“Good morning, beautiful province of Nueva Esperanza! Good morning, the beautiful islands of the Philippines! This is your DJ Love Joaquin on the radio, bringing you the latest news update for today...” I took a deep breath as I lay my head on the board of my study table.

My grandmother’s radio has kept on playing ever since this morning. It’s almost afternoon, and I can’t focus on studying my lessons before the program I’m taking for college—the Bachelor of Elementary Education.

I’m currently inside my room, studying the subjects I’ll soon take in college. I’ll understand it all in advance so that when the time comes, I already know the lessons, and I’ll just familiarize myself with them. Even so, my grandmother’s radio stops me from attaining that goal.

“Lola! Could you turn down the volume, please... I’m studying here!” I called upon her but she did not respond.

Maybe she’s asleep while while sitting on her rocking chair again, she falls asleep a lot these days because of the fair weather. The calming breeze comes inside my room while the sun is up to supply a balanced amount of humidity. This is the third time that I’ve experienced it, and it’s been going on for days.

I tried to wear a pair of headphones to distract myself with some upbeat music for studying, but the noise of the radio was so loud enough to pierce through my hearing. I couldn’t do anything about it since my grandmother would get angry if I turned that off without her permission.

Man, I really need to get out of here. I wanted to live independently for college but my parents instead made me take the entrance exam at the local university here in our municipality. It’s so unfair, and I became so jealous of each and everyone I know who’s going out of town for college.

Well, there’s an exception for that; Pio also took the exam with me since his parents don’t want him to leave this town—just like me. We’re even in that aspect, so I’m just glad that someone is accompanying me with all of these dilemmas my parents are giving me every single day.

“Hello, is anyone there?! Dace! Dace!” My eyes widened when someone called me.

I quickly took off my headphones to clarify if someone really called me or if it was just my thoughts. I stood up from sitting on my chair and ran towards the window of my room. I then saw Pio waving at me while he was wearing a smile and was super excited.

I hurried up and ran down the stairs to the living room and I found grandmother there, sleeping peacefully on her rocking chair while listening to her old radio—it’s so loud that it bangs through my ears. I went to it, and I lowered the volume since she was already sleeping.

I then went outside the house to greet Pio; I waved at him when I saw him on the terrace. I’m very much delighted to see him because I’ve been stressed lately, it’s a good thing that he came here to relieve my stress.

“Dace, the results of the entrance exams are out now! I haven’t checked it because I wanted to check it out with you, it’s on the Facebook page of the Sabani Estate Agricultural College!” My eyes widened when I heard him.

“It’s out today?! Oh my gosh!” I ran to him when he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“Can I connect to your internet? I haven’t loaded yet, so...” I just rolled my eyes, I breathed heavily, and I lent my hands to get his phone.

I typed the password to our home WiFi, and he eventually got connected; after that, I lent the phone back to him. My heart is starting to pound as of the moment as he checks the university’s social media page.

“Here it is!” he exclaimed.

I went closer to Pio to see the results since I left my phone inside my room. Many programs are offered in the university we enrolled in, and we chose to take the Bachelor of Elementary Education because Pio and I wanted to be teachers ever since we were children.

“Oh my gosh, this is it!” he jolted when he saw the picture of the results. I took a deep breath, and I took a glance at it.

“Elilio, Elilio, Elilio...” Pio repeated his last name, and I noticed that he flinched, and he then jumped as he screamed.

“I passed!” I could notice the joy on his face. I, too was happy for my best friend because he got in.

But what about me?

“Now, let’s see if you passed.” Pio smiled at me and he took his glance back at his phone.

He took a deep breath, and he scrolled to find my name; I noticed that his eyes widened, but unlike earlier, it was a different feeling. My heart pounded even more, I got anxious and I looked down. I held my chest and panted because of this sudden anxiety attack.

“Pio, did I get in?” I asked my best friend in a serious tone. But there was no response; I noticed that he lent me his phone, and he nodded.

