Origami Girl

Chapter 8: Bastion of Hopes and Desires II

"Rummaging in our souls, we often dig up something that ought to have lain there unnoticed. "

― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

"Ittadakimasu"

The three of us kneeled in front of the low table in our room, flat cushions between our knees and the tatami floor. The dinner spread lay before us on the low table. We each had a small bowl of rice, a plate of thinly-sliced sashimi, some steamed lotus root and a few delicately fried prawn tempura. In the centre of the table was a group serving of fine slices of raw meat, and a stack of small bowls for us to fill with soy sauce if we wanted to. This was just the main meal, the ryoukan's hostess, dressed in her midnight blue kimono, informed us that dessert would arrive at seven forty-five, and if we wanted it earlier, we could give her a ring from the room's telephone. As scrumptious and ornate the dining set-up was, I couldn't find my appetite.

We were each lent a yukata by the hostess when we all checked in earlier, which we could all wear as sleepwear. Despite that, only Sayaka-chan was wearing hers. I was rather undecided on whether to put on mine or not, while Ka-chan probably hadn't had the time to unpack her clothes to decide whether to utilise hers or just use her own clothes. Her black trolley luggage and haversack were placed beside the sliding door, just the way she left it when we all first entered the room. I remembered we checked in only an hour before the stipulated dinner time, and Ka-chan decided to use that time to socialise with a few friends instead of unpacking. Well, she could still unpack after dinner.

I watched in the corner of my eye as Kameko-chan and Sayaka-chan dined. Kameko-chan held her rice bowl close to her mouth with the palm of her left hand, while picked away clumps of steaming rice with her chopsticks delicately. Sayaka-chan, on the other hand, was taking small bites out of her lotus root. Meanwhile, I only ate a few slices of pink raw beef, and picked away meticulously with my chopsticks at my tempura, scraping away some of the golden breadcrumbs off the prawn. It was no wonder then that the other two finished their meals and I was still only a quarter through it.

"You know. . . You shouldn't be playing with your food," Ka-chan  said.

I just grunted in response, not really listening to her. Ka-chan merely sighed.

"You've been acting really weird today, is everything all right?" Sayaka-chan asked.

"You seem to be in some kind of daze. You're not paying attention to anything!" Ka-chan added in.

"No! Nothing's all right! What should I do Ka-chan, Sayaka-chan? Help me!"  Well I certainly couldn't tell them that without them prying me for more information, so I just clammed up and told them nothing was wrong.

They obviously didn't believe me, and continued with their own small conversation. Nevertheless, they were right. I've truly been in a daze today.

After seeing my silence, Adam-kun quickly blurted out that I needn't give him a reply immediately. Not like it helped anyway. I didn't speak to him at all on the train from Nagoya to Shin-Osaka. It wasn't like I was angry at him or anything, it just was that I was too embarrassed and confused to say even a single word. I tried once, I remembered, while the train was at the platform of Kyoto station. I opened my mouth, the dry air-conditioned air entering through the gap between my lips, only to end up choking on my words. We alighted at Shin-Osaka without a word. I called Ka-chan, and the bus came down at the taxi stand to pick me up. Adam-kun accompanied me all the way while I was waiting for the bus, but when I looked out of the window after I boarded and took my seat beside Kameko-chan, he had vanished.

I couldn't really concentrate after that. His confession at Nagoya Station kept playing on and on in my head like a broken tape recorder. We went to a lot of places in Kobe. Sure, we visited the Itsuka Shrine and some museums, but I never really paid any form of real attention. I was just out of tangent after what happened. I wrecked my mind mulling all over the issue, and everything else seemed rather trivial to me. I felt confused and guilty at the same time. I just didn't know what to do.

We then checked into our rooms in the ryoukan. There were to be three students per room, so I went with Sayaka-chan and Ka-chan, naturally. Yowane-sensei gave us a debrief and told us that after dinner we had an hour to bathe, then we could have free time until ten.

The sound of the sliding doors opening snapped me back to reality, and the hostess and an assistant came in, clearing away all of our plates, and replacing the dinner spread with plates of various desserts, all at backbreaking speed. We thanked her, and the two women bowed, before leaving.

Laid out before us was now a wide collection of desserts, from green-tea flavoured dango, cubes of Okayama peach jelly and glutinous multi-coloured mochi. We also each had a cup of chawanmushi, and not forgetting to mention a miniature platter of flower-shaped wagashi.

"Wow! They look really cute don't they?" Kameko-chan exclaimed, referring to the wagashi.

Sayaka-chan and I enthusiastically agreed. Seeing the other two comment enthusiastically at their new experience of Kansai desserts helped lift my spirits a little. I started with the chawanmushi first, and ended up finishing everything I had been given. The softness and sweetness of the delicacies tickled my taste buds. This time, I had to wait for the other two.

After dessert, the three of us headed over to the hot spring for a bath. We brought along the towels that were provided to us to the changing room adjacent to the hot spring, and we changed out of ourclothes into our towels, wearing them into a long one-piece from our bosoms to our thighs. As soon as we were done, we stepped out of the changing room and into the hot spring itself.

As soon as Ka-chan slid the door open, the smell of the spring water hit me. So fresh! It didn't smell anything at all like the sea smell of Hakodate. Even though I may be the one who suggested the option of going to a hot spring resort during the class discussion the other time, I myself have never been to one.

There were about three hot springs there, exclusively for the women, the men probably had the same amount. The steam from the pools wafted into the night sky, the silhouettes of the towering mountains of Hyogo loomed in the background. At the perimeters of the compound , there was a fence of tightly packed bamboo posts, with small bromeliads lining the ground beside them. They were already a few girls there, but all of them were clustered in the largest hot spring at the edge, so the three of us, wanting to unwind a little, went off to occupy the second-largest hot spring, the one directly beside the fence separating the ladies' section from the mens'.

Sayaka-chan went in first, followed by Kameko-chan, then finally, me. The three of us sat at the edge of the spring, and washed ourselves with the pure water. The warm water felt amazing on my skin! I slowly ran my right palm over the length of my left arm, making sure every inch of my skin came into contact with the spring water. It was amazing, what a delightful way to unwind!

The three of us chatted a bit, insignificant things most of it. I didn't really catch the gist of what they were saying since, in fact, I was actually rather distracted. You could say I was eavesdropping, but I wasn't since they were speaking so loudly, it's not my fault that I overheard them. By 'them' I wasn;t referring to Kameko-chan and Sayaka-chan, but to the boys on the other side of the bamboo fence. They were laughing and joking away loudly, but I did manage to capture snippets of bizarre conversation.

At first, they were talking about fairly normal things, like about the trip and school, but then it progressed to dirty talk. Well, boys. It was normal I suppose, but nonetheless it was uncomfortable to be hearing them without them even realising it. They could at least be more sensitive and keep such dirty talk somewhere else out of earshot from any decent girls.

How one boy thought so-and-so from the other class was rather sexy, how another felt attracted to gravure models posing in seductive postures on girly magazines. Then someone mentioned how he and his girlfriend made out in some stairwell somewhere. Then another boy brought up how sexy the members of the latest girl's idol group was. Then for some reason they broke out into wild laughter, and I could hear splashing and shouts. Horsing around, I supposed.

"Boys," Sayaka-chan commented, rather unamused.

"Well, let them be," Ka-chan mentioned, giggling, "The point of this entire trip is to have fun anyway."

