Although Oscar didn't know it, Mer ended up crying himself to sleep. Everything was still very fresh in his mind since he had just left the ocean earlier that day. He wanted to tell Oscar, he wanted Oscar to help him, but he was too afraid of what his friend might say or even think of him. He knew Oscar was worried and it made him more upset to know that he was upset, but he also knew that Oscar wouldn't press the issue. He would press not bottling everything up, but he would never press the issue of telling him. Everything about Oscar just made Mer want to cry all the tears for all the emotions; pain, sorrow, happiness, disbelief, relief, guilt... He was crying for multiple reasons but he knew it worried his friend, so he ran away. Besides, he needed a good night's sleep and he knew that he was safe here with Oscar.

*********************

Oscar couldn't seem to get into a good REM cycle. Every time he seemed to relax, he would remember finding Mer on the porch looking beaten and dejected or he would be woken up by a strange, deep humming sound that would get a little louder and wake him up. Now that he thought about it...

Oscar sat up and rubbed his eyes. He got up and went to the studio room, turning on the light. He moved the sheet that was covering the canvas and grabbed some paint. Usually if he couldn't sleep, he could work on his paintings and it would lull him into a stupor of sorts or it would take all his energy and he'd screw up his sleep schedule. He needed to try and be more scheduled though. If he was going to start working at the marine park then he was going to have to configure to their hours.

He hated that he had to have a set part-time job, but he wasn't going to rely just on his artwork. Now that the beach house was his, he had a few more bills he needed to pay that he didn't think was going to get covered with his paintings alone. He was excited, though, since he was able to get the job through a friend he met when he was younger... but he was also nervous because the marine park was one of the few jobs around that people who lived there could get full-time pay. That meant that most likely one of the... other people would either work there or be there often.

Oscar shook his head and focused back on the painting. The other thing was that there were a couple of times where Oscar would have an art block and not be able to produce decent paintings or he would just not be able to think of any at all. Having the part-time job would help in those scenarios. Just as he was about to dab the blue onto the canvas, a long, deep, sorrowful moan seemed to echo the house. Oscar looked around in confusion and set the paint palette down to check out what the noise was.

He got up and started looking around the house when he heard it again. He followed the noise and ended up outside of Mer's room. Oscar hesitated to go in but another sad moan sounded and he had a feeling Mer may need him. He opened the door a little and found Mer still curled up in a ball but he was shivering and flinching. He didn't look like he was getting any sleep at all. Oscar walked over and reached out to touch him when Mer let out a sad cry. Oscar frowned and touched Mer's shoulder.

Startled, Mer's sea green eyes shot open and he practically jettisoned to the other side of the bed, falling off on the other side. Oscar blinked in confusion and Mer sat back up, glaring at Oscar over the mattress as if he were still in water.

"What the hell, man?" Oscar said softly. "It's just me..."

Scared me. Mer signed, crawling back into the bed. Why are you here?

"You were making this weird noise and I came to see what it was. Are you having bad dreams?"

Why are you up so late?

Oscar frowned. "Because I can be? Sometimes I have insomnia, sometimes I can't go to sleep because I'm worried about my friend who sounds like he is crying out for help with his weird little whale sounds... you know, the usual." He growled.

You say I don't have to tell you and yet you keep trying to make me tell you. Mer signed angrily.

"I'm getting pissed off at you for getting mad at me for worrying about you, not because you won't tell me. I'm allowed to care."

I don't need you to care. I don't need you! What good are you now when it's all over and done with?

The blow landed where it was supposed to, and Oscar tried to get the blood thumping in his ears to subside so he could talk normally. He had been in this situation before but he was in Mer's spot before. He had blamed Mer for things he had no control over, things he would have stopped had he been there... Oscar understood, but it still hurt.

"I was just worried about you..." Oscar said, not finding the strength to say anything else without blowing up at Mer. He went to the door and stopped in the frame. "You know... When I blamed you for everything that happened to me, I couldn't believe how calm and understanding you were. I said some irrational things... I hope... I... I just hope you didn't mean what you said because if I could have been there, wherever 'there' was, I would have protected you. Don't act like you don't know that."

He left and Mer turned away from the door, crossing his arms.

******************

Oscar was exhausted now and went back to bed. He wasn't just exhausted... he was pissed to high heaven! He got it, he understood it, he had lived it, but fuck was it annoying to be on the receiving end of it! Once he had gotten his head out of his ass, he was a blubbering mess and wracked with guilt, but he felt sorry for Mer and his father for having to take the brunt of it. Both of them had been so patient and understanding with him when the volcano finally blew and he told them both what-for. He wanted to be that way with Mer but the difference was that Oscar was sometimes too much of an open book while Mer wasn't.

Hopefully he would get better by the morning...

Oscar heard the doorknob rattle and then the door opened. He sat up to see what was going on when he saw Mer in the doorway.

"Mer?"

Mer walked in and Oscar turned on the lamp, knowing he'd have to see Mer's hands. What he saw instead, was the same dejected and haggard man he saw on his front porch earlier, his eyes red from crying.

"Mer-"

I'm sorry! he signed,

"It's okay-"

Mer shook his head and circled his chest again, making the sign bigger and more tense, I'm sorry.

He kept doing it over and over again and Oscar finally reached over and stopped his hands.

