Chapter 4: Sing Your Heart Out

~What If I Shine~
~ [Barbie Rock 'n' Royals] ~

"I'm cool and polite on the outside but when I'm alone I run and I hide. If you're eyes are closed it's hard to see."

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Unfortunately being apart of the music program meant making music. That was a small problem for a girl with stage fright. And apparently the initiation included showing off your skills.

Cue the sarcastic yay.

I was a panicked mess all through the morning. Mom had pulled an all nighter and was gone before I could tell her about the program. So the lack of someone to calm me down allowed my anxiety to continue to rapidly increase at an alarming rate.

"Chica, you need to chillax right now I'm going to explode." Mackenzie threatened.

"Oh wow, I didn't think of that. Calming down, what a brilliant idea." I grumbled, rubbing my temples. Mackenzie rolled her eyes, stealing one of my chips and munching on it.

"Hey! I just got back from band, I think we finally found someone to do our merch." Ava said, she was still in her sweaty volleyball jersey and I tried not to wrinkle my nose at the stench.

"Ava, I have spare clothes in my bag, a shirt and a skirt, do us all a favour and change into them." Mackenzie said, voice nasally from the fingers gripping her nose.

Ava curled her lip. "Ew. Skirts."

"The stench is a good way to keep away trolls so they don't rip off your head and suck on your brain stem." Karla said nonchalantly.

"Ew. Crazy people." Mackenzie scrunched up her face.

I stifled a snort as Ava glared at her before turning to me. "Si, you're really pale." She commented as she pulled out her lunch.

I sighed. "I have the music program after school."

"What?" Ava's eyes were wide. "Really? Why didn't you tell me!"

"I tried calling you but you didn't pick up." I replied.

"Ohhh... I had ba-"

"If you say band I'm going to puke Siena's chips all over your lunch." Mackenzie interrupted.

Silence. Karla shrugged and bit into her pizza. "I'd still eat it."

I redirected the conversation. "Cole showed a song of mine to Ms. Hudson."

"Cole?" Ava gasped shrilly. Which was weird for her because she isn't one for shrill voices. She coughed. "Wow, that was really nice of him."

"It was." I agreed quietly.

Mackenzie smirked, bumping shoulders with me. "I smell a little Sole happening."

Ava gave her a weird look. "What? Like a shoe?"

"A ship name." Mackenzie explained.

"Oh." Ava fake gagged. "Those are weird."

Mackenzie rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Cole has been Siena's hero twice now, I think they're meant to be."

I gave her a glare. "Mackenzie, we literally have only had two conversations with each other. Both were awkward. I think it's safe to drag him out of the romantic interest column and back into 'dude I know' column."

Mackenzie scowled and lay her head on the table. The red beanie on her head flopping into Ava's salad.

"Zachary is in the 'dude I know' column." Mackenzie told me, her eyes flicking to the boy who was howling like wolves with his friends on the other side of the school property. "Cole is a soulmate."

"Are you watching hallmark movies again?" I teased, standing up with my garbage. "I told you a thousand times! They aren't good for you, they make your brain go crazy!"

I started to leave, Ava grabbed Karla who was sniffing at a dead fly and followed.

"Just you wait Si! It's going to happen!" Mackenzie yelled after.

🎶🎵🎶

I had hidden myself inside the closet.

Stupid, I know. But every time I thought about having to sing in front of the other kids my lungs tightened and I suddenly became very faint.

My hands gripped my phone with white knuckles as I considered who to call when suddenly the knob turned. My body froze as the door swung open.

A large, burly girl rolled her eyes as she turned into the closet but she froze when she saw me. She had pale skin and her hair was visibly dyed a midnight blue so dark it could be mistaken as black. The hair was short and shaved on both sides of her head so the bit in the middle flopped over the right side of her head. Multiple piercings staggered her body, in her ears, nose, and even a huge stud in her lips that were covered in a dark lipstick.

Basically she was the most intimidating person I have ever seen.

"You're hiding in a closet." She said in a emotionless voice.

I just stared at her. My heart was pounding in my ears.

"Why are you hiding in a closet?" The girl continued, her eyes narrowed and scrutinizing.

I gulped. "Uh-"

"Are you hiding from humanity?"

I blinked. Wait what? "I... guess?"

"That makes sense. Humans are stupid."

I thought I didn't understand people before but now I really don't.