"True, true," Sayaka-chan replied.

I soon got bored eavesdropping on the boy's weirdness when I decided to just wade to the middle of the hot spring just for the fun of it. Interestingly, the water in the centre of the spring was warmer, and I liked it better there. Well, I should've just stayed at the side with Ka-chan and Sayaka-chan, as I was about to find out.

Suddenly, the shouting got louder on the other side, and so did the roars of laughter as well. I wasn't really interested, and continued to soak myself in the refreshing spring water, when suddenly, I felt something suddenly fall on my head. It felt like it was some fabric of sort, and it covered my eyes, and I couldn't see. It was wet, and it stuck to my head and face. Slowly, I peeled whatever it was on my head with my hands and took a good look at it.

It was a towel. Gosh. I wonder who's the lucky boy who's now in the buff?

I looked up and saw Kameko-chan and Sayaka-chan looking at me curiously. I waved the towel in front of me, and they both laughed.

"Ah well, boys," Kameko-chan said.

"They're still so childish," I commented.

The three of us giggled.

"Uhm. . . hey,"

The sound of a male voice immediately made the three of us all look up towards the fence.

To our shock, a boy's head was peeking above the fence, exposing his bare shoulders slightly. His hair was dripping wet. It was Yamamoto-san, our track captain. He looked slightly embarrassed, his cheeks were red.

I turned to look around, Sayaka-chan was looking back at him, her eyebrows frowned. Kameko-chan only looked back shyly, her expression rather confused.

Yamamoto-san looked around and suddenly his eyes fixated on me. I saw him gulp but then he finally mustered enough courage to speak.

"Umm, Furukawa-san," he said.

I just glared back at him.

"Could you please pass me my um- towel?" he asked, his cheeks getting deep red.

That was when it hit me. I looked down at my hand. Then I looked back at my track captain again.

W-w-wait so now he's looking at us while he's naked? I thought to myself, getting increasingly nervous.

At that moment he reached out with his right arm over the fence, probably so that I needn't throw his towel far to pass it to him. But at that moment, that wasn't first thing that crossed my mind.

Okay, so here we have Yamamoto-san, who's apparently naked, peeking above the bamboo fence because his towel somehow landed here. Wait, if he's stretching one hand out that must mean he has another hand free behind the fence. . .Why isn't he holding the top of the fence for support instead?

Don't tell me he's peeking at us and also. . .

I paused for a few seconds. Not before long, the thoughts kept on making me feel weird, to the point where I couldn't take it anymore.

I shrieked.

Picking up the wet towel, I tossed it at his direction, not bothering to see if he managed to catch it or not. Then, holding my towel tightly to my bosom, just in case it would accidentally slip off, I quickly waded through the hot spring to the edge, climbed out, and sprinted off, screaming. I remembered leaving the entire venue in chaos, as the other girls began to notice and started screaming as well.

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"Well, that was a rather refreshing bath wasn't it?" Kameko-chan asked the three of us as we sat in our room.

"Yes, sure it was refreshing!" I replied, "It's not every day where you get a boy trying to peek at you bathe."

"Come on," Ka-chan said, "It's not like he meant it that way."

"Sure." I replied, looking through my trolley luggage.

The two of us continued to unpack our belongings, while Sayaka-chan went on to read her magazine that she brought along from Hakodate.

"You know," Sayaka-chan said, flipping the shiny pages of her magazine, "I wonder what took you so long to react, I mean, you literally paused there for a while, like you're thinking of something, and then bam! You scream."

"It seemed like a rather slow reaction to me," Ka-chan added in, "What were you even thinking? I mean if you were going to scream, then just scream!"

"Well," I said, I myself getting rather confused.

Indeed, what was I even thinking back then? I thought back, then it slowly came to me. I immediately blushed.

Ka-chan eyed me suspiciously and giggled.

"Seems like something fishy to me," Sayaka-chan commented.

"N-no it wasn't!" I defended myself, "Well, he was peeking over the fence to us girls and he had one hand extended so I thought he must be like. . . doing weird things with the other. . . you know. . ." I said, my face fully red.

I looked up and saw the other two's eyes fixated on me. I noticed that they stayed silent for a moment, their expressions slightly bewildered before turning to look at each other and simultaneously burst into laughter. Even a girl as refined and polite as Ka-chan couldn't help but to laugh hysterically, her face beetroot, nearly choking on her laughter. This racket lasted a few seconds before the both of them finally managed to calm down.

"S-so you get what I mean but then you find it funny?" I asked them both.

"No, it's not that," Sayaka-chan replied, still trying to supress some of her laughter, "It's just that why would you even go to the lengths of thinking of it in that way?"

"Yeah, she's right, I don't get how you could even draw such conclusions from the premises," Ka-chan added, "It doesn't make sense."

"Well, it does. . . I guess?" I tried defending my stand, "Yamamoto-kun had always been a pervert after all! All boys are like that."

"Well, says the girl who was the one who speculated such erotic thoughts of him," Sayaka-chan teased.

The two of them laughed.

"Look, I mean, if he seriously wanted to do that, wouldn't he be more discreet? And besides, he only looked up because his towel somehow came flying over to our side so I don't think he intended anything funny," Ka-chan reasoned.

Ashamed, I finally gave up trying to defend my claims.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. . ." I finally admitted.

"You have a peculiar way of thinking,"Kameko-chan commented jokingly.

"I'm not logical. There's probably something wrong with me somewhere."

What I said seemed to have taken them back a bit.

"There you go, saying weird things again," Kameko-chan said.

Sayaka-chan merely sighed, obviously tired at my pessimism. I continued unpacking my luggage, placing the clothes I planned on wearing into the wardrobe in the room. I eventually took out all my folded clothes and lay them in front of me.

In total, I brought with me three sweaters, a pullover, a pair of jeans, a pair of black leggings, a peach blouse, some sleeping clothes and undergarments, among other things.

"Did you pack your entire closet in there?" Sayaka-chan asked me jokingly, her eyebrows raised.

"Well, there's nothing wrong if I want to look cute or anything," I replied.

Then I remembered something important. I quickly turned to the stacks of folded clothes and picked out what I had always wanted to show the other two. I held my dark blue, polka-dotted chiffon pleated mini skirt in my hands, the soft fabric caressing the skin of my palms.

"It's cute isn't it?" I asked them as I held one of my more prized buys in front of me.

They agreed, nodding their heads. Kameko-chan even went up to me to feel the soft material.

"Where did you get it from?" she asked.

"Uniqlo," I answered.

"Well, I haven't seen it before there," she muttered.

"It's a new release, they just stocked it the when I visited there last Saturday."

"It's really cute, but since we're only allowed to wear our uniforms when we're out and about, so you're telling me you're going to wear that to sleep?" Sayaka-chan commented sarcastically.

"No. . . but I just felt that I might get a chance to wear it. . . Somehow," I replied, not really sure what to say.

"Impractical. As always," she sighed.

I ignored her comment and continued placing the folded clothes into the wardrobe. Sayaka-chan already occupied a third of the wardrobe, so I placed all my clothes in a second third, leaving the remainder of the space for Ka-chan. Sayaka-chan continued on with her magazine, and plugged in her earbuds. Ka-chan showed me her mini skirt-length pannier that she brought along in her luggage, to be worn underneath her uniform skirt. It was a very cute pannier, made of white lace and adorned with frills. It suited her, most certainly. I complimented on her choice of clothing, and she thanked me, before she went back to her unpacking.

