I couldn't bring myself to tell him the entire truth. Just thinking about it made my stomach queasy and bile to rise to my throat. He couldn't know the terrible things I've done.

Not only would he think of me differently, but that terrible thought would forever live in his head. That was something I couldn't afford to see no matter how selfish it may seem. Though I did tell Ed the truth partially.

I told him how locked up I felt being here, and how things seemed to be closing in on me. It made me feel like a prisoner with Resembol as my beautiful cage, keeping in with many terrible memories. Those terrible memories—well, I went along with telling him it was the loss of my parents and the accident that occurred a few years back.

He knew what I meant—everyone in this small town did. My mother, once a state alchemist fought for our country on the battlefield of Ishval. She died doing her duty.

My father, once a farmer in these pastures, suddenly became a dead-beat drunk. He became a man who beat up his daughter when he could and even neglected his duties as a father. Then one day he up and left only to find him two months later on a beaten path dead.

I was alone ever since, and had always fend for myself till Pinako took me in. It was a sad, pitiful story everyone knew about. Of course, it wasn't surprising that someone like me wanted out.

Even Ed understood as sat beside me listening to every word I said. He didn't question nor interrupted, he just listened. As if soaking in every word that came out of me.

It felt like an eternity when I finally stopped talking. I allowed my thoughts and feelings float around us, waiting for Ed's response. Despite knowing that Ed was there from the very beginning of the downfall of my family I still felt very much exposed before him.

I was never the one who enjoyed opening up and pouring out my feelings to people—not even to those whom I'm close with. I never wished to end up in this situation with Edward. Throughout the years my feelings for him had grew into something and possibly terrifying.

I don't want him to know what I really thought nor see this dreadful side of me. But he asked and I answered. What was left was his response, and that seemed to anxious by the second.

"So, you want to leave Resembol?" Ed finally says after what seemed like forever. He had turned his attention to the wall before us.

His hands interlocked on his lap while he tried his best to keep a stoic expression. He was failing miserably—he was never the one to hide his emotions so easily.

"Yeah," I murmur after a moment. "Every day that I'm here I start to feel so—so——"

"Trapped." He abruptly finishes. He looks at me once more, his golden eyes meeting my own. They were soft and understanding. It was like his gentle gaze was a comfortable embrace, making my muscles relax and heart to beat in a simpler pace. "I get it," he sighs as he leans back on my bed.

Propping himself up with his elbows he looks up at the ceiling. I watch him closely, noticing how his lips turn up into a soft smile, but I knew it was far from happiness. It was a sad smile—a smile worn by those who recall all their memories that still haunt them.

"That's why I burned down my home," he begins to explains in a mumble. "I couldn't stand looking at it knowing how Al and I tried everything we could to bring back mom. It became a place of horrors." My hands rub against each other uncomfortably. I knew what he meant, understood every ounce of despair in his voice. "But you're a little lucky," Ed adds with a gentle huff. "You didn't do what we did. Even though you don't know alchemy you understood what was going on—we didn't. You didn't have to go through that nightmare like us."

A laugh built up in my throat, but I held it in. I wanted to shout and scream how I knew what he's going through. I wanted to tell him I did the same thing to my own mother, and how every time I look around all I could remember is killing her for the second time. It's slowly eating me up inside, the mere memory of being driven to a pointless goal bringing someone back to life.

"Still, I can't be here anymore," I mutter. "I miss my mom, miss how everything was. A part of me knows I could've stopped her from going. If I just begged her to stay and not encourage her to fight in that war—"

"Hey, look at me." A firm grip surrounded my arm, forcing me to turn back to Ed. Still in his leaned position he oddly seemed closer to me.

He had pulled me slowly down to his height, his nose just mere inches from mine. A breath catches in my throat, all I could feel was the harsh pulsing in my wrists.

"It wasn't your fault," Edward whispers lowly. "Nothing will ever be your fault, okay? You did nothing wrong."

I've heard that so many times in the past. Both Pinako and Winry attempted to drill that into my head. Tried to make me believe I did nothing wrong even though we all knew I committed something so heinous and sinful.

I despised hearing it from them because I knew it was a lie, and yet hearing Edward tell me this in such a manner had my heart skipping a beat. My eyes widening slightly while I chewed the inside of my cheek. I could've sworn my stomach did some weird flip because I was starting to feel queasy.

And it didn't upset me. If anything it made me feel—better. Remembering something a small yet, tentative smile reaches my lips. I pull away but not without Ed's hand.

"Can I show you something?" I ask as I stand. Without waiting for an answer I drag him off the bed and towards the window. I push it open allowing the cool night breeze caress our faces.

"What is it, Y/n?" Ed chuckles awkwardly. I felt his gaze upon me as I take a quick glance outside. No one was around—I could show him.

Slowly I look back at him, my eyes full of unwavering nervousness. I wasn't sure what he would say or think, but this—this I could show him. I could at least offer a bit more truth.

