Look Back And... Cry

Glenn's group was the first to return, and the first thing Maggie told Parker was how Glenn tripped over a stack of boxes and a mop while searching the gun store they raided. Glenn then told Parker about the silencers he had found in the mini-fridge, the really important detail that Maggie forgot to share. "It was a success," Glenn smiled while he and Parker high-fived.

"Until you tripped," Maggie snickered and Glenn puffed out his cheeks while he looked at her with a frown.

"Aww.. cheer up," Parker teased, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and shaking him around. "It's not every day you trip over a mop." Glenn pushed her away and she burst out laughing.

"Need I remind you of the time you fell down the stairs back on one of our runs in Atlanta?" Glenn pushed her away again. "Or at the Big Spot when you fell over that canned food." Parker stopped laughing, shaking her head.

"No. No, we don't need to mention that."

"Yes. We do," Maggie brushed her off, covering her mouth as she looked to Glenn for details. "What happened?" Parker pulled at her hand.

"Nothing." Maggie used her other hand to keep her quiet, laughing as she tried to get away.

"We were walking down the stairs and Parker was rambling like she normally does, and she didn't see a step and she fell," Glenn explained, laughing at the memory, while Maggie and Parker continued to fight with each other. Maggie intently listened to Glenn as he told the story. "I swear, there must have been at least twenty steps and she just rolled straight to the bottom."

"They were metal and all of my back and arms were scratched up and bruised," Parker added in, shuddering at the memory. "Shane thought I got into a fight with the damn things."

"It was hilarious," Glenn was dying, both him and Maggie laughing as Parker stared at them both unamused. "You also lost the fight."

"What about the time you stepped on a rake and it hit you in the face?" Parker asked, laughing at the look Glenn gave her. "It was like something out of a cartoon."

"I didn't see it," Glenn defended timidly.

"I did," Parker laughed, "But it was too good of an opportunity to pass up."

"Traitor.." Glenn murmured glaring at her jokingly.

"You made fun of me for falling down a long flight of stairs." Parker countered, in a fake defensive tone.

"God, how did you two make it this far?" Maggie asked them, shaking her head dissapointedly. "How do y'all get anything done when you were together?" Parker and Glenn shrugged.

"We don't know," They answered in perfect unison.

"With the amount of accidents we've had..." Parker kissed her teeth, shaking her head. "There was one time Glenn wiped out on spilled soap and I tried to help him and fell on my ass right behind him. It was like that scene where Bambi was on the ice. We couldn't get up."

"That was the worst," Glenn mumbled as Maggie stared at them in shock. "Then we just gave up and started sliding down the halls to see who could get the furthest." Maggie rolled her eyes at the last part, a smile still on her face.

"How you managed to do anything will always be a mystery for me." Parker gasped, pretending to be offended at her words.

"We make a fantastic team," Parker responded, her elbow resting on his shoulder. "And to be honest, I couldn't think of anyone better to have as a best friend."

"Me neither," Glenn agreed. "That's why I get to be your baby's godfather." Parker smiled at his words.

"Exactly." When the rest of the groups returned, Rick brought enough food to last them several weeks and carried it back to the church in plastic boxes stacked on carts. As they unloaded the food into the church, Carol and Daryl returned with the water, Parker was sat on the steps, having been banned from lifting anything heavy for the foreseeable future. She couldn't wait for the moment she had to use a gun or kill a walker just to see the look on Rick and Daryl's faces. When Daryl saw Parker pouting on the church steps, he smiled as he handed the water to Eugene, who disappeared inside with the rest of the group. Daryl walked over to Parker, stopping at the foot of the church steps. "Hey," Parker greeted, glancing up at him. "I missed you."

"I was only gone for a few hours," Daryl replied, smiling down at her.

"I know, I was lying to you anyways," She shrugged, biting back the smile that was growing on her face.

"I'm just sayin'," Daryl held his hands up, "Few hours.." He bent down, lifting her to her feet as he pulled her into a hug and she smiled as she wrapped her arms around him.

"I think you missed me too." She laughed into his shoulder.