 Everything was all silent in the room when suddenly Ka-chan broke the silence.

"Did any of you see my keychain?" she asked, "You know, the pink bunny? The one on my haversack?"

"No, I don't think so," I replied, "Did you lose it?"

"Ah, I think I must have dropped it then," Ka-chan mused, "It's fine."

Well, of course it wasn't fine. When Ka-chan unzipped the main compartment of the blag haversack, the first thing she pulled out was a pair of grey boxers. Well firstly , it wasn't like Ka-chan to be wearing such undergarments. It just doesn't suit her, and it was totally out of sync with her fashion choices. Secondly, it was most certainly belonging to a boy, since it had a small elastic slip at the front. We were still reeling in shock when Ka-chan started to pull out even more contents from the bag, realising that the bag was never hers in the first place. More boxers, briefs, deodorant, facial wash, toothbrush and toothpaste, and even a tube of Vaseline were placed before Sayaka-chan and I.

My thoughts immediately rushed to the Vaseline. It was rather peculiar for Vaseline to be in a boy's bag. Well, what could he use it for? I don't think I know any boy in the class who's the kind that would be vain enough to apply Vaseline on dried lips or soften rough skin, so that could only mean the owner of the bag must have intended to use it as. . . Oh, never mind.

"You must have accidentally swapped it with someone," Sayaka-chan said.

Indeed. As if by cue, Kameko-chan fished out a black wallet from the bag. She opened it and took out an identification card. She read it aloud.

"Yamamoto Kenji."

Sayaka-chan and I looked at each other. We nearly wanted to burst out laughing.

"Well, your bag does kind of look very common, so it isn't surprising if someone else might have had the same bag as you," Sayaka-chan said.

Indeed, Kameko-chan's haversack was rather generic, it was totally black, with two compartments. If I wasn't wrong, I might have seen it on sale before at Jusco and have seen it worn by people on the street before.

"Well, now we have to return this to him and get my bag back. I have all my make-up and documents in there," Ka-chan said, standing up, "And I'm sure Yamamoto-kun can't live without his boxers," she added.

"And Vaseline," I added.

The three of us burst out into giggles.

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Ka-chan slipped on a fully-buttoned violet cardigan over her pale peach night-dress. Kneeling in front of the mirror on the floor, she clipped her fringe delicately over her right ear with a simple hairclip. She stood up, examined herself in the mirror and smiled. Nonetheless, she still stood there, before finally tracing her fingers down the front of her cardigan and unbuttoning the top two buttons. Finally satisfied, she turned around and faced me. A sweet, satisfied smile lit up her porcelain face.

"Well, let's go," she beckoned me, picking up the haversack and moving towards the door.

I, who was lazing around on the floor, quickly scrambled up and trailed her.

Ka-chan tapped her card at the card reader and the both of us exited from the sliding doors and into the long and narrow corridor. Our footsteps, clothed in fabric slippers provided by the inn, barely made a sound against the shiny, polished mahogany panelling. Yamamoto-san's room was at the end of the corridor. As soon as the two of us reached the door, we froze. My heart was pounding nervously. Ka-chan and I looked at each other. Ka-chan bit her lip, smearing a bit of her lip gloss with damp saliva. We continued to look at each other in silence, until I nodded my head, indicating that I would volunteer to knock on the door.

I took a deep breath, and took a step forward. I could hear voices from the other side of the shoji sliding screen, most noticeably Yamamoto-san's and Hayate-kun's. There were a few other voices in the mix but they were mostly blurred in the background.

My palm was about to knock on the wooden beam of the sliding door, but before I could even land my palm on the screen, the screen suddenly slid open.

"Ah, guys, you're here. . ." Yamamoto-san said as he stood before us.

Ka-chan and I were rather shocked, both by the fact that the door just opened all of a sudden, and also by the fact that Yamamoto-san didn't have a single inch of fabric to cover his torso. His torso was tan as well, just like his face and arms. His abdomen also had traces of abs, so I guess he must have been working out. His chest was also not that bad. Well, in overall, he was more muscular than Adam-kun.

"Ah Yamamoto-san," I forced myself to sound as sweetly as possible, trying to pretend that he wasn't standing shirtless in front of me, "I think we might have swapped bags, so is it alright if we come in?" I asked.

The track captain looked slightly confused. His eyes went from Ka-chan to me, then to Ka-chan again. Kameko-chan was blushing, her palm covering her delicate lips, and I guess only then did he realised that he wasn't appropriately dressed and started to blush as well.

"Umm. . . W-wait for a moment please," he said, panicking, his face beetroot.

He then quickly slammed the door in our faces. A few seconds later, we both heard shouting and loud noises coming from the room. Ka-chan and I looked at each other.

"He's so cute," she giggled.

I didn't reply.

About a minute or two later, Yamamoto-san opened the door again, this time with a white graphic tee on. Thank goodness.

"Umm. . . You guys can come in now, sorry about the wait," he apologised nervously.

"Excuse us for intruding," Ka-chan said as we stepped into the room.

Yamamoto-san's room was as large as ours. The door immediately opened to a narrow corridor, the large built-in closet was on the right while the door to the bathroom was on the left wall. The corridor then led to a spacious living/dining area before opening up to an open-air balcony. The sliding door to the right was for the sleeping area. The smell of fresh tatami was in the air, so I supposed their room was newly renovated.

The two of us followed Yamamoto-san into the living space, where a few boys, probably around five, were seated around the low table. They smiled awkwardly at us and we greeted them. They greeted us back. The boys were apparently in the midst of doing something, and the room seemed surprisingly clean for a room inhabited mostly by boys. I scanned the group. There were some male classmates I have never talked to before, one guy I usually see hanging out with Yamamoto-san, and at the edge, I saw Hayate-kun. He was wearing a white long-sleeved shirt and a pair of navy blue track pants. Pajamas, most likely. Our gazes met for a moment. He blushed. I didn't.

If I knew Hayate-kun was here, I would have picked something cuter to wear, I thought to myself, mulling over the fact that I was just dressed in my track pants and blouse, with my pink cat sweater on top. Nonetheless, that's what I told myself in my head. However, what was peculiar was I didn't feel that way.

"H-have a seat," Yamamoto-san beckoned us.

The two of us reluctantly agreed and neared the table. The boys made some space for us, shifting places, until there was an entire side free just for the two of us.

"Do you want something to drink?" Yamamoto-san said again, addressing the both of us.

"No, it's fine, thanks though," Ka-chan replied.

I supposed Yamamoto-san assumed Ka-chan was speaking up for the both of us, so he sat down with us at the table. Actually, I was rather thirsty, but even if Yamamoto-san had asked me the question, my reply would've been the same.

"Well, in that case, I'll have some green tea," Hayate-kun said.

"I didn't ask you," the track captain replied, slightly annoyed.

"I don't care, I'm thirsty," Hayate-kun replied cheekily, smiling.

Yamamoto-san sighed, and reluctantly agreed. As soon as he got up, the other boys started placing their orders. Ka-chan voiced out her choice as well.

"Umm. . . What do you have?" Ka-chan asked, "If you don't mind me asking."

"Well, we have green tea, peach tea and barley tea. . . I think," he replied sheepishly.

"I'll have some peach tea then," Ka-chan requested politely.

Yamamoto-san then looked at me, as if expecting me to request something. I politely declined, saying that I was not thirsty, and thanked him.

