**Chapter's quite long...sorry!**

I splash cold water over my face for the fifth time. It didn't work, like all the other times before. Nina still appeared in my mind and even mother's words were still fresh.

"You couldn't put me back together too."

A wave of shivers engulfs my senses. I watch my hand shake as I turn off the faucet. That's right, I think solemnly. I couldn't do a damn thing.

I didn't have the skills back then to bring mother back safely or even get Al's body back. And I still don't have the knowledge of how to help Nina. I clench the edges of the sink too disgusted with myself.

What were the years spent on the road worth? Didn't I learn something? At least a way to separate Nina and Alexander?

I was a mess when I finally looked at my reflection in the mirror. My hair stood in different directions, my eyes red from the crying, my face drained of any color. Somehow, I hated how I looked.

Hated how I was still worthless in this goddamn world. Can you make yourself useful instead of crying like a toddler?

A soft rapping came at the door. It was firm but soft enough not to completely disturb my presence.

"Brother?" Al calls. He sounded worried. "Are you alright?"

I clear my throat, hoping that would conceal my grief. "Uh—yeah. Just washing my face, that's all." I grab the nearest towel and head out.

When I open the door Al had placed himself on the floor in the corner of the room. He doesn't say word to me, if I didn't didn't know any better would think he was lifeless due to how still he became. He stared at the wall across him, not once looking in my direction.

He was troubled, he was never this still. I don't blame him though, the incident at Tucker's was fresh on our minds. I look to my right, gazing at the wooden door.

I wonder how Y/n's doing? My heart sinks at the thought, my throat constricts restraining my attempt at breathing. She took it harder than all of us.

She had cried throughout the night, her attempt of silencing her sobs had failed immensely. I'd listen to her soft sniffles and her muffled sobs. I never liked the sound.

Hearing Y/n cry or even the mere image of her brought shooting pains throughout my chest. It felt like someone slammed a knife through the center of my chest piercing both skin and bone continuously.

The pain never subsides when I see her in such a way, it only heightens dramatically to the point where I couldn't breathe myself. But not once throughout those dark hours of the night did I go to her. I didn't check on her, didn't ask if she was okay.

I simply locked myself in my room attempting to sleep, but to only cry as well. I had to laugh at that, what kind of man was I if I can't comfort someone like Y/n only to cry alone?

"Pathetic," I mutter suddenly angry at myself.

"Did you say something, brother?" Al's soft tone reaches me. I was pulled out of my trance, realizing that I must've said that word aloud.

I give Al a shake of the head, "Nothing, Al."

He doesn't say more as I saunter to my suitcase and grab whatever clothes I see. For a moment only silence brewed between us, but there was only so much I could take. Especially when something was eating at the edge of my mind.

"Is Y/n still in her room?" I ask abruptly. Even though I never checked on her, I still needed to know.

Al doesn't reply immediately, I expected much. Though when I glance over my shoulder once I shrugged on a shirt, I saw him shaking his head.

"She went out," he answers solemnly.

I raise a brow, "Out? Did she say where?"

"No, she just told me that she'll be back in a few hours."

That troubled me a bit. Y/n was the type to leave abruptly only to return a couple of hours later. From what I gathered from Winry, Y/n made it more into a habit than an occasional outing like before.

Though she was new in East City. She wouldn't know where to go and could get lost easily. Where could she have gone in this weather too?

"Brother, I think she'll be okay." Al assured as he takes a stand. I glance up at him with a frown, I wanted to believe him. "She's strong, remember? Besides, I think she needs time alone. Let's be considerate for once."

I turn over his words, wishing I didn't feel the same. He's right, she is strong and will know how to come back. If she needs time alone then I'll give it to her—I learned my lesson.

"You're right, Al," I sigh sadly. "Then I guess you and I can head out too."

He cocks his head, "Where do you want to go?"

I press my lips together as I grab my cloak. It was the last I wanted be right now, but I had to know. I had know the Nina and Alexander's situation. Even if the weight in my chest was too much to carry.

"Eastern Command."

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Why? Why did I hesitate? I chose to come here, chose to walk out in the pouring rain this early in the morning.

And yet, with my fist raised I couldn't knock on the Colonel's door. That seemed like an impossible task, one that my body wasn't willing to carry. I stand there like an idiot wondering how hard it is to ask a simple question.

