Thoughts

Tw: Mentions of body, sometimes uncovered. Lots of self-deprecating thoughts. Strong language. Vent chapter

The girl looked in the mirror, pulling at the grip of 'extra' fat in her hand. Her stomach stretched as she pulled it forward. Too fat.

She cupped her breasts and tears formed in her eyes. Too flat.

She twisted to get a look at her back, particularly that which was half-covered in white fabric. Not thicc enough.

She prodded at her eyes, stretching and widening them with her pinky until it hurt. She pulled at her lips, puckering them then sighing. Too small.

She cupped her face, then let go and pulled at the skin covering by her chin. Too fat.

She moved suddenly, scrubbing at her acne covered face, making her face even redder. Too red.

She stopped suddenly as she noticed the slightly dark coloring on the back of her hand. Too tan.

They're so beautiful. She thought, looking at the models posing on magazine pages that had been ripped from their book. So skinny, so busty. Smooth, tan skin. Freckles. Big eyes and lips. Cheekbones.

Angelic. Perfect. Beautiful.

Everything she wasn't. She was just ugly. Ugly. UGLY. UGLY!!! FAT. DUMB. RUDE. LOUD. IMMATURE. ANTI-SOCIAL. SCARY. RUDE. DUMB. BITCHY.

Her breathing deepened. Getting faster.

She caught her own eyes in the mirror, pulling pale and red. It pushed her over the edge.

Her legs began to shake violently, and she collapsed to the floor. Tears spilled down her face as she let loose a sob.

Stop crying! You're fine. So many people have it so much worse than you. This is just a phase. Get up. No body will ever love someone that can't even control their emotions. Though,  who am I kidding. No one could ever love your ugly ass. Don't suppose you have much of an ass though, hmm?

She just sobbed harder, her face pressed against the cold floor and her hand roaming her body, scratching, pulling.

Not good enough.

The teen smiled, their natural, happy smile.

"I'm sorry that I'm torturing you with having to be here." Their father said, throwing up his hands and sitting back.

"What?" They asked, smile disappearing.

"You obviously aren't happy. I mean, could you at least try to look excited?"

"I- uhh..."

"You could get fired for seeming so uninterested. You seem like you aren't even paying attention."

"Wha- I was! This is my normal face! I was even smiling!"

"Yeah, well it didn't seem like it. You'll alienate your peers."

No one will like you. That's what he meant.

"I-"

"You know what, just leave. You obviously aren't enjoying yourself."

The teen looked at their sister in disbelief, but she was looking away. Anxiety was rising in them, and their breathing quickened. They couldn't do this here.

"Fine!" They stood up and speed walked out and to the stairs, running up them and catching their door just before they slammed it.

They sighed, softly clicking it closed and falling against the back of the door. But- But I was happy. Is that not enough?

It's not. I need to be happier. They forced a smile, pulling at the edges of their lips to try to get them higher.

Their breath quicker again, and another wave of anxiety crashed, leaving them shaking slightly. The tears in their eyes dissipated and they suppressed a yell.

Why can't I even cry?! I can't do anything normally. No one will ever like me.

~ End ~