Yamamoto-san then was about to leave the room and was about to slide the door to enter the bedroom when Hayate-kun stopped him.

"Bring two green tea bottles then," he said.

Yamamoto-san looked back, puzzled.

"Just do it, please?"Hayate-kun pleaded.

"Then you come here and help me out," the track captain said, "There's a lot to carry you know that."

Hayate-kun quickly got up and hurried over to his best friend, before disappearing into the room.

A minute or so later, Yamamoto-san came back with an armload of plastic bottles huddled to his chest. He offloaded them all on the table and gave everyone what they wanted. Ka-chan quietly said her thanks as she received her bottle of peach tea from Yamamoto-san. Hayate-kun followed suit a while later holding two identical bottles of green tea, one in each hand. He then took the seat directly opposite me, and placed the bottle of green tea on the table in front of him. Then, surprisingly, he handed one of them to me, alongside a straw. Surprised and touched by this gesture, I could only show my thanks with a curt nod.

Everybody seemed to be working on their drinks so I went ahead as well. Hayate-kun, directly in front of me was gulping down his green tea from his bottle, downing it in chugs, his Adam's apple moving with every swallow. I delicately unscrewed the cap and poked the straw inside. Bringing the bottle to my lips I quietly sipped on my drink. The slightly plain and bitter liquid trickled down my throat. The tea was exactly the way I liked it. Bitter but not so bitter, with no tinge of sweetness at all. Besides, it was healthy.

He remembered, I whispered to myself, my heart thumping faster. Hayate-kun remembered how I liked green tea. He remembered how I usually liked to drink from bottled drinks with straws. He remembered all those. I smiled to myself. As awkward as it was, with him just directly in front of me, the memories came flooding back.

I still remembered that day. It was on the demise of spring, one of the first days of our second year, one of the last few days which I had talked to him before we started giving each other the painful cold shoulder. It was lunch I think, and he went off to buy water. He gave me a bottle of green tea and sat down on the seat beside me, his drink beside him as well. I asked him to help get me a straw for me to drink from. He looked slightly bewildered, since all this while I would have usually just drank straight directly from the rim of the bottle. Nevertheless, he did what I asked him to anyway.

The truth was, by then, April, I was feeling more insecure and nervous. I somehow had the urge to protect myself from all sorts of dangers. Sometimes they're real, and sometimes they are just plain fragments of my imagination. I don't know.

As I sipped on my straw, he looked at me.

"Why drink from a straw all of a sudden?" he asked.

I gulped. I awkwardly searched for the right words to say.

"Well, I don't want you to be staring at my chest when I face up to drink from the bottle," I muttered.

Hayate-kun looked at me for a while, obviously not comprehending me. After a few seconds, he snickered. I blushed.

"I won't," he said, smiling.

"Really?" I asked.

He nodded, and laughed.

The chatter of the boys at the table brought me back to reality. Yamamoto-san had also returned, Ka-chan's black haversack with him. I recognised it as hers at once, since there was a bunny keychain attached to the zip. I guess he hasn't opened the haversack yet, since it seemed like he only realised the swap when we informed him just now.

"Where did you get all the drinks from?" Ka-chan said, drinking from her peach tea bottle.

"Uhh. . . I bought them at a convenience store in Osaka just now and brought them along in my luggage since I had space," Yamamoto-san answered.

"Okay, I see," Ka-chan replied.

Silence then enshrouded the entire table, with no one saying a word. Even the other boys have stopped talking among themselves and were now quiet. Hayate-kun drank from his bottle in intervals, between each gulping he would stare at the same spot on the table between us. I started to get increasingly nervous, the atmosphere was getting increasingly awkward. Suddenly, Yamamoto-san spoke.

"Oh, here you go," Yamamoto-san pulled up Ka-chan's haversack from beside him and handed it to her with both hands.

Ka-chan thanked him, and returned his bag as well.

"I-I hope you don't mind me asking, but did you look into my bag?" Yamamoto-san asked, a sheepish look on his face.

"Yeah, we did," Ka-chan replied, "I hope you don't mind," she continued.

"Ah, it's alright!" he exclaimed, scratching the back of his head with his palm, "I hope you didn't find anything weird in there."

Ka-chan merely giggled awkwardly, reluctant to answer him, and went straight back to her peach tea. I decided to answer for her.

"Well," I started, surprised at the suddenness of me speaking up for the first time at the table, "We found roughly around five pairs of boxers, deodorant, some toiletries and a tube of Vaseline. We thought you couldn't live without it so we decided to come over right away to return them to you."

Yamamoto-san nearly choked on his drink, and started blushing profusely. The other guys started laughing hard.

"I was referring to your underwear, not the Vaseline, just to make things clear," I added.

The other guys started teasing him and laughing away, including Hayate-kun. I wasn't even half done with my green tea when Kameko-chan suddenly stood up, saddling her haversack on her shoulders.

"Ah, we should get back now, thanks for the drinks," Ka-chan thanked Yamamoto-san.

I quickly got up as well, bringing my green tea bottle with me. It was getting late, and we should be sleeping soon.

"Ah, I'm sorry, but do you mind staying over for the night?" Yamamoto-san blurted out suddenly.

Upon seeing our perplexed reaction, his face turned beetroot.

"Th-that's not how I meant it," he muttered, explaining himself, "Well, we're all kind of staying up late tonight, so do you guys want to. . .hang out or something?"

The other guys butted in, saying that a few girls, mostly their girlfriends, were going to be coming over as well so we didn't need to worry. I wasn't exactly sure, since the idea made me rather uncomfortable. I looked at Ka-chan, but I wasn't able to read anything from her expression. I was about to tell them 'no thank you', when my eyes hovered over to Hayate-kun, who was looking straight at me. His gaze somehow made me rethink my decision, as if he was somehow telling me to stay.

In the end, I decided to stay, Ka-chan staying along with me. We returned to the table where Ka-chan and the other boys continued to talk, but I didn't really get what they were saying. Soon, the other girls arrived, and Yamamoto-san went to fetch them. He then led them into the living area where we were all seated. The girls each politely greeted us, with the customary apology for intruding the space. I turned around to look at the girls. Indeed, they were rather dressed up, in casual but cute nightclothes. With the addition of the new visitors, the table soon became rather crowded, and the conversations grew even livelier. The room was filled with the chatter of girls and jests of boys. Then one boy took out a deck of cards and invited everyone to play. I politely declined. Soon, everyone huddled even closer to the table, their booming voices just inches from my ears.

My heart thumped faster and faster in my chest. I gulped. The situation, unfavourable to me, made me very uncomfortable. I was in cold sweat.

Not able to stand it any further, I politely excused myself, and stood up, to which Ka-chan just looked at me, without saying anything. I tiptoed away from the cluster, and slipped out into the veranda.

The night was cool, and the soft wind blew strands of hair gently against my cheek. The hoots of owls and nocturnal birds resonated against the darkness. I went up to the railing at the edge and leaned forward against it, then I looked up to the dark sky. The bright moon was out, crystal clear and pristine from the mountain skies of rural Hyogo. It reminded me of the time with Adam-kun back up Mount Hakodate in the summer. For some reason, the thought of Adam-kun alone helped sooth my nervous soul. His wiry smile when he was nervous, and his messages that would send my heart leaping, they somehow made me feel better.

Without warning, I heard the sliding door behind me open. Turning around, I saw him standing there. Hayate-kun.