"Nah, I just missed the baby." He disagreed and Parker gasped, staring at him as she pushed out of the hug.

"That was honestly very hurtful." Daryl laughed at her.

"I'm kidding. I missed you too." Parker let out a soft sigh.

"Hey, I've been thinking.."

"Well, be careful not to hurt yourself," Daryl responded in a sarcastic tone.

"Hey!" Parker exclaimed, "You've been with me for too long. I think my humor is starting to rub off on you." Daryl tilted his head in agreement. "Okay, but seriously, I've been thinking. We're in a church, right?"

"Yeah.." Daryl confirmed slowly.

"And Gabriel is a priest, so I'm sure he's done all types of ceremonies and things that normally happen in a church," Parker continued explaining her thought process. "And now we're here... why don't we make it official?"

"You want to get married?" Daryl asked her unsurly. "Stand up in front of everyone and say vows and stuff?"

"Well, not with so many words," Parker muttered, tilting her head slightly. "I just want to do the ceremony because we may never have this opportunity again. And Carl really wanted to see our wedding, which we'll never actually get."

"You really want this?"

"Only if you want it," Parker answered, picking at the skin around her nails. "And I always wanted to get married in a church like Rick and Lori, so this may be my only chance. Obviously, if you don't want to, we don't have to, but-"

"Let's get married," He cut her off, smiling at the shocked look on her face. When they had asked Gabriel if he would officially marry them, he was more than happy to do so. Their friends gathered together, even though Parker told them they didn't have to and watched as Gabriel read out the words that most already knew. Asking if they took each other to be their partner to have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as they both shall live. Until death do them part. 

Daryl hated the whole thing, wishing it was just him and Parker, and maybe Rick, Carl, and Carol, but seeing the smile on her face when Gabriel told him to kiss her made it all worth it. It was only a short kiss, but it was enough for them. They both hated being the center of attention but getting married in front of her family was something Parker always wanted. And now she had it. Parker had married the love of her life in the same dirty clothes they always wore, in front of a group that had become family, and in that moment everything was perfect. She didn't need wedding bells, a white dress, an elegant bouquet, or anything fancy, she was just happy to share the moment with everyone she loved. 

After Gabriel married them, Rick declared it was time to eat, and the group's morale soared as they filled their plates with whatever food they could find. Parker was one of the first to go because everyone agreed that since she was pregnant she needed it more than anyone else, and although she hated being forced to do it when she sat down with a plate of food, she felt that she could really survive like this. Surrounded by people who all cared about one another, who were all doing their best to survive and in the midst of it, had found a whole family in the making. She sat with Glenn and Maggie for a while, talking and laughing as if they were living a normal life. They told stories about their childhood and joked about what they would be doing right now if the world hadn't ended. In another life, they would never have met, and Parker would never have become friends with Glenn or met Daryl, nor would she have even had a baby on the way. She glanced back and noticed Daryl sitting alone on one of the benches and excused herself from Glenn and Maggie, going to sit next to him.

"Hello, husband," He looked up from his food, smiling when he saw her.

"Is that gonna be my name from now on?" He laughed as she sat down beside him.

"Just until the adrenaline wears off," Parker replied, looking at the ring on her finger as Daryl wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I can't believe we're like 'officially' married, you know?"

"I know," Daryl agreed quietly. "I'm glad I found you."

"Me too," Parker sighed, slightly relieved. "I don't know what I would have done if I was alone for much longer."

"No, I mean at the start of all this. In Atlanta," Daryl elaborated. "If I hadn't found you, It would've stayed just me and Merle. God knows what would've happened to us."

"Welp," Parker dropped her hands into her lap with a dramatic sigh. "Unfortunately for you, we met. And I can safely say that having you almost shoot me in the woods that day has been one of the best things that's happened to me." Daryl smiled, taking hold of one of her hands that rested in her lap.

"I love you."

"I love you too," Parker smiled, pressing a small kiss to his lips. "Oh, I'm also very full."

"Good," Daryl laughed quietly. "Gotta keep you fed." She nodded in agreement before a sad look covered her face.