"Quinn? Are you getting the stands or what?" Another voice spoke. A second head ducked in. Their eyes widened as the stared at me. "Oh wow- um hey? Is this Narnia?"

It was Riley. How humiliating. Now two people met me, in their eyes, for the first time when I was hiding in a closet.

Riley was in my history class. They were pretty cool. One of the most confident people I knew because they revealed to be non-binary just last year. I wish I could step out and show people who I was like they did.

"Why is there a girl in a closet?" Riley whispered to Quinn.

"She's hiding from the horrible dark energy of the world's souls." Quinn said darkly.

Riley sighed, squinting at me. "I feel like I've seen you before. Are you that new girl from Ireland?"

I felt annoyance spark. The pure irritation was enough to get me to squeak out a few words. "No." I said slowly. "That's Fiona. I'm Siena, I sit beside you in history."

Riley flushed. They were a red head so the colour was vibrant on their pale skin. "Oh...I'm so sorry..."

"What's going on here? Did I say you could have a party in the closet?" Ms. Hudson's stern voice rang out. Riley and Quinn both mumbled apologies and grabbed what they needed as her eyes rested on me. "Selena! There you are!" Her strong arms grabbed mine and she heaved me up before I could protest.

I couldn't find the courage to correct her on my name as she guided me into the classroom. I could see all the kids there. Many had instruments that they were tuning inharmoniously. I frowned when I realized I didn't see Ava. The program often split off into various groups since a room full of teenagers making noise tended to get over bearing. But I had hoped Ava would stay to watch at least. I brushed off the small pain of hurt that jabbed into my chest. It was fine. She knew too many people made me nervous. She probably herded her group out so I could sing with more confidence. My teeth ground into the flesh of my button lip. My hand fiddling with the music pendant on my necklace as Ms. Hudson showed me where to sit.

"Everyone!" She called for attention with a loud clap. Eventually they quieted. "We have someone new joining our program, Selena. She will be showing us a piece she wrote herself!"

With an encouraging nod she gestured for me to start. I gulped. There was a whole lot of eyes. I could hear her whispering for me to take my time my chest started to seize up. I felt like I was drowning and I hardly registered the tears on my face until suddenly I could feel something wet fall on my lap.

"Selena? Selena, are you okay, sweetie?" Me. Hudson was in front of me, concern filling her gaze. Hot tears fogged up my glasses as I took them off and pressed my knuckles into my eye lids.

Right now I just felt so much fear. I couldn't register the embarrassment of breaking down in the middle of class because I was too busy trying to breath. I felt like I was being squeezed by a boa constrictor, pushed underwater without any air, trapped in a box struggling to get out.

Breath.

Breath.

My glasses hit the ground.

I couldn't see with them on. Maybe that was what started it. Maybe that and my mind being clouded by the panic. The panic and fear taking over so much I was being blasted into a memory.

"Remember, when you feel your emotions starting to rise, the best way to let them out is to sing your heart out."

Something made me stand. The memory of a short laugh, big hands guiding mine to the piano, the embrace of a smaller body as I felt my fears wash away. I was floating. I couldn't see. Everything was light and colour. But my hands knew where to go. I sat down and I started to play.

"I was never very a talkative child." I closed my eyes as the note started, my fingers finding the keys. "I stayed quiet while others were wild. If something was bothering me, I'd bury it deep so others couldn't see."

Everyone was quiet. The only thing I could hear was my own voice.

"You saw me there with a vacant stare, The tears running down my cheeks. You held me close, like you always do, And this is what you said to me." I hummed as my hands moved down the piano.

"Music is a language. That everyone knows. It says what your feeling, It tells what you can't show. Let it out, let it out now. It's stuck inside of you. It's piling up too high, The old mixing with the new." I drew out the vowel, feeling the beautiful feeling of my voice moving fluently through my lips.

"Sing my heart out. That's what you always told me. Sing my heart out. Let it all free!" I felt my lips pulling in a smile. The tears drying away. "Emotions pull the melody, Words work with the harmony. Now you can really see what's inside of me."

"Sing my heart out. Singing it loud and clear. Singing it out loud. For all to hear.Let me tell you my story. A song can tell you what you don't see." The words were in my memory, the tune ingrained in my mind. Muscle memory told me what to do and I felt confidence swell inside of me."Sing my heart out. Now you know what it's all about. Sing my heart out. No longer need to scream and shout."