"Hey," he said to me, "What are you doing out here?" he asked.

I did not give him an answer. I just looked at him. Fear mixed with guilt, those emotions broiled over in my troubled heart.

"I bet you must be really angry at me," he said softly, walking up and standing next to me.

"No," I said softly, "I'm not."

"That's great," he said, barely audible, as if he was talking to himself.

Standing beside me, I realised he was now almost a head taller than me. I guess over the course of half a year he must have had a growth spurt.  He looked up to dazzling night sky, and his lips curled up into a smile. I knew Hayate-kun. He was the type that liked to beat about the bush, and rarely was he ever direct. I could sense that he wanted to say something, but he was holding himself back. I, too had many things to talk to him about, after all we've went through, but I just couldn't find the right words to say.

We stood there in silence, admiring the beautiful sky. I noticed him taking a step closer towards me, shifting sideways. My heart was racing in my chest.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" he commented.

I just nodded, and he fell silent again.

As soon as that happened, I began to worry to myself. I still felt guilty for ignoring him, when all he tried to do was to help me. He was sincere, I was sure, and I just pushed him away, refusing to even let him try. I was in the wrong, and I have no way to redeem myself. How can I ever face him again? I can't, I just can't. How would he feel about me after I took out all my convoluted feelings onto him? Surely he would be frustrated after I stubbornly shut him out. Then I got mad at him? I'm the worst.

I suddenly felt my left palm enveloped in warmth. Hayate-kun held my small palm in his, our fingers interlaced.

No, I can't do this. No, no.

I quickly pulled my hand away, folding both my arms over my chest. Hayate-kun seemed slightly shocked, and looked at me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice shaky.

"N-no, I should be the one apologising," he cut in, his right palm on his chest.

I just shook my head. My thoughts went out of control.

Stop apologising. Stop saying that things are your fault. Stop taking all the blame. You're just doing this to make me feel better. Stop, please, I beg you. Everything was all my fault! Mine!

"A-are you okay A-chan?" Hayate-kun asked, rather shocked, "Y-you're shaking!"

A-chan. He called me A-chan. . .

I couldn't take it anymore. My tears just broke free. The façade I built to hide all my feelings from him just gave way and collapsed.

"Let's get inside, it's cold out here," he suggested.

"We'll go to the bedroom alright?" he said again, after seeing me hesitate.

I agreed, and Hayate-kun took my hand and pulled me along with him. He walked fast, and we walked past the gathering at the table in the living area in a breeze and quickly retreated to the bedroom. It was vast and wide, and the only piece of furniture was a low table with a lamp on it, leaning against the far wall. The futons weren't laid out, so there was a lot of space. The lamp was lit, the dim light glowing, causing our shadows to form on the walls.

"Why don't you sit down, I'll lay down a futon for you," Hayate-kun said, and was about to make his way to the closet.

"It's fine," I whispered, and I walked up to the table in the dim light, before sitting down beside it, leaning against the wall. I tucked in my knees, and buried my face in them.

I heard Hayate-kun's footsteps approaching me. I peeked out to look at him, and saw that he had walked up to the other side of the table, and sat there. I guess, naturally, it felt more comfortable that way. I felt the same too. I felt better with something between me and him. I felt safe.

We were silent for a while, with only the muted laughter of the group in the living room piercing the wordless atmosphere. I got lost in my thoughts and closed my eyes. My face was still buried in my knees, and I did not look up.

"Are you okay, now?" he asked, to which I did not reply.

He didn't seem to mind. He went on talking. I didn't really catch him, but he just went on talking about things, mostly about the trip and other small talk. I guess he gave up after seeing that I was not in the right state of mind to be attentively listening to such talk.

"You know," he said, his tone solemn, "The past few months have been rather hard for me, I couldn't talk to you, and you wouldn't even talk to me."

His words were met with silence, but this time, I was listening intently.

"Of course I was kind of mad at you at the beginning and kind of lost my cool but that was wrong, and I'm sorry. I still like you, you know that? I still do."

"Do you still remember that time last year when we first kissed?" he went on, a ring of happiness in his voice, "You were waiting for me to finish training weren't you? Do you know how happy I felt when I saw you? Being in the pool for hours had been really straining, and my muscles were aching, but when I saw you, seated on the bench, waiting for me even though my training ended late, made me really, really glad. I remember I was shorter than you back then. Being shorter than the girl you like was a bit weird, but I didn't mind."

"And do you remember the other time when we held each other with the snow raining down on us? I caught a cold after that. I guess I shouldn't have stood up in the snow with you like that for so long" he said, snickering awkwardly as he reminisced.

I couldn't help but to look up at him and smile. Indeed, it was rather comical that he had to miss out on two days of school after that.

He looked at me, slightly surprised at my actions. He then flashed me a warm, comforting smile.

"You know," he said, "You're really pretty when you smile. I hadn't seen it in months."

I blushed at his praise. The both of us fell silent after that, sitting there in the glow of the shoji paper table lamp.

"All this time, I was actually worried about you," he said, "Why don't you let me help you? For once, just let me try. I'll do anything just to see you smile again. I'm your boyfriend, you can rely on me. I'll try my best to make you happy, if you would just give me a chance. I'm really sorry if I did anything wrong."

That was it. I stood up quickly. Hayate-kun seemed surprised, his eyes wide in shock.

"The only person, who did anything wrong," I mumbled, my voice unstable and breaking, "was me."

I briskly walked to the sliding screen connecting the room and living space, and slid it open. I was about to make a dash to the main door to hide my reddening face and watery eyes from the others, but Hayate-kun grabbed my arm.

"Please, I beg you," he muttered, looking straight into my eyes.

The other people, who had been in a racket for the past few minutes in the room had now fallen silent, Hayate-kun and I having become the centre of attention. I froze and felt their eyes on us, I saw Ka-chan looking at me. Ka-chan then stood up, but upon seeing that, I wrested free of Hayate-kun's grasp, and fled.

"Wait!" he called out to me, but I ignored him and made it straight to the door, pressed the 'unlock door' button, and exited into the corridor.

Slipping on my fabric slippers, I ran down the corridor to my room. I slid the door open slowly, unlocking the door with my card key. The lights were already off, so I presumed Sayaka-chan must have went to sleep already. I unlocked my phone and used its light from the screen to make my way to the bedroom. I silently slipped into the room, to not wake Sayaka-chan up. She had already laid out two futons for Ka-chan and I, fortunately. My face still red and sticky, I slipped into the futon beside Sayaka-chan. Hiding beneath the blanket, I fell asleep with tears rolling down my cheeks.

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After breakfast, the three of us showered and got ready for the day. The weather was rather cold outside, so I slid on a woollen cardigan that I had brought along. Ka-chan, true to her word, wore her pannier underneath the tartan skirt of her uniform. I checked my handbag to see if I had forgotten anything. Everything was where it should be, and the three of us exited the room and made our way to the lobby where we were supposed to meet up with the rest of the class. After Yowane-sensei took out attendance and made sure that everyone had assembled, we boarded the bus and headed of for our first stop in Osaka, Osaka castle.

I preferred seating at the front of the bus, as that was where it tended to be the most peaceful. Ka-chan and I sat together, while Sayaka-chan sat with another girl. I saw from the reflection on the driver's rear mirror that Hayate-kun and Yamamoto-san all chose to sit at the back. Well, I was kind of expecting it, since the group of boys would sometimes cook up a ruckus, so they'd generally preferred to sit at the back.