"This baby will never get to know what pizza or Chinese food tastes like." Daryl rolled his eyes, looking at Parker with a half smile.

"At least it'll be alive."

"Are we doing the right thing?" Parker's shoulders dropped, once again overthinking things. "Bringing a baby into this world.. we don't have anything resolved to consider bringing a baby into this world."

"Too late to go back now," Daryl said, looking back at the group as they all laughed and had fun. "And like you said before... we can't be afraid to live. Sure as hell not now when we're surrounded by the damn dead." Parker looked around, everyone seemed to be much more cheerful than in the previous days. Parker's eyes wandered from Rick, sitting next to the altar with Judith. Then her gaze trailed to Glenn and Maggie, who had sat next to Sasha and Tyreese. Maybe staying in the church wouldn't be so bad after all. Still, there had to be more, and Daryl was right. They couldn't live in fear of the dead or they would never actually get the chance to live. They had to take control of their lives again and build something out of the rubble of this disaster. They couldn't be afraid to move forward and grow, and maybe this baby was exactly what Parker needed to prove to herself that she was strong enough to succeed in a world now ruled by the dead.

"Is this what's left for us?" Parker finally asked after getting lost in her thoughts. "This church?"

"I hope not," Daryl responded, "We'll find a better place."

"I hope we do." Parker sighed, sitting back against the pew.

"I'd like to propose a toast," Abraham spoke up, and the chatter amongst separate groups died down, all eyes locating him. "I look around this room... and I see survivors. Each and every one of you has earned that title. To the survivors."

"To the survivors!" Tara raised her cup first, and everyone else raised a glass in toast echoing her. Some people clapped their hands if they didn't have a cup.

"Is that all you want to be?" Abraham asked them all, regaining their attention. "Wake up in the morning, fight the undead pricks, forage for food, go to sleep at night with two eyes open, rinse and repeat? Cause you can do that. I mean, you got the strength. You got the skill. Thing is, for you people, for what you can do, well... that's just surrender. Now, we get Eugene to Washington and he will make the dead die and the living will have this world again. And that is not a bad takeaway for a little road trip." Faced with Abraham's proposal, Parker asked the question that everyone was dying to know but was too afraid to ask.

"Eugene? What's in DC that makes it so special? So important to get to?"

"Infrastructure constructed to withstand pandemics even of this fubar magnitude," Eugene answered. "That means food, fuel, refuge. Restart."

"However this plays out, however long it takes for the reset button to kick in, you can be safe there." Abraham cut in, clearly having heard plenty of Eugene's stories about the place. "Safer than you've been since this whole thing started. Come with us. Save the world for that little one." He looked at Rick who had been playing around with Judith as he said those words, then his eyes moved to Parker. "Save the world for the little one you have on the way. Save it for yourselves. Save it for the people out there.... who got nothin' left to do except survive." Judith babbled softly and Rick at her with a smile.

"What was that?" There were small laughs from those around him as he addressed his daughter. "I think she knows what I'm about to say." He turned to his left to share a smile with Tyreese who was laughing. "She's in. If she's in, I'm in. We're in." He concluded, looking about the group with a big smile. The group cheered enthusiastically. Parker turned to Daryl, a small grin on her face.

"Looks like we found ourselves our safe place."

"Looks like it," Daryl replied.

"I would also like to take this moment to congratulate the newlyweds," Abraham announced, raising his glass towards them as they hid in the back on the pews. "They both looked about ready to throw up in front of us, but I haven't seen love like theirs in a long time. To Daryl and Parker."

"To Daryl and Parker!" Everyone called out after. Then Glenn stood up and Parker reached out to stop him but he moved out of her reach already smiling.

"Glenn, please don't.."