"Mer, it's okay. I'm sorry too. I know I wasn't there for you when you needed me most-"

Mer put his finger over his mouth to stop Oscar from talking. Mer shook his head, trying to keep more tears at bay. Oscar nodded, waiting for Mer to finish what he needed to say. Mer started a few times but kept faltering. He put his face in his hands, stressing about what exactly he wanted to say. Oscar waited patiently for his friend to calm down so he could say what he wanted to say. Eventually, Mer didn't know what else to do.

Scared. Hurt. was all he could sign.

Mer was a very intelligent creature. When he and Oscar started learning sign language back when they were younger, Oscar was still using basics while Mer was doing sentences. It didn't take long for the merman to grasp onto the new language. The fact that he couldn't even do a sentence and resorted to basics was enough (other than him crying) for Oscar to tell that something was very, very wrong.

Oscar turned so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed and gingerly took Mer's hands. He unfurled one and gently put his hand in his.

S-A-F-E He signed slowly. Mer looked at him. "Always." He said.

Everything happened at the same time. Mer's knees went weak, the floodgates opened, and before he could stop himself, he had launched into Oscar. Oscar caught him and they fell back onto the bed as Mer sobbed horrendously on his chest. There were high pitched squeals, low tremors, sad, mournful moans... He couldn't hold it anymore.

**********************

Oscar held his friend in his arms, anger and sadness competing for top emotion. He was irate at whatever could have happened to make his fearless, intelligent friend like this but he also just couldn't keep his sympathy and empathy from showing. Mer had never been like this; ever. Watching him shatter against him was more than he could take. He held him close and stroked his hair, whispering 'you're okay', 'I'm here', 'I won't let you go', and anything he could think of to try and calm his friend down.

Mer was shaking like a leaf and clung to Oscar like super glue. Even when everything happened, he had never been like this. But he knew these arms, this voice, this man. He would protect him and keep him safe. He knew it so much it hurt and he just couldn't stop remembering how much he had hoped and prayed for this for so long...

***********************

The next morning, Oscar woke up with his feet numb and tingly. He moaned a little and went to sit up, but was blocked by something. He realized it was an arm and turned, finding Mer sleeping on his shoulder and his arm over him. His eyes were still puffy from crying all night, but Oscar had heard not a peep from him when they fell asleep. In fact, the merman looked peaceful... too peaceful. Oscar moved his arm and reached up to Mer's forehead to check his temperature. Sure enough, he was warm.

"Shit, you've got a fever." He said, his voice raspy.

Oscar slid his other arm from under Mer and sat up, kicking his legs to get the circulation back into them. It took a while for him to be able to feel his feet again and he gingerly stepped onto the floor and stood. He misjudged the feeling thing and fell flat onto it instead. The suspicious thud woke Mer up and he slowly sat up, his eyes blurry and his feet weird. Not seeing Oscar beside him, he panicked and then heard an 'ow' from the side table and saw Oscar trying to stand from the floor.

"I didn't mean to wake you." Oscar said, finally standing. "My feet went to sleep and are still numb. You may want to get the feeling back in yours and then put them on the bed. Just kick them until you feel squiggles in your feet."

Mer had no idea what a squiggle was supposed to feel like but he did what Oscar said and then he felt the rush of blood go to his toes. Oh, so those are squiggles... He put his hand to his head and Oscar bounced up and down for a second.

"You've got a fever so I'm going to go and get the thermometer. I want to make sure it's low grade."

After bouncing, Oscar seemed good and left the room for a moment. He came back with the thermometer and pressed some buttons.

"Open your mouth and lift your tongue." Mer did as he asked and he put the thermometer under his tongue. "Keep that there for a second. I'm going to go brush my teeth." Mer turned his head. "You know what, you should see me do that. You're going to need that bit of hygiene."

He left again and Mer sat there looking at the curtain on the window when he suddenly felt nauseous. Oscar came back with two toothbrushes when he saw Mer's face go even more pale than usual. Oscar practically ran over, threw the toothbrushes on the side table, and grabbed the trash can. He yanked the thermometer out of Mer's mouth just as he began to hurl into the trash can. The smell of the half-raw tuna from last night caught Oscar and he gagged, grabbing Mer's hands to hold the trash can instead.

"Nope, I can't. Mm-mm..."

Mer expelled his stomach contents two more times until he was just dry heaving. He coughed and spit into the trash can, shaking. Oscar walked back over again and touched Mer's head.

"You feel like you finished?" Mer nodded. Oscar took the trash can from him and set it away. He went back over and sat next to him, rubbing his back softly. "You okay? You feel a little better?" Mer nodded again. He signed 'I'm sorry' again but Oscar stopped him.

"You have a fever." He said, putting the back of his hand to Mer's forehead again. "Seems it rose from the activity. Let me get you to your room so you can lay down, okay?"

You no leave... Mer signed.

"I won't. I promise. First though, let's brush our teeth. I'll show you how."

Mer nodded and Oscar helped him up to take him to the bathroom and show him how to brush his teeth. So much had happened between them, mostly to Oscar, but Mer had always been there. Oscar vowed to be there for Mer now. Whatever happened, he would look after his friend.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

a couple of things. one, i'm not a master of sign language but i tried to look it up and it says that when you want to put an emphasis on signs you make them bigger/smaller, faster/slower, and add facial expressions for inflections.
second, they fell back in the non-sleep direction so they are both too tall to sleep that way and thus their feet were dangling and went to sleep. and if you've ever had a proper slept foot, you know what the squiggles are 〜(＞＜)〜