"You said I don't know alchemy," I start out with a small sigh. Ed raises a brow in puzzlement. He took his time to answer as if wondering what would be the right answer.

"Yes. . ." He answers hesitantly. "You never took interest in it back then."

I nod, "Yeah, that's true. But when I learned of my mother's death in Ishval I engrossed myself into her studies."

Edward's eyes widen with his mouth gaping open like an idiot. He blinks continuously as if what I said was absurd.

"Wait, Y/n," he blubbers abruptly. "Are you saying that you actually taught yourself alchemy? Even your mother's own research?"

I smirk lightly and turn back to the window. Slowly, I grab a single black glove out of my pant pocket. For a brief moment I gaze down at the purple transmutation circle sewn upon the fabric before putting it on.

Aiming my hand outside I take in a single breath before snapping my fingers. A surge of electricity runs over my entire body when I released a single bolt of lightning out in the night. It struck the ground giving off a purplish-white tint in the air.

A loud crackle releases into the night with the lightning disappearing in a blink of an eye. I haven't done that for quite some time, I was quite surprised.

Although, I couldn't say that I was more surprised than Edward. He stares out the window in awe before grinning widely like an excited child.

"Y/n, you're amazing!" He praises. "To think you actually learned lightning alchemy! You have to teach me! No, we have to discuss this—throughly!"

I chuckle sheepishly, my cheeks becoming the color rouge. I haven't seen Ed this surprised since learning about the philosopher's stone. His eyes gleamed in the dim lighting of my room. His lips turned up into a wide smile that made idiots like me lose their ability to breathe.

"This is great!" Ed gushes excitedly. "Now I have another person to talk about alchemy! Hey, do you have any opinions on the latest research conducted in East City concerning the living organisms on this planet?"

My smile immediately fades away. What the hell was he talking about? His words all mushed up into some sort of jibber that I couldn't form a solid answer for.

Yes, it was true I engrossed myself into the studies my mom conducted, but that was all. I never went out of my way like him to learn more about alchemy or even understand another alchemist's research.

If anything alchemy seems like a handy tool, not something I was completely interested in. Ed was waiting for answer though. That boyish gleam in his eyes, the way his face glowed only made me feel a little bad to deny his question.

"Umm—sorry, Ed. I haven't studied anything outside my mom's research." I rub the back of my neck sheepishly. I was little upset with myself when Ed's grin fractured a bit. He steps away with a dry chuckle, his cheeks turning a little pink.

"O-oh! Yeah, obviously!" He awkwardly exclaims. "I got a little carried away there."

"It's fine," I assure. An awkward silence fills the room after that. I still stood by the window, Ed stood in the middle of my room looking anywhere but at me.

I wasn't sure why there was an odd tension between us suddenly, but it made me all the more anxious. I was beginning to wonder if Ed could hear my rapidly beating heart. No matter the amount of huge breaths I took, the sounded thundered my ears. I curse at Ed for being in my room.

"So, did you mean it?" Ed's questions was sudden. I had to blink twice to process his question. When I look at him he had this frown on his face, but still averted his gaze.

"Mean what?" I ask with a raised brow.

"About being trapped here. Do you want to leave Resembool?"

It didn't take me a minute or a second to reply. Leaving this place, escaping my terrible nightmare— it's all I ever wanted.

"Yes," I murmur. Despite the genuine answer I couldn't help but feel a little guilty. My mother raised me here, and I wanted to leave it. Isn't that like abandoning her? I began to chew the bottom my lip, "I mean, is that okay? To want to leave, I mean."

Edward idles a bit. Shifting the weight on his feet he contemplates with a long sigh. I wasn't sure what took him long to answer.

"Y/n, if it's what you want then—it's right. I know that what Al and I did felt right to us. Just know that if it's all wrong then you have a place to return to."

He twists his heel and silently heads for the door. I watch him silently as he grasps the knob. He places one foot out the doorway before glancing over his shoulder.

"Al and I are leaving tomorrow and if—if you wanna tag along then I won't stop you." With that the door clicks shut behind him, and I am left alone.

I turn over his words that also mixed with my thoughts. I had a choice—always did. But I'm not sure what to choose. Being here suffocated me, but it also acted like an anchor.

My mother raised me here, there were many fond memories created here. But there was that wretched memory, the one I couldn't stand. I shake my head, Ed to do what felt right.

And right now maybe acting a little impulsive is the right thing to do. My mother would want my suffering to stop, right?

"To hell with it."

I march towards my bed and pull a small suitcase from underneath it. I toss it on my bed before opening my wardrobe. I could leave even just for a little bit.

I wouldn't spend most of my time away from here because this is where mother was. And if I were to pay for the things I done then I cannot forget. Which meant I have to come back here no matter what.

So I don't forget what I did.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

I know it's early in the story, but any thoughts on Ed and Y/n's relationship so far?

Lemme know in the comments!!:))

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