It's not, I think abruptly. Nothing about this was easy. I didn't want to know what's going to happen to Nina but did at the same time.

I wanted to be of some use but don't know how. I lower my fist and shove it in my pocket. A tired sigh befalls past my lips—maybe this was a bad idea.

"Edward!"

I jolt to the sound of my own name. That stern, yet familiar voice places my heart into a uneven pace.

"Oh, First Lieutenant Hawkeye," I greet with a nod. I'd glance to my right to see a woman with blond hair and brown eyes stride their way towards us.

There were folders in her arms and her brows were creased into a line that never seemed to disappear when I see her. She stops before me and glances to the door.

"Why are you here so early?" She questions with a frown. "Do you need something?"

"Um. . ." I chew my inner cheek before averting my gaze. It was easier to talk to her than the Colonel, and I wasn't sure why.

Maybe it was because she didn't tease me all the time. Or maybe it's the mood she sets whenever I was in her presence. It's was—almost calming, like I can release the tension over my shoulders.

But I couldn't, not when I knew what I wanted. The longer I waited the more stupid I felt. I grip my fists in frustration—just ask!

"Tucker and Nina!" I blurt abruptly. I look back at her while swallowing thickly, "What's—what's going to happen to them?"

Riza's face twists into some solemn expression. Her gaze darkens with her lips downturning into a deeper frown. Her expression confuses me but even more so when she strides past Al and I.

"Tucker was scheduled to get his license revoked then taken to Central to be put on trial but—both died."

My breath hitches in my throat. I could sense the blood in my veins stop cold and even sense my hands going clammy. I still follow after Riza. "What?"

"No, to put it more accurately they were murdered," she clarifies, her tone never wavering. My heart sinks, my breathing coming fast. Her words seemed foreign to me, I couldn't process it. No, more like I refused to. "You two would've found out eventually," Riza states, sensing our silence. "Even if we tried to hide it, you would've found out. Y/n already knows."

"Wait, Y/n?" Al breathes. "She was here?"

Riza nods but doesn't respond. I swallow thickly trying to wrap my head around this mess. Who would hurt Nina?

"Why—Who did it?" I rasped.

"That's what we're trying to find out. I'm heading to Tucker's now."

"We're coming with you." I declare. My voice wasn't as confident as I willed it to be. It sounded hoarse even though I wasn't crying.

"No." Riza abruptly stops walking. I come to a sudden stop, surprised to meet her serious glare. "This no place for a child to rub their nose in."

"But—"

"No buts, Edward. You don't need to see this." Her words came out surprisingly soft in the end. A part of me hated her for that, I wasn't a child. But another part was grateful that she understood. Even if I wanted to go I'm not sure if I had the strength to see such a sight.

I swallow thickly, "Is the Colonel there now?"

Riza shakes her head, "I'm heading alone. He has—other things to attend to."

"Like what?" I demand. What the hell was more important than finding Nina's killer? This was good time to put his nosy trait to use. But more importantly, if Y/n already received the news then where did she go?

"Did she storm off?" I hear myself ask. My words tumble out of me unconsciously. I was worried for her. "Y/n, I mean." I clarify when I see Riza raise a brow. I watch her press her lips, her eyes narrowing. What is she hiding?

"She's out with Colonel Mustang," she finally responds in a firm tone. "To where, I'm not sure, but she said if you two came here I'm to tell you to don't go looking for her."

She saw that as her cue to leave and twisted her heel, and walked further down the hall. I don't bother going after to her, my mind was too full to even comprehend a single thing.

Why was Nina killed? Who would do such a horrible thing? And why wasn't Mustang on the case like Riza? But most importantly, what was Y/n up to? What is she thinking right now?

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Rain wasn't a bother anymore. I couldn't feel it even if it seeped through my clothes. I felt numb to the cold and even ignored the aches coming from where my joints connected to the automail.

None of that mattered, how could it when a little girl just died? It doesn't seem right worry over something so trivial. I sat underneath a clock tower in some local square in East City.

I couldn't go back to the room, not when I had a million thoughts overwhelming my mind. Hanging my head low I hug my legs closer like it can block out all my thoughts. I wondered over possibilities why Tucker and Nina were targeted, but couldn't come up with a theory.

No one in the right state of mind could hurt Nina—not in that state. Y/n springs into mind and I couldn't help but wonder how she was taking this. Where was she?

