“This night market is so fucking huge!” I exclaimed as I gazed upon the Diego Y Cruz Night Market, my jaw dropped as I looked around the place. It’s a wonder in the midst of the night.

“Told ’ya this is going to be beautiful in the middle of the night!” I turned to Arjim, smiling at me in complete sincerity. It seems like he’s enjoying seeing me this way.

There were all sorts of neon lights shining in the darkness, the place passed the retro vibe check. The names of each stall are projected by the twinkling LED lights of a variety of colors. There’s a sign saying, “Moxie’s Shawarma” with red lights all around the stall and that the nameboard of the stall is made with these lights.

There’s also this stall saying, “Lex’s Ukay-Ukay” all hyped up with a combination of yellow and blue lights that has both turns and timing when they shine.

We both walked around, and I finally saw the strawberry jam that my Tita Eve was talking about. Sixty pesos per jar, a reasonable price, and they gave a promo—two for a hundred pesos, so I bought two, one for Tita Eve and one for me.

I felt a sense of nostalgia while walking around the night market, especially when I’m with Arjim. I remember the time when there was literally no one with me. It was on our field trip in junior high. Pio did not attend the trip because of their financial needs, so I’m forced to go for the grade incentives.

“Let’s go eat some Chicken Inasal! I know a resto around this night market. They sell the best ones around San Roque!” I heard Arjim. I just smiled, and I nodded—I was so hungry that I said yes immediately.

We both walked around the night market, seeing different stalls, and we bought a variety of stuff along the way. I bought some tee-shirts and sando shirts to wear at the dorm since I only have three pairs I brought here with me, aside from the clothes I use for coming to school daily.

We reached the resto. It was named Caldo’s. The vibe of the resto was even more beautiful than I imagined it would look like. It is a vintage-retro style resto with hanging lanterns serving as lights at each table for the customers. The place is not that crowded, it was easy for me and Arjim to find a table.

The table was even vintage in style, even the chairs. There are napkins placed in the center of the table together with a set of utensils placed in a small steel bucket. A bottle of soy sauce and chicken oil is also placed beside the utensils.

“Waiter!” Arjim called and a member of the staff soon arrived, giving us a menu.

“Well... well... why isn’t it Arjim! It’s been a long time since you last ate here. Good thing to see you.” the waiter spoke, smirking at him.

“Oh, Sandy, it’s just been two days. I have no time to come here since I’m busy at school.” Arjim answered the waiter. He then looked at me, and he smiled as he asked Arjim once again.

“It seems like you have someone with you today...” he smiled.

“Oh, this is my friend, Dace. He wanted to check out the night market, so I took him there. We’re just going to eat dinner, and we’ll both continue on exploring this place,” Arjim answered.

“Dace, this is Sandy, a friend of mine here at Caldo’s.” Arjim introduced me to the waiter. I just smiled and I nodded at him.

“Arjim has been a regular here even before the night market opened. He likes the Chicken Inasal and Sisig, and would often drop by every day to eat dinner.” Sandy smirked, giving me a slight cackle.

“Am I getting you the usual?” Sandy then asked Arjim.

“I’m getting it, ask Dace for his order.” He pointed at me, so I looked at the menu.

“I’m going to take the Signature Chicken Inasal, I wanted to try it since Arjim said that it’s good.” I put down the menu and I smiled at Sandy, he nodded and listed all our orders.

“Give us ten minutes.” Sandy nodded, and he went off to the resto’s kitchen.

Silence then grew between me and Arjim. I didn’t know how to break it, and so I was shy upon starting a conversation. It was then, I thought... ‘It looks like the two of us are on a date together!’ so I muttered something to keep that thought out of my mind.

“You have a passion for the arts since then, right?” I asked Arjim, he then reverted his gaze on to me as he gave me a beam.

“Yeah, but I just tried to go digital this year.” He answered.

“How about you? How many years have you been writing?” he asked me.

“Since ninth grade, even so, I haven’t finished a single novel yet. I was lacking some ideas.” I giggled, I heard him laugh just lightly.

We both shared some phrases before our order could arrive. Sandy puts a plate with Chicken Inasal and fried rice at my side and the same for Arjim but with Sisig. The Inasal was roasted perfectly, and it surely has that heavenly aroma, the smell of its marinade that I sense is a combination of combined say sauce, vinegar, calamansi, and other condiments.

“Here is some pineapple juice—all from the house since you’ve got a new company. We would like to show some gratitude.” Sandy once again beamed, and he nodded. I gradually took the juice that was placed on a small tray. Sandy then left us to eat.

“Try the Sisig, you might like it!” Arjim placed the sizzling plate filled with Sisig composed of pork, tofu, and liver dressed in mayonnaise and a poached egg in the center.

“Wow! It looks so tasty! I haven’t tried this dish yet!” My mouth watered from the appearance of the dish, I quickly digged in.

“Oh, do you like spicy foods? ’Cause that would be so—” Arjim didn’t even finish his sentence, I had already put the thing inside my mouth, and it was so fucking hot! I do not have a liking for spicy foods!

I almost spitted out the Sisig, but gladly, I had the gut to swallow it. My eyes are so teary with the spice it gave me, I could lose my tongue. My gosh, the spice is piercing through my tongue like it was set in flames! I trembled at the feeling, sweats were already dripping from my forehead.