"Well, I want to say a few words too. I've known Parker since it all started pretty much. And I can safely say she is one of the best people I've ever met. Most of us have seen how far she's come since the start, how she's changed and grown and is now preparing to be a mother. I'm glad to call her my friend. From the moment we met, we had one of those friendships that are rare and need to be treasured. She's definitely changed since the beginning, and any of you who's been with us since Atlanta, even you can see that, you can agree that we have one of the most dizzying friendships ever." Glenn turned to Parker smiling while she buried her face in her hands from embarrassment. "I can't wait to meet your son or daughter when they arrive, and I can't wait to see you and Daryl be the best parents a child could ask for- no offense, Rick." Everyone laughed at the last part, Carl and Rick bullying each other. Parker had tears in her eyes as she buried her face in Daryl's shirt, hiding the redness in her cheeks. She despised being the center of attention as much as Daryl, but hearing those words from Glenn had made her smile. Daryl kissed the top of her head as everyone went back to their own business.

"I hate bein' watched," Daryl said quietly.

"Me too," Parker agreed, finally looking at him. "But we kinda caused that. We got married. For real this time." Carl walked over to Parker and Daryl, grinning from ear to ear.

"Hey, guess what I got?"

"What'd you get?" Parker asked curious. Carl pulled out a pack of cards from his pocket.

"Glenn found them today and thought we could use them." Parker smiled, taking the box of cards.

"Wanna play?"

"Yeah," Carl nodded, looking over at Daryl. "Wanna join?"

"Sure," Daryl responded while Parker shuffled the cards, the couple moving to sit on the floor in a small circle with Carl. She dealt three hands, they played a few rounds for a while, and the person with the most wins got a can of pineapple. They didn't get a chance to finish their current game before Parker's focus changed to Carol, whose movements had caught her attention as she headed toward the doors. Parker watched her leave in silence, without bothering almost anyone, now she wondered where she was going.

"Hey, Carol's leaving," Parker whispered, nudging Daryl. "You think she's okay?"

"Probably." Parker shot him a glare, kicking his leg.

"Go check on her. Please." She added the please just to be an ass cause she knew that he knew if he didn't she would. Daryl debated it over in his mind before he saw her giving him puppy dog eyes from the corner of his eye and he scoffed, giving her a half-assed hug before pushing himself to his feet.

"I'll be right back." She watched Daryl until he disappeared through the doors and then sighed. Carl noticed her expression and stopped looking through his cards.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, just a headache," Parker lied, looking back down at the cards in her hands.

"Are you worried about Carol and Daryl?" Carl continued, placing down a card. "Because I don't think there's anything to worry about. I pretty sure they're just friends h-"

"Carl, no! Not that," She laughed, cutting him off before he could finish his thought. "I trust Daryl with my life. I know he wouldn't do that, and besides, he and Carol are friends. It's just... something isn't sitting right with me."

"Is it the baby?" Carl instantly asked, worry flooding his features.

"No, the baby is fine," Parker assured him, placing her hand over her stomach. "I don't know what it is. I guess I'm just anxious after everything. Atlanta, the farm, the prison, Terminus... what if nowhere is safe?

"There's got to be somewhere."

"We thought the prison was safe too," Parker muttered, "We all thought the farm was safe. We assumed Terminus would be a sanctuary. Every single time we've been wrong."

"That doesn't mean there isn't somewhere out there," Carl argued, "Aunt Parker, you can't think like that."

"Im just being realisteic. Look, Carl. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but if something goes wrong.. promise me you'll take care of my baby. Promise me you'll look after Daryl too."

"Don't say that," Carl shook his head. "Don't talk like you're going to die."

"Carl, it could happen," Parker whispered sadly, knowing what she was asking was terrible. "We don't have the medicine like we did in the old world.. the conditions, the resources we need aren't here. It could happen, and I need to know that someone can take care of the baby because no matter what happens to me, this baby needs to survive."

"Aunt Parker, stop," Carl whispered.

"Rick won't take it well," Parker continued, looking at her brother. "You saw how he was after your mother. Daryl... I don't know how he'd take it, but I know you."

"I can't.."

"I know it's a horrible thing to ask of you," She placed her card a moment after him. "And I feel horrible for even doing it. But you're the strongest one out of all of us, Carl.... and you don't even know it. You'll be the one who keeps this group together. Please, I just need you to promise me that you will take care of this baby. I know you can do it."