I slowed down the notes, readying for the next verse.

"Then you took my hands and held me close,Saying how much you loved me so. Even though I hid things deep, With the secrets and emotions I keep." My finger reached over the notes to get a higher one as I carried on.

"You said, my darling dear, You hide things all the time. It's so hard to see what's going on in your mind. I love you anyway, things can be so hard to say. But if you sing your heart out Then I'll know you'll be okay." Memories laced my mind, threading in the images of a happy family.

"Sing my heart out. Singing it loud and clear. Singing it out loud. For all to hear. Let me tell you my story. A song can tell you what you don't see. Sing my heart out. Now you know what it's all about. Sing my heart out. No longer need to scream and shout." I let out a breath and let my voice carry.

"No longer need to scream and shout."

"No longer need to scream and shout."

My eyes were finally open, fixed on the blurred faced in front of me. "My hands play the song, While my voice sings along. It so much easier to sing, About what you are feeling."

"Music is a language. That everyone knows. It says what your feeling, It tells what you can't show."

The last chorus was softer. My fingers went slower as my toe pressed the pedal. "Sing my heart out. Singing it loud and clear. Singing it out loud. For all to hear. Let me tell you my story. A song can tell you what you don't see. Sing my heart out. Now you know what it's all about. Sing my heart out. No longer need to scream and shout."

I heaved a deep breath. The final words rippling off my tongue.

"I no longer need to scream and shout. Sing your heart out..."

First there was silence. But then loud hands began to clap. It started with one before suddenly the whole group was applauding. I blinked, jerked out of the dream I was tranced in as I suddenly realized where I was.

I did it.

"That was beautiful, Selena." Ms. Hudson sniffed, wiping her eyes as she handed my frames back. I kept them off my face and smiled bravely, I didn't have the courage to see the faces of the classmates I had "sang my heart out" to.

I stood quickly as she began talking about various instruments, my hands found and empty chair and I slipped my glasses on quickly. At last focusing on the details of everyone's appearance.

Riley shot me a thumbs up, others gave me a huge smile. I felt a small, gleeful, grin spread over my face, practically vibrating when I realized what I had done.

I was finally in the program.

🎶 🎵 🎶

"Time to celebrate!" Mackenzie announced. I laughed as she fumbled with her key before pushing her way inside. "Mamá? ¿adivina qué? ¡alguien especial entró en el programa muisc!"

There was a loud shriek and I laughed as Ms. García came running in. "¡De Verdad! mi querido Siena, I'm so proud of you!"

Isabella wrapped me in a hug and squeezed me so tight I couldn't breath. Mackenzie snickered as I let out a huge breath when she finally released me. "Mackenzie, Dad's coming home soon and I'll ask him to pick up a cake so we can celebrate, I'm assuming your mother is working late?"

I nodded, a small smile on my face. "I'm going to leave a note on her bed so she'll know before she leaves tomorrow." I said excitedly.

Isabelle didn't say anything. A small disapproving frown I've grown to know as she tsked. Mackenzie and I exchanged looks as my best friend rolled her eyes. "Mamá!" She complained.

"I'm not saying anything!" She protested, making her way into the kitchen. Mackenzie and I giggled quietly as she began singing a Spanish ballad at the top of her lungs.

Mackenzie grabbed a bottle of sparkling water and untwisted the cap. She poured us both a glass as she shot me the biggest grin. I raised my drink to hers as the clinked together. "To my dearest best friend," she started, feigning misty eyes as she stared up at the ceiling like she was reminiscing.

"Oh my god." I laughed, rolling my eyes at her theatrics.

"You've grown up so much." Her voice pretended to choke up.

"Mackenzie!" Isabella scolded from the kitchen.

Mackenzie huffed, setting her glass down. "Fine! Congrats, Si! You did it, chica!"

I chuckled. Raising my drink and hitting it against hers again.

"Here here!"

Authors note*****

Aw yeah! Siena has done it! *does little happy dance*

And Mackenzie is still awesome!

I didn't really make Siena's mom have much of a character in Musically Me but I am totally loving Isabella García!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, all the Spanish words were done by google translate. I'm sorry mis queridas lectoras but I'm just not talented enough to do it without it!

Here's some sparkling water because I don't actually like the taste of it so I want you all to have the rest!

LuckyBugBooks 🐞