“Drink the juice, now!” Arjim commanded me, and so I drank it desperately. Some of the juice even escaped my mouth while I drank it, making Arjim burst out of laughter.

“I did not fucking know that it was that spicy! Don’t laugh at me like that!” I said, irritated. Arjim just laughed at me, with pure bliss in him that made me giggle afterward.

We just forgot what happened because it was an embarrassment for me. I just enjoyed the Chicken Inasal and I did not dare to try the Sisig again. I got traumatized, for real! When we finished our meals, we then explored the Diego Y Cruz Night Market once again to go look for some interesting stuff, until we both got tired, and we rested at a corner.

“Arjim, can you take a photo of me? Pretty please, I want to post this on Instagram!” I turned to Arjim and I begged him. I did have the courage to just be casual about it, regardless of me still thinking about what happened in the past.

“Okay, oh... and let’s take a photo together!” I was shocked at what I’d heard, my body then started to tremble as I’d heard him say that phrase.

“You wanted to take a photo... of us?” I clarified. I saw him cackling.

“Yes, is there a problem with it?” he then asked me. He looks confused, but then he found out what I meant when I hesitated.

Arjim took out a deep breath, he smiled sincerely as he walked towards me. He holds my shoulder, giving literal chills to me as I shed cold sweats within my forehead. I started to pant, I looked away at him with heart pumping heavily like I’m jumping on a giant trampoline. I looked at his eyes behind the semi-square glasses that he was wearing, conveying to look at them straight.

“Are you still thinking about what happened in the past?” he asked. I gulped in pure desperation as I looked away. He continues to hold my shoulder as I feel this warm sensation deep inside my soul.

“Yeah...” I confessed to him. I glanced at his face beaming as the atmosphere of the Night Market both led the two of us to stay condemn ourselves to speak. I then broke the silence between us.

“You’re right, I’m still concerned about the past. You’ve got a girlfriend, Arjim. And some people from our old school knew that I have a liking for you, they might think that I’m being a wrecker of someone else’s relationship.” I explained, but stood there and just nodded.

He slips his hand away from me, crossing his arms and smiling with deep sympathy. He puts both his hands inside his pockets, taking a deep sigh as he steps closer to me. My eyes widened when he held my right hand with his, our palms both colliding. His eyes twinkling from the shining lights, people passing by tending to ignore the two of us.

“Arjim... what are you—” I didn’t finish my sentence when he put his pointy finger on my lips. It made my eyes widen, I was ready to cast out of our position but my heart and my body didn’t want this moment to flee.

“I’ve already kept this secret for a long time, Dace... maybe this is the right time to tell you, since I’ve been longing to ever since the day Jenelle and I...” He paused, closing his eyes and opening them with pure courage.

“Jenelle and I broke up after graduation.” My jaw dropped from what he said, the world turned slowly as I heaved heavily. I shed a tear upon hearing it from him. It was not the least that I was expecting.

“I’m sorry for what I’ve said earlier, but yeah... I have a girlfriend and that’s that. But if I did not, I would probably accept you.”

I remembered that sentence, it was like he’d already been at it from the time that I confessed to him. I wasn’t expecting this, nor that I wanted to be with Arjim. No, I don’t want to continue this for now because of all the pain that it caused me. I just can’t bear it. I can’t!

I leaned away from Arjim, letting go of his grip. I held my chest as I faced him with pure console, I breathed heavily as tears started to fall down from my eyes. I quickly wiped it before Arjim could take a step nearer. I’m ready to stop him if I could. I don’t want him to get nearer.

“Do you think it’s that fucking easy to move on from that rejection, Arjim?” I ceased my mouth. I don’t want to say such words, but I lost control of myself.

“Ever since the day you rejected me, I have been thinking of so many ‘what ifs’ because of what could have become if you accepted me just from the start.” I closed my eyes, again shedding tears from both of them.

“Are you saying that you’re resorting to me just after your breakup?” I opened my eyes to look towards Arjim, frustrated.

“No, I would never do that. I never even said anything about us being together, just—” I did not let him talk.

“Then what is it? Stop giving me mixed signals. Holding my hand, being cheesy around me, and our sudden bond. Does it mean anything to you?” My heart fluttered as tears fell down from my eyes.

“No, Dace... it’s just... I wanted to reconcile and make it up to you!” He grunted right after he said it, still confused.

“I can’t explain how I’m feeling, I’m such a fucking idiot!” Arjim broke his glance, turning his head down, and he looked at me with eyes begging from despair.

“Please hate me if you do hate me, sorry that I made you feel like a worthless rebound, sorry that I gave you mixed signals. I’m so sorry.” He heaved a sigh once again. I managed to calm down when he apologized.

“Arjim, be sure to face me once you clarify your feelings. I don’t want to engage with someone that has no understanding of it, or that you might just be confused. I understand your frustration.” I forced myself to smile, to lessen the tension of the situation.

“Please, don’t make a fool out of yourself. Thank you for a wonderful time.” I took a deep breath and I turned away from him.

I walked further until I reached the jeepney station. I rode one to the train station and I rode the train to get to my dorm. When I arrived there, I didn’t even have the time to wash myself. I cried hard, my pillows catched my tears because of saying all those mean words to Arjim.

I regret that, but it somewhat made me feel at ease from all the mixed emotions I feel while I’m with him, what we do, and the bond formed out of pure serendipity turned to be just being desperate to restore something shattered.