Every nerve in me told me to go find her, but that would be disobeying her. She could be blaming herself at this moment, no one would be there to object expect Mustang. Though, what good was he when it came to her?

He didn't know her like we did. I clench my legs tighter. It was my fault, not hers. If I just came earlier then—

"Big brother?" Al's voice brings me out of my reverie. He sounded hoarse as if he were crying a long time. I don't bother looking, just sighed with the shake of the head.

"My head is too full I don't know what to think right now," I admit solemnly. "Since last night I've been wondering, what is alchemy that we trust in?"

Al replies, "Alchemy is the reconstruction of matter into new forms based on natural laws."

I nod, " 'This world flows by obeying laws. Death too, is part of that flow. Accept the flow of the world.'" I recite before releasing a sigh. "Our teacher really beat that into us. I guess that's why I'm wondering what do about something nobody can fix."

I bring up my head before looking down at my hands. I watch as raindrops sprinkle atop them, making small puddles. Was I really thinking about how to bring back Nina and Alexander? Could I do it this time? Was it still foolish to hope for such an outcome?

"I thought I knew what she meant. But that's why mom. . ." I trail off, I didn't want to remember. Clenching my fists tightly I scoff heartlessly. "I'm a fool. I haven't grown up since then. I thought the rain would wash away my doubt but—it's starting to bug me."

I look up at the grey cloudy sky. The rain kept falling with not sign of stopping. Thunder rolls in the distance, it was becoming bothersome.

"I can't even feel the rain." Al's voice echoes in that suit of armor of his. I glance to my right watching him look down at his hands, his red eyes gleaming. "I don't have a body," he murmurs. "It's hard and it's—it's lonely." My throat tightens, I look away. "I want to get my body back, brother. I want to be human again. Even if it means doing the impossible and going against the flow of the world."

I had no response to that. I shared his goal, his desire, his ambition. I'll do anything to see it through for him, even give up my own life.

But even so, words can be spoken with easy unlike actions. How would we find the Philosopher's stone? Where can we start now?

"Edward!"

My ears perk to the sound of my name. I look to my left noticing an MP running towards us. He had a desperate but also relieved expression painting his features.

"Mr. Edward Elric!" He breathes. "I'm so glad you're alright."

I stand with a raised brow, "Is everything alright?"

"I've been given orders to escort you both back to HQ immediately," he replies

. His eyes darted from left to right. His face lacked color. I could tell something was up though I couldn't understand what made this man seem so jumpy.

"What's going on?" Al asks also taking a stand.

"There's a killer on the loose," the man hastily replies. The man's next words didn't make it to my ears. I stare at him in utter blankness.

Killer? What sort of killer? My heart raptured unsteadily fast. The blood in veins runs cold bringing an icy chill down my spine.

I knew this feeling all too well. The lack of my senses, the inability to comprehend what's going on, even the icy touch enveloping my body. This was fear.

But I didn't fear for my safety or even Al's. I swallow thickly, my hands going clammy despite the rain.

"Y/n!" I hear myself shout abruptly. The MP stops his babbling and stares at me like I've grown a second head.

He gives me a frown, "Y/n?" He repeats. "Who's that?"

I curse under my breath, of course he doesn't know who she is. No one would. I shake my head and take a step forward.

"Where's Colonel Mustang?" I demand hastily. "A young woman is with him. She has long brown hair and blue eyes. She's around my age. I was told she was accompanying the Colonel. Where are they?"

My heart thudded in my ears, my body shaking underneath my cloak. I needed to know where she was, needed to get her and go somewhere safe. I couldn't ponder on the idea of loosing her too.

The MP takes his time as if he wasn't sure who Colonel Mustang was. His eyes widen before he gasps loudly. "I was informed that they're safe—"

I release a heavy breath. That's all I care about. As long she was safe, that's all that matters.

"But it's my job to get you two and—"

"Edward Elric."

A low tone, almost like a growl rumbles in the air. The MP had cut off mid-sentence with his body tensing immediately.

I look over my shoulder to see a man wearing a dark tan jacket with a pair of glasses over his eyes stand on the other side of the street. I stare him wordlessly, that chilliness down my spine grows colder.

He was a burly man with a tawny skin color. His hair was white and his hand flinches down at his side.

My eyes widen at that motion. This was bad. He releases an animalistic growl, his teeth bared tightly.

"The Fullmetal Alchemist!"

/\/\/\/\/\/\

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