"I promise," Carl dipped his head as he whispered the words. "But we're going to find somewhere. You're going to have the baby. You are going to survive and you will be the best mom in the world." Parker smiled, tears pooling in her eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Aunt Parker," Carl mumbled, leaning forward to hug his aunt. "And we're all going to be okay."

"We'll all be okay," Parker repeated, using her thumb to wipe the one tear that had fallen down his cheek.

"I won, pay up." Carl laughed sadly, motioning towards the can of pineapple. Parker leaned back grabbing it and tossing it to him, nudging him over toward his father.

"Go play a round with your dad. Something tells me you could win more against him than me." Once she convinced him to go, she moved over to the bench in the back of the church, hidden away in the shadows. Parker wasn't sure where the emotions were coming from, but she couldn't help but cry now that she'd started. Running through the woods, walking the tracks, or roaming the roads for a bit more than a few weeks had kept her emotions at bay because there were scarier things she had to worry about. Survival didn't leave much room to stop and cry when she felt the need to break down. If you stopped, you died. So all she could do was move until the emotions simply vanished. The only problem was that you could run from your emotions for years and eventually, they'd still catch up with you. 

Parker had stopped to catch her breath, taking refuge in this church, and everything she had been holding in since the prison fell finally caught up with her. The thought of never getting to see her baby grow up was the catalyst for her tears, but as she cried silently with her arms hugging her knees to her chest, everything hit her at once. Finding out that she was pregnant, which should have been exciting was instead terrifying. The encounter with the Claimers and the subsequent trauma that accompanied the time spent with them. Finding Rick, Carl, and Michonne that night, followed by what happened at Terminus and their escape. Then getting the closure of finding out Judtih was alive... it was all too much for her. Rick had gotten up to get Judith some water, which was when he noticed his sister sat in the back of the church, curled into herself. Carl followed his father's gaze before shaking his head and shrugging. Rick knew what Carl meant, he wasn't sure what was wrong with her. Parker rarely cried unless something was really wrong, and right now there wasn't much wrong with where they were.

"Are you okay?" Rick asked, crouching down beside her. "Are you hurt? Is the baby..?"

"I'm fine," Parker tried to assure him, wiping her tear-stained face with the back of her hands. "The baby is fine. I'm just emotional. And tired." Rick sat down on the floor next to the wooden bench.

"You can sleep if you want." Parker nodded, already having heard those same words from many of the others.

"Please don't go anywhere. I just sent Daryl after Carol on some random mission, and I have no idea when they'll be back. Just don't be gone when I wake up." Parker shifted around on the bench to get more comfortable while Rick leaned back against it.

"I won't go anywhere, P."

"I'll go see if there's more food," Carl offered, going to scan through the boxes they'd found earlier that day. "Goodnight, Aunt Parker." Rick shifted around so he was able to look at his sister.

"I just wanted to congratulate you properly. I know it wasn't the wedding you wanted, but-"

"It was everything I could have asked for and more," Parker stated over him, cutting him off. She rolled onto her side to look at Rick. "I married the man I love, and I love him more than anything, Rick."

"He knows," Rick said quietly. "And we're all going to be okay if that's what you've been worried about. We'll go to DC, we'll find a place for you to have the baby safely, and we'll find a way to do more than just survive." Parker sighed.

"I hope so. It's not just me I have to worry about anymore. I have to think about this baby and it's so hard not to throw myself into cituations that I normally would." Rick nodded slightly.

"Well, you're not alone anymore. Everyone in this church would die for each other. Thats special. And we're not going to lose that, okay? So you just need to get some sleep, and when Daryl gets back, I'll wake you, alright?" Waiting for a reply, he glanced back at her only to find out she was already asleep. Rick let her sleep for as long as he could, slipping away when Sasha had announced that Bob had yet to return. Rick led a small search party into the woods to look for him, leaving Carl behind to watch over the rest. Daryl had not yet returned, and neither had Carol, which led Rick to believe that the two were in some sort of danger. He knew Parker wouldn't be able to handle that stress right now, so he kept it to himself. Unfortunately, when he and the search party had returned and saw her wide awake, he knew he couldn't hide it any longer.

