"Pete...I think I like Frank," Gerard announced one day out of the blue, causing Pete to nearly choke on the pizza he had been chewing beforehand.

Once Pete had swallowed the rest of his food without dying, he began to laugh, confusing Gerard with his odd reaction. He didn't seem upset at the very least, which Gerard had been afraid would happen when he finally confessed to his long-term crush on Pete's best friend.

"I know," Pete finally wheezed out, wiping his eyes dramatically in the process. "He's basically all you have been talking about for the past four months."

"That's not true," Gerard mumbled sullenly, even though it sort of was, but he couldn't help it that Frank was so interesting, or that he seemed like the only thing that could convince Gerard to get out of bed in the morning some days.

Gerard never thought he would actually be able to find someone that captured his attention, his fear of people in general usually saw to that, but Frank was different - he was special.

He was so kind to Gerard, even though he had no reason to be, and he always made time for him, no matter how early or late it was. He even went out of his way to hang out with Gerard during his visits, spending the majority of his weekend at home with Gerard instead of with Pete, the person he had supposedly come to see.

"It's okay Gee, he likes you too," Pete chuckled, apparently finding this entire situation hilarious for some reason that Gerard couldn't understand.

"He does?" Gerard exclaimed once Pete's words had sunk in, his body leaning across the table eagerly as Pete continued to shake with laughter, because this was news to Gerard.

Before today, he hadn't even been sure if Frank liked boys, and he had been too terrified to try and pry into his sexuality, no matter how badly he had been dying to know.

"Yes - I don't know how you haven't noticed. Nobody stays up until two in the morning talking to someone on the phone unless they have some sort of feelings for them."

"Oh - well...what do I do now?" Gerard questioned, unsure of how to proceed since he had never had a real boyfriend before, if Frank would even want to be his that is.

"You tell him how you feel," Pete scoffed, rolling his eyes affectionately in Gerard's direction as he spoke. "He's coming back to Jersey for the summer soon, so that would be a good time to do it."

"I - I'm scared," Gerard admitted softly, because even if Pete swore that Frank was attracted to him, that didn't mean that everything would simply fall into place.

Gerard had learned from experience that things rarely worked out in his favor, so why would this be any different?

"Well don't be, because Frank is fucking head over heels for you, he pretty much has been since day one, but uh..." Pete paused for a moment, biting at his bottom lip before continuing warily. "You should know something about Frank though, and it's not bad, but it might freak you out a little bit."

"What?" Gerard questioned fearfully, his mind instantly jumping to worst case scenarios involving Frank actually being a serial killer or something like that.

"Frank doesn't really do normal relationships, he...fuck - I don't know how else to say this, but basically...Frank is a dominant, and he expects his partner to be his submissive."

"Like...a slave sort of thing?" Gerard squeaked, his dreams of a perfect relationship with Frank quickly going up in smoke when he pictured himself kneeling at Frank's feet in a leather outfit, which was his first thought when he heard the words dominant and submissive.

"No...it's hard to explain, but there are a lot of types of dom/sub relationships, and Frank is pretty low-key compared to the stuff you are probably thinking of. He does need to have control, and he has a few other rules I can't remember. You should talk to him though, because he really likes you, and I'm sure he would be willing to compromise on a lot of things if you gave him a chance."

"What if he wants to hit me?" Gerard shuddered as he voiced the question, because he was pretty sure that dominants were into causing their submissive pain, and no matter how much Gerard wanted to be with Frank, that was something he just couldn't do.

"He won't, not if you tell him that is a limit for you," Pete reassured Gerard, but it did nothing to stop the trembling that had suddenly taken over his limbs. "Gee, don't freak out okay. Maybe just do some research on it before you make your decision? It's nothing like the way porn portrays it, but if it's not your thing, that's fine too. I didn't tell you to make you upset, I just wanted you to know before you got too attached."

"I - okay, I'll do that," Gerard nodded, finally managing to quell his tremors by imagining what it would be like to be Frank's boyfriend, pushing all thoughts of being submissive out of his mind until he learned more about the terrifying subject.

~~~

After an extensive amount of browsing the Internet which was Gerard's only outlet in which to learn more about this lifestyle that Frank seemed to enjoy, Gerard found that his initial assumption of a dom/sub relationship had been off the mark.

From what Pete had explained to him, Frank wasn't into BDSM, which was what caused spikes of fear to bubble in Gerard's belly, he simply wanted a relationship where he was the dominant partner, and from what Gerard could tell, his other half relied on him for almost everything, which actually sounded pretty perfect in Gerard's opinion.

Dominants cared for their submissive in all things, and yes - sometimes they punished them, but it wasn't for no reason or on a whim, and if Gerard learned how to properly please Frank, he wouldn't have to risk such things.

Gerard wanted to make Frank happy - more than anything, but he was still slightly afraid that this entire thing might be too much for him to handle.

But Frank was coming home today, and Gerard was going to talk to him about it, he had to before he exploded. He had read every article he could find on the subject, but now he had to hear how Frank chose to interpret it before he made the decision to try this or not, if Frank would even want him as his submissive that is.

Gerard had yet to specifically tell Frank he liked him in so many words, but he had become much more open with the older man, as well as making an effort to flirt with him as much as he knew how, and Frank had reciprocated instantly.

He had taken to calling Gerard 'baby' often, which always caused Gerard's heart to race in his chest whenever the term was used, and even Gerard was beginning to believe that Frank was developing feelings for him.

Gerard had also gone so far as to tell Frank things he would rather never speak of again, relating to him all of the details about his past late one night after being awoken by a nightmare that he couldn't seem to shake, including his father's neglect, and the beatings, about how Pete had helped saved him from the man who had hurt him for so long, mentioning that he still felt broken, as if he didn't belong in the world, which was why he had attempted to end his life on the first day they had met.

Frank listened to every word silently until Gerard had talked himself empty, but instead of replying with halfhearted 'I'm sorry's' that meant nothing in the long run, he actually thought over what he wanted to say, coming to the conclusion that Gerard was struggling so much with being an adult out on his own because he had never gotten the chance to properly grow up.

Frank told Gerard that what he was experiencing was totally normal, because in a way, he had spent the entirety of his life surviving, not learning, not slowly changing into the man he was supposed to be.

His father hadn't provided him with the foundation he needed to stand on, so now he was left on shaky ground, but Frank was convinced that Gerard could make it stable once more, it would just take time and help.

His analysis put Gerard's despair into coherent words that even Gerard hadn't been able to formulate, and for once, Gerard felt as if someone truly understood what he was struggling with.

Gerard still had bad days, but he never again tried anything harmful against his person - he couldn't, because every time he stared at a bottle of pills, or even a shaving razor, he could audibly hear Frank's voice in his head.

He had originally resisted to prove his father wrong, but now he was imbued with a new desire which was to make Frank proud of him, to show him that he could be the sort of person that Frank might want to date.

And along the way, Gerard found pride in himself as well, because he was stronger than he believed, and as time passed, he began to remember what it felt like to be truly happy.

* * *

Going back over this story makes me so emotional in the best way.

Thank you for the 400 reads.

I love you all so very much.

Chapter dedicated to Freakshow182

((((proud vibes))))

- starr