Chapter 3: One Step Forward

~Wake Up~
~ [Julie and The Phantoms] ~

"Life is a song. Love is the music"

********

I admit I screamed. The loud high pitched noise made Cole stumble back in surprise and he tripped over the clarinet case in his shock. He landed on the ground with a thump and a moan.

I peeked at him from where I had shrunk beneath the guitar. "Wha-I- how...how long were you here?"

"Um...I don't know, somewhere before the chorus?" Cole winced as he sat up.

"Oh. Uh-um." My face was turning red. I felt like a thousand butterflies were having a civil war in my chest as I set down the guitar. "W-what are you doing here?" My voice was pitched way too quiet again.

"That's my guitar." Cole pointed at the instrument on my lap as he stood.

Crap.

I squeaked, scrambling to get up as I shoved it into his hands. He fumbled to get a grip on it as I grabbed my things.

"I am so sorry, it was just there, and then I started singing-" I rambled but before I could leave he grasped my shoulder and spun me around.

"Hey, calm down, it's no problem." Cole ask with a smile, kind eyes trapping me. "I haven't heard music that beautiful come from this guitar in forever."

Oh wow, he's giving me complements. Crud. Don't say anything stupid.

"I haven't heard someone this beautiful give me a complement." The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could pull them back.

Crumbs.

My head went straight into my hands. Can someone actually die of embarrassment? To my surprise Cole laughed, this handsome boy laughed, a musical sound coming from his mouth. I peeked through my fingers at him.

"You're really good, you know that? I never heard that song before." Cole continued, he grabbed a chair and pulled it up, sitting down. I awkward stood there, unsure if I should bolt or sit. I chose sit.

"I wrote it myself. " I said quietly.

Cole's eyes widened. "You're kidding me! " I shook my head.

"That is..." he shook his head in awe. "That's amazing."

Cole smiled a brilliant smile at me. "Are you apart of the music program? I usually work on my own so I most likely didn't see you."

"No." I said, my hand went to a piece of it hair and I yanked at it. "I...I missed the start of the program so I wasn't able to join. I'm trying to get in now but..."

Cole raised an eyebrow. "....but?"

My cheeks scorched. "I... I have trouble talking to people." I practically whispered.

Somehow he heard me. "Oh." He said understandingly. "Do you know anyone in the program who could put in a good word?"

"Yeah... but she's busy." I began to move out of the room, the long social interaction making my stomach flip inside-out. "I gotta go, sorry for using your guitar."

I said a small good bye and quickly left, letting my feet take me to the girls' bathroom and I sat there until the next class. My phone dinged as I listened to music in the bathroom stall.

Where r u?
Read.

Another ding.

Ur in the bathroom aren't u?

After Mackenzie steered me out of the washroom I waited until after school to attempt to talk to Ms. Hudson. She was putting some instruments back while I hung in the doorway, knowing at my nails as I felt my nerves grip me.

I started to walk in before I spun on my heel.

Nope

But I really wanted this. I paused, glancing back.

It also meant playing for her though... I took out my book of songs, flipping to the one I wanted to show her. The program meant playing in front of people... that alone made me want to throw up.

How an I be a singer if I can't even sing to anyone other than my stuffed animals?

Sighing, I closed the book, the disappointment in myself causing the page to rip. I backed away before turning and leaving.

🎹 🎧 🎧 🎹

"Mom?" I called as I dropped my keys into the bowl.

She waved from where she was typing on the couch.

I smiled softly and strolled around the back, giving her a hug around the neck. I took a lot after my mother, same blonde hair, same blue eyes. Hers had some highlights in it to cover the grey hair and she was wearing her glasses as she typed away. My mom's face was more angular and the nose wasn't as prominent as mine. Her face also lacked the freckles I got from sun. She distractedly touched the hands on her shoulder before responding to the small microphone attached to her collar. Sighing, I unpacked my stuff before going into my room.

As I sat down to do some homework my mom popped her head in.

"How was school, honey?" She asked. She frowned. "How's your head? Are you sure you don't want to go to the doctor again just to be sure?"

"Um..." I wasn't sure. But I knew Mom was busy. "I-" before I could say anything someone started talking in the earbud Mom had in her ear.

"No! Janet, we can't trust Jared to use the printer." She said into the communicator, she sighed and turned back into the hall, the fading sound of her voice drifting through the air.

Of course. I spun in my chair, catching sight of the front of a magazine clipping I had pinned on the wall. Mom's first big break for her company. But that also marked the day of the start of the large gap between us.

My hands found their way to the microphone before I knew it. I grabbed the equipment and stuffed them in their case. Suddenly I was running down the hall until I made it to Mom's walk-in closet. It's meant for a couple to share so she barely had anything in there, usually keeping her stuff in her dresser. I set up the things and closed the door, pulling on them headphones as I started the music.