“See for yourself, it may be good if you’re seeing it by yourself. I couldn’t bear to tell you.” With a low voice, he handed me his phone.

I see, I did not pass the test. I did not get into that university. There was no Dace Ellison on the results, which means... I’ll be either stopping, or I’ll continue somewhere else.

“Dace, we’re going to be separated in college. I don’t want that! I wanted to be with you; I can’t lose you!” Pio cried to me; I just frowned, and I laughed as I saw him begging me to stay.

“You’re so cringe, you should see yourself. And don’t act like it’s the end of the world, you’re like a boyfriend of mine based on the tone of your voice. It’s ascending me.” I shivered; I looked away, hiding the pain I was feeling.

Yeah, it’s so painful to know that I did not pass that test; I’ve been an expert in hiding all sorts of agony that life is giving me by far. Not to mention, I’d probably get scolded again by my parents sooner or later if they knew about the results.

“Your boyfriend? Like nah! Boyfriend? We’re both baliko and you’re calling me your boyfriend? Dace, I’m having some serious trauma here, and there you are; you’re just sitting there acting like you don’t get a fuck!” Pio rolled his eyes, I just heaved a sigh.

“It’s not a big deal, Pio. My mind did predict this happening, and I already knew what’s gonna happen if my parents found out. I’m gonna be in huge trouble.” I tried my best to smile even though I was hiding this burden inside me.

“It’s a big deal, alright! You’re an academic achiever, and I did not get an award, yet I passed; think about how people would react if they knew about the situation?” Pio asked me further.

I did not respond to his question, so he just left there, clueless of being bound to the flames of wrath that my parents would actually throw me on. In an instant, I was holding back my fear. Yeah, I guess that my reputation is going to be offered as a replacement for my failure.

Moments later, Pio already went home because he’s got some chores to do. Lola was still sleeping in the living room, and I did not dare to disturb her; I just went back to my room and lay down on my bed—the torment I was feeling then burst out and shattered me to pieces.

Tears started to flow down my eyes, I couldn’t think straight because of what Pio told me. Still in denial, I checked the results of the entrance exams on my phone. I still couldn’t find my name.

“You didn’t see your name there, don’t you?” In shock, I looked at the person who said it.

It was my Mom; she was staring at me with serious disappointment, and I could see from her face that she had already seen the results. I was engulfed with the thoughts that even my father was disappointed in me.

“Why can’t you just be like other children there? They’re naturally smart, unlike you, who’s a good-for-nothing dishonor to this family.” She rolled her eyes and she kicked the door.

“Dace, Pio got into SEAC effortlessly and he wasn’t even an academic achiever! How come that you, who’s awarded High Honors, couldn’t even get to that university that wasn’t even recognized by people?!” Mom laughed sarcastically.

“You’re a total failure, Dace... I’m so disappointed in you.” She shook her head and she left my room.

Soon enough, Dad was the one standing by my door telling me the exact things that Mom told me. I couldn’t restrain myself to not listen to their formed anger. They neglected me after that; they did not talk to me the rest of the day—even at dinner.

No one cared about how I was feeling right now because they all hated me.

I assumed that I knew nothing about what they said to me as I stood on my balcony staring at the sky filled with stars twinkling vigorously. I smiled, and I went inside to take a shower; I cleaned myself, still digging into my thoughts. I wanted to shout this pain out loud, but I couldn’t.

Half naked and still with wet hair, I locked myself inside my room filled with darkness and despair. I lay at the edge of my bed, and I cried, facing the white ceiling. Life was really so unfair; it never gave you the things you thought you deserved.

I’m so tired of being treated this way, I’m just so over it. Hence, how can I stop this cycle of pain and hatred? Maybe going away was the only option to run away with all of these, if my parents would just send me to another place for college.

I doubt it; they would never invest in someone like me—a failure and disappointment, as they say.