 The bus left the ryoukan and onto the streets of Kobe and Osaka. I looked up outside occasionally, to observe the new surroundings of the metropolis, vastly different from the surroundings I had grown accustomed to. Rows of houses, built in semi-traditional post-war style, with wooden walls and lead roofing gave way to modern apartments as we neared the coastline of Osaka Bay. The bus then went on the highway down the coastline, lined with shopping arcades and offices. As I looked out of the window, I saw the golden rays of the autumn sun rising over the skyscrapers of one of Osaka in the distance. Barges and freight containers ply the shipping lanes, entering and departing the vast harbour of Osaka on the other side of the bay. There were certainly more ships and traffic here, well, Hakodate was nothing compared to the Keihanshin. The bus passed by a large green sign demarcating where Kobe ended and where Osaka began. Funny, since there weren't any physical barriers indicating the divide between the two cities, the rows of buildings and houses just seemed to go on and on, stretching far into the distance as far as I could see. I suppose the cities grew too big that their borders just touch and they just merged.

I was still looking out of the window at the sights when I heard some girls whispering. I wasn't one to eavesdrop, but they were a little too loud.

"Ah, did you hear what happened yesterday?" one of the girls whispered.

I didn't hear a response so I suppose the other girl must have just merely shook her head in silence.

"I was in Yamamoto-kun's room yesterday, and apparently something happened between Ishiwaki-kun and Furukawa-san. I'm not really sure what actually happened, but they were in a room together and all of a sudden she ran out," the first girl said.

Eh? That immediately made me listen more intently.

"I don't know why, but she was sobbing really hard," the girl said again.

"Poor thing," her friend responded, her tone genuinely pitiful.

"I only found out yesterday that they were in a relationship, Yamamoto-kun told me," the first girl continued with her tale, "But then again, it was quite a surprise for everyone when Furukawa-san  just burst out like that. Then, Murakami-chan stood up, but then she had already ran out of the room, so Murakami-chan just profusely apologised to everyone."

I stole a glance at Ka-chan. She had her earbuds on, and seemed to be asleep, so I guess she didn't hear whatever the other girls were saying. I supposed she must have stayed up late over in Yamamoto-san's room, which explains why she was so exhausted.

"Ugh, what kind of guy is Ishiwaki-kun? Making the poor girl cry like that? How disgraceful," the second girl commented, disdain in her voice.

Her words took me aback. From their conversation, they seemed to be vilifying Hayate-kun. They seemed to be picturing him as some disdainful monster, just because they thought that he made me cry, when the matter of fact was the only person to be blamed was myself.

Thinking back, that time when I refused to talk to him was by no doubt, my own doing. Naturally, he would stop talking to me as well after seeing my reaction like that. The Hayate-kun that was always so caring to me, who tried to help me, was now gone, slipping like water seeping through the gaps in my desperate cupped hands. The past few months must have been hard for him, but still in one small corner of my selfish heart, I held onto a hope that he would not hold a grudge on me, when it was perfectly reasonable and justified for him to do so, especially after what I had done to him. I was unfair to him, for sure, and after all he's been through, now he's being accused of making me cry? For surely I am a horrid rotten child with a selfish heart filled with self-indulgent desires.

How can he ever forgive me?

I noticed my phone buzz all of a sudden, and took it out of my bag. It was Adam-kun, but at that moment, I wasn't in the mood to talk to him, so I read his message, asking me how I was with cold, unfeeling eyes, my mind preoccupied with something else instead. I just didn't want to talk to him at that moment. Especially after what happened at Nagoya the day before, it was certainly an inappropriate time for me to reply to his texts.

I spent the rest of the trip to Osaka Castle staring out of the window.

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"The castle just now was really pretty don't you think?" Ka-chan remarked at the table, opening up a conversation as we waited for the food to arrive.

"Yeah, but it won't be as large as the one at Himeji," Kashiwagi-san replied to her comment.

The four of us were seated at a table in a local restaurant in Osaka that specialised in okonomiyaki, where Yowane-sensei brought us for lunch. We already had a reservation ahead of us as part of the itinerary, so seating the forty of us wasn't a problem. I sat beside Ka-chan of course, against the wall, facing Kashiwagi-san and Sayaka-chan. It was a little bit awkward that I was facing Kashiwagi-san, but it couldn't be helped. The two of us were separated by the table, with a large, rectangular hotplate grill in the middle. We each had two small plates, plus a pair of chopsticks and a metal spatula. Yowane-sensei told us that we could order anything we like as long as it was under a thousand yen. The four of us looked at the menu and took our pick. I decided to go with a monyaki while Ka-chan went for the fugetsu-yaki.

A waitress arrived at our table and took our orders, and disappeared into the kitchen. The other three started talking, Kashiwagi-kun seemed noticeably awkward, especially when Ka-chan was talking to him. He would sheepishly smile, and agreed to almost all the opinions she voiced out. I wasn't in the mood for a conversation, so I just leaned back, slouching onto the padded backrest, hugging my handbag on my lap.

Voracious laughter from the other table a stone's throw away caught my attention. It was Yamamoto-san's group, and the track captain was standing from his seat, yelling something at another boy. When the group realise their rowdy behaviour caught the attention of the entire restaurant and all eyes were at them, they quickly quietened down, and Yamamoto-san quickly sat down, his face flushed.

I spotted Hayate-kun seated in the far corner. He seemed disinterested, which was rather strange, since recently I noticed he was been quite social, always mixing with Yamamoto-san and his clique of friends. He seemed to be staring blankly out of the window, to the busy lunchtime street scene of downtown Osaka.

It must be about yesterday, I thought to myself.

Then Yamamoto-san must have cracked a joke or something, and jabbed Hayate-kun's elbow. Hayate-kun hit him back jokingly, and he smiled, revealing his teeth. I remembered that smile, it was the same sweet smile that he would always shower me with. By now, it was too painful to see it, overwhelmed by the guilt I felt for harming this sweet boy with good, honest intentions.

The waitress then came back from the kitchen with four metal bowls. In it were the ingredients for each of our dishes. Of course, part of the experience is cooking the food yourself. I hadn't done it before, but from what I've heard, it seemed like fun. The bowls were convenient labelled with the dish name, so I had no trouble distinguishing my monyaki dish from the other three. My set also came with a small bowl of fried noodles, which was also part of the dish to be added on top of the monyaki as it was being grilled, according to the instructions on the menu.

My bowl had batter in it, mixed with bits of diced pork, pieces of onion and thinly-sliced cabbage. We all had our own bowl of katsuobushi as well as large squeeze bottles of mayonnaise and otafuku sauce to be shared among us.

Ka-chan immediately switched on the hotplate and brushed its surface with oil. As the hotplate heated up, we all mixed the ingredients and batter together thoroughly in the metal bowl. I then watched as the others poured their ingredients onto the hotplate, so I did so as well. With the metal spatula, I shaped my monyaki in a circle, just like a pancake. With the base grilling away on the hotplate, I then added the layer of fried noodles on top of it. Initially I did not want to put the katsuobushi on my food, but Ka-chan insisted for me to try it.

"The last time I went to Tokyo and ate okonomiyaki, it was the katsuobushi that made it really nice," she told me.

