“Dace! It’s been a month! How are you?!” Pio greeted me with a hug. I giggled and I hugged him back. I smiled upon feeling the same nostalgia I felt when I was still in senior high with Pio.

I cut myself off with the hug. Pio was so excited that he was smiling all throughout. We’re currently in a park at the back of the municipal gymnasium. I messaged him that I’m already here after my encounter with Arjim last night. I’m quite guilty that I didn’t think of him first when I got home. He’s been waiting for my return for a month.

We’re both sitting on a bench under a giant Acacia tree. Pio is currently wearing the SEAC uniform. It’s beautiful, a plain white polo partnered with maroon pants and rubber shoes.

It’s Saturday today, and yes, they have classes. I suspect that Pio came from his National Service Training Program. We had ours yesterday, but it’s just for further orientation before we actually do the actual thing.

“I have so many stories to tell, Dace! College days are definitely so hectic! Even so, it was fun.” Pio gave me a mile, I nodded at him and I agreed. I replied knowing happily that this conversation might take longer ’cause it’s been a fucking month!

“I also have so many—as in so many topics to catch up on—including the main teas... you-know-who!” I responded in excitement. Pio’s eyes widened as he got my point, he smirked, and he laughed out loud.

“You bet! I’m literally going insane—like fucking insane when you’re mentioning him! Like... he’s there. How did you feel when you saw him there? Weren’t you surprised or what?” He mentioned Arjim, this conversation is revolving literally about him. Even so, I needed to tell Pio anyway.

“When I saw him there, I was surprised. Yes. I was surprised to the point that I was questioning my existence. I had so many questions that day and surely, one thing was on my mind—it wasn’t a coincidence.” I started to become serious and took a deep breath as I saw Pio being invested in the topic.

“Either a coincidence or not, he was indeed there. I need to live with him in my life once again, despite the wounds my confession caused me back then. I wasn’t ready for a moment like that, I wasn’t ready to see him there and just be casual to him or what.” I gave Pio an upset look. I smiled shortly after.

“Then... why are you so happy when you’re talking to me on the phone? For what I know, you’ve got this excitement within you. Is it all just a fraud, or it’s the other way around?” Pio scratched his head. I took a long time to reply as I took a deep breath once again. I don’t somewhat know how to explain it to him.

“Listen, I already knew that Arjim and Jenelle had split up. It was the main topic of my girl friends back at our old school. I wouldn’t be surprised if your feelings for Arjim emerged from you once again, and I would never deprive you of expressing them.” Pio nodded at me. I looked at him further and I took a sigh.

“It’s neither, it’s not a fraud nor a change of thought. It was like I was ready to let him back into my life, but suddenly, I was thinking about the past—locking my door once again. I don’t know, I don’t know how to explain that feeling.” Pio holds to his chest. He smiles, then he nods.

“I think I understand, you’re confused. I know it because I’ve been there. Surely it’s hard, but there are these phases through the healing process. You know, it’s hard to move on from something that has hurt you. I do understand because I’ve been there... lots and lots of times.” Pio patted my shoulder, still smiling while comforting me.

“You’re denying your feelings towards someone, that’s not a good thing to do. The more you deny your feelings, the more you’ll feel uneasy and troubled. I’ve sensed that you’ve been going there, yet I know that it’s a part of you to deny it.” He uttered, I just nodded, and I set my gaze at the sky.

It was all blue, the weather was sunny, and the wind caused this sense of tranquility. Birds are flying in the sky, clouds are forming as the scent of nature registers on my nose. I stood up on the bench and I stretched my arms and legs. I once again looked at Pio and I gave him a smile.

“You’re probably right, I’m still denying the fact that I still have feelings for Arjim. I do know the fact, and I don’t want to deny it anymore. Even so, there’s this gap of letting go and this gap of grasping. I just couldn’t let go of the past.” I sighed. I noticed that Pio nodded, and he also stood on the bench.

“I can’t blame anyone else for feeling this way. Maybe I just need to figure out my feelings before committing something I might regret.” I added. I put my hands in my pockets as I felt the gentle touch of the cold breeze.

“Pio, a friend of yours?” I heard someone from behind me. I quickly turned my gaze to the person who said it and I noticed a guy talking to Pio.

“Oh, yeah! He’s my best friend back in high school, and we’re just catching up. He’s also a river in Egypt, so don’t worry.” Pio cackled while talking to the guy.

The guy is wearing the same uniform as Pio, he must be his classmate in SEAC. I give the guy a simple smile as he greets me. From what I’m currently seeing, Pio must be really close to him. I’m glad that he found someone at that university to cling on to his college life.

