Even when facing an unknown path, this unwavering first step will mark the beginning of something great.
-

I took a deep breath.

We were currently in the waiting room behind the stage.

Today was that day, of Caratland.

We had done the soundcheck with only thir- uh- eleven of us. We had decided to keep the opening of Caratland special so yeah, we didn't see anyone before the actual stage.

Might sound weird but this was it.

We were getting ready for the final showdown. Almost ten months had passed with us being on hiatus due to the tough situation we were dealing with.

But here we were, desperate to go to the stage and look at that cheerful crowd.

Wait- will it be cheerful? Will the fans be happy to see us pretending to be fine? Will the fans smile with us when they'll see us as eleven?

Will they accept us like this?

I sighed. Why were so many useless questions clouding my mind?

We had already talked about it a lot then why? Why was I suddenly feeling so anxious?

Wait. Calm down. Take a deep breath. Yeah. It's fine. We'll be fine.

Slowly, I could hear everyone having small random talks, walking here and there, taking their time to prepare themselves.

"Okay guys, you've ten minutes left then we'll head to the backstage." We heard the voice of a staff member after which all of us gathered around.

It was the time for the team to cheer up.

We stood in a circle, connecting our hands into a circle as well. We took deep breaths as we stared at our team rings that were shining so brightly, as if telling us to believe in them.

"Okay! Everyone!" Joshua hyung began, "We can face everything together with our heads held high! Let's do our best and make  it a special appearance come back! Fighting! Say the name-!"

"SEVENTEEN."

We looked at each other, assuring ourselves with our eyes. We walked to the backstage and stood right behind the immense door.

Now, we were just one door away from Carats. We were going to perform on stage, in front of our fans.

I calmed my breaths, "Do your best, Mingyu, your hyungs are watching you."

Yeah. I hoped they were watching us. Because this first step, was for them.

Slowly the door opened and we could see the excitement in the crowd. We had in-ears on but we could still hear some faint sounds.

We walked towards the main stage, the music had already started. I saw the fans. Some were happy, some were in tears. I just hoped to give them a great performance and cheer them up.

And with that our power-packed performances started, the first one being for Maestro. After that, all the performances went well.

Few of us were quite aggressive while performing. I knew why. Because we didn't want to break down that's why we were telling ourselves that we were fine.

When we were not.

After the first lap of performance, it was the time for the real thing. We were standing on the stage, for the first ment. Well, it was important to finally talk to the fans and then continue with the event.

"1, 2, 3, Say the name-!"

"SEVENTEEN."

"Hello we are, Seventeen!" Joshua hyung started the ment, "I'm so glad to see you all once again. How has everyone been and-" He halted when he saw most of the fans tearing up while seeing the two empty spaces beside him.

"Calm down, everyone." Joshua hyung mumbled slowly as now we were breaking down as well. We were just trying to hold it in.

"I know, all of us miss them." He continued, "And I read your messages. Didn't you all want us back? Didn't you want us to be strong? Then how are we supposed to stay strong when you all, as our strengths, are crying like this? Please smile for us, that's the only source of hope for us."

Joshua hyung kept the mic down as he saw the fans trying hard to calm themselves but they couldn't.

I understand. We aren't any better.

Next to me were Seokmin and Seungkwan on either sides. A pulled them closer, "Let's console them with our music."

I told them my idea and soon we spread that idea within ourselves and the staff.

We stood at the edge of the stage as the lights turned dark. We had our hand mics and got white roses which we distributed among ourselves, one each.

Thirteen, yes thirteen spotlights were aimed on the darkened stage, eleven being on us and the rest two, left empty between us.

And the music started.

Kidult, one of our greatest emotional supports.

I had said this very strictly. Our throats might turn dry, we might choke on our tears, words might not come out of our mouth, everything might look blurred but we didn't have to stop singing, no matter what.

Even if tears cover our entire face, we had to smile, and keep singing.

There's a child in my heart
It's a difficult day today too
You and I only go in opposite direction whoa-oh-oh

I saw the fans look up to us. It was beautiful, to see them seek comfort from simply our voices.

It's hard to narrow it down
Everyday more and more
Everyday more to me whoa
Everything is cold but whoa-oh
I'm not lonely because I've you no, no, no

Now I could see everyone of us tearing up, even myself. My hand was trembling as I was holding onto the white rose. But I still turned towards the crowd, locking eyes with every person I could.

I'm here like a child
Where did you hide?
To you, every day is brighter than sadness

I gestured them to sing along with us. I pointed at the sky, smiled and then pointed at my heart.

You very well know what I meant.

It's okay, your world is just as you are now
Because it's precious and precious, whoa
Stay here with me

Oh how much power this music held. We were crying badly but we were smiling. At this point, I bet if someone would ask us to speak, we won't be able to but singing? Yeah, we were at it.

Even when I cry like a child
We're so similar, we're together
Just like you are, like an adult or a child

Sometimes, it's okay to waste time
Even if there's no iron
I see you like that

We were feeling the lyrics today. They had always meant a lot to us but today, it felt much more. I can't even explain it through words.

Find me, no, no, no
I'm not afraid of falling tomorrow
We're together so I'm not afraid of tears
Above this world covered in black
Paint my heart pure white

It wasn't just a song. It was a promise. A promise that we'll heal each other. A promise that we'll cry together and then smile for each other.

I'm here like a child

Where did they hide?

After laughing like an adult
Even when I cry like a child
We're so similar, we're together
Just like you are, like an adult

We left our positions and gathered together at the empty spotlights, in a circle.

Oh whoa-whoah-whoah
Like an adult child, like an adult child

We kept our white roses together after kissing them as tears trailed down through our cheeks. We threw them up in the air and waited for them to fall over us again.

Let's love even our hidden sorrows
With a much grown appearance
Tomorrow I'll live like a child
We're so similar, we're together
Just like you are, like an adult or a child

The roses fell back over us. And we took them, as the love which our hyungs were always willing to shower over us.

We took it as a sign that we were together, forever, as precious thirteen.