I gave in, and received the bowl full of katsuobushi from Ka-chan with both hands. I poured a little bit on top of the layer of fried noodles. The heat of the pan made the thin, dry flaky slices jump and pop. By that time, the entire restaurant was filled with the sound of sizzling and the air was filled with the scrumptious smell of the oil and batter. As soon as the bottom layer cooked and solidified, I carefully tossed my monyaki over, and pressed it down so that the upper layer could now cook properly. I then added a dollop of mayonnaise and otafuku sauce on the top surface. After it seemed to have cooked properly, I chipped off a slice of it and scooped it up into my plate. I snipped a small piece of it with my chopsticks and bit into it.

It was heaven. The savoury combination of the slightly salty katsuobushi flakes, mildly sweet cabbage all blended in perfect harmony against the backdrop of the plain batter. The smooth mayonnaise and sauce, combined with the bits of meat and springiness of the noodles palpated my taste buds. I ate my monyaki in small bits, slicing off chunks of it with the spatula and placing it on my plate. The monyaki was left on the hotplate all that while, so every bite we took was still hot and fresh.

The four of us soon finished our meals, and once everyone was done with lunch, Yowane-sensei told us all to wait outside. The situation outside the restaurant was rather abuzz, with students muttering and chatting with one another. Of course, everyone was pretty excited, our next stop being Nambai, one of the more lively districts in the entire country and the centre of commerce and culture in Osaka. If I told you that I had not even the slightest speck of excitement in my heart, that would be an absolute lie. As a matter of fact, I was rather excited, I had been looking forward to the trip to Namba for the entire trip.

Namba, the Ginza of Osaka. Shopping arcades, fancy department stores, what more could I ask? And to give us two entire hour of free time in a place as wonderful as this? That surely must be a blessing from the heavens.

It didn't take long for us to reach Namba. The restaurant was in Chuo-ku, the ward neighbouring to Naniwa ward, where Namba was located. We merely sat on the bus for five minutes before we had to go down again. Yowane-sensei briefed us about what were to happen after that, but I was too excited to really listen, I only caught the part where she told us to meet at Nanakai Namba Station at four, the stipulated timing where we supposed to leave for somewhere else.

The bus stopped at the public parking space in front of Nankai  Namba, and we all alighted. I made sure I had my purse with me in my handbag, or else it might have been an opportunity missed. It wasn't every day that I got to visit Osaka and I might find something that I might want to purchase. Something cute or something pretty, who knows what one can find in a city as large and sprawling as this?

I looked around as Yowane-sensei did a headcount. They were many throngs of people up and about outside the station. Well of course the station building itself wasn't as big and magnificent as the JR headquarters back at Nagoya, but still, that did not negate the fact that the station was one of the most important rail terminals in Osaka, being the terminus for many subway lines leading out into the more far-flung part of the city. The building above the station was occupied by a Takashimaya department store, with its large and prominent name display glowing a deep green from the outside of the building. As Yowane-sensei went on about briefings and how we should conduct ourselves in public, I tapped Ka-chan's shoulder and signalled at the direction of the department store with my hands. Her face lit up, and she immediately agreed.

After Yowane-sensei was done talking, the two of us went over to Sayaka-chan and told her of our plans, to which, at first, she told us that she would not be able to make it as she thought that Kashiwagi-san wasn't really interested in departmental store items, so she  would be exploring Namba with Kashiwagi-san. Ka-chan asked where she intended to go, to which she told us that she was heading over to Namba Parks.

"Ah, it's this really huge new shopping mall that's just across the street," Sayaka-chan told us when she saw our curious expressions.

The two of us immediately agreed to follow her although initially I was rather reluctant. We followed the other two past the rows of buses at the drop-off point towards the south of Nankai Namba Station. After crossing the street, I finally caught sight of the awe-inducing design of the establishment. As we were waiting for the traffic light to change, I surveyed the building. From the outside, it already seemed to be of rather impressive design. It was built in a largely modern style, with glass panels and open spaces. We crossed the road and entered the main plaza. The ground floor was an open space, with the outside air for ventilation, lined by the weatherproof wooden panels of the modern curved walls of the different wings of the mall. I caught sight of a department store façade there as well, so I guess it was a win-win situation after all. Besides, there was much more choice in a shopping mall than a department store outlet.

We took our time in the gigantic mall, besides, we had two hours of free time, and we could basically wonder about as long as we didn't stray too far from the station. We first went for ice cream, then we went into a candy shop selling a wide range of sweetmeats. There was a vast myriad of sweets and confectionaries to choose from, from macha-flavoured Pocky to luxurious mochi, packed in elaborate boxes. I decided to settle for a box of strawberry cheesecake-flavoured Kit Kat, with its elegant wrapping box. It was a thousand yen, for a box of five bars. At first I was slightly taken aback by the price, but I saw that the labelling indicated that the merchandise was originally stocked for Yokohama, and I supposed it must have been more expensive to import goods from other cities. Thinking again, I realised I wasn't going to be heading to Yokohama any time soon, and the latest Kit Kat flavours were nearly almost never sold in Hakodate, I decided to grab it. As I stepped out of the shop, I noticed Ka-chan eyeing something, standing in front of the glass display of the music store in front of the candy shop, but I didn't really pay much attention.

Next, we headed past a store that made us stop in our tracks. Samantha Thavasa.

"Ah, we might take a while, so if you don't mind you could stay outside if you wish," Ka-chan said to Kashiwagi-san.

"N-no, it's fine with me," he replied, blushing.

In the end he followed the three of us girls into the store. The moment the three of us entered the store, we were like little children entering an amusement park for the first time. Samantha Thavasa products to us was like Christmas presents to young children. We squealed at the displays of the shiny leather handbags and purses of various designs. Of course, it was marketed for young ladies, so the designs were a perfect blend of elegance and beauty, and not to mention they go well with sweet-looking outfits as well as something more roguish.

"They're so pretty aren't they?" Ka-chan remarked, as she glanced at a shiny violet purse.

"But they're quite pricey though," Sayaka-chan said, "What a pity."

I took a look at the price tag of the cream and pink handbag I had been eyeing. It was an elegant bag, with short cherry blossom pink leather handles against the cream body of the handbag, with a few leather straps. To top it all off, like icing on a cake, a magenta bow was sown neatly onto it, exactly in the middle between the straps of the handles. How pretty it was, when paired with a sweet pink outfit! I could just imagine me walking down the street, in the casual cream canvas high-cut shoes I adored, paired with my white-lace jacket and knee-length pink skirt, and added to that, this adorable Samantha Thavasa handbag swinging from my elbow as I walked down the street. Now, it could be mine for. . .

Thirty thousand yen.

I quietly stepped away from the bag. It was also about time, as the other two were also planning to leave. In the corner of my eye, I saw Kashiwagi-san glance at me, but I didn't think too much about it. Even if he had been staring at me for the past five minutes, I would not have guessed so since I was too absorbed fantasising what the handbag would look like on me, if I were to purchase. If I were to.

After checking out the mall directory conveniently placed outside Samantha Thavasa, we decided to check out the rooftop park that was, well, on the roof of the building. We headed up the escalators until we reached the roof top garden. It was spacious, with vast green lawns and some medium-sized to small trees and shrubs. Honestly, it was a relief to see some greenery once in a while. Especially here in Osaka, which seemed to be an endless sea of monochrome grey buildings, flashing neon lights and grand temples. Indeed, Namba Parks was a rather ingenious idea, to have a park in the middle of a concrete agglomeration, yet saving high-valued real estate property by building it as part of the roof of a shopping mall.