"Is Daryl back?" When she saw Rick's expression her face fell. "Where is he?"

"I'm sure he and Carol are fine," Rick tried to assure her. "They can take care of themselves."

"But whe- did he leave?" Her voice broke slightly as she got up, remembering the last time he had decided to leave. "Is he gone again?" Glenn hugged Parker when she started to panic.

"Don't worry. I'm sure he'll be back." He comforted her while Sasha approached Gabriel, who looked just as anxious as he normally did, maybe more.

"Stop. What are you doing?" Gabriel didn't respond and Sasha took a step forward, repeating the question. "What are you doing? This is all connected. You show up, we're being watched, and now three of us are gone." She started listing off some facts of what led her to believe that Gabriel was up to something.

"I.. I dont... I don't have anything to do with this," Gabriel stammered over his words, overwhelmed and caught off guard by her sudden outburst. Sasha pulled out her knife and Rosita screamed at her, trying to stop her. "Wait!" He gasped, jumping away.

"Don't!"

"Sasha, put it away!." Tyreese demanded.

"Who's out there?!" Sasha yelled in his face, being held back.

"I... I don't have anything to do with this," Gabriel stuttered, his voice shaking as his eyes wildly darted about the room.

"Where are our people?!"

"I don't have anything to-"

"Where are our people!" Sasha shouted at him, mere inches away from him.

"Sasha, enough!" Parker screamed over her as people pulled her back. "Put the knife away!"

"Please, I don't have anything to do with this," Gabriel choked out, his hands shaking in fear as he held them up. "I..."

"Why'd you bring us here?" Rick stepped forward, taking a calmer approach, pushing Sasha behind him.

"Please, I- I... I"

"Are you working with someone?" Rick tried to remain calm as he interrogated the priest.

"I'm alone," Gabriel stated, those two words being the most confident ones he'd spoken since they'd saved him. "I'm alone. I was always alone."

"What about the woman in the food bank, Gabriel?" Rick continued, pressing him for questions as he stalked towards him until his leg hit the barrier. "What did you do to her? 'You'll burn for this'? That was for you. Why? What are you gonna burn for, Gabriel?" Rick grabbed him by the neck, inches from his face. "What? What did you do? What did you do!?" His words echoed, causing a few people to actually flinch.

"I lock the doors at night," Gabriel admitted, choking out the words as his eyes began to flood with tears. "I always lock the doors at night. I always lock the doors at night. I always.." He sobbed, not able to meet anyways gaze as guilt overwhelmed him. "They started coming.. my- my congregation. Atlanta was bombed the night before and they were scared. They were.... they were looking for a safe place... a place where they felt safe. And it was so early. It was so early. And the doors were still locked. You see... it was my choice. There were so many of them and they were trying to pry the shutters and banging on the sidings, screaming at me and so the dead came for them...." He had to pause for a minute as he relived the memory of the people all screaming for his help. "Women.... children... entire families calling my name as they were torn apart." His voice broke as he said it, his whole smiling facade crumbling to bits in front of them. "Begging me for mercy. Begging me for mercy. Damning me to hell. I buried their bones. I buried it all. The Lord sent you here to finally punish me... I'm damned." He crumpled to the floor, his hands held tightly together in front of him as tears streamed down his cheeks. "I was damned before. I always lock the doors. I always lock the doors." He repeated in hysterics as he fell apart in front of them. Parker felt chills running down her spine as Gabriel sobbed and a whistle sounded outside. Glenn, who had his arm around Parker's shoulders, moved with her to the window and looked out it cautiously. In the grass, they could see a shape moving in the darkness, something that wasn't there before.

"There's something... there's someone outside lying in the grass," Glenn sputtered, as they stared at the figure.

"What the hell? Who is that?"

"Sasha," Rick whispered after her, trying to catch her arm and failing as she ran toward the doors. Then he turned to face Parker. "Stay here, okay?" Parker could only slowly nod her head and watch as the group ran out the doors, the sound of the whistle still echoing in her head. Something bad was going on. And something bad was about to happen.

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