we can do this, then we can slowly achieve everything."

"Exactly." Joshua hyung agreed with me.

"C'mon, get up." I stood up.

"Hyung, let's wrap up for today." Seokmin muttered.

"No, don't. I don't want to go home." Seungkwan intervened, "At least a few things can distract us here."

Joshua hyung was observing them and I could see, he was feeling really bad. Afterall, he was also missing his fellow 95 liners.

He was left alone, a bit too alone.

"Guys! Stop it, please." I mumbled lowly, "Just get to work if you really want to distract yourself."

I knew it might sound a bit harsh right now. But it is what it is. We had to accept it because it was the truth.

I didn't want everyone to keep suffering miserably until the end. Of course there was no way out of it. But at least we could hold each other's hand and probably suffer together?

Who knows? We might retain at least fifty percent of our true colour.

Who knows? We might understand the underlying motive of this situation.

Who knows? We might pass this test of life too, someday.