"There's two of us here." I closed my eyes, seeping some nice vibrato into the lyrics. "Yet nothing seems clear."

"You come home, and I still am alone." The song was lingering in the chest voice, deep and true.

"Taking deep breaths,
You're playing hard to get,
I shouldn't be complaining...."

I let my voice go lower so I'd have more room when I went higher for the chorus. "But I'm just a girl And you're just a woman. Problems unfurl, but you can't hear me talking."

I let the song rise, getting into mixing territory. "White noise, hear my voice, Calling to you in the night. Night mares, tangled hairs, And you're no where in sight!"

I let my voice riff off of a note, elongating it into a "oh".

I went back down for the verse. "When you were split in two. You didn't know what to do. So maybe we are three, A line drawn between you and me"

I flipped the pages in the notebook, memorization and muscle memory allowing me to close it as I sang. "But I'm just a girl. And you're just a woman. Problems unfurl,
And no one hears me talking!"

"White noise, hear my voice, Calling to you in the night. Night mares, tangled hairs. And you're no where in sight...." I went deeper, letting my note trail off until the bridge.

"Good girl. I'm just a good girl. Stay a good daughter to you." I let the vowel waft through the notes, airy and yearning.

"Good mom. That's all you gotta be. Working from eight to three everyday..."

I mimed the piano notes, singing softly. "Can't look straight, always hesitates, The rift that creates the split between us..."

"But I'm just a girl. And you're just a woman.
Problems unfurl, And no one hears me talking. White noise, hear my voice, Calling to you in the night. Night mares, tangled hairs. And you're no where in sight...."

My voice was a whisper, my lips brushing around the microphone. "No where in sight..."

"I try with all my might to speak to you...Are you listening? You were always listening. But suddenly someone plugged your ears..."

"White noise, hear my voice, Blurry vision clouding your mind, Over worked, tired eyes, You look for me for a light and then you see..." the words had been quick with not much gap for a breath so I let itself take a jagged one before finishing.

"I'm no where in sight."

🎼 🎤 🎤 🎼

"Siena!" I jerked my head up from where I had been attempting to shrink behind the plant.

Someone was calling my name?

Ava furrowed her brow, closing her textbook. "Who's that?"

I shrugged as another call sounded. "Siena Quince?" I slowly turned to see Ms. Hudson striding over. She was a curvy woman with her auburn hair secured with a colourful scarf.

She found me and sent a brilliant smile my way. "Your song Fear Can? Beautiful work!"

"What?" My voice reached close to a shriek. People sent me dirty looks.

"Oh... maybe we shouldn't be doing this in a library." Ms. Hudson chuckled.

I numbly followed her out of the library. Ms. Hudson pulled out a ship of paper and handed it to me.

"You truly have a gift."

I glanced at it. It was my song alright, the page jagged on one side. My mind flashed back to when I loitered in the music room doorway, the page had ripped.

"I... I can't believe you found this." I gasped.

Ms. Hudson gave me a curious look. "Of course I did. Cole brought it to me, saying you had an appointment so you couldn't bring it yourself."

My mind was slow. "Huh?"

Ms. Hudson tsked, brushing my hair back and examining my head. "He mentioned you'd hit your head recently. Don't be ashamed to let any of the teachers know if you need a break."

Suddenly Cole wandered around the corner with Jay, the blue clad boy was chatting rapidly about something. I zeroed in on Cole. He paused mid-step.

"Uh huh..." was all I could say, my gaze focused on Cole.

"The programs two days a week, Tuesday's and Friday's after school." Ms. Hudson continued.

"Uh huh..."

She patted me on the shoulder, saying some other things but I kept my gaze on Cole who was trying to avoid the stare, talking with Jay but his nervous glance kept flicking back at me. Ms. Hudson left and Cole strolled over to me, face almost sheepish.

"So..."

"You showed her my song." I blurted.

"I...did." Cole admitted. Jay came popping over his shoulder.

"Did what? Who's this? What did you do? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!" Cole shoved him away, hand enveloping the smaller boy's face as he pushed him back. Jay sputtered and scratched at the air but Cole's arm was so long Jay's flailing hands didn't reach him.

I blinked as Cole continued to talk cause with me as of his friend wasn't still attempting to lunge at him.

"So...are you mad?" Cole asked.

Honestly I wasn't sure what to think. The fact that Cole was talking to me was so surreal and even taking time out of his schedule to help me was so weird it felt like I was in a crazy dream.

"I'm not mad..." I reached to twists at a lock of my hair but quickly retracted it, clasping them so I wasn't able to. "Thank you, you didn't have to do that."

Cole smiles and Jay finally stopped pushing at him. "No problem."

Jay peered at me. "Are you that girl who fell over in foods and nutrition?"

Well at least he noticed me.