The fresh wind blew, and the branches of the trees began to flutter. The scent of the breeze was refreshing. Although the view was impeded by the surrounding skyscrapers, you could still see a large portion of the entire city, somewhat. It seemed like Osaka stretched on and on into the horizon. Well, it was Japan, wherever  there be flatlands and plains, there were bound to be settlements.

We took a stroll down the park's stone paths, the trees and lawns situated on more upper foundations amid the park itself. People, mostly office workers, taking a break from the stressful environment of the offices walked past us, enjoying the greenery. Nonetheless, the sounds of the traffic down at the street below were enough to remind us that we were still in a busy city. After enjoying the atmosphere of the park, feasting our eyes on the greenery, we decided to head back, as the meeting time was already nearing, we had fifteen more minutes in actual fact. Suddenly, Ka-chan said she needed to get something, so the remaining three of us decided to wait for her at the entrance. She announced her departure and left so swiftly, none of us had any time to react. Ka-chan rushed back into the building, running down the escalator, before disappearing. This was rather bizarre, as she usually liked to go around with at least someone with her. It was obvious that she needed to do something, that even I was not to know of. Then again, being in this vast city, we were not allowed to wander off on our own.

"You two head back to the station first," Kashiwagi-san addressed Sayaka-chan and I, "I'll go and catch up with her."

"How do you know where she's headed?" Sayaka-chan asked him, eyebrows frowning.

"I kind of have a rough idea," Kashiwagi-san replied, cocking his head.

As Kashiwagi-san left to search for Ka-chan, Sayaka-chan and I made our way through the mall towards the main entrance. As we walked, I finally noticed something different with Sayaka-chan. I knew she looked a little different ever since I met her on the first day of the trip back and Shin-Osaka station, but just didn't manage to catch the specifics.

"Sayaka-chan," I began, "You're not wearing a hairband anymore?" I asked.

Sayaka-chan nodded.

"It's kind of troublesome," came her short reply.

I didn't question her further, but I felt she indeed looked better without a hairband. We made it to the stipulated meeting point with five minutes to spare. While Ka-chan and Kashiwagi-kun managed to make it on the dot while Yowane-sensei was doing a headcount. Ka-chan seemed a little bit off tangent.

"What did you do just now? What took you so long?" I asked Ka-chan as she was seated beside me on the bus.

She turned to look at me.

"Nothing," she said sweetly.

But those empty eyes, as they seemed to stare into the distance, accompanying the thin frosty smile written on her lips, were obviously lying.

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"Well, this is really pretty," Sayaka-chan remarked at a photo of the two of us which I took with my phone as we walked through the cobbled streets of Gion the previous day.

"Kyoto was really beautiful," I said, "The houses there were such a novelty!"

Sayaka-chan and I continued to view photos of the trip, remarking at the beauty of the traditional architecture and scenery and giggling to ourselves at goofy photos. It was the last day of the trip, and there was only one major attraction left to see: Himeji castle. The past two days have been pretty fun, I was kept busy by the pristine and wondrous sights of the cities of Kyoto and Osaka, that not even once did the thought of Hayate-kun crossed my mind.

"Ah, I'm really sad that we're leaving already," Ka-chan remarked from her seat behind us, "It's not every day you get to experience things like this."

"Speak for yourself," I said, "You're the one that goes off overseas every Golden Week."

"But. . .that's different," she replied, "This is the first time we've experienced a new place together, isn't it?"

"But haven't you been to Kyoto and Osaka before?" I asked, not really comprehending her words.

She stopped for a moment, and apologised.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me today," Ka-chan muttered, "My words are all jumbled up."

At that moment the bus stopped. Everyone, chattering excitedly, got off the bus, some with cameras dangling from their wrists. The three of us did the same as well, and I grabbed my handbag, intend on taking some pictures.

The castle was a harmonious blend of beauty and grandeur. Built atop a high foundation wall, the castle keep loomed magnificently above the gardens surrounding it. The trails of cirrus clouds in the sky complemented the elaborate jade green-tiled gabled roofs of the castle. Entering the castle grounds, crossing over the clear waters of the surrounding moat, we were immediately amazed by the beauty of the complex.

I managed to snap some photos with my camera, some with just purely the scenery, and some with the three of us in it. I wandered around, shooting photos with my camera, as well as admired the beautiful scenery. Before I knew it, I ended up underneath the shade of a large cypress tree, on the east side of the castle grounds, taking in the view of the structure from across the crystal clear water. The keep of the castle seemed to tower above everything else like a giant monolith, reaching for the azure skies, just like the dreams and desires of humans. Reaching, reaching as far out as possible.

I then heard footsteps behind me. I turned around, and saw Hayate-kun standing there. He smiled at me awkwardly, I attempted to gift him a smile as well, but it didn't work out. Somehow, I found I that didn't have the strength to.

He took a few steps forward, his eyes shifting, not really focusing on me. The glimmers of light and shadow painted his face as he journeyed underneath the canopy of leaves.

"What are you doing here, all alone?" he asked me.

"Nothing," I muttered.

"Kameko-chan isn't with you?"

"No."

"I see," he replied, smiling slightly.

Seeing that a conversation would never be able to take place, Hayate-kun stepped up beside me and stood, facing the lake. We stayed silent like this, with no sounds to be heard other than the melodious chirping of birds up in the branches.

"You still know my how I feel about you don't you?" he asked me, yet he was still looking in the direction of the castle.

I nodded my head slowly.

"You still feel the same way about me don't you?" he continued yet again.

I did not reply. I kept silent, my lips sealed shut.

He laughed. The sweet laugh he used to share with me. The laugh which now deserved a better listener.

"If that's the case, then I hope we can return to how it was before the. . .misunderstanding," he said, looking at me, "I'm really sorry I acted like how I did. I shouldn't have done that, and it must have taken such a huge toll on you. So let's start again with a clean slate-"

He stopped when he saw me turn to face him. I tilted my chin up and glanced at his face, and our eyes met. I still remembered how not too long ago, he was the one who had to tilt his chin. He has grown up. Hayate-kun has changed.  His gentle hazel eyes seemed more mature. I shifted my gaze to the ground.

"I'm sorry," I said, mustering up all my courage that I could.

Hayate-kun seemed slightly confused, his eyes widening.

"I'm really sorry," I apologised again, my whimpering voice barely audible, "Let's end all this. Everything."

The boy didn't seem any less bewildered than before.

"W-what do you mean?" he asked, stuttering.

"Our relationship," I replied, trying to hide my anxiety, "Let's end it. We ought to. Let's part and go our own ways. Please leave me Hayate-kun, you don't deserve a girl as rotten as me."

I bowed in apology as he just stood there, doing nothing. His face was blank and icy. My heart in turmoil myself, I fled, tears pooling in my eyes. I left Hayate-kun there, alone under the shade of the cypress leaves.

I ran down the path, the wind blowing against my hair. This was for the best after all, I told myself, amid the tears that were dampening my cheeks. Hayate-kun said that he wanted to start on a clean slate, indeed, I myself desired that as well. But it was too much of a burden to carry in this aching heart.

Indeed, I wanted to start on a clean slate as well. The last day of the trip, the day which I realise who my heart truly beats for, the day I discovered the true wishes of the darkest depths of my heart.

To be selfishly loved by someone who truly understands me, that was what I truly desired.