“Oh, Dace... I forgot to mention Rence. I’ve listened enough to your stories, so let me tell you mine.” He held the guy’s hand, that sent me on a shocking stage the moment I thought of what needed to be thought.

“He’s Rence Crisostomo, my boyfriend.” I felt my blood decreasing from the sudden news I’d heard. With widened eyes, I gasped, and I covered my mouth with my palm.

“What?! Why didn’t you say that you already have a boyfriend when we call each other?! I feel betrayed, I feel attacked!” I held my chest and I faced a heart attack. I saw Pio laughing out of the situation.

“I wanted to make it a surprise. I met him in SEAC, he’s a classmate, and we eventually became friends and now... this.” Pio said shyly.

“How did you two become boyfriends? I badly want to know!” I felt like it was a sudden need to know about the details of Pio’s relationship. Rence answered my question so I faced him.

“We’re the only boys in class, the rest are all girls. Just so that we’re always paired up on activities, and we take the comfort of one another by being partners. The girls shipped us. We like each other so we became boyfriends.” Rence told me. I looked at Pio and I made a teasing face.

“Congratulations! You’ll not rant about how stupid the world is because you don’t have a jowa, anymore!” I immediately greeted Pio, he went from an extrovert to a shy type of person. On the other hand, Rence is just cool about it.

“Oh, forget about the bragging. What’s important is that I already have someone I can be with. So better not slack off and do your thing with him, the clock is ticking, Dace.” Pio smiled at me as he held the right hand of his boyfriend.

I’m just glad that I’m able to see Pio this happy with someone he can already love. I want to take his advice, but because of the main circumstances I’m dealing with right now, I don’t think I could take an act just yet. I have my studies, I need to pay Tita Eve’s gratitude, and my homophobic parents. Surely, they would not allow me to love the same gender.

Pio, Rence, and I talked about how life is going these days and I often ask them about their relationship. I love to know how it’s going and where it began. Surely, I’m that curious when it comes to these topics—even now that my best friend is the one involved.

After we chatted for several hours, I went home to pack my things because I’m already going back to San Clemente the next day. It’s a nice thing talking to them and getting a life update. I just hope that Pio will not forget about me just because he’s got a boyfriend already.

And so, I’m in San Clemente once again. Another day came, and I woke up in my apartment, smelling the same city atmosphere. The sun is almost up, and so I thought that I would wake up late today. To my surprise, my first class starts at 9:45 a.m. so I have more time to prepare my meal, take a bath, and go to school.

I arrived at school at 9:00, I saw Karma once again in the COEd Building, and we waved at each other when I saw them in the hallways. I ran to each other and made a high-five while laughing as if we hadn’t seen each other in a month. I’m starting to dig a deeper concept of friendship on Karma, and so she was to me.

“How’s the weekend? Have you enjoyed being back in your hometown?” she asked me. I gave her a smile and I nodded.

“The night of the day I came home, I saw Arjim at the town center, we decided to hang out, and we eventually became okay again.” I told her, she just left out a sigh and she scratched her head.

“I may have understood your personality, but the thing I would never understand about you is how your brain works. How can you be okay with him with just an encounter? Did he even apologize?” Karma rolled her eyes, and so I made a cackle.

“You’re right, you would never understand how my brain works, because neither can I. Life has been so uncertain for me these past few weeks, about Arjim, and even about my own life.” I explained to her.

“I had a chat with my best friend back in Sabani. He said that he was only scared to face Arjim. I know that he was right, it’s right that he actually said the exact thing I’m feeling. I’m scared to commit because of what happened in senior high. I was rejected. His girlfriend and he broke up, so I was stuck in the thinking that I should again consider telling him how I feel.” I told Karma.

“You told me that a couple of times, so I’m already aware of it, yet the breakup is a shock, indeed. As your friend, I wouldn’t say that you should keep feeling those feelings just for you. Just go and tell him, there’s nothing to lose.” She advised me.

I told Karma some things, but I could hear her murmuring. She faces me and she’s uttering something. I stopped saying my words and hers overlapped to my ears. Hearing it was surely enough to know that she’d been through something I can’t yet comprehend what.

“If you heard me confess that day, and accepted me... Would my college life be happier than what I have now?”

“Were you saying something, Karma?” I asked her. I noticed that her eyes widened, and she faced me with a smile once again.

“Oh, yeah... I was just lost at the moment thinking of something not too important.” She replied, although it was definitely a lie, I chose to consider believing her.

“Let’s go to class already, it’s hard to be late nowadays.” Karma added and she turned her back on me.

I just walked with her to our classroom, classes soon started, and we tackled about certain topics. Another day has ended, but my curiosity about some things will forever bug the hell out of me.